Marian Hawke | Dragon Age (shovekirkwall) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-03-05 12:15:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, maia amell (the warden), marian hawke |
"We have to do this right."
Who: Marian Hawke, Maia Amell
What: Serious Warden Discussion, and a Joining.
When: Last Night.
Where: Maia's place.
Rating/Warnings: R for dark subject matter and darkspawn blood cocktails.
Status: Complete!
Maia was sitting there, reading through the grimoire and coming to terms with what it meant. It had come to her from her dreams and with her nightmares she only had one conclusion. There was a blight coming and this book contained her only chance at salvation.
She needed to talk to someone about it, and so she called Marian over. She had to talk about the Joining, anyway.
It didn't take that long for Marian to get there. She knocked on Maia's door and then just let herself right in, humming to herself as she went. She was young, and in love, and had at least another few days to enjoy all of that, she figured.
Why waste it?
"Well? Did you finally find the Dragon Trick, is that why you phoned?"
"Sadly, it's not there." She waved the book and set it down. "Ancient rituals to make an old god baby yes. Dragon trick, no."
She was already on her third glass of wine, and offered one to her cousin. "I may need to find a bloke to knock me up if there really is a blight."
“I really wish you’d just decide if we’re having a blight or not. You have no idea how hard it was to explain all of this to Thackery. And he still isn’t quite certain that we’ll ever have to worry about it,” Marian said, with a bit of a sigh. She gratefully took the wine glass in her hand, and sipped at it.
At least the wine was good, “So what’s this about a demon baby and getting knocked up?”
"On a scale of one to ten with ten being a blight and one being indigestion, we're at eleven," Maia admitted. "I just keep...not wanting it to be true. I still have to tell Pam how bad this is going to get."
She took another sip and flipped open the book. "All right. Here's a few things they don't tell you until after the joining. Wardens have to kill the bloody Archdemon or it comes back. The soul goes into the strongest vessel - the warden. Thanks to the taint, but the process would destroy both the one that kills it, and the demon." She looked up at Marian. "I'd rather not die if I can help it."
Marian arched a brow at this new information, knocked back the rest of her wine glass, and poured herself some more, "And you're certain it has to be you? We can't get some patsy to join us, then put him particularly close to the archdemon and pray?"
She sunk into one of the nearby chairs and took another sip, "Well. I mean, I was always prepared for the fact that one of us might not be coming back from this but it was more a 'just in case I choke on the blood and die' sort of scenario..."
“A patsy wouldn’t survive the joining,” Marian pointed out. “And this is ...this is my thing. I’m the Grey Warden. It has to be me.” She shook her head. “I don’t mind being a mother. I ah...when I saved Ferelden I had Morrigan and Alistair do this ritual. She insisted she carry the child.”
"Of course she did, because Flemeth needs an old god grandchild and we're all just pawns on her little chess board," Marian replied, with a sigh. This whole thing was just crazy, "But aren't you a little worried that it'll be some horribly powerful demon child that will burn this whole city to the ground or summat?"
“Only if I don’t raise her right,” Maia said, cheerfully. “But you’re right, I do need to give that more thought. And who the hell would be the father? Someone I’d rather not help. I can do this on my own.”
"We'll just get you the instruction manual for raising demon babies. There's got to be a Dr. Spock book about that, right?"
Marian's brow wrinkled as she tried to think her way around the problem. She was an investigator, used to concept of trying to approach things from a new angle or putting complicated puzzles together. She tilted her head off to the side, "Well, not necessarily. This isn't the dark ages anymore, is it? We could just as easily do this the turkey baster way, yeah?"
“Where’s the fun in that?” Maia wrinkled her nose. “See, I think it needs a bit of life essence, too? At least one of us would have to be a Warden because the baby would need the taint. And the other thing is it’s probably the only way to conceive. Without the ritual, nothing.”
"But you're the Warden in this scenario, and sperm are just as alive when you defrost them as they are from a live specimen. Honestly, it's like you're trying to find an excuse just to be with a man one last time," Marian snorted a bit.
“Well. Maybe.” Maia darted her eyes. “Might as well enjoy it because if it doesn’t work I’m dead.”
"Does it have to be you? It could just as easily be me, couldn't it? It's whoever's closest." Marian wasn't sure why she was correcting Maia. Did she really have a death wish? She just didn't want her cousin to die, "Shite. This has very small chance at a happy ending no matter what, does it?"
“It has to be me,” Maia insisted. “I’m the only one here who’s ever slain an Archdemon, cousin. I’m the only one who’ll do it right.”
"Right. Well, you're choosing a wonderful time to take pride in your work, you know."
Marian let out a long sigh and poured them both more wine, "Well, then it has to be you. And this is your only chance at children, was that something you wanted? Have you spoken to Pam about... well, any of this?"
“That’s next,” Maia said. “I wanted to talk to you because...well Zev and Alistair are happy, Isabela is settling down… Morrigan isn’t here. And more importantly you’re family, and you’re a mage.”
"Right, so I'm the only person available whose life you can easily disturb," Marian quipped. She ran a hand up into her hair, and fluffed it around a bit. She was family and she was a mage, and her and Thackery weren't really settling down yet, "Isabela and Merrill don't really trust me with children, and I think I'm a little hurt by that. I don't really know what you want to hear from me, but of course I'll help you any way I can."
“That’s not what I meant. But you’ve got...well you’re settling down too. Even I have but Pam at least can...take whatever comes. I don’t know about Thackery.” Maia snorted. “You’d be fine with a child.”
"Maybe, or I might completely ruin a child's life, forget to watch it while it sets things on fire, or it might inherit my inability to cook anything without burning it."
