Anakin Skywalker (chosentofall) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-11-04 13:10:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, anakin skywalker, obi-wan kenobi |
Who: Obi-wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker
What: Talking about dreams
Where: Anakin's hospital room
When: Wednesday Afternoon, October 30th (during Silence plot)
Rating: Low
Status: Complete
Obi-Wan had no fear of hospitals, and yet as he walked through the halls and listened to the medical equipment beep and signal alarms, he felt a tightening in the center of his chest. His mind began to swim. The crisp white walls and shiny, metal fixtures reminded him sharply of the interior of a Republic ship, so much so that as each unbalanced step felt like a hiccup in the gravitational systems.
But though his footing seemed unsure, onward he walked, his senses honing in on Anakin. Relying purely on instinct, the Jedi hadn't even bothered to check his friend's room number.
His friend…
Obi-Wan steadied himself with a very deep breath.
Anakin had been alone for a little while now, he had let Padme go run her errands some time ago and the nurse had been by with fluids and his ‘meal’ shortly after that. He was still hooked up to the IV, the fluids still slowly being pumped into him, but thankfully they had taken the tube from his nose after he finished ‘eating’. He had to wonder if they worried his stomach would disappear too and they would lose their tubes with it, but he was still happy to be rid of the thing for a while, especially with Obi-wan coming to see him. This talk was likely going to be awkward enough for him.
Feeling Kenobi approach he took the earbuds from his ears and removed them from his laptop all together, turning off the walkthrough he had been watching of the PS4 version of Assassin’s Creed IV. He opened a new word document then the text to speech software, looking up just in time to see Obi-wan come through the door.
- Master - The unnatural sounding male voice said just after Anakin’s fingers worked the keys. - Do you want me to put the mask on? I know having no mouth looks odd. -
The electronic voice caused Obi-Wan to halt in the doorway. His eyes, already on the stony side, rolled from Anakin’s mouthless visage to the computer and back again. Then, a very faint smile lightened his expression, excluding his eyes. “Impressive solution… A mask won’t be necessary. I’ve seen worse injuries.” Some of them Anakin’s. He looked for a chair
- It gets the job done - It was generally what he used to speak with the hospital staff given how illegible his handwriting was he tried to use the whiteboard, Padme had been completely in the right when she suggested he start learning to write better with his left hand. Of course when he and Padme wanted to talk they cuddled close together and took turns writing in a word document that Ani might have saved without her knowing it. Most of it was rather sweet, and he would never complain about her having to be close to him. - I do feel like I need to talk about black holes with this voice. -
Obi-Wan chuckled, though it still failed to reach his eyes. He pulled a chair to the side of the bed and sat, able to look squarely at Anakin without his stomach turning. He sensed this new devilry would fade. Spells that passed through the OC usually did. “If I can become a cat and expect to pull through, I believe you can safely assume this won’t last forever. You’ll be back to cutting in on my sentences in no time.”
- I could do it now if I could type faster - It might have been some attempt at humor but given how the day had been going so far his heart wasn’t really in it. It had been bad enough when Qui-gon died but he hadn’t been there to witness it, he hadn’t been the one to strike the Jedi down. There hadn’t been any guilt there because there was nothing he could have done to prevent it and Obi-wan had already taken revenge, even if he hadn’t wanted to call it that, for that killing. Ke Daiv’s death had been all his doing, even if it had been to protect himself and Jabitha, it felt like a murder to him. A murder that he had been forced into by circumstance and one that everyone had been all too understanding about. It was no wonder that Obi-wan had called someone to talk to and comfort him right away. It might have worked on the boy but it was harder when it came to the man. - I’m so tired of these dreams, they’ve become so horrible lately -
Obi-Wan nodded, lifting a hand to his chin. He scratched his beard. “Tell me again, what happened. You and I were separated… I recall some of it, but a lot of my memories are foggy, like I’m still waiting for the mists to lift. In my heart, I know something happened, like what you described.”
He started with Obi-wan rescuing him from the Blood Carver during a garbage pit race, then explained about Vergere going missing and what initial details he had been witness to during their briefing. He briefly touched on Zonama Sekot, the potentium, the seed partners, the Magistar, Jabitha, the building of their ship, how they were separated. The only time he went into detail was when he spoke of Ke Daiv’s pushing him too far, the killing and how he felt about it at the time. After that he paused a moment, collecting himself before he explained how the reunited and how they escaped, and then his conversation with Thraica. He didn’t seem as actively troubled by it as he had when they exchanged texts but he appeared weary, or as weary as one would without a mouth to aid in his expression. It still hung over him, weighed him down, and he feared that the dreams would continue on like this. His shoulders slumped, - I have to tell Padme what I could potentially be capable of. I do not feel this will be a short lived relationship. You were right, she deserves to know -
How long ago was is that a story like this would have sent Obi-Wan’s head spinning? It seemed like yesterday--how could two years have slipped by so quickly? And Anakin had only just arrived. Perhaps all the work he’d done, all the work he’d ever done, had solely been to prepare him for when their paths would cross again.
And yet, Obi-wan felt very poorly prepared, just as he had when he’d first taken on his padawan-- long, long ago.
“You understand now, I think, why I advised Padme to be cautious. It came out in a way I didn’t plan. I wanted to wait, but that is one of my more dangerous faults. I…” Obi-Wan paused. “...I assume I ought to be protecting someone. My pride gets in the way. But knowing that about myself is precisely why I think you should tell Padme everything you question to tell her.”
His brow furrowed and he brought his left hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Perhaps Obi-wan had been right from the beginning, warning her to be careful of him, maybe she should have listened as Anakin couldn’t see himself giving her up for anything now, even if it was for her own good. That would probably change later, when he was made aware of just how dangerous he was, but for now he wasn’t at all willing to push her away.
