A tall ship and a star to steer her by (starwreck) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-03-29 08:17:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, gaila, james kirk, leonard mccoy, montgomery scott |
“Hell with it, I’m curious. How’d the cougar happen?”
Who: Kirk, McCoy, Scotty, Gaila
What: Post camping and post drunking. And peer pressure! Also, food fight.
When: Yesterday!
Where: McCoy's apartment, then Scotty's place.
Rating: PG-13 for language and brief nudity.
Status: Completed.
Finding injured Jim at Mad Dogs last night after talking to Scotty had been, well, a weirder moment in McCoy’s life, considering he hadn’t been expecting it, but it hadn’t been the weirdest, or even the weirdest since he’d met the kid. So that was something. And considering the shape he’d been in, with the half pieced together stitches and the claw marks down his back, he’d just about had to drag him home to keep an eye on. He’d dumped Jim in his room last night when he’d got him home, then gone out to his couch, where, let's face it, he did most of his better sleeping anyway, but it’d been hard not to constantly get up to check on him through the night.
Somehow, after the last check, around five this morning, he’d fallen asleep again, and was really only starting to come to life again now. His first thought, right before anything else was how he should have gone in to keep an eye on him a lot sooner. Was Jim running a fever right now, for instance? And fuck, should he call Faiza since he was limited to what he hadn’t used in a long time?
Injured friends were stressful, yo.
Jim hadn’t meant to run into a cougar, well not that sort of cougar, he had plenty of experience with the sort that prowled bars and nightclubs. Claw marks included. He’ been packing up when the creature had showed itself. The only thing missing had been the fight scene music.
He’d slept fitfully, and found himself pacing Bones’ apartment, checking the place out.
“Jim” McCoy poked his head into the bedroom, but, conveniently, No Jim. Well, there weren’t that many other places that he could have wandered. and even though he didn’t push open the bathroom door, because that would make HIM feel like the cougar here. ANd well. Invasive and creepy. There were some things you didn’t need to see unless someone was bleeding to death, that was for sure.
He did start wandering through the rest of the apartment, hoping Jim wasn’t, he didn’t know, going to pop out from behind some piece of furniture or something to jump him. He shouldn’t be jumping with the cougar scratch open like it was. Along the way, though, he stopped to grab the thermometer, the older kind that still went in the mouth, so he could use it when he spotted him, before anything else.
“You’ve got a great view,” Jim said, as McCoy got into range. He was looking out the window. At a brick wall, “The graffiti here is high art.”
“I especially like the changing weekly phone numbers and names,” McCoy agreed, smirking as he stepped around to Jim’s side. “Makes for a sort of ambiance that’s really comforting if I get desperately lonely some nights. Here.” he added, tugging the cap off the thermometer and flicking it into Jim’s mouth easily enough. “Let’s see if we’ve got to get an actual person doctor as opposed to a corpse one in here.”
Jim was squinting at one name and number, “I think I know a Vanessa with that numbmmph.” He shot McCoy a dirty look, “Omp mphin.”
“Yeah?” McCoy asked him, conversationally, not that he expected him to answer right now. “Any of the rumors up there true? Answer later. I need to make sure you’re not gonna drop dead on me and I don’t have to....” he paused for a second, horrible home remedies dancing through his head, “Slice open the wounds and suck out the infection or something.” Then he gave him a little pat. “Seriously, kid. Just go with it.”
Kirk folded his arm, putting up with the nannying with a sour expression on his face. Horrible home remedies were dancing in his head. Like a nightmare.
McCoy’s too. Luckily the thermometer beeped then, and he pulled it out to get a look. “A little elevated, but not bad, considering. I think you’ll actually live, strangely enough considering.” That was when McCoy gave him a little pat on his uninjured shoulder. “Good. Anything feel off today?” He might have been nannying, but that was his job. He didn’t want to see Jim show up at his actual one.
