Dani Moonstar's a survivor (ms_moonstar) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-09-24 10:35:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, commander tyra shepard, dani moonstar (mirage), scott summers (cyclops) |
Who: Dani, Scott, and Shepard
What: Dani finally admits some things to people.
When: 09/19, after 2 text messages and a phonecall.
Where: A coffee shop in Irvine.
Ratings/Warnings: PG-13, Warnings for medical stuff.
Status: Complete!
Scott was waiting for Dani at the coffee shop. He was in a really good mood, and hoped he could cheer Dani up, and get some answers as to what had been going on with her. His observations had told him there was something seriously wrong. He wanted to know what.
He looked up and waved her over when she came in.
It always annoyed Dani just a little when she managed to come in 'late', even if she was on time. Everyone always seemed to get the drop on her, or be more prepared, or grab the most defendable position first.
Scott had a habit of doing it, though, so she wasn't really expecting anything less. She took a deep breath and let it out, then returned his wave and pointed towards the coffee ordering area, "You want something?"
“Yeah. Surprise me. Something pumpkiny.” Scott nodded at her, leaning back and watching the crowd while he waited.
"Something pumpkiny," Dani mumbled to herself, and shook her head. Pumpkin didn't belong in coffee, but he'd opened himself up for surprise and that meant he got a pumpkin spice coffee.
She ordered something with a bit of hazelnut in it for herself, adding cream for once, and then headed on over to him with a coffee in each hand. She definitely needed the coffee, especially after today.
The pumpkin flavored abomination was set in front of Scott, and then Dani plunked down into her own seat and took a long sip off her own.
It wasn’t an abomination. He took a sip and sighed. “I love this time of year.” Scott glanced over at Dani, and grinned at her. “Faith Elizabeth Summers.”
Dani raised both of her eyebrows, "I knew a few girls named Faith. You're asking for trouble, I hope you know that. Every single one of them's been wild in some way or another."
“The family could use a bit of wild. Keeps us from becoming boring,” Scott replied. He was trying to make Dani feel welcome - he’d been greatly bothered by how everything had happened.
"I don't really think boring is something you guys need to worry about, especially if Orange County has anything to say about it. Which it usually does." Dani pointed out.
She spun her coffee cup around on the table a bit with her hand. This felt a little weird to her, really. She hated that. And she was still dealing with her anger over certain things she felt she had no right to be angry over, "Emma had some concerns while she was drugged and feverish. I don't know if you read those posts or not. But if you didn't, you probably should."
“Sometimes,” he confided. “I really want a wild child to be the most excitement I ever see again.” He studied her. “I’ll check them out…”
"Sometimes, I'm right there with you," Dani agreed, with a nod. She blinked and then added, "In a general way, I mean. The craziness in all of our lives is enough without adding in super squirrels and superpowers and crazy ass zombie invasions and ... everything."
God, she hoped everything stayed quiet for a while. She remembered Jessica Drew's post during the Reaper invasion, and sighed a bit. That was going to be her, and it was pretty inevitable now. For a little while. Even if she was just sitting the bench while they put her wrist back together.
“The squirrel was interesting,” Scott conceded. “But I’d been too distracted to really enjoy just how interesting that was.” He tilted his head. “Is something wrong?”
"So was I. I ended up spending about as much time in Irvine General as you and Emma did, I think," Dani replied while shaking her head. Mainly at the situation, because yes, something was wrong. She wasn't sure where to begin.
Maybe at the beginning. Scott might appreciate that. Or he might not. She wasn't really sure. Not for the first time she wished she had whisky in her coffee. But that wasn't a good thought, and she definitely needed to talk to someone about that. Someone else. Candy, maybe.
She took a long, fortifying sip anyway, then placed the cup down on the table and folded her hands, "I want to tell you what's going on with me. I think I'm ready to do that now. But you have to know that this isn't easy. You don't know why it isn't because I never said. But last year, around the fourth of July, is when I was having the dreams about being suicidal. And then Doug's death. I was very depressed, and then I went to see fireworks with Obi... and it made me want to try living a little longer. That is a very painful series of memories to sit in your house, alone, and remember a year later."
Scott nodded his head. He didn’t say anything, but his expression softened a little. “Emotions can be really funny that way.”
"So when I let you talk me into moving back in, you promised me I wouldn't have to be alone in that house. Then after the reaper, you left. Emma left. Nate left. And none of you bothered to tell me you were going. I shouldn't have had to find that out on the network. I feel like you wanted me to be family again, but actually thinking of me as family didn't happen. I know a lot happened right before that, and I know it's irrational, and I know it's selfish. But I was stuck in that house, by myself, near the fourth of July."
Dani's voice cracked a bit, and she looked off to the side for a few seconds while she mastered herself, "It's one of the reasons I decided to sell it. Because I'm not your daughter, or your sister. I'm not actual family. And that's okay, Scott. You have your own family, a real one, and I'm not a part of it. But I needed someone to lean on, and the people I thought I'd be leaning on weren't available. It hurt, and I've been trying to go it on my own since."
“I’m sorry,” Scott said. He hadn’t been thinking about that, and he felt terrible. He didn’t even know how to approach it, so he brought up something else that had been on his mind. “And I don’t want you to think I wanted you to move too quickly. I just knew you’d made up your mind, and wanted you to be safe when you did.”
"I know." Dani nodded her head, and fidgeted with her cup again, "And I know you can't do anything about the rest of it. You didn't know, and I should have said something sooner. I didn't. I just needed to get that off my chest. Because I'm about to need you guys again. I want to be able to let myself need you guys."
