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Aurora (cursedsleep) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-01-29 01:13:00

Who: Aurora and Hua Mulan
What: Talking About Feelings
When: Backdated: Wednesday, January 22nd. Afternoon
Where: Coffee Shop
Rating: Family Friendly
Status: Complete

Aurora was still so confused about her feelings for Mulan and they kept hanging out, but never actually talked about what it all meant. Were they just friends? Was there something more there? And if that were the case, was that what Aurora wanted? Ruby had basically told her to go for it if that was what she felt, but she’d never been attracted to another woman before, so she wasn’t sure if that was what this really was.

When Mulan had asked her if she wanted to get coffee, Aurora had accepted, because she hoped that maybe this time they would actually talk about everything that had been going on and figure things out once and for all so that she wouldn’t be sending any mixed signals. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Mulan in any way.

Reaching the coffee shop where they had decided to meet, Aurora went in and glanced around for the other woman in case she’d gotten there first.

Mulan looked up from the booth she’d picked out and couldn’t quite hide the grin on her face. She was wearing a flannel shirt with jeans, but her dark hair was down, spilling over her shoulders. She knew she had to at least try to tell Aurora she was attracted. Really, really attracted. She just didn’t know how to do so without freaking the woman out.

She waved her over. “Hello.”

Hearing Mulan’s voice, Aurora looked over in her direction and smiled as she headed over to join her. Smiling at the site of the other woman, Aurora was pretty sure that meant something or was she looking too much into it? She wasn’t sure. “Hi,” She said, sitting down across from Mulan, “Have you been waiting long?”

“Not too long.” She smiled again, a little nervously and a little cutely. She was nervous all of a sudden, and her foot accidentally nudged against Aurora’s. “I got started on my coffee already. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’ll go get a cup and I’ll be right back,” Aurora smiled and got up to get a drink. She came back a few minutes later with a double chocolate frap, complete with chocolate whipped cream, “So, how’re you?” She took a sip of her drink as she watched Mulan.

Mulan took the chance to watch her friend move around. Aurora had a grace about her that was hard to put to words, but still made her knees go a little weak. She tried not to be too obvious about staring at her, but the woman haunted her dreams. She stammered over the small talk. “I’m doing all right. And you?”

“I’m good. Haven’t had any trouble sleeping lately,” Aurora smiled and took another sip of her drink, “How’s Ming-Na?” She still wanted to meet Mulan’s dog, happy that it was Mulan that the dog had come across. She didn’t want to think about what could have happened to her otherwise.

"Ming-na is misbehaving a little, but I'm looking into taking her to one of those schools. I just want to find one that won't..." Mulan frowned. "Won't hurt her or anything? I just want to be able to handle her correctly." She nudged Aurora's foot lightly, this time on purpose.

Aurora hadn’t thought anything of the first nudge to her foot, because she assumed Mulan had done it by accident, but as she felt Mulan’s foot nudge hers again, she glanced up at the other woman, her cheeks flushing slightly, but she continued with the current conversation, “You should ask around on Valarnet. I think there are some vets on there. They might be able to help.”

“Thanks, I probably will. I’ve never had a pet before, taking care of my brother was always close enough.” She grinned at her own joke, and grinned at Aurora’s blush. Mulan knew she had to turn the conversation to them but just needed the opportunity.

Aurora laughed at Mulan’s joke and took another sip of her drink, “I’m sure your brother appreciates being compared to a pet.” She smiled and unconsciously stretched her leg out a little till her foot nudged Mulan’s a bit then pulled her leg back beside her other one, “Oh sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” Mulan breathed, looking anywhere but Aurora’s face. Or breasts, looking at her breasts was bad. Good, but bad and now she was having a hard time not looking at them either.

Taking a breath, she finally looked at Aurora’s face. “I’m at a loss as to how to proceed…But I really like you.” There. Hopefully a soft enough blow not to make her run away.

Aurora had known that this was going to come up eventually and honestly she was a little relieved that Mulan had been the one to bring it up, because she didn’t think that she ever would have. “I...I know.” After all, they’d kissed and everything. “I...this is all new to me. I’ve never been attracted to another woman before, so I wasn’t really sure what to do.” She bit her bottom lip as she watched Mulan.

“I’ve…” Mulan blinked her eyes. “You’re attracted to me?” She sounded like she couldn’t quite believe that. “I’ve been afraid of pushing you too much. I value your friendship too much to risk it on an uncertain thing.”