Which was true in both senses, really. Jim on a slab would be the worst, but Jim randomly showing up was mildly worrying too. “I’m not even gonna ask about the...” Pause. “Hell with it, I’m curious. How’d the cougar happen?” No really. Just...
Too many bizarre ideas in McCoy’s head about that.
“So I don’t have rabies?” He smooched McCoy on the cheek, “Well you see, older women have big libidos and younger men have higher stamina.”
He paused, “You mean the puma! One of you guys went traipsing around at night and attracted it. You’re lucky it wanted the lame one.”
Shit. The two people McCoy KNEW FOR A FACT had gone traipsing around at night were him and Scotty. Somehow, somehow, he managed to keep his expression neutral as he slowly nodded, but inside? he was reeling just now. Of all the things he shouldn’t be doing, being the idiot who got his friends hurt was chief among them, really.
“Guess so, yeah.” he managed, saving the mental beating he was going to give himself for later. “So it just jumped you then?” Frown. And furthermore, they’d left him there alone. THAT was the reason the puma hadn’t gone for one of them. Jim had been the one left after all. He could have gotten killed by the thing. McCoy had read the signs on cages at the zoos. He knew what those cats were capable of, and he didn’t like this, at all. “Glad it wasn’t worse.” he said, instead.
Kirk waved a hand, “No biggie, it was just a young one.” Neither of them probably wanted to see what a full grown adult could do, “I didn’t have to kill it.”
Kirk waved a hand, “No biggie, it was just a young one.” Neither of them probably wanted to see what a full grown adult could do, “I didn’t have to kill it.”
"Just a young one..." McCoy shuddered at the thought of what a full grown one could have done. "Well. It's good it wasn't."
Grinning lopsidedly, Kirk put an arm around McCoy, "You worry too much, Bones."
"I've got to." McCoy told him, smiling. "I care about you or some emotional shit like that." He didn't know what it was but there was just something that grabbed you when you were around the kid. Made you WANT to look out for him and save him from himself. Or, in this case, your own damn stupidity.
"I love you too." Jim rolled his shoulder, then rubbed at it, grimacing, "Scotty make it back safe?"
"Far as I know." McCoy nodded. "He didn't have that far to go so there was that. Barring some kind of robot jumping up his ass, he's probably okay."
"Robot jumping his ass? You know there's a distinct danger of that happening to him." Somehow, Jim looked and sounded totally serious.
"I know, really." McCoy admitted, shuddering at the thought. "Hopefully the others could rescue him."
"What happened with him and Gaila?" He remembered something about a fight. Some drunken text message in the night.
"Oh geez that thing. Well it's all worked out now at least. Things didn't go well when she confessed she loved him. Don't think he was expecting, you know, that to go into WORDS." McCoy shuddered.
Kirk's eyes shifted a bit. Emotions. They got people into trouble. Why did his mind immediately go to Isabela? That would never work out!He was so fond of her
"But the good part is, she was behind him, overheard a lot of the confession and it all worked out. We got a round." McCoy explained. "That's about the tail end of what you came in on. Missed the nice lesbian couple though."
"Damn...I do like Lesbians..." Kirk frowned, "Maybe we should check up on them. Scotty I mean."
"Scotty, right." McCoy agreed. "They're awesome though. I'll introduce you if they're in the bar again."
Jim looked around for his pants, "Hey..Leo. Thanks."
Pants WERE probably pretty important in the long run, come to think of it. "No problem, Jim." McCoy assured him. "Sorry about, well." He'd started out ready to apologize for last night, but now that he'd said it... "I know exactly who's to blame for the puma, kid," he admitted, eyedarting a little.
He pulled his pants up, "I know, Bones.I could hear you two laughing like jackals." He was grinning.
Snort. "Of course you could." McCoy said, patting his shoulder again. "Anyway, yeah. I didn't know it'd..." he shook his head a little. "I am seriously glad that wasn't worse. And sorry about last night. The whole...emergency patching you up in the bar thing."
"I liked it!"
