James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes (comradebarnes) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-03-19 14:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, bucky barnes (winter soldier), steve rogers (captain america) |
Who: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes
What: Bucky summons the nerve to ask for help
Where: Steve's personal training business
When: Early March sometime
Rating: PG
Status: Complete
Bucky had discussed it with Jean, and he'd decided to bite the bullet. He was out during the day, knocking on Steve's door. He would need physical therapy, and nobody would do it better than Steve. He was nervous - he still didn't want to look at anyone else, he still felt judged. But at least Steve wouldn't do it.
When Steve answered the door, he looked undeniably happy and excited to see his friend standing there. He very nearly pulled Bucky into a bear hug, but figured, given everything lately, he’d better not. So instead, he stood there, grinning. “Hey! It’s good to see you. Really. Come in.” He stepped aside to let Bucky in, since being out was obviously still something that made his friend uneasy.
Bucky smiled, stepping inside and offering a handshake instead of a hug. “Hey, Steve.” He felt almost shy. “I’m glad I caught you. I wanted to ask you about, maybe, some physical therapy. I mean. You’re the guy who’d know best.”
Steve would take the handshake. He gripped Bucky’s hand firmly, and nodded as he listened. “Yeah, of course. You know I’d love to help you, whatever you’d want me to.” Steve paused a moment, closing the door and clearing his throat. “I, uh, might need to see it. If I’m going to figure out how to get you used to it.”
“Yeah, I figured.” Bucky had guessed that would be the case. It was why he’d worn an undershirt under the long-sleeved shirt he had on. “The good thing is that I’ve got a lot of feeling back in it. For whatever reason, it’s like the nerves have bonded to it. The bad is, well.” It still looked like it did. And weighed as much as it did.
He took a breath, readying himself. He took the glove off his hand, baring the grey metal, and slid the long-sleeved t-shirt over his head. It was a measure of trust in Steve - he somehow knew Steve wouldn’t laugh, though whether Steve would be horrified was still an open question.
Steve smiled a bit, hoping that, in some way, it would relax Bucky. Honestly, he wasn’t sure what to expect to see, since their dreams seemed to be so vastly different, and he blinked a little once the arm was revealed. It was definitely something, Steve thought. He’d never seen anything like it. The closest he’d come to anything remotely similar was the Iron Man suit, and even that was only in dreams.
“That's - Crazy.” Because it was. “You just woke up one morning with it?”
“Woke up in the middle of the night with it.” Bucky said, feeling his words land like a glob of spit. “Was dreaming, mostly about you and me trying to flee Germany in a stolen plane. My arm got caught in the window before the plane blew up, and I was ... I don’t know. Time passed.” He looked up at Steve, knowing his eyes were pained, though he tried to keep his voice even. “It’s Russian made.”
“Oh.” Steve frowned. He felt instantly guilty again, like he had when, in his dreams, Bucky had fallen from the train. “I think in the grand scheme of things, I’m just glad that dream-you is alive.”
“I get the feeling that might change.” His voice broke, and Bucky took a breath to steady himself. “But just ... yeah. I don’t know. You’re still Steve. Even if I wind up ... not me.” He managed a tiny smile. “If you need to move it around or something, you can. Doesn’t hurt.” He just got tired - damn near winded - by carrying the huge thing around.
“Hey, now, whatever happens because of dream things or this, I’m not going to forget that you’re Bucky.” Steve gave Bucky’s good shoulder a squeeze, then, because he was mostly just curious, hesitantly poked at the metal arm. “So, what, exactly, are the biggest problems you have? So I can figure out the best plan of attack.”
He wasn’t particularly happy about being poked, but better it be Steve than some doctor. “Mostly I need to be able to hold the damn thing up.” Bucky said simply. “I get the impression dream me had a lot more muscle than I do now.”
“Muscle we can definitely do,” Steve agreed. He stood back and looked at Bucky’s arm, head tilted slightly as he thought about it. He moved his own arm around a bit in some basic motions to get a feel for the muscle groups being used. “I think chest and back for sure, and it definitely wouldn’t hurt to up the core strength. I can work out some routines and things you can do at home that should do the job just fine without you needing to go to a gym.”
