The Tomb Raider (lara) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-09-09 20:42:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, commander tyra shepard, dani moonstar (mirage), lara croft, renji abarai |
Who: Lara Croft, Commander Shepard, Renji Abarai, and Dani Moonstar
What: Dragging Lara to a strip club
When: Saturday
Where: A strip club!
Rating: PG-13 for strippers and awkward
Lara tried to calm down. She was in the back of a gigantic SUV trying to hold onto someone who wasn’t Renji while a madwoman was at the wheel. Because that was the only thing that made sense. Shepard was mad. Shepard had to be mad, to drive like this.
And it was thrilling. She tried not to think about their destination, until they were already there, and then she was looking back while standing next to the hummer wondering if there was a wake of destruction behind them.
“Dani, you’re driving back.”
Shepard just laughed at Lara’s comment. “Sure.”
"Oh, that's a great idea."
It was actually a huge mark of respect that Dani was being trusted with the keys to the almighty Shepard Humvee, but she tried not to dwell on that. Mainly, she wasn't sure how they'd managed to actually end up here.
But they were, so she hoped they had fun, "Give me the keys, Commander. Before you get drunk and misplace them."
Grinning, Tyra tossed the keys to Dani.
"Your driving sucks ass," Renji told Shepard, showing yet again his usual lack of brain to mouth filtering. He didn't look too outrageously rattled by the experience, merely like a disgruntled critter who had been thrown into a large metal barrel and had it kicked around a few times. A disgruntled critter that would emerge looking ready to throw some monkey poo or bite some hands and give the perpetrator a fine case of ebola. Or rabies.
Oh well. His eyes honed in on the building and he gave it a firm nodding at, of approval. It didn't look skeezy, so at least the girls there would be pretty. Renji was also considering this a belated birthday present to himself, so he was ready to get the night rolling. He immediately pointed at Lara, with a sudden smile that looked devilish. "You. Let's get ya in there and buy you a lapdance."
“It’s my fault that there are things in between point A and point B that don’t move? What’s the point of a hummer if you can’t drive over the obstacles in your path?” Shepard grinned, and clapped Renji had on the shoulder. “I hope Crystal still dances here.”
Lara was doing a very good job of concealing her panic, except for how wide her eyes were. Her legs felt weak. “That’s okay. I don’t really need a lap dance. That seems kind of demeaning isn’t it?”
"Yeah, yeah, sounds like an excuse TO drive over everything in your path, but whatever gets us here, huh?" He jabbed a thumb back in Lara's direction and said loudly, "NOPE. They get to rake in their cash, and everyone has a fun time. So shuttup and enjoy it, will ya?"
“Fuck,” Lara muttered, under her breath.
Dani tucked the keys into her pocket so she wouldn't forget them, then patted Lara's shoulder, "Come on. The worst that could happen is that you suddenly realise you like girls, and you'll be in good company then. Except for Renji. He's never 'good' company, just entertaining company."
She winked at Renji to let him know she was teasing, then started heading into the stripper joint. The sooner they got there and got their butts in their chairs, the better.
“But I don’t-” Lara started to say. “I’m not a very social person?”
“Then we’re here to help you be social,” Shepard said, smiling. “By shoving your face into some girl’s tits.”
"What they said," Renji added, "but not what Dani said about me, because that's a buncha bull. I'm tons of fun. Like...headbutting a clown. No one likes clowns so it makes everyone happy seeing that happen."
And inside he's going, because if he tends to go through life and everything else like a bulldozer with no worksite foreman present to tell him to stop.
There were still some prime seats near the stage, and Dani plopped down into one. It was a nice place - clean, neat, the floors weren't sticky, and the girl on the stage was really, really hot. Holy shit. Dani found herself searching around her person for singles three seconds after she sat down.
There was no way Lara was going to be able to ignore her reaction to this, she figured.
Lara’s first reaction was to note the lighting. She supposed this was mood lighting, which actually wasn’t that uncommon in a lot of the cultures she’d studied. The women who were walking around were diverse, and she found herself fascinated by that despite herself.
“I’m not sure how that’s sexy,” Lara said, looking at the stage. She couldn’t look away once she’d started staring.
She was going to charge them for ruining her knickers.
Renji just sat there looking totally completely vindicated, like a total smug ass who was pounding his fist down on a big shiny WIN button. Of course, that was while he was counting out his dollars and telling himself that someone else was going to be paying for Lara's lapdance for the most part. He'd just be chipping in. Eyedart.