"You got some kind of crazy fetish I don't want the details of?" McCoy asked him, shaking his head.
"Yeah, I like 'em smart and exotic." Blondes were fine, but give him someone from India or ...fuck. He squinted at his own thoughts.
"Sounds pretty good to me." McCoy admitted, eyedarting a little. "Well, and other accents. Got a thing for those." He admitted.
"Oh GOD yes." Jim nodded excitedly, "There was this Russian chick I knew. She could chew you out and turn you on at the same time."
"Russian, huh?" McCoy considered that a moment. "Sounds promising." And there was something about Russia, ever since the russian lolcat that was...on his mind. He didn't even know what it was and that was strange.
Jim grinned dumbly.
McCoy...was gonna just leave that one there for now, he decided. Well, until Russian porn came up or something. He was pretty sure it eventually would.
Russian porn never came up. Jim grabbed McCoy's arm, "Lets pick up breakfast on the go and bring it to Scotty and Gaila."
"That sounds like a plan." McCoy agreed. "Are we calling on the way over or hoping we don't walk into a thing?" he wondered.
"Hell no we're not calling!"
Snicker. McCoy really shouldn't have found that so funny but...it really, really was somehow. He was going to just go along with it then, in the spirit of hysteria. "Let me grab a shirt that's not...." He gestured to the ratty green t-shirt that had once featured some kind of monster truck. "This."
Jim shook his head, "No, no that's perfect."
"You think?" McCoy was fine with that in theory then. "Well, hell, I don't have to be in LA until later. Why not?"
Jim thrust his arms up in a classic Scotty pose, then darted for the door. Slowly. Ribs still hurt, and now back. He needed his sexy nurse.
McCoy grabbed some aspirin to get into him after they had actual food, since that should help. Hey, if they really wanted, Scotty could even hand it over in a little dixie cup.
Because that would be Scottish Man Nurse Win.
Of course it would!
And to Scotty's house they went! Gaila was already up, dancing around to techno muzak and completely utterly, gloriously naked. When the door rang she bounced downstairs, also to the music and answers, "Jimmy! Leo! Heya!"
Jim pinched himself. He was either dead, or dreaming. Or going to be dead with Scotty found out. His grin said 'Worth it.'
"Hey yourself." McCoy gave her a nod. And tried to be professional here. He hoped Scotty didn't kill them yeah. Not unless he blew them up accidentally at least. Well, even then, really.
"Come in!" She tugged them both in. Then turned around and bounded back up stairs to resume naked making of breakfast.
Well, Scotty, blissfully, didn't know yet. Because it was hard to see past all the thumping music that was rattling his skull, and he was upstairs on the couch, only periodically checking her out because it was hot and painful at the same time. So when he takes his hand off his face again, he's in for a surprise.
Kirk watched her go. Dat ass.
Hangover much? Not as bad as yesterday, but still...maybe eating would've been a great idea. Or so Scotty was reminding himself, liquid booze diet was not the best concept, ever. He took his hand off his face and gave her a sloppy wince-grin as she came back in.
He also asked, "Where'd ye gae aff tae?" Because he had NO idea she was nakedly letting people in. Thank gods he was wearing a t-shirt and boxers.
"Kirk and McCoy stopped by, they brought breakfast but I'm already cooking." She shrugged a shoulder, "We can mix and match."
"Oh. Oh, that's brilliant." He nodded and then put his hand over his face again. At least a good ten seconds went by until his hand fluttered away from his face and his eyes went wide like saucers.
Bounce bounce hip shake pancake flip!
"Whaa th' fuck, Gaila! Ye answered the door like that?!" Scotty pointed at her, accusingly.
"Its not like they haven't seen boobs before." She rolled her eyes.
Naked making breakfast, hmmm? McCoy would've been a little concerned, but fuck it. They weren't being fancy here.
"They dinnae need tae see YERS though!"
"Girl has a point, Scott." Jim came up the stairs, setting the baggie of to-go breakfast down in front of Scotty.
