Michael’s first thought was ‘why would anyone be so cruel, especially with the name Morningstar, name their son Lucifer’, but then it started to hit him what he meant. Samandriel was saying he was attached to Lucifer. Lucifer. Satan. The Devil. It made absolutely no sense, at least when it came to Michael’s frame of reference and religious upbringing. His brow furrowed, trying his best to work through it without having to ask a question, but he couldn’t manage it. “You’re… Getting fucked by the Devil?” It was pretty obvious to him that Samandriel was a bottom and really, it only made sense that Lucifer would have to be on top. That desire was what had gotten him into trouble in the first place. “You’re in a serious, albeit open, relationship with the Devil?”
He resisted the urge to cross himself, Samandriel probably wouldn’t have appreciated that. Everything he had heard about Satan as a child came rushing back to him at once, he wouldn’t share any of it with the angel of course. Catholics were very clear about their feelings when it came to the Devil, Samandriel was probably more than familiar with the doctrine and dogma given that he was indeed an angel. He had to clear his throat before he spoke again, choking back anything that would have sounded hurtful. “So… You’re still an angel but you’re, uh, consorting with Lucifer. You’re not fallen, or whatever the term is?”
The angel appreciated that Michael was trying to keep from hurting Samandriel, but he’d done that the minute the Devil fell out of his mouth the first time. He shouldn’t have expected anything else from Michael, not really. Gently, Samandriel pulled away though only far enough to sit up and perch his feet on the rail of the bed frame. “I’m not fallen, no. I’m still everything I was.” He looked over at Michael, allowing himself to be visibly sad in front of him in a way he hadn’t in heaven. “The lore around the Fall says that this was one thing that happened, that Lucifer and those who were with him were cast out and that was that. It doesn’t tell you how bloody a fight it was, how...how Heaven tore itself apart in a way. It just likes to start and stop at Lucifer was God’s favorite, the most beautiful, the strongest and then he got kicked out.”
He looked away again down at his pale toes. “I was made to stand at his right hand. I was created to serve him, to sit under his command and be...exactly what I was. To see and put beauty and goodness into our Father’s work. And then he fell and it felt like my whole world just shattered. It was...awful. I’d been given a purpose and suddenly the one who was supposed to guide me wasn’t there and I turned to look for Gabriel to see if maybe he knew what I ought to be doing and he was gone too. Instead, I found the gates of Heaven locked and Michael putting a sword in my hand like...like learning how to fight was the only way we were going to keep what remained of our numbers safe or like maybe he’d be able to figure out in my technique somehow if I was going to turn on Him. There was a while that I wasn’t sure if I was afraid he was going to find me wanting and kill me or if that was exactly what I wanted him to do.”
The angel swallowed over a particularly dry throat. “And then we met here and it was like the sun came out again. I could practically feel our Father’s will in it. So yes...I’m with him. But maybe I was never meant to be without him in the first place. I don’t know. It’s not my job to question Him. But Lucifer isn’t what the church would have you think he is, particularly not the man who I’m going to spend whatever life I have left with.” He couldn’t look at Michael. He couldn’t stand scorn from those green eyes for daring to love someone that the rest of the world deemed unlovable based on ancient hearsay.