I don’t want you to promise something you can’t give.
Who: Kitty Pryde What: Rachel Grey pays a mental visit, from some time in the future When: Early early 11/1 Where: Dreamscape/the future! Status: complete Rating: PG13
Kitty, a mental voice whispered softly in Kitty’s head. It was easier to throw herself across time and space this time. She’d grown a little older, and had a little bit more practice. But she still knew she couldn’t hold onto the link forever.
She quickly constructed a dreamscape. The same old familiar house she’d used before. They were in the kitchen, and she was sitting on the counter. She mentally placed Kitty in the room, then waved at her, “Hey.”
It hadn't been something Kitty was expecting. Not now, not ever, really. Rachel had firmly occupied that part of her heart that was reserved for people who were gone, never to be seen again.
She stared at the red head not knowing if she wanted to hug her or hit her.. "Rachel!"
"I know this is a surprise," Rachel slid down off the counter and walked over to where Kitty was sitting. Just in case the other woman really did decide to hug her or even hit her.
Kitty wrapped her arms around Rachel and hugged her. She didn’t know if the girl dreamed in the future, but Kitty had dreamed enough of her. It was so good to see her again. “Never thought I’d see you again. Did we do it? I guess you wouldn’t actually know, would you. Nothing happened in August. July was pretty bad but … well it’s still 2013 for me but you probably know that.” She kissed her cheek, wondering if there would be something apocalyptic afoot. “Did something happen with everyone jumping?” She pulled her head back to look at Rachel. “Are they okay? You okay? Are they coming back?”
Pause.
“Are you coming back?”
There were a lot of questions to answer there. Rachel squeezed Kitty, trying to work her way through all of them, "I think you probably did, but it's too late for the world I come from. You know how that works. Preventing something in the timeline just creates an alternate world where it didn't happen. Something did happen with everyone jumping. We've only got Thomas and Mom with us in the future. I don't know where Dad ended up. His mind is too far out of reach right now."
She pulled her own self away and frowned a bit, "I don't know. I wasn't supposed to."
“Weren’t supposed to?” That made Kitty feel irrationally angry. “You’re just as much a part of our family as anyone else!” Xi’an was dead, Illyana was gone. Kurt was god knows where. And Rachel was so far out of reach it hurt. She knew, she knew she should focus more on the friendships in her waking world, but no matter what anyone told her, Shadowcat and Kitty Pryde were the same damn person, with the same damn feelings.
"They didn't really come back for me. They came back for Chris." Rachel didn't sound angry or upset about that, even if she maybe should have. She mostly just sounded tired. The situation had been mentally exhausting for everyone.
"I know I'm supposed to be family, but I don't know it the way you know it. I can peek inside your mind and find all the reasons why... but that's not the Rachel I am, the one in your head. Kitty, try and understand."
"You're still family. You're one of us, just by virtue of the gift that's letting you talk to me." But Rachel was right, she wasn't the Rachel Kitty knew, which was probably fortunate for Rikku. She wondered if they had that telepathic link, that anchor they shared.
"I know Scott wanted someone to come for you. He couldn't go himself 'cause Emma is knocked up." Then the machine malfunctioned and took them anyway. "Shit, maybe I should have gone..." She took Rachel's hands and squeezed them. "You're still family. You'll still have a family, even if it's separated by time and distance."
Rachel had never belonged. Kitty had never been able to make her feel like she did, but if she could reassure this Rachel, maybe that could make up for that.
The dream Rachel squeezed Kitty's hands in return. She did have a world she belonged to. A horrible one, where her mother had died giving birth to her and the rest of her family had never belonged. The future wasn't a nice place. Neena and Thomas were going to take back with them the only bright thing in it.
It was their right. Chris was Neena's son. She knew that her brother - Chris's father - was somewhere in the past, too. In Kitty's timeline. She sighed, "It really will be. You'll all be there. I know Dad wanted to come here. I was hoping to see him, too. It's alright. Things malfunction, but I'm sure someone can fix it. Nate, probably."
