Remus Lupin (answertoten) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2014-01-13 21:31:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, remus lupin, sirius black |
Who: Remus Lupin & Sirius Black
When: Backdated: Thursday, January 2nd. Late Night
Where: Their House
What: Remus Has Some Disturbing Dreams
Rating: Family Friendly
Status: Complete
Remus wasn’t sure exactly how long the kettle had been whistling. All he was aware of was that Sirius had died in his most recent dream. He’d died and there had been nothing Remus could do to save him. It had happened so fast and Remus had, had to stop Harry from lunging towards either Bellatrix or the archway. While Remus and Sirius had only been friends in their dreams, he still felt the overwhelming heartache at watching his friend fall through the ghostly veil that covered the mysterious archway in the center of the Department of Mysteries. Upon waking up that heartache had only multiplied. Waking up next to Sirius who was very much alive had helped, but only so much. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t woken Sirius up, but instead he’d gotten out of bed and moved through the dark house, in boxer shorts and a robe, towards the kitchen and put on the kettle, but somewhere between then and the water coming to a boil, Remus had completely zoned out, amber eyes trained on the window over the sink as he replayed Sirius falling through the archway over and over again in his mind.
Sirius wandered sleepily into the kitchen, his hair sticking up at all sorts of angles. He rubbed a hand over his face and mumbled incoherently as he made his way over to where Remus was standing. “Kettle,” he mumbled, sliding his arms around his boyfriend’s waist and resting his forehead on Remus’ shoulder. “Bed… still tired.”
Remus had been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn’t heard Sirius and despite the fact that he was standing in front of the window he hadn’t seen his reflection until Sirius’ arms wrapped around him, causing him to jump. “Bloody hell…” He brought a hand up to his forehead for a moment, before he realized that the kettle was whistling, “Sirius, I need to turn that off.” His heart was racing, but he attempted to stay calm as if nothing was wrong.
“I’ve got it.” Sirius rolled his eyes and reached around Remus to turn the knob, shutting the burner off. “Not like you to let me sneak up on you like this. So what’s on your mind? And don’t say it’s nothing, because I know you better than that. So spill.” He stifled a yawn and blinked a couple more times as he started waking up.
“I…” Running a hand through his hair, which was quite messy already from sleep, Remus took a deep breath and moved to get two mugs from the cabinet. He didn’t know if Sirius was going to have tea as well, but the mug was there if he chose to. “What was the last thing you dreamt about?” He knew Sirius' dreams had been out of order, but he didn’t know if Sirius had dreamt about the Department of Mysteries and he would understand if he had and hadn’t told him. It was hard enough for Remus to have dreamt about watching Sirius die, but how would Sirius react to watching himself die?
“Last couple of dreams I had were James and Lily getting married, fighting against the Death Eaters during the First War, and…” he paused and frowned as he began fixing himself a mug of tea. “Well… Regulus died. But that’s ridiculous, because he’s obviously not really dead. I don’t know.” Sirius shrugged his shoulders and scratched at his hair.
Sirius didn’t have to even mention the dream about James and Lily’s deaths, because Remus recalled the night they’d both had that dream and how freaked out Sirius had been when he’d woken up. “No, he’s not. And neither are James and Lily.” The rationale part of Remus’ brain knew that just because someone died in a dream didn’t mean it would happen in real life, but it was the fact that he’d watched it happen that was really getting to him.
“You had another dream… didn’t you?” Sirius asked. He sipped his tea and leaned against the counter. Honestly, he was pretty sure he already knew the answer was yes. But the real question was whether or not Remus would tell him what it had been about.
Remus sighed and nodded, “It’s...it takes place about a year after you're told to lay low at my place,” Those dreams where he and Sirius had been reunited after so many years of Remus thinking it had been Sirius' fault that James & Lily had been killed had been good ones. Sirius might have been hiding from Voldemort's and the Ministry, but in a way it had reminded Remus of their current situation just without the part where they were a couple, “It didn’t end well.” He couldn’t bring himself to tell Sirius that he died; not just yet. It was still so fresh in his mind. “Do we know anyone who has had exclusively good dreams?”
“Hmm… come to think of it, not really. But then again, I haven’t really paid that much attention to people’s dream talk on the network unless it interested me. Or unless it was related to someone we knew.” He shrugged and took another sip of tea. “It can’t be any worse than some of the ones I’ve had about Azkaban, Dementors, and shit like that. Those are just beyond awful and I’m surprised I haven’t woken you up because of them.”
Remus took a sip of his tea as he tried not to think of the dream he’d just had, which he was certain was worse than Azkaban, “Have you had them often?” Now Remus was curious as to exactly how often Sirius dreamt about Azkaban and why he’d never woken him up during or after said dreams. “Why haven’t you woken me up after?” Of course Sirius could ask him the same question for tonight.
“Off and on,” Sirius replied, giving another shrug of his shoulders. “And I didn’t wake you up because I keep hoping they’re just stupid dreams. Plus you actually work, so you need your sleep. I don’t know, Remus. I don’t like talking about them and I’m not some little kid who’s going to freak out every time he has a nightmare.”
Remus understood where Sirius was coming from, but he still worried about Sirius and the dreams that he had, because he had the same ones, “I know. I just don’t want you to have to deal with the bad ones on your own. Not that I don’t think you could, but you know what I mean,” Remus took another sip of his tea before setting the mug down, “If someone else knew something that was going to happen past when you’ve dreamt of, would you want to know?”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Sirius downed the rest of his tea and set the empty mug on the counter. “Honestly? Dunno. Some of this dream stuff comes true, but others don’t. So I’m not really sure if I’d want to know or not. Why? Does this have something to do with what you were dreaming about?”
