Bella Donna Boudreaux is a cheerful assassin (petitmort) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-09-20 00:50:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, bella donna boudreaux, nicholas d. wolfwood |
Who: Belle Boudreaux and Nicholas D. Wolfwood
Where: Irvine General
What: Belle wakes up with amnesia
When: mid-morning 9/20
Warnings/Rating: PG-13, copious feels
Status complete
The hospital room was very loud and bright. Belle frowned as she woke up, rubbing her head. She had some kind of wires there, which felt weird when she put her hands on them. Her arm hurt too, and she was shocked to find that there was a needle and a tube in it. She reached over to take them out, tugging on the heart monitor cables, which dislodged one and made the whole machine beep loudly.
Wolfwood hadn’t slept at all for about thirty hours. He’d come with Belle to the hospital, and he hadn’t left the room. He felt exhausted, but the idea of leaving or even going to sleep felt wrong. She’d simply stopped responding, and he’d damn near gone out of his mind even as he called 911 and rode with her.
When she opened her eyes, consequently, he was there. “Belle?” Wolfwood reached a hand over to fix the heart monitor. “You need to leave those there for now. You ... you were basically in a coma. They need to keep an eye on you.”
Belle didn’t fight him as he fixed the monitor, but it was dawning on her that she had no idea where she was. “I was what? Can you take this thing off of me?” She didn’t know what was going on, or who was with her, but she knew the IV hurt when she moved her arm and that was not good. The tape was also uncomfortable.
“I can’t, but I can get a doctor to do it.” Wolfwood pressed the call button, not sure what it meant that she was disoriented. “You were in a coma. You were at my place and we went to sleep, and when I tried to wake you, you wouldn’t wake.” He’d been terrified, but she’d probably not appreciate remembering that.
“Oh.” She said, looking over at him for the first time since she woke up. “Uh, who are you?” She had a very vague notion that she should know more stuff, but it just fed into her overall feeling of confusion.
Wolfwood stared at her for a brief second, but did his best to mask the feeling of nausea that had suddenly become sentient in his gut. “My name is Nicholas Wolfwood,” he said, not looking at her. “You ... technically you’re my superior. We both work at Frost Enterprises. We’ve been ... dating, I guess? For a few months.” Only for a split second did it cross his mind to talk about her second job - he didn’t dare, though; he didn’t know enough and who knew what it might do to her, especially in this state. “You came back to my place with me last night after work. Brought dinner.” Was this the side effect of some kind of shock? He felt like crying.
She stared at him, her head cocked slightly to the side as he spoke. He seemed upset, and she understood the gist of what he was saying, but not the full effect. “This is your house?” No, that didn’t sound right. He was talking like they were somewhere else. She frowned and tried to fit the new information into what she already knew, but it didn’t have a place to go. She huffed a little, irritated by the whole thing.
Wolfwood blinked. What the hell had happened, if she didn’t even grasp the concept of a hospital? It looked like shell shock. “No,” he said. “This is a hospital. You were very ill, and they brought you here to get better. I was worried about you, so I came to sit with you while you slept.” Jesus Christ.
She thought about that for a minute. She wanted something. She wanted something a lot, in fact, but she didn’t know what it was. Not having it was making her feel strange. “That was very nice of you.” She concluded.
“Well, you look after the people you love.” Wolfwood was too tired to even notice that it slipped out, and when he did, it wasn’t any great epiphany. He’d known it under the surface.
She smiled. “I’m glad that you do. You’ve been very helpful.” She reached over and patted his shoulder. “I’m still sick, aren’t I? You wouldn’t look so sad if I wasn’t.”
He had to choose his words carefully. “I don’t know if you’re sick,” Wolfwood said. “But from what I can understand, you don’t seem to remember some things that you probably should remember. Do you know your name?” Best probably to start there.
She thought about that for a minute. “Yeah. Donna. What else did I forget?” She looked at him eagerly, as though she’d just asked for another bedtime story.
“Your full name is Bella Donna Boudreaux.” God, this hurt. “You’re in your thirties. You work for Winston Frost, at Frost Enterprises. And you live with a girl named Vanille.” Best to start small. He wasn’t sure what she would do with more.
She absorbed that and nodded. “Where’s my family?” They should be there, right?
“You didn’t tell me very much about your family.” Wolfwood fought not to pinch the bridge of his nose; the weather must be changing, because his sinuses were acting up. “You have a father and brother, but you don’t talk to them. You never told me why not.”
