Dani Moonstar's a survivor (ms_moonstar) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-09-21 20:10:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, dani moonstar (mirage), faiza hussain (excalibur) |
Who: Dani, Faiza
What: Doctor/Patient talk about various things.
When: 9/16
Where: Faiza's office.
Ratings/Warnings: PG, but warnings for medical talk.
Status: Complete!
There were two very large items on Dani’s ‘list of things to talk to Faiza’ about, and one smaller one. Of course, the larger ones were so gigantic that she wasn’t even sure how to attack them. Usually she handled this kind of thing head on - bluntly cutting right through to the truth, but she was learning that no one really found that endearing.
She wasn’t sure if it would throw Faiza off or not, and the woman had already had a bad month. So she sat with her hands folded in the doctor’s office, and worried at one of her sleeves while she waited for Faiza to step in.
Faiza peered out, and gestured for her to stand. “Come in here, there’s no real need to be too formal. How are you feeling? Any nausea? Weakness? Tell me everything you can think of and I mean everything about your physical state. Stamina, endurance, anything that you’ve noticed, no matter how small or embarrassing.”
She practically fluttered around like a bird.
It was obvious that Faiza was still ruffled, and Dani's heart went out to her. She wondered not for the first time that day if she shouldn't just forget the whole thing and go home.
Instead, she made her way into the room, nodding her head a bit, "Pretty much all of that. I feel like I'm never going to get enough sleep to stop feeling so tired, and I'm having a hard time with lifting, or chopping. Cannot be more happy that I'm naturally left handed. It's pretty much zapping my normal stamina levels. But I'm still able to push myself, so it's not too bad."
Dani tucked some hair behind her ear, "I get dizzy when I get too tired. The nausea works itself out pretty well with those pills you gave me. It's only an issue right after the treatment anyway. My wrist is crazy irritated right now, though. The hair fell out around the area and it's red and kind of annoyed at me."
Her powers didn't work. Well, that wasn't entirely true, it was more like they were locked away. She could sense the sickness in Dani, and even roughly where to look, but she couldn't do anything about it, at least not in the way that she used to. It was jarring to be back to where she was before her powers. She didn't really know how she felt about it.
"Well, I'm going to suggest you stay off your feet a bit more, but not entirely. Keeping up some activity is crucial to your recovery." She pulled on some gloves. "I'm going to recommend that Wrex find you a sort of desk job. Or whatever is closest to it."
She gestured with the 'make with the aaaah' motion. She wanted to do a full check up before she inspected her wrist. "Also, no sex."
Beat.
"Kidding."
Since Dani had opened her mouth for the thermometer right before Faiza's mentioned the 'no sex' thing, she couldn't really do much to argue. Instead, she settled for glaring at Faiza with the deathglare of doom until the thermometer was out.
A desk job didn't sound like too bad an idea. She was still playing with the idea of leaving the ranch entirely to work at Yuriko's new establishment. Or taking some kind of leave of absence until it was over.
"I was actually wondering if I should take a leave for a while. This is only going to get worse before it gets better. Also, that's mean. But it hasn't been an issue anyway, lately. Between Shepard getting sick and my own issues..."
Faiza just grinned at her while she did her thing, and while Dani death glared at her. She fought the glare with proper British chipperness. “That’s up to you, but I really think you’ll be fine if you just relax a little bit and don’t push yourself too far. You shouldn’t stop working entirely. You’d risk becoming a shut in. And insurance you know.”
"Insurance, yeah. I almost forgot about that." Dani frowned a bit, and nodded, "That's a good point, yeah."
She ran a hand up into her hair and thought about what there was to do at the Ranch that involved rest and sitting. Nothing sounded that appealing. She could probably at least keep on teaching the one class. But resting more often meant she'd probably have to tell more people. Ugh.
"Can I ask you something? I know it's going to come off as insensitive, though."
“Please, ask me anything, duck.” Faiza sat on a stool and leaned forward, giving Dani her full and complete attention.
"You can't... pull me apart anymore, right?" Dani looked down at her hands, then rolled her sleeve up so Faiza could take a look at her wrist. She figured that was the next thing Faiza would want to look at, anyway, "So... you can't just pull the rest out once we shrink it."
“No, I can’t. I’m sorry.” She lifted her wrist and took a looksie. “It means surgery, unless Moira has a brighter idea.”
The treatment area on Dani's wrist had been marked out with purple dots and lines, and the space between them was obviously very red and irritated. Dani winced down at it a bit, "There are times when I actually have to sit on my hands so that I don't itch it, but it's not always itchy. Just right after, usually. I've been following the instructions and not putting any perfumes or creams or anything on it."
Her mind went back to the other issue, and she tilted her head to the side, regarding the area that was being treated, "I know that actual surgery involves removing it with negative margins... that pretty much means you might as well take the whole wrist joint out, doesn't it? Can't we try something else first? I mean I'd rather my hair fall out than that, if you think Chemo would do anything."
“I can get you some cream to help with the itching,” Faiza assured Dani. She was gentle in her touch, and looked it over carefully. “Do you mind if I take some photos? And I’d really like to try something else first too. But it’s not the end of the world, there are joint replacements after all. Chemo remains possible.”
