Montgomery Scott is a miracle worker (warp_speed) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-03-26 00:48:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !complete, leonard mccoy, montgomery scott |
"You know what nature is?"
Who: McCoy, Scotty
What: A nice discussion between future intergalactic drinking buddies. And the stories of wild goose chase hunts, dead people stuff, and of how part of Texas went boom.
When: Late afternoon, early evening, today
Where: Out where there's no cellphone reception
Rating: PG-13, language
Status: Complete
It wasn't a bad thing to get away from the rest of the crowd, Scotty thought to himself. Not that he needed a break from the girlfriend, or limping Kirk, McCoy, or Sulu...who was apparently really into the plants out there. And it wasn’t like that was a real crowd, per se, but he was used to having some small measure of quiet time, now and again. It helped him think. And since Scotty's brain was like a well oiled machine in its own right, he sometimes needed some sort of quiet time, merely to think. Usually that was while there was four walls and a roof around him, but he was feeling pretty complacent now. No lions, tigers, or bears had attacked. Oh my.
Thus the reason why he'd wandered off a fair ways from the camp, trying to keep an eye on certain landmarks, so he could easily find his way back. Perfectly safe! He had a whole bottle of whisky with him, and plenty of tool weapons stuffed in his pockets. Instant defense!
It was still too quiet, though. He missed background, ambient noise. Not necessarily of people, but of things. He sat down on a fallen tree trunk, after kicking it to check for snakes underneath, and hugged the bottle to himself, for comfort.
McCoy was sort of terrified by this whole experience. He wasn't going to admit that he was terrified, because he wasn't about to look like some kind of wimp in front of JIM KIRK of all people, but after a while, well, he did kind of need to step away from the whole glorious commune with nature thing. And besides that, Scotty had been having an awfully long pit stop. Not that he was fond of the idea of walking in on that pit stop, but on the off-chance something else had happened, he tied one of his jackets around his waist, shoved the gloves into his pocket, picked up the flashlight, emergency flashlight, and a flask and set off to clear his head, but also look for the poor guy, just in case.
Nope! Pit stop was taken care of, a few yards back yonder. Sure, Scotty had his flashlight torch with him, and he was still freezing his arse off, but guess what? Booze helps. And it was that thought in mind, that Scotty took a good, long drink from the bottle, followed by a wide yawn. Outdoors? Booooorrrrrrriiiiiiiing. Though Gaila was seeming to have a grand time, so there was no need to ruin it by being auld n' crabbit, the entire time they were there.
Though she did karate chop him, didn't she? And he did have to tell her not to joo-doh chop him again with her crazy hands, leading to a tiff in the tent, so that wasn't too incredibly cool or awesome. Even if they made nice, afterward. Now he's feeling auld n' crabbit all over again. Really! So, other than his thoughts (which proved the outdoors was driving him bloody INSANE), he was otherwise just sitting there, hoping that he wasn't going to be bitten by a squirrel. Or a bear.
McCoy thought he heard something creaking, and whipped his head around in the direction he had come, then looked toward the tree branches, shaking a little. Dead things he could handle. Small wild animals...Not so much. And if they were bigger wild animals...Were there wolves out here? Those ate people, didn't they? He'd never actually had that kind of a case in the morgue, but there had been a bear mauling once and... Twiiitch. Shudder. Maybe if he tried to keep his steps REALLY quiet...That was when he snapped a log under his heavy duty hiking boots purchased for this trip, and went wide eyed. "Fuck!"
Scotty just about bolted right off the log at the twig snap, but then rolled his eyes at the expletive. At least it was in a familiar voice! It was also then that he noticed he was hugging the bottle very protectively to himself, like none of the woodsy furry bastards were taking his liquor unless it was pried out of his cold, dead, Scottish hands.
"Why, Doctor McCoy, is that an offer?" he called out, highly amused, and somewhat fake flirty, like a un-damsel in non-distress. "Here tae save me?"
Okay. McCoy snickered at that, and the sheer terror was forgotten for at least a minute. "Me an' mah whaat horsen'all darlin'." he agreed, turning in the direction of Scotty's voice. "Thank the LORD I heard another human and not..." He didn't want to think about what it might have been. And he swore there was a chipmunk eyeing them evily. "Don't even think about it, Alvin."
"Ye brought a horse! Lovely! Are we riding bareback, with our long tresses blowin' in the breeze?" Scotty waved him over. "Think it's safe oo'ver here, laddie. Not a beastie in sight. Yet. But by our forces combined...." He simply reached into a trouser pocket and dragged out a butane blow torch. He wagged it up in the air so McCoy could see it, hopefully. "Aye. I'm armed, even beyond this."