“Oh.” This time Belle was quiet for a while, her expression changing slowly over time as she contemplated that. At first she was confused, then she was sad. She didn’t know anybody but them, and Nicholas was nice but he wasn’t the same. “Can I go home?” Her voice was very soft, and she looked over at him, her expression serious. “I wanna go home.”
He almost started to answer, but then something occurred to him. “Where do you consider home, Belle?”
“I’m not Belle.” She said with a frown. “And it’s with Daddy an’ Julien.” She was starting to get frustrated, and she lacked the emotional maturity to deal with that at the moment.
It was like a slap in the face. He might have visibly flinched. “No,” he said quietly. “The doctors won’t let you.” It was a lot easier to say that than to explain that she’d cut her family out of her life. “Do you want me to get one of them for you?” Because God, if Belle turned into a ten-year old with him, he might actually cry, and he didn’t want to do that.
There was no need for anyone to do anything, because that’s when the nurse decided to answer the call button. “Well hello!” She said with a smile, going to the side of the bed Wolfwood wasn’t occupying. “How do you feel Ms. Boudreaux?”
“That’s not me either.” Belle said, frowning at the nurse. “I want to go home.”
The nurse just smiled and noted her vital signs on her chart. “Of course you do. Nobody likes to be in the hospital. Let me just write some notes for the doctor, and I’m going to ask Mr. Wolfwood to step outside for a minute.” The nurse quickly glanced at him to see how he was doing, but she didn’t make a big deal out of it.
Wolfwood obeyed, still feeling sick, feeling powerless. He stood outside the door, hoping she didn’t yell or cry. Between what he’d just been through with Shepard and now this, he felt like going home and sleeping for a year. Or getting rip roaring drunk. But he couldn’t leave her.
The nurse politely pulled him to the side of the door, her demeanor still calm. “She seems disoriented. I’ll go get the doctor, but can you tell me what you two were talking about first?”
“She doesn’t know me.” Wolfwood said softly. “She barely understood what a hospital was. I had to tell her her name, everything. It’s almost like she thinks she’s back in Louisiana with her father and brother.”
The nurse nodded and took notes. “Any stuttering, slurring of words, complaints about pain?”
“Only the IV.” He wanted to yell at her, but he knew rationally that her job was to be unemotional. “Is there anywhere in this hospital I could sleep? I don’t want to go far.” Going home would have been useless.
She tapped her fingernails on the clipboard as she thought. “I’ll arrange something, but you should go home. The doctor will see to her, and we’ll call you if anything about her condition changes.”
Wolfwood looked down. “I don’t know if I can.” He felt nothing so much as alone.
The nurse gave him a sympathetic look. “I’ll get the doctor and see if I can let you sleep in the on call room for a little while.” She knew that memory loss was normally temporary, but she couldn’t tell him that and give him false hope. “It’s a good sign that she’s speaking clearly and coherent, even if she’s experiencing some memory loss.”
“Thank you.” Wolfwood felt compelled to explain. “Between this last mystery illness stuff - friend of mine was in here - and now this, I’m a little sick of hospitals.” Sick of friends and lovers being in a bad way. “If you really think I should go home, I can try. Just not sure I’ll do anything but stare at the phone.”
The nurse nodded. “Why don’t you go outside and get some fresh air? The doctor will want to speak with her alone, and when you come back we’ll have more information. If you still want to stay I’ll know if you can, and if you’d rather go home and sleep you’ll probably be able to rest a little easier.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” For her understanding and compassion. Wolfwood turned to find the exit door, hoping he’d be able to breathe out there.
He came back some time later, a little calmer and ready to face whatever it might be. He tapped on the door of Belle’s room and waited for permission before entering.
Rather than being greeted by a doctor or Belle there was a stern faced older man on the otherside of the door. He was generically handsome, and wearing a dark grey suit. Belle was frowning heavily at his back.
“You must be Lieutenant Wolfwood.” The man said.
“Yes, and I want to talk to him! Not you. You can leave.” Belle responded from behind him. The man’s expression remained gravely neutral.
“I’ve been charged with protecting Ms. Boudreaux in light of her condition. I ask you to remember that she’s very confused and likely to say many things that won’t make sense.” He continued. He’d been informed that Wolfwood was trustworthy by an agent who would certainly know if that was the case or not. “I’ll be right outside the door.” So he could hear everything she said, and quickly deal with it if she started spilling state secrets. He stepped aside and let Wolfwood pass.