His hand dropped back to the keys, - And what about me? - He looked up at Obi-wan as he continued to type. - What happens if I develop this ability? How am I supposed to keep from doing that to someone else? What if I really am as dangerous as we both seem to think I am? - When Obi-wan denied thinking he was dangerous the time he had caught him and Padme together Anakin had believed him mostly because it had been what he wanted to hear, but since then he had doubts. This latest dream only confirmed his suspicions, at least in his mind. - Is there something I can do?-
“Anakin, we are all potentially dangerous,” Obi-Wan said. He adjusted his weight in the chair and leaned forward a bit, folding his hands and resting them between his knees. Before he continued, there was a distinct pause. “Everything of which you are capable, I am, too. When Qui-Gon was killed, I flew at Darth Maul fueled by…” He paused again and swallowed. “I wanted him to suffer for what he had done to me.”
The image of the Sith apprentice falling in pieces played out before his mind’s eye, as it did every so often. Though Obi-Wan had made peace with his actions, he also accepted that the memory would continue to haunt him. “The important thing to remember is that every decision counts. Nothing is predetermined.”
- That is harder to believe now that the dream version of me is constantly having visions, most of which have already come true, but it is what I tend to believe anyway - Anakin had never believed in fate before, it went along with that supernatural stuff he generally thought was silly, and he wouldn’t say he believed in it now but seeing what he was seeing of his dream self he could understand it. The kid believed he was destined for great things and that prophecy as well as the strange circumstances of his birth had only reinforced that, but Anakin’s age granted him a little more experience and he had seen what that sort of mentality could really do to a person. He could only hope that the Jedi were able to quash those feelings before something bad happened.
- Now I just need to think of a way to tell Padme without scaring her off, I guess it helps that she already thinks I am weird - It didn’t help that she was seeing him at just about the weirdest point in his life so far, but at least she was having dreams too. He often told her they could just be weird together and not worry about trying to explain or rationalize it, that it wouldn’t matter as long as they had each other. - How do you and - there was a slight pause as he tried to remember the woman’s name. - Faiza, right? How do you two manage? She knows you have these abilities and it does not frighten her? - Of course the idea of anyone being afraid of Obi-wan was more than a little funny to him, but he didn’t say anything. His eyebrows might have twitched a little, thankful for a moment that the lack of a mouth hid the smile that would have been there.
Obi-Wan changed his position in the chair again. He always found it difficult to speak about himself and bringing up Qui-Gon and Darth Maul, though it had only been a few words, had already taken a lot out of him. He took a breath and a faint smile returned. “Who said that? I think Faiza’s plenty frightened that I might go mad with power at any moment… although in my case, I think it would be from the stress.”
It was for the best that Anakin hadn’t commented on Maul, he would have been all too behind what Obi-wan had been forced to do. He would have done anything to protect Padme from the creature and for what he had done to Qui-gon he wouldn’t have let his death be so quick. Obi-wan wouldn’t have approved of those thoughts, he knew, and the Jedi looked tired enough without adding disapproval in there.
Those brows wiggled again, his eyes clearly smiling. - Stop, not being able to laugh hurts - It was good to feel the urge to smile though, he hadn’t felt it since the dreams robbed him of what little peace he seemed to have. - Besides, she and Padme have cat-related blackmail on you, so you have to keep in line, stress or no -
“That was actually a fairly relaxing break, in retrospect,” Obi-Wan replied. “Napping, casing dust particles. I don’t think I’ll be able to eat fish for some time…” His smile eased and for the first time, it touched his eyes, wrinkling the corners, exposing his age less than it let on that the man was, in fact, capable of grinning, and quite broadly.
- If you lick the back of your hand and start grooming your beard I’m going to call the nurse - He had to look down at the screen, lightly shaking his head. It wasn’t at all fair that Obi-wan was making him want to laugh and smile now, especially when he couldn’t do either. But it was a nice change from all the doom and gloom he had been feeling. It would probably return when he finally had to sit down and discuss this all with Padme, but he wasn’t going to worry about that now. - And if at any point I look back with fondness at not having a mouth you have my permission to hit me because I will have clearly lost my mind. Being cooped up like this is for the birds -
He wasn’t reading Anakin’s thoughts, not like it was some sort of exact science, but Obi-Wan could sense what the younger man was thinking. “Tell Padme, the moment you think you are capable of it.” He stood and patted Anakin’s shoulder. “I will be there to… back you up. As always.”
With that, Obi-Wan realized he had made a decision of his own: he would allow himself to trust the love he felt for his old friend. He would even trust Anakin himself. He would not fear him.
“Now, I assume they will not be bringing you Jell-o,” the older Jedi continued. “Where might I find the cafeteria?”
- Thanks. Really, I appreciate that - He would probably need it too. Padme clearly had some of the same growing affection for Obi-wan that he did, after all she had attempted to listen when he warned her away from him. Having Obi-wan to back him up would go a long way with her, he was sure of that. - You missed snack time, which you should be thankful for as it is pretty disgusting to watch, but I believe there might have been jello involved in my last meal. At least I hope it was jello. Cafeteria is on the second floor, Padme says the nacho burgers are good - If he hadn’t eaten too long ago Anakin was sure his stomach would have rumbled for one. Probably would have rumbled for jello too, or really any solid food.
“Nacho burgers sound good…” Obi-Wan said with a nod. He felt like he’d burned through a lot of calories just by conversing, but it had been a heavy conversation. Once he got a bite, he might return to the room, depending on if it felt right to do so. Anakin was weary, too; he could sense it.
On his way out the door, he casually licked the back of his hand and brushed a wayward strand of hair behind his ear.