Times like this, Dani couldn't understand why she ever thought about finding another doctor. Faiza was gentle, but firm on the points that mattered, and she generally knew just how to speak to her patients, especially the more difficult ones. Which, of course, Dani was.
She nodded her head, "Go ahead. Do what you need to do. I really appreciate having something to tone the itch down, though. I don't mind going to Moira to see what other ideas she might have, either. Not that I don't think you can handle this."
She nodded then pulled out a digital camera to get some shots. She was going to get another X-ray too, and possibly a sample - She wanted as much data as she could get to plot a new course of action. She couldn’t count on her powers. “It’s basically aloe with a little extra.”
"Nice and natural," Dani replied, nodding her head a bit. Natural remedies were better when you could get ahold of them. And she thought she was doing enough shit to her wrist at this point without adding more chemicals and badness to the mix.
She took a deep breath and let it out, "Faiza, are you really okay with treating me? I know you're a doctor and a professional and I'm not trying to insult you. I just... things with him got difficult, and I asked him to leave me alone for now, and I'm worried things will get more awkward for you."
A pause, and then, "Because he senses things, mostly."
An X-ray probably wasn't a good idea, Faiza realized. They'd have to do something to get an image, she just didn't know what. Cat scan. Or maybe fly Moira and her super scanner out.
"Your personal issues and your health issues are separate things, Dani." She shook her head. "I'm a doctor. I'm here to heal you and help you. I'm not going to let him pick up anything I don't want him to. I can just wrap myself all up in Britain's patrioticness."
A wave of relief washed over Dani, and she smiled, "You're amazing, Faiza. I really mean it. He's so lucky to have someone like you in his life."
Sometimes Faiza wondered if Obi knew that too, but she wasn’t the kind of person who usually was that self-centered. “And I will not share your medical details with anyone, until you wish to.”
"I didn't want to tell anyone. I had to tell Wrex, but it's been hard. Since... when you mention Cancer everyone immediately freaks out at you and it's not like I'm dying. It's just... small. It's nothing."
But it was turning into something, and Dani sighed, "But I'll need to start telling people now. I should, anyway. I just... I guess I didn't see the point."
“Something small can mean something very very big. At least tell the people most important to you,” Faiza cautioned. “They’re the ones that you’ll need to rely on to get through this.”
"I'm not big on relying on people, Faiza." Dani frowned, and shook her head, "You can't. Sometimes, there's no one to rely on, and then if you get used to relying on people, you're screwed. I can only really rely on me."
“I know. You have to be able to stand on your own but just because you can doesn’t mean you should.” She took Dani’s hand and squeezed it. “We’re a social creature, Dani. Friends, family, even the company of strangers can go a long way to making a difficult time easier. Don’t throw them away just because you think you need to go it alone. You can, you don’t have to.”
"I let myself think that when I first came back. I did. And then, right when I needed someone the most, everyone who said I was their family, everyone who'd tried to make me feel okay here, everyone who'd offered support. They all disappeared, Faiza. They made plans to go on vacations or stay somewhere else and left me alone in that house. They didn't even fucking TELL me they were leaving. I found out when I was reading something on the network!"
Dani wanted pull away from Faiza, rage at her, storm and stomp around her office. Her anger was volatile and that quick to rise up in her, but it was also something she hadn't realised she was even that angry about.
She held her breath, closed her eyes, and counted to ten, then let it out, "I'm sorry. Those words are definitely not for you. You've been wonderful. I've... really been glad, actually, that you and him are together. He wasn't so willing to talk to me about you at first but you're such a good person, Faiza. I hope you two are happy. And... you're right. I just hate it. I'm going to put myself out there without a safety net again and I'm so terrified of falling. No one's going to be there to catch me."
"No, someone will be there to catch you, duck," Faiza replied. Her tone was gentle, and her expression understanding. "You'll be able to catch you. Because you can stand on your own. That's all any of us can know for sure, isn't it? It might fall apart tomorrow and it will hurt and sting and feel like your heart is ripped out... but you'll go on, and build new bridges and new roads. Maybe it'll be easier, or harder. You don't know. Maybe you'll run away for eight months, but I think we've both done that. But you'll go on."
It hadn't really occurred to Dani that Faiza might have done something similar to what she'd done, at some point. For different reasons, probably, and in different ways, but there was that feeling like Faiza was speaking from experience.
Dani didn't really know what to say, so instead, she decided to hug the woman. It was probably unprofessional, but she didn't care.
Faiza flailed her arms, and then wrapped her arms around Dani and squeezed her. She hadn’t been expecting that reaction, but she wasn’t going to push the woman away. She was a doctor, and a professional, and personal reactions aside, she wanted to heal and give comfort.
If Obi was right about anything at all, Faiza was one one of them. Dani was happy to prove him right in this instance.
She let the hug go, and pulled herself together. "Right, so. Back to doctorly business. I'm ready to do whatever tests and things you need to do to reassess the situation."
Faiza rubbed her hands together. “Well then. Lets begin.”