“I’m aware of that.” Wolfwood sounded exhausted. When the man finally left, he turned to Belle. “What did you want to talk to me about?” He ignored the government suit. Like he gave two shits about any state secrets Belle might tell him. He’d take Belle never remembering the fucking government if she remembered the important stuff.
Belle took a deep breath. “The doctor said he couldn’t tell you what’s going on with me, ‘cause you’re not family, but! I can tell you. He said I’ll probably get my memory back real soon, which is good, ‘cause this is annoying. And then that guy came and told me that I need t’ see another doctor, just t’ make sure my brain isn’t messed up.”
“Did he say that?” He didn’t want to get his hopes up; he’d seen and heard too many combat medics say shit like that. Still he had to be optimistic for her. “That’s good. And if you have any questions, you know - you should know,” he corrected, “that I’ll help however I can. It’s probably a good idea to see one more doctor, because if your brain really were messed up, that’d obviously be something you wouldn’t want.” Belle was the most intelligent of women, so to talk to her like a middle schooler hurt. But he did his best.
She considered that, then decided to just accept what Nicholas had said at face value. “I have to stay here. The doctor said I couldn’t go home.” She was genuinely sad about that. “But I’m allowed to get out of bed, I think.”
“If you’re allowed to get out of bed, that’s at least good.” Wolfwood forced himself to think of this woman like just another civilian. Just another person, in a rocket attack or some kind of trauma that fucked up her head. “I can help, if you need it.” But if she didn’t, he’d stay here in case she fell.
She nodded. “I’m okay, I think.” She looked at the rails on the side of the bed. “But having someone to make sure I don’t get lost would be nice!” She smiled at him. Even if she didn’t remember him he’d been very nice to her, and he said he’d taken care of her, and that he loved her. So she must have loved him back.
The way she smiled, well. He was fucked. “I’ll stand behind you, then.” Wolfwood stifled a yawn, smiling through it.
Belle nodded and looked at the rails on the bed. She didn’t know that they lowered, so instead she scooted down to the end of the bed and slid off. They’d taken her monitors and IV off, but she didn’t know how long it would be until they hooked her up to another thing. She was wearing a hospital gown, and didn’t quite realize that it was open in the back until she bent over to get out of bed. “Oh!” She tried to look at her back, frowning.
Well. Maybe he wouldn’t stand behind her. Wolfwood bit his lip not to laugh. “Here..” There was another hospital gown lying on the table. “Do this.” He took the gown, shook it out, and slipped it on her from the back. As heartsick as he was still feeling, it was rather endearing to see her face like that. He couldn’t act on what he was feeling - good or bad - so he tried to channel it into looking after her.
She smiled at him, and then she had a thought. It bubbled out of the white noise in her brain so swiftly she couldn’t stop it, and the thought made her blush. She even giggled a little, though the thought wasn’t at all childish. It was strange, but it didn’t feel bad or out of place. She pulled the gown on and started out of the room. “Can we get some food?”
He wondered what made her giggle, but didn’t dare ask. “Yeah, I think so. I know there’s a cafeteria here.”
“Good. I’m so hungry.” She put a hand over her tummy, to emphasize the point. The older man followed them, but kept a respectful distance. He was just here to clean things up if they got messy. He wasn’t about to interrupt whatever he was witnessing.
The agent or whoever he was better not interrupt. “C’mon. It’s a couple floors down, I think. This way.” Wolfwood pointed down the hallway.
Belle nodded and followed along. “How did we meet?” She didn’t know the agent was behind him, her attention was focused forward.
“We met on a computer network called the Valarnet.” Wolfwood had to talk fast on that one. “But we met in person because your employer was hiring, and I was looking for a job while I was on leave from the Army. And we hit it off.” He held the elevator door open for her as it arrived.
Belle slipped inside, frowning when she saw the man enter the elevator with them. She moved closer to Wolfwood. “Did we do fun things together?” She kept her eyes on the agent, who pretended to ignore them.
“We shot pool, had some drinks, a few other things. We spent some time just talking.” He honestly wasn’t sure whether or not to mention sex to her. Was she herself without memories, or was she a young teenager in her head?
She didn’t know what pool was, or what they drank, but she must have liked him. She was uneasy with the other man in the elevator, and got out as soon as the doors opened. Anxiety was beginning to replace confusion, and the agent made her very anxious. “Which way now?”