Scotty stared at Kirk like if he so much as glanced anywhere toward his girlfriend’s arse, he was going to have that baggie of to go food shoved up into his sinuses, followed by a punchy fist. Just to make sure it stayed put. Yes, that is the look Kirk is getting.
He's already had an eyeful, and was being polite. Besides, he felt..guilty. He wasn't accustomed to guilt.
"Cheers, I was starving tae bloody death. Now I'm simply mortified. Not sure if that's an upgrade." He was trying to forget that his girlfriend who is STILL NAKED BY THE BY was over there like tralalalalala-no-big-deal. "How's yer back?"
Okay, no, nevermind. He can't ignore it anymore. Here he goes with the very loud rumble of a Scottish internal volcano which was about to exploderate, "Would ye put some bloody clothes on?!"
"Feeling like I got clawed by a cougar," Kirk replied, giving him a mock dirty look.
Gaila muttered about fun killers and pulled on a shirt. A very short shirt.
Scotty stopped being ticked off and simply looked confused a little, and then relieved. Even a little something was better than her wearing nothing at all. Phew. He turned his attention back to Kirk. "It was a cougar then, aye? Was she hot?"
"Not really, kind of hairy and had huge teeth."
"I thought ye said something about a racoon. Really, it was a mountain lion. Seriously." A pause. "Ye arenae joking at all, are ye."
"That's awesome." Gaila put down plates of pancakes, "I mean, are you okay?"
Jim laughed, "I'm okay, thanks to Bones."
"Getting a look at it in the light..." McCoy shook his head. "Definitely some kind of cat that doesn't hack up hairballs in the house. And I didn't even do that much. Put you in that position, more like."
"Ye mean, we left ye there, an' ye got attacked. By an actual mountain lion." Scotty stared at Kirk and then McCoy with a facial expression that could only be described as a somewhat begrudgingly impressed O_O face. "Did ye swallow a danger magnet when ye were a wee bairn?"
"I might have. Of course I'd've been fine if some people hadn't crashed through the woods the night before..."
"Yeeah..." this was where McCoy shot Scotty a guilty little eyedart.
".........." Scotty sat there, blinking profusely, mouth open just an itty bitty bit, before he squinted and thought about that a bit more. "....uhhh...right, that might've been me that started that, then. Sorry."
"Forgiven!" He clapped Scotty on the back, "So you two doing okay now? I seem to recall a drunken text."
He felt guilty anyway, and wondered why he had paused like he was going to ask prior permission to even admit that he started the whole 'tromp off into the woods' trend there. The clap on the shoulder had broken him from thinking any further on that, like a bubble popping. Drunken text, what? He nodded to let Kirk know they were fine now, but was asking at the exact same time, "Did I text ye? Really? Aww shite, I must've been bad aff tae even dae that. What'd I say?"
"Something about giving up on women," Jim replied. "And about machines being your true love."
"We're getting a sybian," Gaila announced.
Jim nearly fell over.
Scotty leaned so he could look around anyone in front of him and make sure that Gaila was not giving him one of those stares that preceded a spatula or any other handy utensil being thrown in his general direction.
Oh, wait, bad idea. He just sat upright and looked off to one side, while absently murmuring, "I was in a wee bit of a mood." And then Gaila went and said that and he facepalmed, so hard, the sound of his face and hand meeting left an audible echo in the room. "Dinnae bring it up now!"
Jim started laughing.
McCoy just looked like he had no idea what the hell they were talking about. Him. The one who was apparently going to pay Sulu for the porn since he had been the one who liked it. Imagine that.
"Well, lads, if ye want tae stay, then by all means, ugh." Scotty just waved one hand like they could plop their butts down wherever there was room to sit in the loft. "Ye want some coffee, tea, or just me?"
And that was where he winked at McCoy, because this morning could not go any more wrong and he might as well get some amusement out of the situation. Enough so that he added, "I know ye want me, dinnae deny it."
