Literally Pirateninja (shadowcat) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-09-13 14:41:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, kitty pryde (shadowcat) |
Who: Kitty
What: Kitty has thoughts, feels, and comes to some decisions
When: Friday
Where: Her house
Status: Complete
"I wish you were here, Xi'an. Things would be a lot less complicated." Kitty trailed her fingers across the picture. She'd buried her head in the sand, pushed her feelings deep inside of her, and been really unfair to some people. She'd just wanted to move on, and she didn't want to feel alone.
Alone was a terrible feeling. But she couldn't make Illyana stay just because she would feel lonely. She couldn't let her feelings and hormones bounce her around because she hated waking up alone. She couldn't put the twins in danger, just because they were the flesh and blood link to her wife. Her father had already said he'd take care of them. As long as they lived in Orange County their lives were in danger. "I'm selfish. I want them to stay. I love them. But I don't feel like I can leave, and I don't feel like I can protect them here. We can't even stay in this house anymore. I can't. I thought I could handle the memories, but I can't. Lorna tearing through here...is the excuse I needed, I guess."
She set the picture down in a box, and sat on the bed. She couldn't deny the kids a mother, just because she was scared. But she could look back at her behavior and how erratic it had been since the plane crash. And as much as she cared about Rikku, and Alicia, and as much as she loved her friends, it was Xi'an's shoulder she wanted to bury her face in. Kitty just couldn't deny it any more.