“I...well, yeah.” Aurora hadn’t actually meant to say that, but now it was out in the open and she couldn’t take it back, nor did she want to really. “I know what you mean though. I don’t want to ruin anything that we have, but I also don’t want you to think I’m leading you on or anything.” Hurting Mulan was the last thing that she wanted to do.

Hope. For the first time there was real hope for Mulan that this wasn’t just an experiment on Aurora’s part. She started to worry at a napkin, crinkling it up and uncrinkling it repeatedly. “I enjoy being led along. And I don’t. I suppose that doesn’t make sense.”

Aurora didn’t see how anyone would enjoy being led on and she shook her head, “No, that doesn’t really make any sense.” She bit her bottom lip as she watched Mulan, unsure of exactly where this was going to go.

“Vain hope and the thrill.” Mulan looked down at the table briefly, though her eyes swiveled up in time to see Aurora bite her lip. “A kind of hurt that feels good at the same time. Something you take whenever you get the chance because you know you’re not going to get it in the end.”

Despite the fact that Mulan said she didn’t mind being led on, Aurora couldn’t help but feel bad for making her feel the way she was currently describing, “I wouldn’t have made you feel that way on purpose.” Without thinking, she reached across the table to cover one of Mulan’s hands with her own.

"I know. I'm not angry at you for it." Her breath caught in her throat and she froze. Like she didn't want to startle Aurora into not touching her. "I don't think you were leading me on so much as me leading myself on."

“I still don’t know exactly what caused me to kiss you that first time, but the second time, on New Year’s Eve, I wanted to do it that time.” She swallowed, thinking how stupid that probably sounded, “And well, we hadn’t really talked about it since and I wasn’t sure how to bring it up, so I was never sure if we were just going out as friends or if you were expecting more.”

“I never expected anything, but I never knew how to...articulate…” She started chewing on her own lip, her eyes growing a little wider. “I wanted more. But I do not wish to pressure you.”

Aurora was silent for a moment or two, thinking over Mulan’s words in her head before saying anything, “Why don’t we go out...on an actual date. Like, this time we’ll know what it is and we won’t be confused about it.” She was nervous about even suggesting it, but she thought that this was what they needed to do in order to figure things out.

Mulan thought that was fair. She nodded and picked up her drink to give her time to think about how to respond. "I don't even know where to begin but I like that idea."

A small smile spread across Aurora’s lips as Mulan agreed, “It might have to wait though, because the job I had yesterday has been extended over the next couple of days.” That was a good thing, because it meant Aurora was getting more of a chance to do what she really wanted to. Not that she didn’t also enjoy working at Grannys.

"I'm happy for you." It was genuine. Seeing Aurora happy had quickly become one of the most important things to her. The dreams only reinforced that, as well as the emotions that constantly boiled under the surface. She could easily come on too strong - Aurora had shot her in the heart with a fatal wound, and that wasn't counting the physical need she had for the woman.

“Thanks. It goes for the rest of this week till next Friday,” Aurora said, taking a sip of her drink, “So, how about next Saturday?” She knew she would be asking Ruby and Steph for advice before then, because she wouldn’t want to mess this up.

Swallowing nervously, Mulan nodded. “Saturday at seven?” It seemed so far away. Plenty of time to gradually freak out about things. She supposed she didn’t have to go to Granny’s as often if Aurora was doing other things, but she’d probably drop in out of habit. “I’ll pick you up. We should…” She waved a hand. “Dress up.”

Aurora nodded, “Alright. Where should we go where we have to dress up?” She didn’t want to do anything too fancy, because that wasn’t them. They weren’t the get fancy and go to dinner type, but she didn’t mind dressing up a little more than she had on New Year’s Eve.

“Some place with dancing,” Mulan decided. Even though she couldn’t dance and didn’t know where to start, she wanted to see Aurora dance. “I think maybe I should try this loosening up thing people do.”

A small smile crossed Aurora’s lips, “Alright. Dancing. I’ll ask Ruby or Steph if they know a place. I don’t usually go out dancing, so I’m like the last person to ask about that stuff.” They had a week to iron out their plans and Aurora was sure that she could figure out a place in that time.

“I apologize for stepping on your feet ahead of time,” Mulan joked. It was a very real threat. Dancing and lady things were the least likely thing for her to ever consider.

Aurora laughed and shook her head, “I might step on your feet too. I don’t really dance, but I think it’ll be fun either way.” She’d be really nervous the whole time, but at least there would be one thing they knew for sure and that was that the next time they saw each other, they would be on an actual date.