"Why Darlin' how could I ever deny it?" McCoy drawled at him, smirking.
"Give me a big g'mornin' kiss." Scotty stood up, with both arms held out to him as he approached, then he glomped onto McCoy and gave him a big smooch on the cheek. "I knew ye missed me. I was goin' tae text ye this morning, since I wasnae able tae give ye a happy ending before we parted ways. We were rudely interrupted by Kirk bein' bleedy."
Gaila whipped out her phone, seeing McCoy's clueless expression, "This."
"I always love a happy ending," Jim quipped.
"Not for ye, yer a cad," Scotty said, still hugging McCoy, "and a scoundrel. Ye bastard."
Feeling left out, Jim hugged them both. While trying to see the Sybian action on Gaila's phone.
"Oh dear god." McCoy got a look at what she was showing him. "Is that for...holy shit." he commented, and couldn't help but laugh. "Here I thought the witch catalogs sold every kind of...assistive equipment possible."
"Wait for it," Jim and Gaila said in unison, just before the woman on the Sybian hit the perfect shuddering note.
Me girlfriend's a bloody pervert," Scotty was saying, still hugging on, and being hugged, in a man sandwich. "They've got the hint, ye dinnae need tae keep showing it tae them!"
"No no now...just a second..." McCoy leaned over the phone, because, well. It wasn't everyday you got to see this kind of thing. "Tell you what." he commented, "I am never gonna look at mechanical bulls in the same way again."
"Cheers, Gaila, for bein' sae educational. Really. Cannae thank ye, enough."
Gaila kissed them both on the cheek then plopped next to Scotty and snuggled him, "I still want one." She eyedarted.
Jim laughed, and jibbed, "Not pleasing her enough, Scotty? Shame!"
"Well now." McCoy was snickering too. "I"ll bet you Scotty could make one of them tailored just right for you." Cause he's a filthy little troll.
Gaila turned her eyes towards Scotty. They were puppy eyes.
By then, yep, Scotty had indeed ducked out of the hugging and was sitting down next to Gaila, kinda looking like he was dying a bit, inside. But what were friends for, if they couldn't give you a good kick in the teeth, now and then?
"I likely could, but I'm goin' tae refrain from comment, since I'm the half of this duo, who dunnae gae about, announcing every bloody thing." He grinned like :D and pointed over at Gaila, expecting the hand to get thwapped. Nope! He is ignoring the puppy eyes, since they had already kind of discussed that before, and he has no further comment on the matter!
"Pleaaaase."
He was still all :D but talking through his teeth in another one of his whisper-hisses, "Gaila, lass, we will talk about it later, I promise, aye?"
"Deal!" She grinned at him, then slathered her pancakes in syrup.
"Now, what's in this ye brought me," he asked, taking a peek into the bag of breakfast goodies. "I'm willin' tae bet, no black pudding. Ye dinnae know what yer missin, here."
"I know what I'm missing and I'm glad to miss it," Jim replied, truthfully. He was suddenly a bit distracted, going through the porn site on Gaila's phone. That one looked a teensy bit like Isabela. Only less sexy. He squinted.
"What? Get aff. Black puddin' is good. No one over here knows how tae eat properly," so says mister sophisticated Scottish cuisine. And that was as he was dumping syrup all over everything on his plate. "Sae, I'm goin' tae dae the check for leaks in a while. Then start ripping out some of the wiring in that sub cabin. Total doin' over. Should be brilliant."
Gaila troll clapped for Scotty.
At least he wasn't putting ketchup all over it? That could probably have been worse.
If it had been any other day, it would be a brown sauce (he'd find some, oh yes, he would) and ketchup combo. But no, today his taste buds wanted sugar, and so he was over-indulging his hangover craving.
"Are ye goin' tae gae with McCoy again, Kirk or....what're ye looking at?" Scotty stared at Kirk like he was bloody insane, and took a big bite of pancake, leaning as he chewed so he could see what it was he was squinting at.
