Finn Mikaelson (finninabox) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-02-28 23:24:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !partner thread, damon salvatore, finn mikaelson |
Who: Finn Mikaelson and Damon Salvatore
What: Finn has been asked to talk to Damon
When: Backdated: Sunday, February 16th. Afternoon
Where: Damon's Apartment
Rating: Mostly Family Friendly; Mentions of substance abuse
Status: Complete
Finn wasn’t so sure about this meeting with Damon. Sage had asked him to talk to Damon and he’d agreed, because she’d asked. From what he’d seen on Valarnet and heard from Sage, Damon didn’t exactly want help to stop drinking, but more than one person wanted him to get some sort of control over it and who better to talk to about that than a former addict who was also a rehab/substance abuse counselor? It wasn’t just the fact that Damon didn’t really want help that made Finn unsure about this meeting, it was the fact that he and Sage obviously had a history and now that Finn and Sage were dating, he could only imagine how awkward this would be.
Then there was the fact that he didn’t really know Damon well, which normally wasn’t a problem when it came to his patients, but with Damon, he talked to him like they’d known each other longer than they had and apparently referred to him as his brother-in-law as a result of Rebekah being married to his brother, which wasn’t strictly true. Stefan was Finn’s brother-in-law, not Damon which was how Finn viewed it. Either way, Finn had agreed to meet with Damon, which was what brought him to be ringing Damon’s doorbell.
Damon had papers strung across the kitchen table, along with a bottle of water. It was a different choice of drink, but he and Elena were doing well again, and in spite of Lexi, he was feeling a lot better in general. It was more than time to give himself a break. He had agreed to meet with Finn, not entirely sure if it was needed, but he figured that it wouldn’t hurt. He was dating Sage, and that was good enough to get the elder Salvatore to agree. They were also an odd kind of blended family, thanks to Stefan’s marriage.
He tossed his pen on the table and answered the door, dressed in simple jeans and a TShirt, normal attire after a long day. “Hey,” he said, opening the door for the man. He didn’t know Finn well. Kol was the more outspoken, and the one that Damon took to as a brother. Finn tended to stay in the background at family gatherings, at least that was how Damon saw it. “Come on in.” He ushered him into the modest apartment which was fairly neat in spite of the fact that Damon didn’t enjoy cleaning that much.
It wasn’t so much that Finn stayed in the background, but having been away from everything for so long, he’d had to use the last few months to get used to being back and to being around his family again. Of course he’d spoken to them over the last six years, but it wasn’t the same as being there. It had been like getting to know them all over again. He’d had to figure out how to fit into their lives now. He’d had to figure out how they fit into his.
As Damon invited him in, Finn stepped inside, glancing around a bit before turning to face Damon, “How’re you?” He wasn’t entirely sure how to start this off, because it wasn’t like Damon was a patient and the last thing he wanted to do was offend him.
“I’m good,” he said, nodding a little. “Do you want something to drink? I’ve got a few of these.” He held up the bottle of water. He didn’t think Finn was a drinker just by the way he came in when Damon was hitting the bottle heavily. He walked to the fridge and handed it to Finn just in case. The man might at least appreciate the gesture.
“I know this is a little weird,” he said, motioning for Finn to follow. Damon took a seat on the sofa. At their family gatherings, Damon was a pretty outspoken one. Finn never stood out. “So you are the oldest of your family? Here’s to being the oldest.” He was also trying to figure out what Sage saw in Finn. Someone with a personality like Damon’s seemed to be better suited for her. He was going to reserve that judgment and hear the man out, plus seeing Sage happy was something he could support regardless.
Finn thanked Damon for the bottle of water and followed the younger man to the couch where he took a seat as well, “Actually, Elijah is older than me.” Elijah and Finn were close in age and Damon wasn’t the first person to get their birth order reversed. Thinking about Elijah caused Finn to wish, not for the first time, that his older brother was around and he wondered if this was how his siblings had felt about him during those six years that he’d been away.
Damon nodded, not really sure how they all worked, age wise. “With Stefan and I, it’s pretty easy to keep track,” he smiled. He didn’t know Bekah’s side nearly as well. “I can’t imagine having a larger family really.” They were just making small talk though. There were some more important issues at hand. “So, how is Sage? She and I have known each other for years. Other than Stefan, she is my best friend. It’s good to see her finding someone she likes spending time with.”
Finn could understand how someone who didn’t have a large family might not be able to to imagine what it was like to have one, “It was always interesting growing up,” It hadn’t always been good experiences, especially when trying to get attention over another sibling, which was part of what had led Finn to do drugs in the first place, “Sage is well.” He knew that Sage and Damon had known each other for a long time and it was because of that, that talking about her with Damon felt a little awkward.
For Damon, talking about Sage wasn’t that strange at all. She gave them a common ground at least. Even though they hooked up more than once, they were never committed. They saw others at the same time. It really wasn’t a big deal. Of course, he wasn’t about to discuss their former sex life at all. “That’s good,” he said. “I know she wanted us to talk about a mutual affinity for mind numbing substances.” Someone had to break the ice there. Damon wasn’t sure if he was ready for the conversation, but he had promised that he would try.
