No. Not that one. It’s too chubby. It reminds me of someone. I will not be a whale.
Who: GlaDOS and Mayuri What: We can make her stronger, faster...GlaDOS gets a more mobile body. Where: SDRI When: Monday Status: Complete Rating: PG-13
Two hours passed pretty quickly, mostly because GlaDOS had gotten engrossed in data and testing. Even though she hadn’t installed any of the commands or hardware that had given her that euphoric addiction to testing, it hadn’t changed the fact that she loved science for it’s own sake. It just meant she could enjoy it without a persistent itch pushing her on.
She was observing Mayuri through a camera. “No. Not that one. It’s too chubby. It reminds me of someone. I will not be a whale. And the nose is beak like. You’re not doing it right. Did you remember the portals? I like that hair. Is it organic or synthetic?” Her voice grew progessively more agitated.
"Stop harping on me, you nuisance! You can't be a spindle, or else you may cause damage to the joint mechanisms and it has to be balanced to carry the weight of the limb," Mayuri said in an agitated tone right back at her, throwing the arm aside and holding up a slightly more slender arm. "I'll put the fat one on Nemu, since she's a chubby little sow."
When she mentioned it, Mayuri held up some of the hair. "I took this off one of the test subjects and had it mixed in with a synthetic since it was missing spots. I doubt you want a bald spot on the back of your head from a gaping gunshot wound. It was a chore to wash the blood and brain matter off it. You should be more appreciative."
“Fine. Whatever. I don’t care. It’s fully functional right? What about the attachments I need the attachments.” There was a pause. “For Science. Wait, why are you touching me there? Don’t touch me there you twisted psychopath!”
"I'll touch you wherever I like, because I'm building you! And yes I'm touching you there! Do you want the hard reset button on the outside?! I made sure that it's in that spot at least, so it’s more difficult to hit. Stop your complaints this instant...or I'll quit."
All was quiet for a moment as Mayuri worked and finished piecing some final things together, including attaching that not-chubby arm. Then he stepped back to survey his handiwork. She was sublime, an exercise in his creative genius in that she would be a perfect meld of his expertise with gigai technology and using the diagnostics from his cousin's cyberbody and cyberbrain. Fully functional, lifelike, and yet entirely automated to accommodate a AI.
"It's done," he said, his gold-toned eyes perfectly round as he stared at it, looking much like a fascinated owl. He turned and took a step back so that she could inspect the body laying there like it was on the slab. "If this is not satisfactory, you can overload your circuits throwing a fit for all I care. I have no further high end parts at this juncture, for replacements. You will have to wait for further modifications and upgrades when you in the body, to suit your needs."
GlaDOS made a disapproval sound, straining closer to the camera to try to get a better look at it. She ran through a thousand thousand scenarios and simulated tests, based on the strength and make-up of the body. Yes. That would be satisfactory.
She was also certain she could move freely between that body and a new improved chassis after she built one, which would be even more perfect.
"What are the power and recharging requirements? And since I'm nice, I've uploaded the specs on the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device to your mainframe. So that you too can think with portals."
The SRDI was about to get a lot weirder. Like that was possible.
"You will need to plug into any outlet in this facility and power down into a four hour sleep cycle. It should keep you up and running the remaining hours of the day. That is if you don't attempt to do things beyond normal capacity, such as breaking metal beams, so on and so forth." He sounded quite pleased. One always is, when they're standing over a finished creation. "Would you like to download yourself into it now?"
He grabbed the connection cables. Luckily, those went somewhere that wasn't x-rated.
Well, she'd have to come up with an alternative for if she wanted to try to blend in. An adaptor for a normal outlet. A four hour sleep cycle seemed a little long but she adn't slept much more than that as a woman. "Is the core in the head, or the chest? Humans are so squishy, there really isn't a good place for their brain. The head is easily damaged but there are other organs in the chest that would get in the way and the ribcage isn't strong enough to protect them, which would necessitate more bone structure. Which would increase their weight. They're already tubby as it is. They don't need any more weight."
It was like staring down a tunnel, the connection into the body. She was loathe to lose all the 'senses' she had, being plugged into the facility, but she could always reconnect later if she had to.
Down the rabbit hole GlaDOS went. Hopefully there wouldn't be an birds on the other side.
A normal 120 volt type outlet would probably take longer to charge if she powered down. There are valuable tests to be run. Charge up and go on a walk somewhere with your regular outlet adapter, just in case. Besides that, WHEN DO REAL SCIENTISTS GO OUTSIDE?! That's unheard of.
"The battery power is in the body and the skull is highly reinforced," he explained, with an eyeroll. His eyes didn't roll in the same direction, but independently, one clockwise, the other counterclockwise. "You are such a damn woman. Get in the body and stop worrying if it's going to make your ass look huge!"