“I want to be there for you. My emotions around you tend to be clouded.” That was probably another good reason Dani had left.
Dani raised her eyebrows. That was the last thing she'd expected to hear, but it made her similarly glad that she'd left the house, "That’s... ...okay."
She couldn't exactly say her own emotions had ever been 100% clear around him either, so there was that, too. She took another sip of coffee, and then forged ahead, "I have Cancer. In my wrist. It's from... the inhibitor that I abused last year."
“Shit...” He sat up straighter. “And Faiza’s powers are on the fritz. Is this why you had problems in Laughlin?” He wasn’t accusatory, just curious. He really couldn’t yell at anyone for pulling a stunt like this.
"I had ONE problem, but yes. That was before treatment started. Now I'm doing radiation to shrink it down, then we're not sure what's next. The plan changed when her powers went haywire."
Dani lifted her wrist up and pulled the sleeve down a bit so he'd see the area in question, "She just had another sample taken out so we can figure out where it's going and how to proceed."
“Is that why she’s headed to London?” Scott asked, tone even, but concerned. You can’t fight cancer. What the hell was he supposed to do?
"Yes. She's going to consult with Moira in person, apparently. Because there's really only a few things we can think of, and while option A would remove it all, it'll leave me without a useable right hand for a while. Option B is the one I prefer, but it's Chemo. You probably already know the problems that causes."
Dani took a deep breath in, then let it out, "And that's what's going on. Oh, and Obi tried to be friends with me by acting like nothing ever happened, so I told him to get out of my life and lose my number."
Scott nodded at her. He probably would have felt the same way, irrational or not. “Just keep me posted, please. And if you ever need anything, ask.”
"I'll try to remember that. But you probably want to take me off the combat list for now. Shepard's feeling better, maybe grab her instead."
Speaking of Shepard, Dani glanced down at her watch to check the time. She was about to have this conversation all over again, kind of. What fun today was.
“I think Shepard has her own problems.” Scott got up, coming around the table to give Dani a short hug. “Thanks for telling me.”
She got up to make the hug a little easier, then nodded her head, "Thanks for putting up with my shit."
Scott looked at her and smiled. “You put up with mine. It’s only fair, Dani.” He patted her shoulder, picked up his drink, and headed out.
Shepard, meanwhile, was lazily making her way towards the coffee shop. She, in part, wasn’t in much of a hurry to get there. She didn’t know what they’d end up talking about, but she suspected.
While Dani waited for Shepard to arrive, she got herself a fresh coffee and something to munch on. The fact that some of the most dramatic events of her life had happened in a coffee shop suddenly dawned on her, and she snerked at herself in amusement as she went to take a seat somewhere in the back a bit further.
It offered more privacy, mainly.
Several pieces of shrubbery died by the time Shepard parked in front of the coffee shop. She got out of her truck and walked into the place, hands in her pockets. She made eye contact with Dani and smiled, then turned to place an order. Was this going to be the relationship talk? After this talk she would probably wish it was.
It was more likely to be a relationship talk by way of saying 'I have cancer so we shouldn't be a thing', but Dani needed to give Shepard more credit than that, and she knew it. So was she going to push Tyra away? She wasn't sure.
It felt like she should. Who wanted to deal with that? Maybe Obi having to deal with her in a similar state had been what strained their relationship.
But that wasn't right either. Shepard wasn't Obi. She shared very few traits with him. She waved at the woman, then took a nervous sip of her coffee. Unlike talking to Scott, talking to her was making Dani a little nauseous.
Shepard plopped down in front of Dani and gave her a wary grin. “So what’s up?” She gave the other woman an opening, and hoped she’d just get to it rather than waffle around. She had no intention of going anywhere, at least not as a friend.
She was still trying to figure the other thing out.
Dani definitely wanted to get right to the point, if only because maybe she'd stop feeling like she was going to throw up. So she set her coffee cup down and said, "Bone cancer. It's not serious. But I stand to lose my wrist entirely if we don't handle it right. Or my hair. My health for a while, either way."
The words came out of her mouth in a somewhat mechanical fashion, like something else ten times more horrible was going to spew out if she wasn’t concise and to the point.
Shepard reached over to take Dani's hand. She'd known there'd been something wrong but she hadn't expected that. She felt rattled. More rattled than she thought should be possible. Her heart was in her throat and she swallowed it. "That's still pretty damn serious."
The other woman's voice sounded a little more gruff than usual, a reaction Dani hadn't been expecting. She squeezed Shepard's hand with her own, and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.
"It's not that bad, though. I mean... I'm not dying or anything. If we do it right there's a good chance it'll never come back."
"That's just...a load of shit." Shepard blinked her eyes dry and took a long breath. "It's going to get worse before it gets better." She pursed her lips, then tilted her head. "Lets go have some fun."
It was sort of like a promise that she’d be there still.
Dani looked at Shepard like she'd just grown three heads, "...Seriously? We're just going to go and have fun? Right now? What kind of fun can we even have?"
“Mini-golf.” Like a date. She’d just asked Dani on a date. She was crazy.
"Mini-golf." Dani repeated, deadpan. But Shepard was wearing that face that meant she was totally fucking serious. She grabbed her snack and her coffee, and got up, "What, like a date?"
Shepard exhaled and nodded. “Yeah. Mini-golf. Like a date.” She gave her a wicked grin. “You haven’t lived until you’ve gotten laid in the giant frog.”