Frodo Baggins (theseabell) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-10-14 20:30:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, frodo baggins, merrill |
Who: Frodo and Merrill
When: Recently
Where: Their Home
What: Frodo feels torn between the Ring and his own family
Rating/Warning: PG, For general angst
Status: Complete
The sound of the waves crashed again and again upon Frodo’s ears. His back was to the villa, and the open kitchen door, and his eyes were on the closed door of Bag End. His arms hung limply at his sides, but though he was still, his heart pounded ferociously. It even threatened to drown out the sound of the ocean.
His mouth hung open and dry. Above his head was a hazy cloud, with a strange script written across it. The language was not English, but Frodo could have read it if he looked upward. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all, And in the darkness bind them.
When Merrill arrived home from school, the kitchen seemed quiet and still--quite unusual for the Baggins home, at any time of day. After checking on her son, Merrill went to investigate, and soon found her husband standing outside.
"Emma'lath?" The elf had been incorporating a bit more Dalish in her speech lately, for the baby's sake. Frodo had no doubt heard the term of endearment before, but even if he didn't understand, the concern in her voice was clear.
He didn't turn right away and when he did, it was slowly, almost at a creeping pace. Frodo's heart felt as if it had skidded to a stop at the sound of her voice. The thumping in his ears cleared. "When did you get home?" he asked, realizing he had completely lost track of the time. He might have been outside for minutes or hours.
"Not very long," she said as she patted Samwise on the back. "Long enough to feed Sam." She glanced around the grounds, finding them somehow less cheery than usual. "Are you all right?" She couldn't really make sense of what was going on.
Ah... well, at least he hadn't been in a daze for long. His eyes, however, were still glassy as he nodded and forced a smile. "Yes. Fine, fine..."
Merrill didn't feel much relief from that answer, but her voice was warm when she spoke again. "Are you hungry?" she asked. "I was thinking of making some bread."
Frodo searched himself and realized he wasn't especially hungry. He shook his head. "No, that's alright." He still hadn't moved from his spot between the house and hobbit hole.
Merrill frowned. Frodo was turning down food? Something was definitely wrong.
"Frodo, I..." She didn't know how to fix this, and she was beginning to feel frightened. "Come inside, let's sit down."
At last, Frodo made a motion to follow her, but it was only one foot that moved forward. He paused and lifted his finger to his temple. With a little shaking of his head, the other foot followed. He blinked to clear his vision all the way back into the house.
Merrill reached out to stroke Frodo's hair, hoping to bring him back. "Have you heard from Obi today?" she asked.
The sensation of her fingers in his hair sent some warmth back into his scalp, which he realized now had become very cold. All his skin was cold. Suddenly, Frodo shivered. "I have not heard for a few days, actually."
Still not sure what was wrong with her husband, Merrill let her hand linger, dropping down to his neck and shoulder. So cold! "Hmm. I suppose he's quite busy." She missed their friend visiting everyday. It was enough to make her want to start another construction project for an excuse to see him again.
Now that his mother was close enough, baby Samwise reached out to grab for his father.
Frodo blinked at Samwise and sighed before picking him up. The atmosphere in his mind slowly began to shift from confusion to shame. He was aware of what he'd done, now: what had been calling him. how he hadn't been able to resist. He looked at Merrill, his eyes finally clearing. "Dear... have you ever felt... the Ring calling to you, or noticed Samwise or the girls acting strangely around Bag End?"
"What?" Merrill tilted her head, frowning. "No, I don't think so. I haven't felt anything like that since the Eluvian was destroyed." She looked at Samwise, thinking. "I don't think he's been acting strangely," though Merrill didn't spend much time in Bag End with her son.
"I know Sybil's been spending a lot of time reading in the garden, and..." She didn't want to betray Mary's trust, but this seemed an important question. She lowered her voice. "I've seen Mary in Bag End once, crying. I don't think it had anything to do with the ring, but I thought it was odd to find her out there."
Frodo's gut told him that the Ring was not responsible for anything Merrill was bringing up. He shook his head, hopefully reassuring her. It didn't cause peaceful moments with a book, or even sadness; it was a harbinger of anger and war. Still, it brought him little relief to know his family was untouched, because as long as it called to him, the little piece of jewelry was still a threat. "I think it has to be destroyed," he said, very quietly, fearful that the Ring itself might hear him.
Merrill nodded and placed her hand on his elbow, hoping to reassure him. "That helped me, with the mirror" she said softly. "It was a terribly hard decision to make, but I think it saved my life." She couldn't have destroyed it herself, but knowing the eluvian was finally gone had put her mind at ease. It was probably what allowed her to have the family she had today. And she wouldn't mourn the passing of the Ring, either. It was clearly a terrible influence, and it took a great deal of maturity for her not to feel wounded that he could not let it go despite the danger it had put her in, being kidnapped by Smeagol.
Frodo's shame continued to grow as Samwise played with his face like it was made of clay, unaware of his father's misery and fear. Merrill did not have to bring up what had happened with Smeagol. It still haunted him. And it terrified him that the Ring still had such a hold on his heart, at times as if it was in chains. "...but what if...?" What if he couldn't do it? Frodo could not say the words aloud.
Merrill shook her head. "Then we'll find someone who can." She wished Gandalf was still here. But even still, they had good people that she was certain could be his strength. "You aren't alone in this," she promised.
He drew a long breath and released it with a sigh. A faint smile appeared on his lips, as he leaned over to press them to his wife's temple. "Sometimes, I wonder what might have happened in Middle-earth, if I'd had you to rely on."
Frodo chuckled softly, and a bit of color returned to his face. The warmth of the kitchen, and the company, was seeping into his skin. He looked at Samwise. "What do you say to that, my boy?" he asked, tapping his son's nose. "Some brothers and sisters for you?" He desperately wanted to think of happier things.
Samwise squealed and giggled when his nose was tapped, flailing his arms happily. Merrill chuckled, smiling. "It sounds like he approves."
Frodo looked sideways, keeping one eye on Samwise so he wouldn't squirm out of his arms. "And what does mummy think? Room in this house for a few more tots?" Before he was sixty....
Merrill rubbed her chin, pretending to ponder the question. "I suppose we could have Obi build another addition to the house." She grinned.