Lorna Dane loves rocks and math (compassrose) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-09-20 00:58:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !trigger warning, alex summers (havok), lorna dane (polaris) |
Even if it is acting out a self-destructive urge
Who: Alex and Lorna Summers
Where: Their place
What: talking
When: 9/16
Warnings/Rating: R for sexual subject matter and depressive thoughts
Status complete
Lorna set her school things down next to the door and shed her blouse, fanning her face. Darius looked up at his shirtless aunt, snorted, and shook his head. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Uncle Alex is on the back porch.”
She smiled at him. “Thanks.” He got a hair ruffle for his trouble, which drew an overly dramatic sigh, but not other comment.
Lorna poked her head outside, smiling when she saw her husband. “Heeeey baby.”
Alex rolled his head back to her from the hammock he had slung at one end, behind a screen, and smiled. “Hello, beautiful. Welcome home. There are wine coolers in the cooler below me.” He was still on his first, because he had been out all day.
“Ooh, what flavor?” Wine coolers were silly, but a cool drink sounded good at the moment. “Don’t get too sloshed, we’re playing naked Twister with Mavis and Match after dinner.” She settled into the hammock next to him, kissing him softly.
“A multi-pack.” he grinned. “And nah. these are so low in alcohol there will be no sloshing.” He gladly snuggled her close and kissed her. He set his cooler down and snuggled her more firmly. “How are you doing? Settling into you again?”
Lorna snuggled him in return, resting her head on his shoulder. “Yeah. I’m happy to be normal. Or Lorna normal, anyway. I never thought I’d be sane, it was horrible. Almost worse than remembering dying.
“Sane? You weren’t sane. You were totally fucking crazy, both of you.” He shuddered. “One you was overly passionate and out of control, the other was so repressed she made Bruce Banner look like Rocky Horror. She was so fucking crazy it wasn’t even funny.”
He nodded.
“I remember that you didn’t like her that much.” Lorna noted with a laugh. “I’m happier to be myself.”
“It wasn’t so much that I didn’t like her. It was that her being there robbed me of you, the woman I love and want to be with the rest of my life.” He shivered, eyes a little haunted for a moment, and snuggled close to her, planting his face in her neck and breathing in. Even thinking that she might not come back had given him nightmares.
Lorna hugged him tight. “I’m sorry, baby. I really am. Everyone else had such a hard time with it, I feel bad about it.”
“Its okay. You’re back now. And I love you. I love who you are, no matter what we do, or don’t do.” He snuggled her close and was happy.
She stroked his hair sighing softly. “Do you think she was right? That I like drugs and bondage because I want to hurt myself?”
Alex blinked. “No. Not at all. I think you use drugs to escape your pain. And I think you like bondage because you like bondage. Its a kink, not a psychological symptom. It has nothing to do with a desire to hurt yourself.” He shook his head. “She was sick in the head, dear, unbalanced, and ever so slightly insane.”
Lorna sighed. “You’re sure? I know I don’t have a healthy lifestyle, but I’d hate to think I only enjoy things because they hurt me.”
“I’m sure. And you are more healthy than most. We all have some unhealthy things in our life. Also, some pain is not a bad thing, Masochism is a kink as well as a psych profile.”
Alex was worried now and he sat up. “This is worrying you a lot, huh?”
“Yeah.” She admitted. “I’ve accepted that dropping acid once a month is bad, but also fun, and that I need the pot for my anxiety. But what if I’m wrong about my motives? I don’t want to be a real addict, and I know that would only hurt both of us in the end.”
“Then see a therapist and find out. You just need to think about it. And find someone to help you find out the truth. I don’t believe its true, but if it worries you, then find out.” He nodded. “We can start looking now.”
“I’m already seeing Nienor, I’m sure she’ll help a little.” Lorna shivered and snuggled in against Alex. “Maybe I just need to do kinky things where I don’t get hurt.”
“We could go have public sex on the patio? that was the first thing that set her off badly.” He shrugged. “Though I am not sure we should until you have done more talking with the shrink about it.”
Lorna made a face. “I’m not going to give up having sex with you in a way we both enjoy over this. Even if it is acting out a self-destructive urge, it’s also acting out my love for you, and your love for me. We’re passionate people, it’s what attracted us to each other in the first place. Beside, sex on the porch sounds amazing right now, because other than some weird guy I met at a bar while high out of my mind I think I’ve had sex once this whole week, and my vagina is going to implode if you don’t fuck it right now.”
Alex laughed and kissed her. “Well, now, that sounds like the Lorna I know. Love you.” He stroked her face. “We should make sure your vagina doesn’t implode then.”