Higher Faster Further More (captainmarvel) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-02-22 22:08:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, carol danvers (captain marvel), jessica drew (spider-woman) |
I will always be your best friend. And a fellow Avenger
Who: Carol and Jess
What: Coffee and awkward
When: Last week
Where: A coffee place
Status: complete
Rating: PG
It was hard to look at someone you were supposed to love. How much harder must it be to look back? Carol didn’t know, and she was consumed by guilt. Nothing she could control now, but it was still there. At least this time there was a spark of recognition and more attraction when she saw Jess. (the attraction had always been there she’d just ignored it).
“Hi..”
This hopefully wouldn’t be awful or awkward, though Jess was pretty sure that it would be. After all she’d moved out and things were still kind of the same. But they should talk, and she had promised that she wouldn’t leave Carol by herself. That wasn’t the kind of person she was. She shouldn’t go through all this alone.
“Hey. How are you feeling?”
“Good, good…” Carol sat down across from Jess. The awkwardness was confusing. There should be more…something. Banter. Ease. This felt kind of like a first date and she wasn’t sure if that was what it was supposed to feel like.
Sitting down across from Carol, Jess took up her coffee cup and toyed with it as they sat there. She didn’t really know what to say to her, that was the thing. Everything she’d normally bring up was something she should have known but didn’t now. “That’s .. good.” She sighed a bit. This was really dumb.
Maybe this wasn't the best idea, Carol thought, but she didn't run from things. She wasn't going to run from this. "I know it's not good for you. The house feels a little different. Like my body knows what to expect and it's not the same."
“I just wanted to give you some space. And me some space. I think I just would have.. I want to be there for you and I’ll help however I can, but I feel like we would have started arguing or something..” Jess trailed off.
She looks at her hands. “I didn’t want you...needing things I’m not able to give. Emotional, physical. What have you. But I don’t think it works that way.” Carol looks up again, expression a little determined. “But I’m dreaming more every night. And that’s...something. Maybe I can’t remember the life we built here yet, but I know the kind of women we are, at least.” And it hurts Carol, even. When she looks at old photographs of them. She wanted to remember them so much that she clung to the dreams like a life raft.
“No.. I guess it doesn’t work that way.” Jess was quiet for a moment, unsure what to say. “Whatever I may.. need from you, I understand that I’m not going to get it. Your memory comes first. And if it doesn’t come back..” She trailed off again. She was doing a lot of that. “Well then we’re always going to be friends. I will always be your best friend. And a fellow Avenger. We’re good when we work together, taking down bad guys.”
Carol read the pain in Jess's posture. She pushed a thumb against her forehead, hard. Like that could somehow jog things into working better. It only gave her a headache. Some friend she was. She was sure she had some good reason for doing what she did, but now, on the other side of it, maybe it hadn't been worth it. There was something empty where Jess was supposed to be.
"It might be fun. To take down some bad guys. Like a super best friends date."
“Don’t hurt yourself on my account.” That was the last thing that she wanted. Jess had no idea how to make it better. “You should see the doctor? See if there’s any help in getting your memory back.” How else was she supposed to do it. Wait until her dreams maybe showed her how? This whole thing was ridiculous. Who got amnesia anyway? Sigh.
“We can do that. I could do with beating some people up.”
“I uhm. Made an appointment for next week.” She pushed at a napkin on the table. “I really want to fix this, Jess. Don’t think I don’t want to. But maybe we should try… a real date. Unless trying that would hurt you too much. Would feel too much like starting over. I’d understand.”
Jess was relieved to hear that she was going to the doctor. That’s all she’d ever wanted. “Thanks. Going to the doctor isn’t that bad.” Though as far as going on a date, she had to think about that for a moment. Well it wasn’t going to hurt anything.. maybe. “I don’t mind starting over, if that’s the only way we’re going to get through this, then that’s what I’ll do. We should go on a date.”
“I don’t like it. But I’m doing it because I care about you.” She sat back and looked visibly relieved, her shoulders relaxing. “Maybe there’s another way, but until then we can...try to go forward.”
“Well I thank you. I know you don’t like it. But.. doctors always saved me when I was really sick. I just want them to see if they can help.” Jess shrugged. “That sounds like a good plan. It’s always good to have a backup. You taught me that.”
Carol resisted the urge to reach out for Jess’s hands. To take them and squeeze them and some how try to reassure herself. “I don’t remember what I like so you can pick the first place we go.”
That must have been very odd, not to know your own preferences for things. “I can do that. Hey maybe this is a good way to expand your.. palate. You know.. try everything and anything to see if you like it?” What? Jess coming up with something positive? No way.
“I’ll trust you,” Carol decided, grinning. “And I’ll probably like things I hated before, maybe. Or maybe my body will remember but I’ll try not to let on.” She winked, and put her hand over Jess’s. Jess was really hot. And Carol was really hot. They must have made a stunnind couple.
“I guess I’ll just take you out to a variety of different places then. I could stand to branch out more in the food I like too.” She put her hand on top of Carol’s and smiled back. It physically hurt how much she loved Carol. But the way she was looking at her wasn’t at all the same. “When would you like to go out?”
“How about Friday?” She asked unaware that Friday was going to end up being a different, more violent kind of date.
“Friday sounds good.” Jess nodded her head a little. “I’ll pick you up at 7.”
There had to be a way to get her memory back. If it existed, she was going to find it, for both herself and Jess. But just in case, well the dating idea appealed to her. “Hey. If this ever gets too hard for you, I’ll understand. Okay?”
“Thanks,” Jessica said with a nod of her head and tried to smile. “I appreciate that.”