Finn nodded, glad that they were getting down to the reason Finn had come over instead of talking about Sage. The last thing he wanted to hear about was details about his girlfriend’s former flings. He didn’t mind that Sage was still friends with Damon, but he didn’t need to be reminded that they’d been a thing once. “Right. She said you’ve been drinking an awful lot and you weren’t too concerned with it.” He didn’t know much about what had happened with Damon and his girlfriend, just that they’d recently gone through a rough patch and it had caused Damon to drink now than usual.
“Yeah, maybe more than normal, if there is a normal,” he said, shrugging. He didn’t like being pinned down on his faults that much. It was easier to drink them away and forget for awhile. Still, he had promised Sage, and he trusted her. “Sometimes, it’s easier to drink then deal with my own bullshit, and then I get sick of that, and now I’m fixing that. Elena doesn’t need me drunk all the time, I know that. It wasn’t that I wasn’t concerned. I wasn’t ready to come back yet, and now I am.” He leaned back into the cushions, taking a drink of the water. Yes, he wanted something stronger. He really did. “Sage told me that you have a bit of history with self-medicating.”
Finn listened, opening the bottle of water Damon had given him upon arriving and took a sip. He could understand where Damon was coming from, considering he’d gotten into drugs as a way of helping him to forget the things that had been going on between himself and his father and Klaus and his parents and ultimately a way to bring attention to himself. He knew that it hadn’t been the best way to get the attention he’d wanted and if he could go back and change it, he would, “I did. Although, I wouldn’t call it self medicating, because there wasn’t anything wrong with me. I simply enjoyed getting high. I enjoyed taking whatever pills I could get my hands on and enjoyed shooting up, because it helped to take my mind off things. Of course it only made things worse. I’ll admit, I don’t remember a lot of that time in my life.” Finn paused for a moment, “All I know for certain is that I almost died as a result of it.”
Damon was nodding as Finn was talking, not sure what was coming down on him, but his eyes came up when Finn mentioned the drugs. Damon, for the most part, had experimented, but the drugs hadn’t really stuck with him. He had certainly smoked pot, and he had tried cocaine, which ran heavily around college campuses. Drugs weren’t really his thing, but he never suspected Finn was a pretty hardcore user. “Heroin?” he asked. “Now that is some shit.” He wasn’t judging either. It was a simple observation. “That would definitely blow your mind. It’s a good thing you got out of that.”
He looked back at the table, twisting the bottle in his hand. “Feelings are always rough. My dad used to tell me that Stefan should never have to be the example for me, and that I needed to grow up and straighten up, and that I was just nothing. I was throwing my education away. I might have graduated with honors but that didn’t matter.” He also knew that it was a start in what he did to himself over and over with booze.
“I did almost anything I could get my hands on. I got in with a bad group and let them influence me,” He didn’t know how much Damon knew about Klaus and his actual parentage so he kept that to himself for now, “Being from such a large family, the attention is divided quite a lot and I felt neglected. I ended up getting expelled during my sophomore year of college, because I hadn’t attended more than half of my classes. It wasn’t until after I overdosed that I realized it was either turn my life around or death. I hadn’t taken into consideration what my actions were doing to my younger siblings and what it would have been like for them if I had died. We have family in Virginia, so I convinced my father to let me move out there and I started focusing on getting better.”
Damon just listened. They were a little different, but they had a similar way of dealing, or not dealing with problems. “I tried for years to get my dad to - like anything I did. He always wanted me to be better, smarter, stronger. Whatever I did, it wasn’t enough, so what more could I do? Stefan was his golden child, and I was the disappointment. I let go. I started partying all the time, getting drunk every weekend. I’d disappear on Friday and reappear on Sunday night, and my grades were still great. I didn’t know what the fuck he ever wanted, and I still don’t.” Damon could pretend he didn’t care, but he was pretending. It was just a more polished act now.
He took a drink from the bottle. “I go through phases. I’m great right now. Life is good, I’m not running through a million questions about what I am doing, where I stand, or whatever. When I start doing that, I tend to fuck up those things I have, and the bottle is my friend.” He also wanted that love that he never quite felt at home.
“You had a pretty rough road. It was a lot worse than mine. Glad you got out of that. It takes strength, especially when you have to do it on your own.” He had a feeling that he and Finn, while unlike in a lot of ways, could end up being pretty decent friends.
Finn could understand where Damon was coming from and why he did what he did, but what Finn could see where Damon had to start. It wasn’t so much the alcohol that was the problem, but how Damon dealt with things when they got bad, “It was hard to admit that I did need help, but I’m better off for it now. Can I ask you a question? What happens the next time something goes wrong? How do you see yourself dealing with it?” There was a hint of his professional tone as he spoke, but he tried to keep it friendly so that Damon wouldn’t feel like a patient or anything.