The chipmunk gave both of them a look like they were crazy, then skittered off, its tiny mouth bulging with seeds or nuts or whatever it was they ate. Not that the blow torch wasn't scary but, seriously. It had seen a lot worse in its day. McCoy followed the torch and wound up in the same spot, then let out a deep breath. "Fucking woods." he muttered.
"Couldnae agree more. Kirk seems tae know what he's doin', but he can have at it. This isnae my idea of fun times," Scotty was saying, with a nod. He sat the blowtorch aside, close enough that he could grab it in a pinch, if trouble arose. Of course, he was smart enough to make sure it was not flipped on the BURN setting, but very much off and stuff. "Ye arenae used tae this either, are ye. Well, misery loves company. Would ye like some whisky?"
"You know what nature is?" McCoy eagerly accepted the whiskey, taking a few deep breaths. "Nature is disease and danger wrapped in rabies inducing critters and plant life." Headshake. "I will say, Jim's impressing me a damn sight." And he felt better being near the blow torch.
Scotty noticed. So he moved the blowtorch between them, where they could both grab for it if they noticed anything. But he also pulled a very large wrench from a long side pocket, further down the trouser's leg, and grinned mightily at McCoy, like the situation was handled. That done, he tucked it back in there, safe and sound until he needed it.
"Hope ye had yer shots, then. I still dinnae know how he managed tae even talk me intae this. Anyone else, and I wouldae told them tae get bent and die. But nae, not him, obviously. At least, yer right, he does seem tae know what tae dae oot here. I dinnae know it bothered ye sae much though."
He sounded surprised during that last part. For Scotty, this was unnerving and pretty much an irritating experience, and it was cold, and he liked his automated things and electronics and whatnot. He thought McCoy had seemed okay with the whole thing, but obviously, he was wrong!
"I...talk a good game." McCoy admitted. "That and the clearing's...kinda safer. Least I can go hide in a tent and whimper." he added, a little embarrassed. "Stupid, really." He jerked a little at another sound, more like some kind of bird going off. "I dunno,. It's the QUIET getting to me." At least his accent was much less pronounced now that he wasn't quite so freaked out. "You start to wonder what's OUT there." He added, glancing again as if he saw something.
If Scotty got hyped up, angry, or really wasn't thinking about it when he was thinking and things spilled out of his mouth, the accent got worse. Some stuff ended up being indecipherable. Most of the time, he tried to keep it so that people could understand him, for the most part.
"Well, aye, but it's not like there's a sasquatch or t'likes, oot there," said Scotty, helpfully. "Because stories like that are full of crap, honest. Giant monkeys, running through the forest...wait, why am I talkin' about this? Nevermind, lad." He patted a hand on McCoy's shoulder and grinned. "I think we can fend for ourselves. I figured it was safe 'nuff for a wee bit of quiet and a drink. Not that company isnae wanted, mind ye! By all means, feel free tae sit and be crabbit with me."
With a wide grin, Scotty took the bottle though, just in case McCoy got jumpy and dropped it.
That was probably a good idea. McCoy smirked at the mention of Sasquatch though. "I heard he was up near Washington anyway." he admitted, laughing. "Sasquatch and his family, well, hell, they're welcome to it if they want it. My thinking's more along the lines of. ...We probably don't wanna go there do we?" he shrugged. "Freak myself out worse and then where'll we be? Company's a little better here right now." he admitted.
"Aye, and I dunnae need tae think about them travelin' in packs, with wee sasquatches. Nae, not really." Scotty laughed a little bit in response, and took another drink of whisky. "But at least there's nae midgets. Or giants stomping on Kirk. That's good. Maybe we can avoid the lions, tigers, and bears."
"Any luck, we will." McCoy agreed. "Though, I don't know. Sasquatch kids might be pretty damn cute. All fuzzy and things. Not exactly like when you get sent snipe hunting anyway."
"But they've got sasquatch mums. They probably rip skulls right aff a neck and then take a very large sasquatch shite down them. Not really what we want tae deal with." He did look curious though. "Snipe huntin', did ye say? What's that about?"
McCoy paused a moment to fully consider the mental image involved there, then snorted really violently a couple times.