Remus nodded as he set his still half full cup down next to Sirius’, “It does.” Part of him wanted to tell Sirius what he’d dreamt, but he didn’t want to upset Sirius especially after James & Lily’s and Regulus’ deaths in the dreams. The last thing he wanted to tell Sirius was that he dies too. Then again, if he didn’t tell him, would he get upset when he had the dreams for himself and knew that Remus knew and didn’t tell him, “It didn’t end well.”
“Then it’s good that it’s just a dream, right?” Sirius took a step forward, smiled, and pulled Remus into a hug. He reached up and playfully ruffled Remus’ hair and began backing slowly towards the door without releasing his hold on the other man. “Come on… let’s go back to bed and so you can relax. Then if you want to tell me about it you can. Deal?”
As soon as Sirius’ arms wrapped around him, Remus felt himself relax. Seeing Sirius fall through the veil had scared him so much, but being in the other man’s arms almost caused him to forget about it and he heaved a sigh of relief. “Alright.” He let Sirius led him part of the way out of the kitchen before he tugged on Sirius’ hand to pull him against him again and kissed him, “I love you. You know that, right?” It wasn’t a secret at all; Remus said it often, but after the dream, he felt the need to say it again.
“Yeah, I know.” He smiled lopsidedly and nodded, but his eyes were studying Remus carefully. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Remus so spooked, especially over a dream. After half dragging him back to the bedroom, he smirked and placed his hands on Remus’ shoulders as he firmly pushed him down onto the bed. “Step one… lie down. Step two… roll over onto your stomach. Step three… just relax for a while and I’ll give you a back rub.”
Remus did as Sirius said, removing his bathrobe and tossing it towards a chair near the bed before lying down. Normally he would have draped it over the back of the chair, but he wasn’t about to get up just yet. Once he was lying on his stomach, he folded his arms under his head and turned it to the side, glancing up at Sirius, “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet. I’m not very good at this,” Sirius joked. He straddled Remus’ legs (Hey… it was one way to keep him in place!) and placed his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders. He squeezed and started trying to massage them, going more on instinct rather than actually knowing what he was doing. “So… this dream of yours. Why’re you so spooked? I mean, it’s not like you hadn’t had bad dreams before. But usually you snap out of them and go back to sleep.”
As Sirius’ hands touched his skin Remus relaxed even more, enjoying the way his hands felt on him. “It didn’t end well.” He didn’t think telling Sirius right now was a good idea, but he also didn’t want Sirius to get angry with him later if he didn’t tell him, so he figured he’d be vague and if Sirius continued to question him then he’d tell him, but only then.
“Thank you very much, Captain Obvious,” he teased. “I figured that much out by myself.” He rolled his eyes and continued massaging. Sirius considered thwapping Remus on the head for being vague, but decided to play nice. “Are you going to tell me or not?”
Remus sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before speaking, “It was about you.” Opening his eyes, he tried to look over his shoulder at Sirius to see what his reaction would be. If Sirius had decided that he wanted to know now then he would tell him.
“Me?” Sirius’ brow furrowed and his hands paused in their movements. “What about me?” he asked warily. Clearly, it couldn’t have been anything good. But then again, how bad could it be?
Remus wanted to see Sirius when he told him so he managed to turn over while Sirius was straddling his legs and looked up at him, “There was a battle at the Department of Mysteries. Harry and his friends, Death Eaters, The Order and Voldemort.” He paused for a moment. We were trying to protect the children. You and Harry were fighting together, but you got distracted and Bellatrix threw a curse at you.” He closed his eyes momentarily, seeing it happen again, “You were stunned and fell….through a mysterious arch in the center of the room. You died.” He opened his eyes again to see Sirius’ reaction.
For a long while, Sirius remained silent. He’d had his own dreams about James and Lily being murdered, Regulus dying, and others. But they were still all alive and well. So if you died in a dream, you didn’t suddenly die in reality… right? He frowned and scratched his cheek, trying to think of how to even respond to something like this. “I’m not dead,” he finally said quietly. “And I know it probably scared the hell out of you, but I’m very much alive. Maybe it was just a regular nightmare? I mean, I haven’t dreamed about anything with the Department of Mysteries.”
“No, you’re not dead, but seeing it happen was upsetting.” Remus pushed himself up with his elbows, still looking up at Sirius, “I know it won’t happen, but you can’t blame me for being upset.” He wanted to think that maybe it had just been a regular dream, but it had been far too real for that.
Sirius shifted off of Remus and propped himself up on an elbow, casually draping the other arm across his boyfriend’s waist. “Of course I don’t blame you. I’d be upset too if I’d had a dream about you dying. But I’m not dead, so I’m afraid you’re still stuck with me,” he said, trying to cheer Remus up. Yeah, he was making light of the dream. But when Sirius was upset or stressed, he had a habit of trying to joke around. It was better than letting his temper get the better of it. “You feel a little better now?”
Remus laughed and turned towards Sirius, relaxing a little more into him, “I don’t mind being stuck with you. I actually enjoy being stuck with you.” He smiled at Sirius and pressed a kiss to his lips, “I do. Thank you.” The memory was still there and he knew that there was always the chance that he might have the dream again, but now that he’d talked to Sirius he felt better and knew that just because Sirius had died in the dream didn’t mean it was going to happen there.