Athelstan Wilder (whereareyoulord) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-11-10 02:45:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !complete, brother athelstan, navi |
Who: Athelstan and Navi
What: Sad goodbyes and an offer
When: A few days before Navi left
Where: her house
Rating/Warning: Family Friendly
Status: Complete
Athelstan wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, frankly. He’d made his way across town to Navi’s house, for once not thinking of her terrifying husband. It couldn’t be right, what she’d said - moving? Giving him her house? It had to be some kind of an elaborate joke. He knocked at her door, hoping she’d appear with a laugh and a bounce and say ‘just kidding!’
When Navi opened the door, she had a baby in her arms and duct tape in her hair. She wasn’t ready for the pain of pulling it out yet, and figured she’d try peanut butter eventually, but she laughed when she saw it was Athelstan. “Hi! This ... hurts about as much as you think it does,” she murmured.
Athelstan’s eyes went wide, first at the duct tape, then at the baby. “She’s getting so big, Navi. Gracious.” He wished he could help with the tape, but mostly just looked down, embarrassed. “May I come in?”
“Of course.” Navi moved to hug him even though there was a little one in her arms. She just wanted to hold Athelstan for a bit, to feel less like she was giving someone up.
He understood, even though one armed hugs were new to him. Athelstan stepped inside and wrapped one arm around her side, somewhat awkwardly, trying not to jostle the little one. “Thank you for seeing me,” he said, though he instantly regretted it after it passed his lips. It sounded ridiculous.
“Athelstan, you know I think of you as family, right?” Navi’s blue eyes were damp, and she couldn’t help but squeeze his hand.
“I hadn’t, no.” His own eyes were growing moist, both seeing and hearing her. “It’s ... kind of you to say that, really.” His relationship with his parents was growing nonexistent - forever hearing about his sins and his temptations - but Navi had never done that to him, ever.
“That’s why I want you to live here. I want to keep the house in the family. And when you graduate school, if you want to stay in the States, you’ll have a job, and I’ll vouch for you so you can get your visa. I had this all planned out, you know.” Navi sniffled a little, finally reaching up and tugging the duct tape out of her hair.
Athelstan winced when she yanked the tape out of her hair, as it did take some with it. “Oh, dear. I ... Navi. I don’t think things are ever as neat as all that.”
“They can be, we just have to be less afraid,” Navi murmured. “I’m still going to be here for you, sweetheart. Just further away.”
“I confess I don’t see how that can be.” He smiled, though, looking down.
“You can call. And visit. I’m always here for you. We can Skype as much as you want. I just ... this isn’t a place to raise a family, Athelstan. Not for babies.” Navi also knew that Pete was just yearning for something... else.
“I don’t see anyone else having a problem.” Athelstan bit off, but immediately looked abashed. “I’m sorry. I have no right to dictate to you. M’sorry.”
She put Zelda down in her bassinet and went over to hug Athelstan. “I’m sorry. But I have to do what’s right by Pete and Zelda. But I want you to visit me a lot. I want you to keep your job at the nursery. And I want you in this house.”
“I don’t know if I can. I have a lease at the dormitory.” Athelstan didn’t want her to hug him; it was hard to keep from tearing up like a schoolboy when she did.
“I’ll pay for you to break it. Please.” She already felt like she was betraying him by leaving.
He just kept feeling worse. “Can you afford that? I mean, I wouldn’t mind ... I just don’t want you to be put out.”
“Of course I can.” Navi smiled, stroking Athelstan’s hair. “Sweetheart, you’re family. You’re the nephew I always wanted.”
Then why are you leaving me? he wanted to shout, but he didn’t. He didn’t want her to feel badly, and really, he knew the answer. He’d just felt so loved with her nearby. Her and Eli, and he never wanted to pour out all his troubles to Eli. She’d worry. “I still think Eli’s father will kill me for getting her to move out.”
“He’ll pout. But he won’t kill you. He likes you,you know - you’re good for her. You’re good for each other, you make each other feel normal.” Navi smiled to herself, wiping tears from her cheeks.
“I don’t want him to hate me. I don’t want anyone to hate me. You’ll have to tell me when it’s appropriate to make telephone calls asking for reassurance and what hour is absurd.” Athelstan tried to joke.
“Any time, Athelstan. I’m a fairy and a new mom, I don’t really sleep in long stretches. But he loves you. He just shows it by doing that grr argh thing he does.” Navi smiled and leaned against Athelstan again. This hurt almost as much as leaving Link.
“That’s how Americans show love?” He still wanted to joke; if he was serious, he might begin to cry like a little boy, and he wanted to avoid that.
“He’s Canadian,” Navi murmured. She closed her eyes, petting his hair. “It’s how just he shows love.”
“I don’t know how parents show love. I know that sounds silly, but mine were never very loving. They did their best, I’m sure, but they tried to teach me about a loving God, and, well. Sort of forgot here on earth.” Athelstan took a long breath, hoping it didn’t sound unwieldy.
“Mine died when I was little. But my Grampa, he was a lot like Logan is, so I get it.” She cupped his cheeks, and let her light blue eyes meet his darker ones. “Love doesn’t stop because of a little distance, okay? If anything, it means when I see you at Christmas you’ll get hugged extra hard.”
“I would think you’d go to England at Christmas.” He’d never met her husband, but she’d told him many stories of her grumpy, chain-smoking Brit.
“Oh, no, he doesn’t ... really have family there.” Navi smiled sadly. Pete’s parents sounded like they’d been worse than Athelstan’s; at least Athelstan’s hadn’t abused him.
“Oh.” He didn’t understand why she sounded so sad, but he let it go. “Then, I suppose you’ll still be in this country?” Another reason not to go home. Not without Eli.