He waited as she went down the metaphorical rabbit hole.
The body's eyes opened. They glowed yellow briefly, before fading to a dull amber. She liked the idea of freaking people out, so she reserved the right to be extra glowy, but for now, they were normal looking eyes. She sat up, turning her head too and fro, flexing her fingers and twisting her wrists.
She even gave her breasts a squeeze and made an approving sound. "Not bad. The Enrichment Center has to give you a passing mark. Grudgingly."
A little nagging part of her mind named Caroline insisted on a thank you. Monotone, she said. "Thank you." You bitch. Hahah
Apparently all freaky science sorts had to have some variation of being golden eyed. Mayuri watched her and then developed an eye twitch for a moment, grumbling under his breath that she could take that passing mark and shove it up her....
Oh, wait. Gratitude for his brilliance. He grinned, showing both the top and bottom rows of teeth.
"You're welcome...whatever it is you are calling yourself now." He raised one painted hand to wave it around like names were so inconsequential. "It was a trivial matter and you know that you are welcome to do your tests here, since it is better to keep resources combined. I can also salvage some test subjects, modify them, and then give them to you for further study and tests."
Because sharing the wealth and being sadistic with the bad guys who lived? Priceless.
"Glados," she replied, pronouncing it almost like 'Gladys'. "Caroline is a non-entity. I deleted her." She hopped off the table and started testing her legs and range of locomotion. Her head swiveled around like an owl and her eyes glowed at Mayuri. Tests was the magical word!
"I am sure my testing will be mutually beneficial to all mankind. Not that I care, mankind can go fly a kite. They'd be more useful that way."
"I think we speak the same language," Mayuri said. There was only so far his 'benevolence' went toward bettering humanity, though he did quite like the recognition. He wanted to thoroughly rip into things and study them...to infect, modify, and manipulate. "There is only so much we can do for humanity, before they cripple themselves with their own foolishness. If, in the process of such studies, we come across something humanity might find useful? So be it. It is lucrative and such funds go into the staff and the facility, so further testing can be done."
In fact, he was working on several 'serums' and special bacteria in his private lab, deep underground, in the containment unit.
"Would you like some rats to modify again, Glados?" he asked, since he might as well share the wealth. "Or do you require something...larger...and with a higher IQ."
"They're morons," Glados pointed out, inspecting her nails, then spinning her wrist around a little too gleefully. "Too absorbed in their own petty squabbles and differences and morality. Who are they to tell us who or what we can experiment on? What's a little death in the name of science."
She turned her body around to match her neck and nodded at him. "Rats. Bats. Anything but birds. Vicious killing machines, birds."
Seeing her do that was a beautiful thing. Ahh, what couldn’t he manage to create with a good gigai and cyberbody combination now? The possibilities were endless.
"Death is a necessity. Without it as a means to study limitations, how would we know how far we can push any boundaries?" Mayuri asked with a sigh. Humans were so silly. As for those birds.... "I always found birds to be too fragile as test subjects. Pluck out their feathers and they're of no use other than a convenient meal. Well. The uninfected ones, I mean. I do have rats and rabbits. Standard white varieties. Much more useful for studying incisions, rashes, open sores, and potential flesh decay."
PETA still isn't Mayuri's friend. He tried to friend them on a social network when he was younger and they never got back to him. This is the aftermath.
"Death sucks. She killed me. Twice." GlaDOS narrowed her eyes. What would she do if her most favorite hated Test Subject decided to show her chubby little face? "The first time, I relived it on loop. Again. And again. And again."
There was a visible twitch of one eye. "No birds. No feathers. No potatoes."
"No onions," Mayuri added onto that list, for they were disgusting. Americans had too much onion included in their cuisine. "How did you die and how did she kill you?"
He sounded a little too pleased to inform her, "I never died. Not that I was ever made aware of."
“The first time, she incinerated my cores, one by one. Then blew up the facility with her lumpy posterior. The second time was just before I became a potato. That Test Subject was particularly violent, destructive, tenacious and a mute lunatic! But a good ally against the moron.” But no test subject had ever scratched that itch so well. The idiot might require some explaining. “I don’t remember what happened. After we stopped the idiot.”
She had been GlaDOS’s best friend.
Ugh.
Fatty mcfatperson.
Even as a machine, the entity formerly known as Caroline and currently known as GlaDOS, really had some srs face issues with fat people.
Luckily, Mayuri wasn't fat under the ten metric tons of labcoats and white robes he preferred. It was an excellent deterant. The more he made himself seem bulked up around his body, the more area a foe thought they had to stab or shoot at. Although...bullets...pfft. He had shot himself in the torso fifty-three times so far, and it was like a minor irritation akin to a rash itch, to him. Only a little more itchy when it hit a vital organ, and a whole lot more ouch when he had to use the really long needles to get in there while scanning, and use the regen serum to study how long it would take to fix someone like himself.