"Nothing." Kirk turned the phone off and handed it back to Gaila.
Scotty sat upright and looked over at Gaila like 'ooookay then' since that was sort of weird.
She brought up the history, and snerked, then showed Scotty.
Smirk. Scotty nodded like that made sense then. Oh yes, it did.
Kirk feigned innocence.
"Mmhm. Well, some people have a taste for the exotic, dinnae they?" Insert shit eating troll grin here, before Scotty plopped another bite of pancake into his mouth and started chewing. Chewing while smirking, like a total smart ass.
Gaila nodded her head. "Someone likes curry."
"Mmmhmm!" Scotty pointed toward her and then waited until his mouth wasn't full, so go him with the manners actually being there, somewhat. "And sparkle knickers!"
Kirk launched pancake at him from his fork.
He ducked, but only barely. "Now ye got syrup on the floor! Buuuuuggerrrrrr, I dinnae want tae step in it."
Gaila was shocked. It was a unilateral attack on their sovereignty! She launched a catapult attack right back, smacking Kirk on the cheek!
"McCoy, yer patient's bein' a dumb arse," Scotty was saying and got up to take care of that, because...why did he just think someone was going to slip on that? It was sticky? It wasn't even a safety hazard. Whatever, it was cleaned up. And then he was trying to keep that glob from falling off Kirk's face onto the floor. "STOP THROWING SHITE! Someone could get their foot stuck in it!"
Gaila and Kirk exchanged a look, then both opened fire on Scotty.
"CUNTYBUGGERYFUCKTOLEYB UMSHITE! STOOP THAT, ROIT NAE!"
"Jiiim." MCCoy reached over to put a hand over Kirk's. "Christ, am I a doctor or your kindergarten teacher?"
Jim flailed a hand. He was too busy laughing.
Scottish glower! And Scotty went to clean that mess up, and change his t-shirt, since there were two nice syrup and butter blobs like severely lopsided nipples, left on it. Grumble grumble!
There was the sound of flesh smacking against flesh oh naughty. Kirk and Gaila high five!
Since he was in there already, Scotty decided to just get dressed the rest of the way, like a normal human being. Ahem. He heard that. "I heard that!" And out he was marching and sitting back down, and chowing down on his food again.
"I feel old." McCoy commented wryly, glancing over at Scotty. "They make you feel old too?"
"Aye, bloody ancient," he admitted with a nod and the shrug of a shoulder. "That's why we should run aff, together."
"I'll just run off with Kirk then. He's more my stamina."
Jim nearly choked on pancake.
McCoy snickered.
"Oh, really. An' just what is that supposed tae mean?" Up went one eyebrow, arched high, like she had just rubbed him the wrong way!
"Well he's young, so he lasts longer," She replied, eyes twinkling. Troll-like.
"Och, that's shite an' ye know it!" And his voice just went way up, like he fell for the troll bait. "Really, ye want tae gae there? Well. Fine. I'm surprised ye havenae tried tae rub yerself on the furnishings, yet." He paused to drink some coffee, sedately, like he was sipping tea. Pinkie up, and everything. Trollicious.
Taking the bait, she started to rub against the couch!
McCoy's head? Hit the table. He had to hide that he was about to die laughing after all.
"I have nothing to do with this," Jim said. "In fact, I have so little to do with this that..ah.."
If looks could kill, Scotty would be killing them all with his eyeballs, alone. He punched Kirk very lightly in the shoulder, like he needed to knock it off, and then turned more toward Gaila.
"Oh, right, that's pure dead classy. Here, let me see if...aye, I have some ones, this ought tae keep ye goin'. REALLY." And Scotty threw some wadded up dollar bills from his pockets at her. One. By. One.
"You're innocent this time." McCoy agreed, "All you did was have stamina. In her mind."
Still. Throwing. Dollar. Wads. At. Her. Welcome to every day in the Scott household. With Gaila around, at least.
Gaila gathered up the money and started a real striptease. Considering she was nude under that shirt, it was...distracting, at least. Hip shimmy shake!