There was the whole part where Marian couldn't very well have a child at all once the Joining was complete, too. She didn't know if Maia was trying to hint at her or not, "Thackery knows I won't be able to have children. He knows the Joining might kill me, or that the Darkspawn might. But he was very... stunned and I'm not sure it all registered. And I really don't think he'd be alright with a god baby inside of me, if that's what you're suggesting."
“Or maybe you shouldn’t do the joining,” Maia said. “Maybe you should let yourself have the family you deserve, Marian. Something tells me neither of us gets one in the dreams.”
"...I have the kind of family that I chose, in the dreams, or... perhaps the better phrase would be to say that they chose me for whatever reason. Possibly because they're insane." Marian replied, eyes squinting a bit as she tried to sort it all out in her head. She shook her head, then, and added, "I thought you needed grey wardens!"
“Sounds like mine!” She laughed. “I do. I really do, yet I can’t ask you to do this. I can’t ask anyone. No one truly understands what it means except for you, really. Alistair hasn’t dreamed enough.”
"I understand it, doesn't that make me the one most responsible?" Marian asked. Maia wasn't getting out of this that easily. She pointed at Maia and scowled, "Are you going all Martyr on me? That's such Shite."
“Martyr is kind of what I do, love.” Maia grabbed for Marian’s finger. “None of this is right. It shouldn’t be happening. But it is and I just have to do what’s necessary.”
"Well you're not going to just do what's necessary alone. So do you need more wardens or not? I've had months to come to terms with it and the only hardship for me was trying to explain it to Thackery. Further, every time I think about that man's response I still get a little choked up about how amazing a person he is, so don't think you'll get off the hook that way either."
The way Thackery had responded had been overwhelmingly positive. Marian had gone into that date thinking they were breaking up, and now it felt like they were stronger than ever, "I'll do what I have to do, too. That's our family. It's who we are."
“Let me think about it,” Maia said. She didn’t want to risk losing one of the only family she had left. “But if I need you it will probably be within the next week or two.”
"If you were going to change your mind about all of this then you damn well should've done it before I'd had very hard and awkward conversations with my boyfriend," Marian replied. She sounded as put out as she felt.
“Marian, do you really want to drink darkspawn blood? It tastes like shite!”
"You're going to let other people do it, though, aren't you!? And then I'll just be standing over here not able to help you at all because... what, you want to save me?" Marian flailed her arms, "That's SHITE! You're going to DIE unless you raise a god child as your own, and I can't even STOP you! What makes you think you get to play god with MY life?"
Maia stared at her, then got to her feet. “Come on then. You want to do this so badly, we’re going to do it.”
"Well, now just wait a minute. Shite." Marian ran her hands up into her hair for a moment, and took a deep breath, "I've fought plenty of darkspawn all on my own you know, without being a grey warden at all..."
“If something happens to me before we get to the archdemon…” Maia returned with the goblet and vials. “I need someone I can trust. You’re right. I wouldn’t trust anyone else with this.”
Now that they were finally here and there was a goblet and Maia had vials of things to mix up, Marian questioned her own sanity. Did she really want to do this? Especially if the only reason was to have a failsafe?
Which meant it would be her own life for the Archdemon, unless she decided to do some crazy ritual... There wasn't any turning back from this. Especially once she took a drink. Part of her wanted to turn away right then and there. But she couldn't. Maia needed her, and Thackery thought she was the bravest woman in the world. She could do this.
Marian chewed on her lip a bit, then nodded. "Right. You're going to want to teach me that ritual, then. All of the rituals. Just in case."
“First you need to survive the joining, then we’ll study this book together until we know it front and back,” Maia said. “And I’ll teach you the other tricks I know, some of which you’ll probably yell at me for.” It was as close to acknowledging her experience with Blood Magic as she’d ever gotten.
"There's never any problem with the knowledge of a thing, Maia, it's how you use it." Marian had been taught all kinds of things by her father - not because he wanted her to use them, but so that she'd understand why she shouldn't.
She folded her arms over her chest, then unfolded them and tapped her fingers on the table nervously, "Maker, can you just hand me the goblet already?"
"We have to do this right," Maia said, filling the goblet and holding it out. She took on a solemn tone. "Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that can not be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you."
Well, that was sobering. Even Marian was quip-less after Maia started reciting the words. She took on a much more solemn demeanor, herself, and looked down into the goblet.
This wasn't going to be tasty, or fun. That hadn't stopped anyone named Amell or Hawke from doing anything in the history of any world, ever. She lifted the goblet to her lips, and drank.
She nearly immediately regretted it, and felt like she was either going to choke on the liquid or throw it back up.
Maia remembered her joining. The way the world swam, the burning cold that ran through her and the ball that had rolled up in her stomach before she became dead to the world. She caught the goblet before Marian could spill it, and set it aside, laying her cousin down and holding her as she spasmed. “Shite, I hate this part. Don’t you dare die, Hawke.”
Every description Maia'd given her previously hadn't prepared Marian for what she was going through now. It felt like burning and death and her eyes rolled up into her head, then went white.
She laid there twitching for quite some time, then gasped and took one long, deep breath.
Marian kept breathing after that, and settled down. Voices and nightmares pressed through the blackness and into her mind. It was the only way she knew she'd survived it.
That was the worst part. The visions. Seeing through a darkspawn’s eyes. Seeing through the Archdemon’s eyes. It was why Marian was going through this - Maia had seen through the Archdemon’s eyes in her dreams, and it wasn’t the same visions from the other world.
Maia cried for Marian, and made her tea while she waited. They had more to discuss, but that would have to wait for Marian to wake up. It was going to be a long night.