At least Dani'd come prepared for this. She had a wallet stuffed with singles and some 20's just in case the lap dances were expensive. In a place like this, it was likely that they were. Worth it, though, she figured.
She pulled out one of dollar bills and tossed it on the stage, then motioned a waitress over, "Shirley Temple, extra cherries for the designated driver. And whatever these other guys want."
Her hand motioned towards Lara, Shepard, and Renji.
“Just get me a gin and tonic,” Shepard replied, her eyes on a short haired woman on the other side of the club. She licked her lips, then pulled out some cash. She dropped two twenties in Lara’s lap. “For whatever you want, hon.”
Lara gasped out something about ‘lager’ and gripped the money in a death grip. She sat heavily next to Dani and Renji, and prayed the next woman who came on stage was less attractive. And not asian. She actually prayed for that.
"Beer's fine," Renji said, waving one hand around like it was no big. He was too busy rolling around in his big pile of being totally right combined with boobs on parade, to bother ordering anything fancy. Besides, he didn't drink too much, nor on a regular basis. "Just gimme the cheap shit."
Another laugh from Shepard, as she beckoned her already favorite stripper over and pulled the woman into her lap and as a Japanese lady came up on stage. “Get him something good, I’ll pay.”
She watched Lara’s eyes widen, and grinned. “I think she has a type.”
“Fuck.” Lara breathed.
"I really don't blame her," Dani replied smirking a bit. Asian women were hot, and the one on the stage had really, really nice legs.
She glanced over at Shepard and the stripper on her lap, then back up at the stage. Well, it was a strip joint. Of course people were going to get lap dances. Speaking of those, she grinned at Lara, "Do you want me to find out if she's giving lap dances later? I think she might be your favorite."
Lara made a sound. Shepard wasn’t sure what kind of sound that even was but it made her crack up. She looked at Lara’s face and couldn’t stop laughing. “Think...think that’s a yes!”
Renji's hand slapped down a twenty in front of Lara, palm flat so it made an ultra loud smacking noise. Forget that, it was like his hand went BAM and there was a twenty left behind. There ya go.
"That's a yes. Chippin' in," he grunted, before he tipped his head back and took a drink off the beer. "The beer's good stuff. Thanks."
Lara would have looked at the money in her hands, which now totalled sixty dollars, except she couldn’t look away from the show. Something Roth had told her once suddenly came to mind. You’re a lot like your father. Would take a real pretty head to pull him outta his work. You’re lucky you’ve got Sam.
She supposed it didn’t matter, did it? Not-dating birds was the same as not-dating blokes.
“God she’s more flexible than I am…” Which was saying a lot.
"Heh!" Renji looked amused and couldn't resist teasing, like a total loudmouth. "If you're that flexible, imagine the two of you goin' at it like a couple of sexy pretzels."
Oh Renji. You are truly the awkward, loud mouthed gift that keeps right on giving.
“I’m sending you the bill for my knickers,” Lara muttered, under her breath. They’d cost 50 pounds and had been a gift from Sam. Sam liked to buy lots of clothing, and ignored Lara’s requests to not bring her anything.
"HA HA HA!" laughed Renji, patting Lara hard on the back and saying "gross" as he caught his breath and took another drink of his beer.
"Fucking hell, Renji, now I'm stuck with that mental picture in my head, and I can't even use whiskey as brain bleach," Dani grumbled. It wasn't a bad mental picture at all, really, but Lara was her roommate and was so strictly stuck in 'friend' territory that thinking of her naked and wrestling around with a hot japanese chick was just...
It totally sucked. She didn't need to be thinking about that.
"Thanks Renji." Shepard had no such worries or compunctions. In fact, she was having the wickedest idea. "This place does an amatuer night."
"No," Lara said, risking a glance away from the stage. "Not in a million years."
When she looked back, there were breasts practically in her face as the woman was dangling off the stage towards her.
Lara tried to sink through her chair.
Sure, there was girls and boobs, but Renji wasn't thinking anything in regards to the roomies, or vicariously the friends of his roomies. Those were off strictly limits. Say whatever anyone liked about his rough around the edges mannerisms and loud mouth, but Renji had more than enough strength of will to know that the first rule of house-mates is never fool around with your housemates.
He did, however, grin like a fool ass idiot at Lara wishing the floor just turned into quicksand. That's why he helpfully gave her a pat on the back again, which probably sent her nose a smidge closer to stripper titties. It's as normal as bread and butter, the two things go together, so why not?