"Not to mention Sasquatch DADS," he mused, "Unless there's just the one and it's some kind of wolf pack thing. That's a LITTLE bit more comforting at least. Oh God snipe hunting." Grin. "You never heard of the elusive creature called the snipe? You send somebody out with a bag and a flashlight. Tell em to bring one back. " Grin.
Scotty eyed McCoy warily, but he was still grinning like this must be just the grandest story of prankdom ever, if he was reading into it correctly.
"Nae, never heard of it. But I'm goin' tae guess that it dunnae end well. Am I right?" And why does he sound so happy about it?
Considering what he'd seen posted on the net, McCoy had already been thinking of Scotty in terms of trolls a little bit, but now? He was never going to get that image out of his head, considering how happy he sounded. "See, snipes don't actually exist." Broad grin. "The fun part's all in waiting to see how long it takes someone to notice."
"Och! Sae it's like th' wild haggis!" Scotty pointed at him, his grin gone ear to ear, truly delighted. "Except they arenae reel, eether!"
Yeah, McCoy had found himself a drinking partner for life too. "Excellent." He noted, grinning back, terror of the woods forgotten. "Always good to know there's more of those."
"Aye, they're pretty complicated," Scotty began to quickly explain, tucking the bottle under one arm, and showing him the size of the fictional creature with his hands. "Some of them have longer legs on one side than th' oother, an' they say it's where haggis comes from. Which, mind ye, is an absolute lie, because haggis is pure dead brilliant and comes from sheep. Really good fried. Did ye want another drink, lad?"
And Scotty thus proved the whole drinking partner for life thing, by holding out the bottle to him again. He even looked proud that they had mutual fictional creatures that only idiots went looking for, when told about them.
"Sounds like our imaginary friends should meet." McCoy accepted the bottle, drank, and passed it back. "Imagine that if they hooked up. The shit people would do."
"Aye, it'd be a zoo. Literally and figuratively," agreed Scotty, taking the bottle back. He took a very leisurely drink and then sighed happily, like there was simply nothing better than scotch. Especially if one didn't have a schedule to keep. "Ye must see some truly sick shite, though, given that yer a dead people doctor. Poor bastards."
"Oh like you wouldn't believe." McCoy agreed, shaking his head. "Let's see. Recent fun one was the samurai sword ass stab victim." Yeah. Seriously. "Still tryin' to work out who comes up with shit like that, myself. I'd go for straight old shot between the eyes if I was killing somebody."
Scotty's jaw dropped open and he winced, his eyes scrunching up at the outer corners, brows knit together. The overall effect just looked painful. "Wait, wait....I...ye mean...I thought ye mentioned some things on the valar net. But? Arse stab? REALLY? Whatever happened tae a nice blunt object knocked against the head a few times? Or Miss Scarlet with a rope in the conservatory?"
Which, Scotty would add, was dead sexy. Hello? Clue.
Oh hells yeah she was. McCoy could get behind that whole idea. "Even they didn't fall on the things THAT way." he agreed, wincing as he remembered. "Looked...well. Not that great. Okay, so some of the homemade poison cocktails fuck you up inside but still."
Hells, yes. Because it was Miss Scarlet. Duh!
"Okie dokey, deliberate arse stab. That's fucking wrong." He waved one hand up like, just, no, the mere thought broke his brain a little bit. "But ye mean tae tell me...there's homemade poison cocktails? Ye mean like oot o' a still an' everything? Deadly alcohol, that might be dangerous fun before it killed yer organs from the inside oot. Or ye mean like...rat poison, that sort?"
"Probably somewhere along the way with number one, but it's two we see a lot of." McCoy shuddered. "When you get then cut open and look inside...Swear to god there's livers MISSING, Scotty." Headshake.
"....nae livers?! That's the most important part!" APPALLED NOW.
"Damn right it is." McCoy nodded his assent there. "They just melt em away or some flowers in the attic shit." Wait, what? Not that McCoy really knew what he was rambling on about right now. "Okay, so that was poison donuts. STILL."
Scotty was staring at McCoy like he seriously saw some sick crap, his face mostly blank, his eyes pinpoint staring and - somewhere in that gaze - it was like the wheels of his mind creaked to a halt, before winding right back up and working in overdrive.
The first and most important question flew out of his mouth, rather abruptly, "What sort of sick shite, goes about poisoning donuts?"
He had obviously missed out on those fine incestual novels.
"I'll show you the movie sometime." McCoy assured him. "Show you all the sick sick shit that family's got going on. That's only the start of all their issues." Headshake. He wasn't admitting to having read them.