"ALL RIGHT, enough of that! Show's over!" Scotty stood up and attempted to block her from view, with waving arms and his body as the blocking device. "An' PUT ON SOME KNICKERS WOULD YE?!"
Giggling, Gaila danced off, into the bedroom!
"Not in front of the lads! Pity's sake! Put that...PUT YER SHIRT BACK DOON." Because it looked like she might be starting to grab it and pull it up over her head, which was practically one of his worst nightmares right now. He exhaled like PHEW when she went running off to the bedroom and sat back down, heavily, like his body was made of lead. "Stop laughing, that's nae funny at all."
Scotty drank his coffee, his eyes going >.> over the top rim of the cup as he did so.
In fact, she pulled her shirt off one second before going into the bedroom, and threw it out of the bedroom.
Scotty might be going >.> but one of his eyes now has developed an eyetwitch.
Kirk eyedarted, then resumed looking at the porn.
Which was duly noted. After setting the cup down, Scotty - being the blunt but well-meaning critter he could be, most times - flat out stated, "Kirk, why dinnae ye just call India lass, an' stop torturing yerself. Aye? Ring her up? Phone her? Ask how she's doin'?" Big hopeful grin?
"Damn it Scotty. Its nothing."
She was sassy, slutty, funny, and smart as fuck.
Oops, he said that aloud.
"What's this, Jim?" McCoy asked him now, then, "OH." Knowing nod
"....uh huh, mmhm. Really, now." Scotty stood up, but he looked smug as fuck about the whole thing. "Would anyone like more coffee? Tea? Some hot chai, perhaps?"
"Fuck."
"Which is what ye'd like tae dae, tae Miss India," someone cheerfully noted, as he made his way over to the coffeemaker to pour another cup, grinning wildly.
Kirk rested his face in a hand.
Scotty was putting sugar into his coffee cup, while doing a really bad imitation of a Bollywood dance number.
Gaila came out in time to video tape it with Scotty's phone!
"Get aff! Shuttup!" He grabbed the phone before she could film too much, nearly spilling his coffee everywhere. Then he gave her a peck on the cheek, because she was a horrible eejit. "Anyway. What's yer bloody problem, Kirk? Ye clearly like her. Take yer own advice an' gae talk tae her. I thought she was rather nice, in an adventurous sort of way."
"I'm with Scotty." McCoy nodded. "She's amazing and you like her and she doesn't seem to hate you so...why not?" he asked, grinning.
"Right, that. She's obviously on YER mind. Hello. Dumb arse."
"Its doomed from the beginning," Kirk replied. "Doomed.
"How so?" McCoy frowned, watching him.
"Have you looked at me? I can barely keep it in my pants."
"Please, keep it in your pants." Gaila sat on Scotty.
Right as he sat down again, too. Not that he minded. Though he was looking a bit worriedly at Kirk.
"Well if ye know that, simple enough. Dinnae let it creep outtae yer pants, at other women,” he said, like DUH?
Jim squinted at Scotty, "That makes...sense."
Gaila looked at McCoy like 'this man can be so smart yet so dumb.'
"Nae harm in tryin', lad." Scotty said, looking sympathetic to Kirk's plight, and gave a small shrug of a shoulder. Even if they acted like they were trolling each other, if there hadn't been any trying, then he wouldn't be sitting there with Gaila on his lap.
"Well I'm not going to call her and get all emotional on her." That was right out.
"There's emotional and then there's just saying what you told us." McCoy shrugged. "Sounds like a difference to me."
Scotty looked to McCoy for help, since he seemed to be the one with sound advice. He nodded and pointed like, yes, that. Listen to that. That made sense.
Jim sighed, "It would be easier going to the moon."
"McCoy's right. Ye know, I couldae saved a lot of time an' energy an' such, if I'd just sort of explained shite tae Gaila, instead of acting like an arse." He patted one hand on Gaila's back, very lightly. "Ye dinnae even look or sound like yerself right now, Jim."