“I’ll be not too far at all, a couple of hours by plane.” Navi smiled and stroked his cheek. “I’ll send you lots of gifts, and probably send you plane tickets sometimes.” That’s what family did, they provided for each other.
“Okay.” Athelstan wiped his eyes. “I want to stay here,” he told her. “in this country. With Eli. And you.” It was getting to the point where he didn’t think he’d entirely be able to stop himself from crying, as shameful as it was. “Thank you. For taking a chance on me.”
“And that’s why I want you to have this house, and the job at the nursery. You can stay here until you marry Eli and become a citizen or whatever.” She held him to her chest, hugging him as tightly as she dared. It kept her from crying. “You’ll always be with me, we’re family. I promise.”
That made him cry; he’d admit it. Athelstan turned his face in against her neck and sobbed, hating himself for being so weak. God never gave one more than they could handle, after all. But this felt impossibly hard, even with Eli’s comfort waiting nearby. Navi had been the person who’d put the idea of staying here in his head at all. It wouldn’t have been possible without her.
She was crying as well, and Navi wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer to her. “It’s okay, you need a good cry,” she murmured.
He probably did. Athelstan couldn’t help but feel awkward and silly, and yet the overwhelming pain of it all made it easy to just break down. Navi was a born mother, though; she made him feel safe. It was the damnable part of it all - he wasn’t entirely certain he’d feel safe without her there.
“Do you feel an eensy bit better?” Navi moved toward a fussing Zelda, smiling a little. “I think she wants you to hold her.”
Athelstan froze in something approaching terror, despite his tears. “Oh, no, I couldn’t.” A baby was so precious, and he didn’t trust himself right now.
“You’re gonna be great with kids, you know. And she needs to know her Uncle Athelstan.” Navi held the baby gently, grinning when Zelda smiled in her sleep at the brush of a finger against her wings.
He was still teary, and that didn’t make it any better. “I’m terrible with children, and I don’t know what to do around them.” But he did hold out a finger or two to run through Zelda’s downy fuzz.
Zelda in turn waved her little fists at Athelstan, catching one of his fingers and gripping it tightly. “At this age, not dropping them is about all you have to do if you’re not the parent.” She couldn’t stop smiling, even through her damp eyes.
Athelstan did laugh softly when the baby grabbed his finger, smiling a little. “She’s quite strong, for how small she is.”
“She’s stubborn like her papa,” Navi smiled happily. “She has eyes as pretty as yours, though.” Pete’s blues and Navi’s had combined to make a color that looked a bit like Athelstan’s, and Navi chuckled.
He had to keep blinking tears away. “Just good recessive genes.” He smiled faintly. “What colour do you think her hair will be?”
“I think it’ll be a few shades lighter than Pete’s, so maybe a sandyish brown?” Navi smiled and shook her head. “He’s going to try to snipe her boyfriends from the roof, I can see it now.”
“As I’m sure Logan will wind up doing to me.” He knew it was probably pessimistic, but he was afraid of the man. It was hard not to be.
“Are you kidding? He’d never - Eli would cry, and I’m pretty sure that would make him cry.” Navi smiled, shifting Zelda so she could stretch her wings. They were red, and tasted a bit more like jelly beans than Navi’s.
Athelstan got the glitter on his hand, and tried some of it. “Is that ... jelly beans?” It made him smile; he’d always found glitter to be faintly absurd. “You lot and your fairy sparkles.”
“We can’t help it, it’s genetic!” Navi kissed the top of Zelda’s downy head.
“Silly.” Athelstan was smiling a little more, even though he still felt his heart in his throat.
“Here. Arms like this.” Navi waited until Athelstan was holding his arms like a crescent moon, then moved for him to hold Zelda.
Athelstan still wanted to protest, shaking his head and starting to try and turn away, but then Navi put the tiny girl in his arms and he could only sigh and look down. “Your mum apparently wants to risk you,” he told little Zelda.
“I’m right here, nothing’ll happen.” Navi smiled, her wings out and tinkling.
He didn’t dare move, lest she start to cry, but over time, he did relax more. The little girl was apparently used to strangers. Or she just trusted him. “She isn’t crying,” Athelstan eventually murmured.
“Why would she?” Navi smiled, amused that her daughter kept reaching up like she wanted to touch Athelstan’s face. “A cute boy’s holding her. She’s like her mom already.”
“I always thought children didn’t like strangers.” Athelstan shifted a little, quietly charmed by the little hand.
“But you’re not,” Navi murmured. “I keep telling you this.”
“I am to her, Navi. I’ve never met her before.” That was just logic. He lifted his free hand to catch her finger lightly, smiling when the baby gurgled in glee.
“Everyone is to her but me and Pete,” Navi grinned. “She knows I trust you.”
“She must.” Athelstan smiled, looking down.
Navi didn’t want to pressure Athelstan, but she did hope he took her up on her offer. It wouldn’t be right having anyone else stay there except Link or Zelda, and they had their places.
Navi being silent was strange. “What are you thinking?”
“Just that having someone live here who isn’t family wouldn’t feel right, but I won’t pressure you.” She could always put the house up for rent.
It might hurt, but it also might help. “All right, if we can get out of my lease at the university, I’ll come here.” Athelstan half addressed it to Zelda, if only because he didn’t want to look at Navi and start crying again.
“Tell me how much it is, and I’ll make it happen,” she smiled. Wrapping her arms around both Zelda and him, she kissed his forehead. “Thank you.”
“It’s kind of you to ask.” Athelstan tried to shield the baby from being smushed. “Money was the only objection to that.”
“I have that.” Navi chuckled. “I just want to keep my family close, Athelstan. Promise.”
“If - ” He cut himself off. It wasn’t fair to say. So instead he just nodded, willing himself to be a man and just accept it.