"There's a movie? Brilliant! Aye, we'll watch that. I got a telly!" He sounded a little too excited about it, actually. Probably because he'd been going to and fro and hadn't owned one of his own, since he left Aberdeen for the last time. "Will it make me want tae put me foot through the screen?"
"Probably." McCoy admitted. "So we'll find a lot of foamy things to throw. That way nothing valuable gets hurt."
"Ye dunnae know who yer talkin' tae." If his 'defense of women' mode kicks in again, he was going to go into a fine fit. Although, in this case, he'd probably just sit there watching it, in open mouthed horror and outrage for the most part. That’s even if the movie wasn't as good as the books, but he doesn't need to know that. The movie would be enough to bend him out of shape. "Let's dae that though, sometime. Nice break from building the space ship. Are ye coming along with us, first time? Or ye want tae gae on just a test run and try it, if we manage a test flight?"
"Depends I guess." McCoy admitted. "Probably you'll actually need me around. I'm not opposed to it all, really." Well, there was the tiny fear of flying thing, but probably totally different in a shuttle. And he'd gotten through the flight out HERE when he'd moved without things being too bad. Okay, so three valium MAY have been pushing it but they'd worked. "And hell, I can't let you people go off alone, now can I?"
"Nae, not really. What if one of us bumps or heads or passes out, then aye, ye'd be needed. If ye can revive us, or maybe ye'd just say that we're dead, push the body out a hatch, and that'd be the end of that." Scotty stared up at the sky, thoughtfully, like he was thinking it over. "Could happen. I suppose we'd have tae just stuff ye in, with the rest of us. Somehow. I'll make room!"
"I'll be sure to let you know if you're dead." McCoy agreed. "And try keeping you from getting there if I can help it." Pause. "I should step up on the first aid with you people. Just in case."
"Is it the same?" Scotty didn't pause, ever, if something was on his mind. And this, he thought, was a valid question. Just between drinking friends, naturally! "I mean, ye are a doctor, aye? In a sense. Dae ye have tae gae through the same type of medical school, just tae cut up people like that and, ye know, dig about in them. Because I'd imagine that'd be a wee bit different, than tryin' tae keep them alive."
"Did that training ages ago." McCoy admitted. "And I'm licensed enough to step in when there's no one else but..." He shook his head and frowned. "I'm rusty since it's been a damn long time. Straight out of medical and into the residency in all of this. So I've got the basic knowledge but I'm not sure I want to trust to that alone. I mean, that'd be our luck."
"Well, that's good I guess. And fair 'nuff! It's been a wee while since I wasnae supposed tae mess with things, meself. Maybe this' a chance for the both of us tae hone our skills, sae tae speak." Scotty toasted with the bottle, took another drink, and passed it over to McCoy again. "If I hadnae been sae stubborn, I'd be workin' for NASA, probably like Sulu's situation, as well. But the way they run and fund things is shite, I think. Tae much red tape, not enough trial and error ground testing happening, tae change the way things are. Anyway? Glad tae have ye with us. Ye seem like a good lad, McCoy. Excellent drinkin' companion, as well."
"Glad we've got you too. " McCoy said firmly. "We're gonna need to make this a thing, I think. But NASA yeah? Those clowns wouldn't know what to do with you, I don't think. Not when they're cutting damn near everything and doing,..what was it, weather?" Headshake. "Makes no sense to me when there's a damn sight out there better to be getting on with."
"Aye, weather and other nonsense. Bollocks, really. I'm glad I didnae gae, but kinda regret that wee part where I ended up sitting in a jail cell, in Texas. That made the proving everything I'd said tae be correct thing...well, things went pearshaped." He scowled, at the memory of it. But just as quickly, he shrugged it off. "Hopefully I dinnae blow us up!"
"Not now that you know better." McCoy assured Scotty cheerfully. "So, Texas Jail, huh? What's all that about? Is this a thing I can google or..."
"....ye probably could." Scotty began to laugh a little nervously and went shifty eyed. "I had a wee debate with the bastard who was goin' tae hire me, see, and I told him there were sae many other avenues that they could be exploring, if they were nae such lazy arses. Which he took offense tae, and he shouldnae have, by the way, because it was the bloody TRUTH. Sae I went oot tae a friend's, that I had at the time, and ended up buildin' me own atom smasher. Home kit version. It was BRILLIANT."
McCoy could probably see where this going, because there is a maniacal gleam in Scotty's eyes, and he's about to go on about it.
"Anyway, ye know, maybe I dinnae calculate how much concrete and how far doon tae bury the thing, and, aye, it might've been slightly in the city boundaries, but I dinnae know that when I was digging..."