He saw her confusion. “I’m sorry. Pool is a game you play with special sticks. I’ll explain it more to you sometime. This way.” Wolfwood glared at the agent as he got Belle ahead of him.
The agent resumed tailing them at a safe distance, but Belle kept turning around to glare at him. “Cats.” She said, then frowned as the thought finished forming. “He reminds me of a cat.” Which was exciting, but she couldn’t explain why he reminded her of a cat, or what a cat even was.
That was a relatively coherent thought, and he appreciated that. “I’ll keep him away.” Belle just ... needed to be okay. Not needing to be tailed or talked down to. Wolfwood took a breath to calm himself down. “Through these doors, and it should be right there. A big sign that says Cafeteria.”
She eyed Wolfwood for a moment, then nodded. “Okay.” She trusted him, because he cared about her. She couldn’t read, but she could follow her nose. The cafeteria smelled like food, though nothing particularly appealing. She eyed the brightly colored packages. For a moment she had to fight the urge to be upset. She didn’t know what she wanted to eat, or what half of this stuff was.
She looked utterly lost, and he came up to her side. “Is there anything I can help with?” He kept it vague, and didn’t ask her anything specific. That seemed like the quickest way to make her angry.
“I don’t know what to eat.” She was frustrated, and her voice showed it as well. She crossed her arms, glaring at the food.
Wolfwood tried to think, to be calm instead of upset. “Um. Well. I know that when we went to eat dinner together recently, you liked pasta. Would you be willing to try that?” He looked around, spying a station that had pasta and sauce set out.
“I guess.” She didn’t seem enthusiastic. “I don’t remember what I like.”
“Well, all you can do is try things, right?” Wolfwood hoped he sounded reasonable instead of on the verge of losing it. “Otherwise, you won’t know what you like.”
She sighed before she said, “Yeah.” She watched the other people for a minute to see what they did to get food. She grabbed a tray and peered at the various options. “Which one?”
Wolfwood pointed. “That’s close to what you liked last time, but you can try anything you want.”
She nodded and asked for the pasta, then picked the entree the three people in front of her had picked as well. One of these had to be good, right?
Wolfwood didn’t want to eat; the idea sounded nauseating, but he wanted to try and make Belle feel normal. So he got a little bit of a few things. He never went too far from her, in case she got confused.
She was fine, until she tried to go past the cash register without paying. The cashier tried to get her attention, but Belle didn’t respond to ‘miss’.
“I’ll get it.” Wolfwood said, staying behind to handle the payment, hoping the man would understand that Belle wasn’t exactly 100% right now. She was wearing a patient’s damn gown, after all.
Belle stopped when Wolfwood did, and realized she’d skipped a step. “Oh, sorry.” She sighed, frustrated again. “I hope the doctor was right.”
“It’s okay. I took care of it. People assume that everybody knows everything, and it’s just not true.” Wolfwood was just relieved she didn’t get really upset. He didn’t comment on the other thing she’d said; he wanted nothing more than for the doctor to have been right, but he didn’t want to say one way or the other that he thought it would happen.
She went to a table and sat down, then tilted her head when she saw a window. “Can we go outside? I don’t think the cafeteria will be as nice as it is there.”
There was a patio, so he nodded. “Okay. Pick up your food and bring it to the door over there.” He rose, since his tray was lighter, and went to hold the door for her.
She followed him out, sighing when they hit the sunshine. It was beautiful, and hot. She remembered heat, then. Oppressive heat, like being in an oven full of sand. She didn’t know where that fit in. There was no sand around them, just plants and more tables and chairs. She took a seat and started to eat. Her manners were completely gone, so she started eating as fast as she could, barely tasting the various entrees.
It was hard to watch. Wolfwood was even less inclined to eat. So he just looked away, trying to smile at the weather. At the fact she was alive. When had everything gone to shit so fast? First they were talking about moving in together, then Shepard got sick, now this. He half expected another major city to blow up next.
As she went along she slowed down. The more time she spent doing it the closer she came to acting like her normal self. By the time she finished her meatloaf she was almost there. She remembered more things now. Cooking dinner with her family, hamburgers, wine. All good things, unlike the blistering heat and sand. She looked up when her plate was empty, pressing her lips together. “You look upset.” Some of the wonder was gone from her expression, and she reached over to touch his arm.
He risked being honest. “It’s hard to get over being worried about you.” He probably needed to be alone for a while, just to think, and regroup. You never let them see you sweat. “I’m glad you seem to like what you tried to eat. Do you feel better, having gotten some food?”