“I don’t know,” Damon said honestly. “I don’t get that far really. I’ll pick up a bottle until I am ready to come back, and then I’ll fight. It’s stupid, and I know it’s a cycle. I had to take more than my share of psychology to teach high school.” He smiled a little, but there was something else there. He was worried. “I’m going to become a vampire, which means I am going to die. I can’t see much past that. Someone said it isn’t a true death, but I will be a fucking vampire. I can’t - it doesn’t even matter what I can’t because it’s coming.”
“Have you had dreams yet?” Finn was on the network, as were the other dreamers. He was an original with Bekah’s family, or so he had heard. He had only met Elijah in dreams, but knew of the rest.
“Is it because you’re going to become a vampire that you’re not too worried about your drinking?” Finn could understand how knowing you were going to live forever no matter what you did would cause one to not care too much about whether or not they took care of themselves. Six years ago, if someone had told him that someday he might be a vampire, he might not have worked so hard to get clean, but now even if he changed tomorrow, he wouldn’t touch another drug.
“I have. We’re the Original vampires.” There wasn’t much that had happened in Finn’s dreams that were good aside from meeting Sage. He’d watched as Henrik had died in Klaus’ arms and had been turned into a vampire by their parents to prevent any of them from dying and then their father had killed their mother. Sage was the first good thing to happen in Finn’s dreams.
“Not like that, although I do like my booze in the dreams.” He always seemed to have a glass in his hand. “It actually helps with the bloodlust.” He shrugged, getting ready to explain it, which brought out more than he cared to display. “I know I will live, and I know I can’t be hurt by my liver, but I don’t want to die. I drink because I don’t want to die. If my human life ends, that’s it. I can’t give Elena a family, and I can’t live without blood, and there are a lot of other things that are pretty fucked up. My dream self even said once that he wanted to be human. He both loves and hates what he is. People tell me I don’t have to be like him, but I already am. Maybe I drink now to avoid thinking so much.”
“Are you ready to become a vampire?” The question had to be asked. He knew that the powers could provide great things, but was it worth the price?
“The thing is, you don’t know when it will happen. It could be tomorrow, but it could be years from now. I’ve seen people on Valarnet talking about how it took over a year of dreaming before they started changing.” Finn had been dreaming for over six months now and he was still completely human, “The alcohol may not be able to hurt you when you become a vampire, but for now it can and I’m sure how you act while drinking hurts those who care about you.” Finn knew firsthand that things like alcohol and drugs didn’t hurt just the person who was doing them.
In response to Damon question, Finn shook his head, “No. I’m not. I don’t appear to be as bad as my brothers, in the dreams. I don’t kill and only bite people when I need to drink and I don’t appear to think of people any differently than I did before I was a vampire.” Klaus wouldn’t have left Sage alive long enough to fall in love with her, but Finn had seen something in her that he’d liked and wanted to get to know her just like in real life.
Damon was going to point out that he didn’t really drink much around other people, preferring to drink away his sorrows alone, however that was not always true. He was sure Elena was concerned, and if Sage had mentioned it, she was a little worried. “I know. Even in my dreams, it gets me in trouble.” He was referring to killing Jeremy, but he really didn’t need Finn to hear about that right now. “I just don’t know if I can go cold turkey, or if I want to.” His lips pursed. He supposed Finn would understand not wanting to lose that crutch.
“I’ve been dreaming for about 9 months, and they are coming a lot faster now. I get them in huge chunks. I also have the fangs, and a few other things. I can’t help but feel like it’s coming.” He took another drink from the bottle, finishing it. “My dream self is a vampire. He has killed, and done some pretty messed up things. I know that I am not him. I haven’t done those things, but he does have my personality. When he loves, it’s deep, and almost painful for him, but it’s very real. He keeps a lot in, and he denies it, but he’s a pretty good guy, or he could be.”
“You don’t need to go cold turkey. That never works.” Finn told him, thinking back to his own rehab experience, “I mean, it’s a little different with substance abuse in rehab, but there are things you can do that would ultimately stop you from drinking to forget when something happens.” If Damon were open to help, Finn could try and give him that help so that next time something happened, he’d be able to get through it without drowning his sorrows in a bottle. “From what I’ve seen, my vampire self isn’t very different from how I am in real life. I’d say that out of all of us, I’m the most moral and I don’t appear to enjoy being a vampire.”
Damon really wasn’t sure what to say about going cold turkey. He wasn’t sure if he was ready, or if he wanted to at all. “I know where you are coming from. Right now, I know I would fail at cold turkey. Not drowning myself in alcohol isn’t a bad idea either. I know what I have to lose.” Drinking less was all he could give, and he would try that.
“You can be the nice vampire. The rest of us are a twisted mess. I didn’t want to feed when I turned. I was going to die, but my brother convinced me to feed, and I did it for him. I blamed him for the death of the woman I loved. It was a huge mess, and I was hurt. I can handle this a little better, I think.” The story was too long and complicated to explain in a night. He was very similar in personality, but their experiences were different. “I think we’ll both be alright. I have Elena, and you have Sage. We can make that work too.”