"Seriously?" McCoy had just enough of the background to get how impressive that WAS, so his eyes were all wide and he looked...pretty damn impressed, actually. "So damn. If you could do that on a bet..."
"Well it wasnae a bet, but more...the need tae rub their noses in it," he admitted, reluctantly, because otherwise it was FUCKING BRILLIANT. Well, except for the last part. "Sae there I am, thing's all dug in, magnetized, hooked up tae the computer, powers been ran intae it, courtesy of some neighbors who didnae know better...I flip the switch, it smashes, I get ONE second tae look at the read-out, an' BOOM!" Makes the blossoming boom fingers gesture in front of his face, like things went sky high. "I blew up part of Houston. Tiny chunk. And I’d knocked the power grid offline. Whole fat lot of people were a weeeeeee bit unhappy with me, afterward."
Scotty pinched his thumb and index finger together, to show how tiny. See? He's squinting. IT IS SO SMALL. Especially bad because that was just the job interview, the formality before hiring one, even! BUT IT IS SO SMALL.
McCoy squinted too, until he saw. "See, going by logic, you'd expect that to show them you were more than usable. I mean, hell, able to do that..." he mused, trailing off. "Sounds fantastic actually."
"It was. It was BRILLIANT! I mean, sure, couldae been killed. But it LOOKED great. Cannae understand why they threw such a fine fit over it, but then I was in jail while they figured out if I was there legally, and went before a judge and, because I think they were a wee bit impressed, they just told me never tae dae that again. Or they'd get me for some sort of...inciting...terror...shite. Threatened deportation or some such. Whatever. Point was made." He folded his arms over himself, defensively. "Sae I went aff and made steam powered steampunk cars at conventions, instead. And those blew up tae. Huh! I really dinnae have a very good record, dae I?"
"I'm startin' to get a little bit concerned just now." McCoy admitted, even though he kind of hated to do that to Scotty. "Just you know, That tiny paranoid part of me and all. But hey, somehow I've still got faith in you."
"That's what a test run's for!" he said, rather confidently. He grinned and nodded at McCoy like it would be fine, and seemed pretty confident this time. "I can trial run some engines, an' Gaila will dae the data, and that way we can make sure things're stable this time. I promise, nae home atom smashing things. Kirk seems pretty sure that I can dae it. Though I'm...damn, I'm not really sure why ye all seem tae trust me with this. Tae be honest? The only thing that has'nae blown up yet is Faiza's robo."
"Hey, there's precedent then. And recent." McCoy inclined his head a little. "Sounds like a good start for now." And really, it wasn't the most comfortable thought in the world, but it wasn't the worst one either. "And well, you're brilliant."
"I dinnae know about that, lad." Scotty sat there, looking thoughtful, and was quiet for a long moment. That pensive state was shattered when he very bluntly announced, "Aye. Fine, I am pretty brilliant."
"There's the ticket." McCoy patted his shoulder encouragingly. "You're pretty brilliant, and we've got a goddamned brain trust on this thing. We'll do it."
"Aye, we dae, really," Scotty said, then he looked a little concerned. "Dae ye not think it's odd, McCoy? I mean, rather odd turn of events, the way this came together, really. We're all really tae clever for our own goods, seems like. Even Kirk, who's sly as a fox in a hen house."
"There might be something to that." McCoy nodded slowly. "Hell, it's like one of those fate things or some shit." Nodnod. "Wonder why it happened but it's working, yeah?"
"Aye, seems tae be. I mean, I didnae really think on it, like how things fell intae place, but...bugger, it's probably the whisky talkin'. I dinnae know what I'm saying, now." He shrugged a little bit, like it wasn't of any major consequence. After all, there's stuff to build! And not blow up! With them in it! "Should we get back, or dae ye want a cuddle tae keep warm?"
"Much as a cuddle could be fun, I think I'll pass." McCoy answered, grinning. "God knows we've got to avoid the snipe haggis coming out to play."
"Och, they mated? Well done!"
"Hybrids who can terrify them all." McCoy switched on one of the lights and grinned. "Too bad we can't send anybody after them."
"Sulu? Nae, he'd never fall for it. Kirk would just try tae headbutt them an' mate with their females." Scotty stood up, grabbing the bottle and the blowtorch, plopping it into a pocket. It had gotten darker, enough that he had to take the flashlight out, and turn it on to light the way. "Aff we gae, then?"
And off they went!