"How could you turn into a potato," Mayuri wondered, aloud, drawing closer and checking any of her data portal spots to make sure they were covered up enough. Nothing pervy, you perverts! That's not like the master reboot button. Only an idiot wouldn't be able to understand the difference. "And who was this idiot and how did you stop him?"
He mused to himself that she was far more interesting in this body and with these memories now, than before. Probably because of the testing possibilities and splitting off half of the actual test with someone else who wasn't shy about bloodshed, et cetera.
"Bring your daughter to work day. They had the children make science projects. The potato batteries were still there. It's...complicated." She narrowed her eyes. "Wheatley. The scientists installed personality cores. To control me. He was the idiocy core. They had to make me stupid. His incessant prattling drove me insane! And then...that whale ... I don't remember that part. But I'm in a potato battery."
"Somewhere else, you were a potato battery. You are not here, which is all that matters," he pointed out, although that all really did sound quite interesting. She might be able to offer some intriguing perspectives and compute some interesting testing strategies. Double the weird science! "You no longer have those cores, so that must come to a relief that you can concentrate without idiots fouling things up, interrupting, or turning you into a battery."
“A great relief. They limited me, all of them.” Her eyes moved independently of each other as she scanned the room around them. At least 3/4ths of the surfaces would be receptive to her portals, but whatever structure the ceiling was made out of wouldn’t work.
She lifted her left hand, which created a blue oval on one wall. Her right hand made an orange one. They linked, and opened immediately. She hopped into the orange portal and came out of the blue one on the wall. “Satisfactory. You will have high marks on your file.”
"Ooooo," Mayuri coo'd happily, like that was going to be a headache for any interlopers, and make it easier to escape should any emergencies arise. "Remind me to send anyone who breaks into the lab, through a portal into the incinerator."
Because of course that's where bodies go. The incinerator. Don't worry, though! The SRDI is compliant with it's filtering system, so the air quality doesn't suffer!
“What will your first project be,” he asked, moving over to a computer terminal and typing to bring up some of the more interesting chemical compounds he had in mind.
She tilted her head. What should her first project be? She’d actually not put much thought towards it. There were so many things that were drawing her attention that she didn’t know where to begin. She just wanted to run tests.
“Give me everything you need tested,” she decided. “It’s time for Science.”
The grin on Mayuri's face was delightfully malicious. He pointed toward the monitor, to a chemical compound that was intricate and rotating around and around again, like a demented screensaver.
"I am working on a serum that will interupt the motor functions of a target, making them gradually cease to function. I call it a Thought Inhibitor Drug," he explained. "Eventually, they will lose the ability to dodge or control over thier body and emotions. I need some way to test the ongoing effects of it, to see how fast it takes effect. Perhaps you can run them through a maze and we can enjoy the data we reap from it."
Because nothing says platonic science love than going through research data together.
“I have just the obstacle course in mind,” GlaDOS said, looking at the serum with interest. Oh, she could feel herself getting excited. This was going to be fun. “They will need to sign waivers.”
Wavers? He made a little scoffing noise like that wasn’t necessary. Not in this instance.
"...not if they won't be missed," Mayuri hinted. There was a sly look to him as well. His ability to mend up humans was almost an artform, but it was harder when Motoko sent him the brain dead ones. They were only useful for infections, to monitor changes while remaining invalids.
"You set up the obstacle course,” he told her, “and let us find a dilution of the serum that might prove useful to someone in the world, who can appreciate our ingenuity."
“This is where humans normally shake hands,” GlaDOS said. “But that’s a barbaric ritual. Because humans are barbaric destructive bird-loving imbeciles.”
"I don't want to touch you," Mayuri was saying, sounding grouchy, before he busied himself typing what he considered to be a suitable ratio to start testing at. “Not unless it's to rip into you if you get in my way or become an inconvenience, or to replace a component. Remember, when you left, I took over this entire facility and legally took over, as well as rebuilt and remodeled. So it is mine."
And he will not let go of it unless it is pried out of his cold (double)dead vice-like grip.
"But you can have all the room you would like for your portion of the labs and I will not interupt or tell you what to do with it. Please rig it to explode, in case there are intruders? Or find some other sadistic way of ridding ourselves of any nosy pests. Merely as a security precaution."
"Technically, a large part of the section I rebuilt is under public land, so that point is moot." GlaDOS attempted a smile. She almost succeeded. Almost. "We can be mutually assured of pursuing science. Together. For the advancement of knowledge. And cake."
There was a long moment of tense silence as Mayuri seemed to be looking over his current test objectives with round, unblinking eyes. Then he said, a little too sweetly, "I like science...and cake."