“Oh?” Bucky didn’t know much about the nuts and bolts of this stuff - he knew about cardio; that was what runners needed the most of. “That would ... really help, actually. I know I shouldn’t care about people staring, but it’s huge. It’s big and ugly.”
“And sort of cool,” Steve said, with an apologetic smile and shrug. “I mean, you have to admit that once you get past everything, it’s pretty amazing. You know -” He paused a moment. “Once you’re more comfortable with it, I have a friend who would probably be able to help you as far as the whole technical aspect of it goes. This is sort of right up his alley, and he’s a genius when it comes to this stuff.”
“Oh? What do you mean, exactly, ‘technical aspect’?” Bucky was curious. “Honestly, the biggest problem for me is its weight and how dark it is. Do you mean you know someone who could help with either of those?” It mattered.
“Well, I mean -” Steve shrugged. He suddenly felt ridiculous for even bringing it up. “I mean, if you wanted to know, you know, how it works. Beyond just how to use it and how to hold it and everything. All the inside bits.”
“Oh.” Bucky felt stupid immediately, looking down. “I ... yeah, that might help. I mean, maybe if I know that I can ... if I have to repair it or something.” It really was a practical idea, it just wasn’t something he’d thought of.
“But that’ll come in time,” Steve said, hoping to smooth over the situation. “Here, I’m going to show you some basic arm movements and I want you to copy them. So then I can see how everything moves. I want to make sure I get everything just right.”
“Okay.” Bucky sighed, wanting both to cry and pretend everything was fine at the same time. He settled for the latter option, standing across from Steve, ready to try.
Steve gave his friend a reassuring look. He began to run through some basic exercises that would get Bucky moving his arm in different ways, and he made sure to be as observant as possible. “If anything feels particularly hard or uncomfortable, let me know.”
Bucky obediently followed along, and it was a good sign that he only had to speak up once. “The motion going up is still weird.” Lifting the arm above his head was not only exhausting, but oddly painful. “I don’t know, maybe the nerve endings didn’t form as well there or something.”
“Going up.” Steve nodded. He grabbed a notebook then wrote some stretches down, along with some instructions. “I think if you do these every morning when you wake up and every night before you go bed, you’ll at least get used to the repetitive motion. Also, they’re a good way to relax and destress.” Steve gave Bucky a smile before fishing out a book of at home exercises, proceeding to mark down some pages. “These exercises will build the muscle you need. I’m going to number in them in the order you should do them, and maybe try … Three circuits, twelve or fifteen reps per exercise? If you need any of the equipment, I can come drop some of mine off.”
Bucky nodded, taking the book. “I’ll give a shot. Is it okay to work up to those reps, or should I start with it?” He just wasn’t sure what the arm would do right now. It was tiring to think of, but a good tiring. He felt like he ought to somehow apologize more, act more sorry, but he somehow didn’t. He got the feeling Steve was trying to act normal, and he appreciated it a lot. The least he could do was do the same thing.
“I would try to start with twelve,” Steve told him. “I think you’ve probably got a lot more in you than you think. But if you can’t, then eight or ten. Heck, even if the first time you do twelve, then ten, then eight. I know you’re not going to go easy on yourself, and I trust you to not to overdo it too.” He gave Bucky a smile. “And if you need help, you can just call me.”
“I’ll do my best.” Steve was counting on him. And so was Jean, really. Bucky was calmer now, and felt lucky for it. “Thanks. For ... everything. I ... well, I’ll sound like a girl, but I don’t feel quite so alone now.”
Steve just snorted, then clapped Bucky on his good shoulder. “You don’t sound like a girl. There’s nothing wrong with asking help when you need it. Now come on, I haven’t seen you in forever, let’s sit down and have a drink and talk.”
“Sounds good to me.” Bucky managed a smile, following his friend in.