Hail Hydra. (astolenrelic) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-11-17 21:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, fandral, loki odinson |
Who: Loki and Fandral.
Where: Their home.
What: Truth plot.
When: November 15.
Rating: Low.
Status: Complete.
The balloon thing, Loki had learned to take in stride, but this only-speaking-the-truth business is a whole different issue entirely, and Loki isn't taking to it kindly. The problem, of course, is not that Loki necessarily enjoys lying. He mostly doesn't even lie as much as he just keeps his thoughts to himself or simply tells a half-truth, and generally it's because he doesn't much want people to know what's on his mind. Sometimes, though, it's because he's perfectly aware that truths can sound particularly harsh coming from him when he's not crafting his words carefully, and therein lies the problem.
Loki has lost count at this point of how many times he's lost his cool on Fandral and upset him. It's admirable, the way Fandral holds up against it, but usually they part ways before Loki can say as much. In an attempt to hopefully try and patch things up, Loki's in the kitchen making them supper, which will be one of the first meals they'll have really eaten together since all this started.
It isn't as though Fandral hadn't heard these sorts of things before. He's not known for his intelligence, or his skills at holding a long term relationship. Magazines and whatnot have said as much. But it hurts more when it comes from someone he genuinely cares for, like Loki.
Usually he's able to laugh it off well enough, but it's Loki's tone that's bothering him, this time. It isn't his usual teasing, but almost a simple statement of fact, which gets under Fandral's skin in unexpected ways. So he retreats to his room after one too many barbs, deciding he doesn't quite like this new, honest Loki.
Being in a relationship is hard work. Loki had forgotten that. Of course, it'd been different with Darcy. She'd expected the worst from him right out of the gate, but Fandral hadn't. And now Loki is simply proving that Fandral was is much of a fool as Loki thought. Once everything is cooked and ready to go, Loki braces himself for what might be disaster as he heads up to knock at Fandral's door.
"I am fully expecting you to say no, but I am also hoping quite a lot that you'll prove me wrong for once and say yes, but I made dinner. Will you come join me?"
Well. Fandral's not one to sulk, not like Loki is. So he runs a comb through his hair and opens the door, kissing Loki lightly on the cheek. After all, nothing is going to get solved if he hides in here forever, is it? "Of course I will."
He blinks a bit, actually surprised that Fandral doesn't even say a word against it. "I don't understand you. People walk all over you because you're nice, you know that, don't you?" Loki pauses. "I'm sorry. I am. I'm sorry."
"I suppose I don't see the point in not being nice," he says, shrugging a shoulder. "Besides, I've had reviews worse than the ones you've given me today. I won't let it stand in the way of dinner.”
"Speaking of which, you might want to watch your late night snacking, you're putting on a few pounds." Seeing that this is going as smoothly as expected, Loki starts heading down the stairs ahead of Fandral. "For the record, though, I like that you're nice. I adore that you're nice." Finally, he thinks, a compliment finds its way out of his brain. "You're so good, and I hate that."
Okay. Mostly a compliment?
Fandral pinches the bridge of his nose to ward off a headache and takes a few deep breaths. "I'll work on that. I've been thinking of investing in a trainer anyway." At least Loki still thinks he's pretty. Or so he'd said, in a backwards sort of way earlier. Good thing that you're pretty, indeed.
"Well. At least you think I'm nice?"
"Nice isn't even a good enough word for it. There is no word that exists to describe what you are. Nice will need to do anyway because I'm not certain a larger word would make much sense to you." He takes a breath as he heads into the kitchen, through to the dining room, where's got the table set and the food out and ready to go. At least he had the decency to make some of Fandral's favourite things.
"I'm sorry. I'm not like you. I'm not good at being nice at all. I'm trying to be nice for your sake and not for mine, and, honestly, it's too much effort. I really don't know how you do it."
"I suppose I'm just naturally good at it. It's part of my charm." He wraps his arms around Loki and pulls him tight against him, kissing his hair. "Thank you for making the effort for me."
Now this was an improvement. "I don't like the thought of you being upset with me. I think you're the only person left I can rely on most days, and inevitably that will be ruined. I'm doing what I can to put that off as long as possible."
"Well I haven't left you for a Hollywood starlet yet, so do give me at least a little credit, hmm?" He squeezes Loki before letting him go and pulling his chair out for him. "Let's have a hopefully nice dinner, shall we?"
"Yet," Loki repeats, matter of factly. He sits down and looks at the food in front of them. "It won't be nice. Sometimes the way you chew your food makes me wants to stab you in the hand with my fork. I won't - By the way. But I want to."
"Oh please don't, I need my hands for my work." He does, however, make an effort to chew more quietly. "This is delicious, thank you. Your cooking is much better than mine."
"Obviously," Loki quips in response. He decides the best course of action is to just continue to eat and drink so his mouth is occupied, therefore getting in the way of his talking.
"I was thinking of making something for Thanksgiving. Just to bring with us. I'd feel bad not bringing at least a dessert or something."
"No, it's tradition that I always bring the wine. We don't need to bring something. You don't need to try and make anything. Just because I want to kill my family in my dreams doesn't mean I want to give them food poisoning."
"I'm not that bad! I'd follow a recipe and test it out on you, before I bring it over. It'll be fine. I'm a guest this year, I want to say thank you."
"Oh, good, then I'll get the food poisoning and not be able to go. That's a brilliant plan, actually. Well done, Fandral."
Fandral heaves a sigh and pokes at his food, a little deflated. "I'm not that bad," he offers again, half heartedly.