“I did until I started worrying about you.” She didn’t want him to go away. Being alone with the cat-man would be scary. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to worry.”
“It’ll be okay, I think.” How to put this, God. “I like you; I think you’re a nice person. If you know someone nice, you don’t want anything bad to happen to them. That’s how I feel.” Still pretty pedestrian, but the important thing right now was for her to understand.
“And even more for someone you love, right?” She hadn’t let go of that detail.
Shit. “Yeah. That’s right.” Wolfwood looked down.
She frowned and moved closer. “I’m sorry. I want to be better again.” She touched his face softly, turning his head so she could meet his eyes. Her heart ached, and a feeling of heaviness settled on her, like she was being smothered under a big blanket.
“Don’t worry about me.” That was the truth. “The important thing is figuring out what happened, and how we can get you back to what you’re comfortable with.” He had to face that, he realized. Maybe her memory would come back, but maybe not, and even if it did, there was no guarantee that things would be the same. Her comfort and happiness had to come first.
It made him calmer, but it also made him ache. “I’m going to go to the bathroom, but I promise, I’ll be right back, okay? Would you mind just staying here? I’ll come back very soon.” He had to breathe.
She nodded. “Okay. I’ll be here.” Watching the agent carefully.
“Thank you.” Wolfwood got up, going toward the door and into the restroom. He really did have to go, but he spent a few extra minutes - as long as he dared - in the stall, trying to breathe. A whole lot was happening, and he felt stupid and weak for wanting to cry like a woman.
Still, the few minutes did help. He came back a little more refreshed and calm. He also probably just needed a damn nap. Maybe when she slept.
The agent was talking to Belle when Wolfwood came back. He was describing a picnic he'd gone on with a little girl and her family a few years ago. Belle was very interested, listening to the story with intense attention.
Well, that was better than he’d expected. He half expected Belle to be gone, or yelling. He waved a hello at her when he came back, sitting down in his seat quietly so the man could finish talking.
Belle waved back, and continued focusing on the man. He described how pretty the day was, and the boats on the lake. He mentioned the food, and even described how it tasted. He spoke smoothly, and his retelling included minute detail. Belle surprised herself when she corrected a detail. The picnic basket was actually a canvas bag. He’d bought it from a vendor down the street from his house.
The man smiled and nodded, thanking her for the correction.
It felt like a hammer blow; did that mean that Belle thought she was a little girl? Wolfwood closed his eyes, feeling sick all over again.
The man finished the story, and Belle sighed. “How long ago was it?” She knew she wasn’t that small anymore. “What happened? Why can’t I remember anything?”
The agent explained that the picnic happened almost twenty years ago, and then looked over to Wolfwood. “Do you know what happened?”
“Me? No.” Wolfwood shook his head. “I told the doctors what happened from my perspective.”
Belle sighed in frustration, propping her head up on her hand. “This sucks.”
“I wish I knew.” Wolfwood sighed. “I’d .. do anything to reverse it.” Did he mean that, he wondered? After a bit of thought, he figured the answer was mostly. Anything within his power except maybe dying or brain surgery. It made him smile, in spite of himself.
The agent nodded and stood again. “I’ll resume my duties.” He moved over to the other table, and Belle didn’t look at him with distrust anymore.
She moved closer to Wolfwood, pleased to see him smile. “That’s better.” She smiled at him as well.
Wolfwood saluted the man briefly, relieved that at least he didn’t scare Belle anymore. And he did like to see her smile. Maybe she’d have more patience if she continued to improve. Hell, he would. He just hated to see her so lost.
“You think we should go back? Maybe the doctor’ll let me go home if I ask real nice and promise not t’ do anything dangerous.” She wanted to see what her house looked like, and meet Vanille.
“I think he’ll probably insist that you have your head looked at one more time, like they said.” Fuck. Wolfwood had to warn Vanille, and Winston. “But after that, he might let you, yes.” It was worth a shot. “Let me just get the trays and put them away, and then we can walk around or go back if you want to.” He picked up his own untouched tray and her empty one and started to get toward the garbage.
Belle nodded and stood. “Okay! I’ll go back, ‘cause the sooner I get seen, the sooner I leave, right?”
“In theory, that’s exactly right.” Wolfwood pitched the trays and came back to her. “This way. There’s a back door through here.” He held it open for her.
She nodded and followed where he led. She just had to hope this would be over soon.