defies_gravity (defies_gravity) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-09-25 23:25:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, elphaba thropp, luthien tinuviel |
Who: Elphaba and Lúthien
When: A few days after the Kryptonite plot
Where: Coffee shop in a mall
What: Lúthien and Elphaba reconcile
Rating/Warning: R / mentions of almost forced sexual situations
Status: Complete
Luthien was sitting on her couch, arms wrapped around her middle as she wreslted with the strange feelings inside her mind. There had been a part of her that had reveled in pain and suffering. She couldn’t say she’d never thought about using ropes and blindfolds, but nothing like what had happened. Usually she’d wanted to be on the receiving end.
She pinched her nose and then wiped at her eyes. She could still feel Elphaba’s throat under her thumbs. Had known that she wouldn’t have stopped if there hadn’t been that fire. That the Dark Luthien would have suffocated her love, just to break her heart.
She couldn’t reconcile that. She just couldn’t.
She looked at the time, sighed, and got to her feet. The ring on her finger felt heavy, like a weight. She thought that she might have to take it off. Maybe she should just go home, to Monaco. For a few weeks. But for now, she’d go and meet her girlfriend.
Elphaba sat at a table of the coffee shop that she had told Lúthien to meet her at. She casually scanned the crowd for her fianceé while she idly stirred what was left of her cappuccino, looking at her watch every now and then. Taking one last look at the device on her wrist, she sighed and readied herself to leave. Maybe Lúthien had decided not to come after all, the memories of their last meeting too difficult to confront so soon afterwards?
“Hello.” Luthien said from behind Elphaba, her voice smokey, but full of worry. “I am sorry to keep you waiting.” She slipped past her and took a seat across from Elphie.
“Hi,” Elphaba told her, sitting down again. “Thanks for coming,” she smiled awkwardly. “You...you alright?”
“I should be asking you that question.” Luthien rested her hands on the table and looked at Elphaba, worry and remorse on her face. “Elphaba, I’m so sorry. What happened was inexcusable.”
Elphaba looked down at her hands as she fiddled with the napkin in front of her, biting her lip before replying. “What did happen, Lúthien? I mean...you had your hands around my throat...so tight…” she shook her head, voice breaking as she spoke. The red marks and bruising had mostly faded and were only visible if you knew what to look for, but the mental wound was still fairly raw.
She chewed on her lip, fingers flexing on the table as she remembered how that felt. It hadn’t been her but it had been her. She squeezed her eyes shut. “You will not believe me. The simplest answer is everyone has a darkside, and my dark side won that day, and I could only watch helplessly. There were two of me.”
“Glinda said some weird things were happening,” Elphaba nodded. “When you say ‘two of me’...do you mean you had like a...split personality?” she asked, confused.
“LIterally two of me. She tied me in the basement, and then made me watch while she...while she assaulted you.” She kept her voice low but she sounded despairing.
Elphaba tensed at that word, folding and straightening her napkin. It made it more...real somehow. “I...I…” she took a second to clear her throat. “What does that...mean? For us? Is that...in you?” she asked quietly, fearing the answer.
“I don’t.. when it ended, I…” She opened her eyes, finally. “I got free, the last day. The good side of me, I mean. And we fought. Tooth and nail, and with our voices. Until our ears bled and our noses. I had her kneeling before me and oh she hated that. She looked up at me with such loathing. And then...and then she was gone and I could feel that loathing and that hatred. I could feel how she’d loved hurting you. As though it really had been me who’d done those things…”
“Well it was,” Elphaba finished off for her quietly. “If I’d have known there was another you somewhere, I’d have tried to come for you, but...I was so frightened...I thought I was going to di...I think I set the tree on fire with my panic, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I just had to get away,” she sighed, struggling to meet Lúthien’s eyes.
“It’s all right, I’d rather lose the tree than you.” Luthien’s voice was barely above a whisper, and she kept her own eyes downcast.
Elphaba nodded at that, feeling tears forming in her eyes. “And us? Do you think...we can...come back from this?”
“I don’t know. I want to. I love you, that hasn’t changed, but I’m so afraid of what I am capable of now.” She wiped at her eyes. She felt...incredibly human, which was both wonderful, and not.
“I love you too,” Elphaba said, reaching a hand out across the table to her, palm up. “I just...don’t know how much I can trust you right now,” she sniffed. “And that’s awful, because I hate being away from you!”
She looked at the hand, like it was going to slap her, and like she deserved it. She swallowed, and wiped at her eyes. “I don’t know how much I trust myself.”
Elphaba couldn't help but feel disappointed when Lúthien didn't take her hand. She started to pull it back off the table. "I'm sorry, I..." Elphaba didn't really know what to do at that moment, so her default was to apologise.
Her hand snatched out and grabbed Elphaba’s, like she didn’t want her to actually take it back. “For what? I’m the bad guy here. I’m the one that pushed you too far!”
Elphaba nodded at that, leaving her hand in Lúthien’s grasp. “Would you...do you think you could...do it again?” she asked worriedly.
The elf squeezed gently in relief. “I..no. I do not think I could. Even if I wanted to, to do so would kill me.” She could mean literally, or figuratively, but the two were the same to her.
Elphaba let out the breath she hadn’t realised she had been holding. “I love you Lúthien, so much,” she told her, voice shaking with emotion. “I want to come home, but I...is she truely gone?
“Physically yes. But she’s…” She put a hand over her chest. “The memories are here. The darkness is. I don’t like it. I don’t like this feeling that I’m capable of such things. You’re my…wife. Bond mate. Soul mate. Whatever you wish to call it.” She couldn’t bear the thought that she might lose her over this.
Elphaba locked her eyes on Lúthien as she explained. She knew Lúthien was sorry, knew she meant it and she could tell it from her eyes. After a pause, she smiled at her. “Alright,” she said quietly. “I’ll come home, but if it happens again...I can’t stay,” she told her firmly, despite how much the idea hurt her.
The words tore Luthien’s heart in half, but she nodded her head, eyes glistening. They might not be married under the law, but in her heart… “I didn’t expect you to want to come back.”
“It was never a question of want, my love,” Elphaba smiled ruefully. “It was whether I should I guess,” she squeezed the hand she still had hold of. “I can’t say if I’ll ever be ready or comfortable doing…that sort of thing, especially now,” she admitted, blushing slightly.
“Neither am I. Even if the roles were reversed. It should be mutual, not...domineering.” Luthien started to wring at her own hands.
Elphaba nodded at that. “So uh...what’s the state of the tree? Or should I dare not ask?” Elphaba grinned.
“A little scorched! But she should recover.” She chuckled, and took Elphaba’s hand to kiss it.
Elphaba smiled at the gesture, taking a moment to gaze at her beautiful face. She ran her thumb gently across the line of her bottom lip. “We’ll have to nurse her back to health,” she replied absently, not realising the double meaning the statement meant. Their relationship would need some nursing after all, but she hoped they could do it. “Kiss me, Lúthien?” she asked her quietly.
Luthien swallowed, and then nodded. She leaned forward, and pressed her lips against Elphaba’s. Gentle yet hesitant, with all the light she could summon up within her.
Elphaba kept the kiss tender and light. Pulling back after a minute, she smiled at Lúthien, letting out a nervous laugh. “I love you Lúthien, but don’t ever hurt me again,” she told her seriously.
“It would be the death of me if I did,” Luthien promised.