“It’s never fair,” Kitty said softly. “None of this is. You don’t… Why come to me? Is it because I left all those things behind? I still did, you know. Things that might help someone. Anyone. Maybe not in your timeline, but in mine, now.”
"It isn't fair, no." Rachel agreed. The unfairness of life was something she was keenly aware of, and she wasn't even the dream Rachel. She'd skimmed the surface enough to know that the Rachel in Kitty's dream world had been dealt a bad hand, too.
It made her smile faintly, "Maybe that's just my lot in life. But why you? Because you wanted to talk to me. You didn't know it, but you did. And because... I wanted to talk to you. But I can't talk for much longer. This is only really possible because I have a sense from the others of where you still are in space and time."
"Rachel told me something once. Well, it wasn't on purpose. We have a link, in our minds in the dreams. Sometimes there's crossover. I'm like an...anchor to her." It always felt strange, talking about dream-selves as though they were different people. Part of her hoped Rachel would never come here and dream. "And if you ever need an anchor, in your time or mine, I can be that for you too."
Kitty licked her lips, and pulled Rachel into a hug before she did something different instead. "And maybe I need a bit of an anchor, too. I know Scott needs another conscience."
"Maybe that's why it's easier to find you than some of the others," Rachel whispered. She hugged Kitty in return, tightly. It was only a dream hug, but for a telepath mind hugs were almost just as good as real ones.
"If I do come there... I'll need all the friends I can get. It's harder to make them here."
It felt real, sending warmth through Kitty’s body and into her heart. That meant it was real, and it mattered. “You’ve got me. We’ve got a whole gang going. There’s the people at the ranch, Dani’s crew -” Dani and Shepard and Lara and all them were kind of their own thing in her mind, which wasn’t a bad thing. “And so many more. I think my girlfriend would like you.”
She kissed Rachel’s cheek, lightly. “I’m not gonna get my hopes up. I don’t want you to promise something you can’t give.”
"And I don't want to make a promise I can't keep," Rachel replied, softly.
Kitty lifted her hand to Rachel’s cheek and she stroked it lightly. “Can you take part of me back with you? Just so you can have a friend.”
"No. I don't think I can, but I also think it's a bad idea. You should remain where you belong, completely whole. There's no saying I'd be able to take it through time if I decided to follow them. There's no telling where part of you would end up, or get stuck." Rachel shook her head. Her tone was firm. She didn't want to do any more lasting harm to Kitty than she already had.
“No, I meant I can share something. A memory, something happy. I don’t know.” She just didn’t want Rachel to feel alone. If she didn’t come back, and the others did…? It upset her more than she cared to admit.
Rachel tilted her head off to the side. She couldn't keep this up forever, not and still have time to talk to her dad. But she nodded, "Pick your best memory of us. I'll lock it away in my head for safekeeping. But then I'll have to go."
Kitty pressed her forehead against Rachel’s, closing her eyes. Her cheeks were wet, and she changed her mind from earlier. She didn’t know if she’d ever, ever have the chance again and she learned that Rachel’s lips were really soft. “Be safe, Rach. Or I swear to god I’ll stick myself on ice and sleep until I can kick your ass.”
"You'd better," Rachel replied, roughly. Her own cheeks were wet, and she didn't bother trying to wipe the tears away. The kiss made her feel a little lonely.
She stepped away from Kitty, and waved a hand, "Back to your dreams, for you... I hope this time they're better ones. Take care of yourself, Kitty. I can't say for sure we'll meet again or not."
It was the last thing Kitty heard before Rachel faded away.
Kitty sat up in bed, wiping her eyes. Her hands shook a little, but she reached over to the end table and picked up the picture that was there. She looked down at Rachel and Kurt and the rest of Excalibur, and then hugged it tightly.