"No - Please. I can't help it." Loki looks a bit pleading, reaching over to touch Fandral's hand. "I'm sorry, I have so many good things to say but my default is to say the bad and it just happens. I can't handle when you get upset with me. I feel distressed, I do."
"I'm not upset, just a little -- well I'm not upset, anyway. I just want to do something nice for your family. You can still bring the wine, I just want to offer something as well."
"I hate my family. Why would you want to do anything for them. I mean, apart from Hela, who I hate most of all, they aren't even my family to start with."
"Now now, just because you're adopted doesn't make them not your family. They raised you and they love you." He reaches over and takes Loki's hand and squeezes. "I just want things to go well, and I want to contribute a little."
"It's not going to go well, Fandral, it's not even worth the effort of trying. Father's going to say something, Thor is going to object, they'll get into an argument and Hela will have to stick her nose into it. Then we'll all be yelling and you and Natasha will sit there wondering what the hell you've gotten into." Loki shakes off Fandral's hand. "It'd be so much easier if we could just have Mother for dinner one day and none of the others."
"I like your mother," he says, diplomatically. "I won't bring anything, then, if it's going to upset you that much."
Loki pinches the bridge of his nose. "Practice. And then we'll see." He was a bit surprised himself that he meant that, too. "It's something you can't understand. You're an only child. You're successful and your family is as nice as you are, you can't do any wrong. I feel like I'm a walking disappointment. I'm younger, I'm not even their real son, Thor doesn't want to take over the family business and they haven't even suggested I do it instead. I don't want to. I don't. But I don't even get a passing thought in the matter. I love my mother, and for the most part my brother, but even Thor looks at me with a gleam of pity these days. Can I be blamed for not wanting to go?"
"Oh -- darling," Fandral strokes his fingers over Loki's cheek gently and takes his hand again. "I know I don't know how you feel, nor could I. But believe me when I say that I do care for you, and I believe your family does as well. Even if they're very poor in showing it."
"I don't deserve you." Loki frowns a bit, looking down at their hands, then looking up again to regard Fandral with thoughtful silence. "I love you, but I'm no good for you."
It takes Fandral a moment to process what's just been said, and a slow smile spreads across his face. "You love me?"
He blinks momentarily, confused until he realizes what he said. This truth thing is worse than he thought. "Yes," he says, because he can't say anything else.
"Oh Loki, I love you too. I truly do. I was hesitant to say so because I didn't know if you felt the same but -- " He stops himself from talking by kissing Loki, unable to stop smiling.
Oh. Well, that's an entirely welcome surprise. And Fandral's at least smiling again, so Loki hopes that everything is now magically smoothed over. "I'm afraid to tell you things. I don't like feeling vulnerable."
"You don't have to feel vulnerable because you know me, Loki. You know I'd never use anything against you, please just. Just trust me, just a little."
"It's not in my nature. Please don't be offended by it." Loki frowns a bit again. "If it means anything at all, though, you do make me happy. And I know I'm in good hands with you."
"The best of hands, I promise you." Fandral brushes his thumb against the corner of Loki's mouth. "Can you smile for me? Just a little?"
He can't help but smile, really. Fandral brings out the best in him, somehow. "Can you forgive me for being so blatantly honest with you? Or at least start to forgive me?"
"You've wounded my pride but I think I'll manage to survive it."
"I know you're not smart in the traditional sense of the world, but I don't think you're stupid. Sometimes you're a bit moronic but you're like a puppy, and it's sweet, and you mean well. But a complete idiot can't understand Shakespeare the way you do, or be as charming. You accept your faults with much more grace than I accept my own."
"I'll accept all those as compliments," Fandral smiles, nudging his nose against Loki's. "I know I'm not perfect, but I do try my best and I feel that counts for something."
Loki tries to smile in return, because he knows he should smile. He's happy about all of it, even happier that Fandral isn't about to walk on him, but underneath all that lies a vague anxiety. Getting up, Loki picks up his plate and carries it into the kitchen. "I'm uncomfortable. It's not you. Telling the truth like this without any say in it makes me uneasy. I don't like it."
Fandral sighs and follows to help with the dishes. "I'll admit I've not been entirely pleased with all of your brutal honesty, but at least something good has come of it."
"I know. I could tell. You've been passive aggressive for days, which I don't like." After a moment of putting things away, he turns to Fandral. "You mustn't tell a soul anything I've told you. Thor especially. I can't give him an advantage over me."
"Well, being cheerfully insulted does tend to leave one tetchy." He kisses Loki's forehead and squeezes his upper arms lightly. "I love you. I don't always understand your reasoning, but I'll do as you ask."
Loki breathes a sigh of relief, leaning against Fandral. "Thank you. ... You smell good," he says, nose pressed into Fandral's shoulder. "You always do."
"I'm very particular about the soap I use." He nuzzles into Loki's hair and rubs his back gently. "Thank you for the lovely dinner."
"It wasn't as lovely as I wanted it to be. You're welcome, though, I guess." Loki noses against Fandral's neck. "So. What do we do now?"
"You love me, that makes it the best dinner I've ever had." Fandral smiles and tugs lightly at Loki's hair. "I'd suggest a movie, but I'm terrified of your honest reviews of movies I enjoy."
"As long as it's not one of your movies, I don't see the harm?" Because he would destroy one of Fandral's movies in an instant.
"Oh I wouldn't dream of it, not with you like this. Why don't you let me clean the kitchen and you go pick out something for us?"
"I'm going to talk through the whole thing." Regardless of what movie he picked, it would be true. But he reluctantly leaves the cozy warmth of Fandral to wander into the living room to find a movie that he deems least awful of them all.