Maybe, Scotty thought, it was all the butt kickings and claws and midgets and giant poundy fists, that had beaten him down. But that was a huge maybe, because it was like watching someone who'd been kicked in the arse by love. And it was easier from an outside perspective, that was for certain.
He was not kicked in the ass by love! Extreme lust, perhaps. A kindred spirit, but not love!
Someone, who is Scottish, was wincing while staring at Kirk, like maybe he wouldn't believe that explanation. Like, maybe, just maybe, there's those feeling things involved and he's been through that and now kinda knows and even sent out drunken text messages blethering like a girl who'd been kicked in her taco, to his buddies.
Gaila lifted up her hands. And formed a <3 with her fingers. <3 patented Miriel, (c)2002
Scotty raised one hand up and pointed to Gaila's heart-shaped hand gesture, like...that. Yep. See? He's helping!
This meant war. Kirk launched a new pancake offensive!
"Nae nae nae...NUUUH...!" Scotty batted a piece of pancake away before it could smack onto Gaila. "Stop that. Yer not goin' tae divert us, it's like ye let the bloody cat outtae the bag already. Stoppit!"
Gaila responded in kind, almost escalating to syrup until Scotty stopped it.
"It's like ye have a personal vendetta against each other. Are ye sure ye both didnae part ways in a past life?" If they only knew.
"Do I have to take the pancakes away?" McCoy asked, trying to look stern here.
"It feels like it sometimes!" Gaila flipped Kirk off, then settled down. She pointed at Kirk, "You have complicated emotional bullshit!"
Scotty just mutely tried to guide her hand away in a downward motion with one of his own hands, looking apologetic and a little sheepish, as he had no room to talk, only a day ago or so.
Jim groaned, "Can we talk about something else? Anything else?"
Scotty was quiet for a long moment, but summarized his final thoughts on the matter with a low voiced, "Laddie. I think ye ought tae take yer own advice. Just visit her. Like ye told me tae dae. That's all."
Jim tapped his foot on the floor, thinking.
Scotty just kind of....looked around the room, without moving his head at all, not sure what was going to happen now. Uncomfortable silence - minus that tapping - was definitely uncomfortable.
Gaila decided to take charge, "Okay. Bones, you're going to drop Kirk off where Isabela is staying. Then I want you to come back here for dinner. Deal?"
"Oh, dinner would be lovely. Lets dae that." He looked at Gaila like he was 110% appreciative of her breaking THAT awkward silence. "What're we having?"
Scotty. Sometimes he lets his stomach do the thinking.
"Lasagna. I'm cooking." She didn't know how, but she planned to learn by tonight.
"Anything but pancakes" McCoy told him and gave Gaila a nod. "Dinner I can do."
"Do I get a say in this?"
"No."
"Nae."
Kirk pouted.
"It's for your own good, Jim," McCoy told him. "Trust us."
"Aye, afraid that's the truth. Ye can get things sorted, then."
"You know, I wanted wingmen. This isn't what I meant!"
Scotty shrugged and grinned, like that was apology enough for not being an adequate wingman! Even so, he added, "I'm afraid I made a shite wingman. Bloody terrible. Ask Varric. And I cannae be a wingman anymore."
"Why not?" McCoy wondered, curious.
"Yeah, lover." Gaila leaned forward.
"Spoken for. And Varric always got the safety cover story wrong. It was never crabs, it was syphilis. Which is more Victorian sounding. Crabs simply sound like some bad adventure at an all ye can eat seafood buffet that hasn't had proper temperature controls, an’ food’s not been switched oot for a few days."
"Sae then," he finished, "I'd have tae start yelling and it was miserable all over. Any rate? Spoken for." Scotty grinned at them. Happily.
"I'm happy you're happy," Kirk replied, smiling. Maybe he could delay this.
"Aye, I am. That's why YE should try it!" And nope, no delaying. No one's forgotten.
Damn.