Dani leaned over Renji to whisper in Lara's ear, "Put a 20 right between her breasts. You can do it. Be brave."
Wordlessly, Lara gingerly put a twenty there, trying to ignore how the woman’s smirk made her knees weak.
"See? Not a big deal," Renji said with a shrug. "Even if you're about to start drooling."
Just in case that happened, he slid a napkin over in Lara’s direction. SO HELPFUL.
The stripper pulled away to finish her set, and Lara could remember to breathe. “All right. That was bloody fascinating. Can we go now?”
Shepard had singled out a red head, and tugged her into Dani’s lap. “That last one’ll be out soon. We need to stay for her. A nice private dance…” She waggled her eyebrows.
"Renji's so very helpful. Look, he even gave you a napkin to wipe that drool off your chin with, Lara!" Dani pointed out, right before a stripper ended up on her lap.
She was really hot, and red heads were kind of a thing for Dani, so she sure as hell wasn't going to argue with Shepard's taste. Instead, she motioned someone over to keep Renji busy, "Your lap's all naked and stuff, we can't have that."
"Nah I don't need..." Ok, so a little brunette abruptly landed on his lap and Renji just about spit out his not-cheap beer everywhere from the swiftness of it all. After coughing because that was a nut nudger, Renji gave the girl five dollars, like he was such a big spender. Zomg. "Yay, my lap's not vacant now. Hi, I'm Renji. I like fistfights, arguments, and raiding other people's fridges. Don't try to pick my pocket because I work at a damn drive-thru and do yard work sometimes, so I'm a broke ass."
Lara shot them all a dirty look at the whole napkin thing, then jumped four feet, it seemed like, when someone put her hands on her shoulders. She swiveled her head around to look at who it was and forgot how to breathe. The dancer that had just been on stage was smiling at her.
Shepard was watching Dani with the red head and had an amused, yet odd look on her face.
The brunette wriggled in Renji’s lap and grinned at him. He was cute. She traced the tattoos on his face.
"Yeah, those’re from tattoo ninjas," he explained. THOSE TOTALLY EXIST so DO NOT QUESTION HIM because DREAM STUFF IS DUMB, all right?! He looped an arm around her waist and took another drink, snerking at Lara being so jumpy.
“Tattoo ninjas?” The brunette giggled, putting on the air of an airhead. Hey, whatever got her more money, right? “Do they like. Have throwing needles?”
Meanwhile, Dani had made herself more comfortable in her chair, leaning back a bit and savoring the moment. She was trying to conserve her energy for later, because she was pretty sure that look Shepard was giving her was going to be followed up on.
At least, she hoped. The woman on her lap was dancing and jiggling, and it was pretty entrancing. She giggled a bit to herself and popped a cherry in her mouth, "This was a great idea."
"Best idea ever," Renji said at full volume, followed by telling the brunette, "and they probably do. That won't stop me. If I find them, I'm gonna hurt 'em. Big time."
The brunette squeezed Renji's arms. "You'd kick ass!" She hoped he had some twenties on him.
"Yeah, you have great ideas." Shepard nodded at them. She hadn't been here in awhile and it was nice to loosen up, even if she was pretty sure most of the girls here were only willing to wriggle on them for money, and not because they swung that way. She let her hand wander a bit up her own woman's thigh until it got slapped and she smiled innocently.
"Hi," Lara said, suddenly glad Sam was in London. The woman would probably have her face plastered to a camera display and filming Lara's discomfort with unnatural glee. She'd die. Literally die.
The stripper smirked and quirked her finger at Lara, turning to lead her away.
The archaeologist looked at the others as if to ask 'whatdoIdonow?!' She wanted to be polite. Right? Polite was good.
Dani motioned to the money still remaining in Lara's lap, then made a shooing motion in the direction the stripper was walking, "Go on. Have fun. Please do something that me and Shepard would do."
Way to the guy's pocketbook, giggly brunette stripper. Sure Renji knew that she was doing it just for the money, but still Renji smiled like a total goof and flexed a well-muscled arm to show off. She was so getting at least $40.00. Oooo. Big spender.
Lara wondered what she was going to get for sixty dollars. And she had some money of her own of course. The stripper came back and gently pulled Lara to her feet, plucking the money out of her hands. Lara steeled herself, breathed to calm herself, and then let herself be lured off.
Shepard catcalled, then leaned over and dropped another twenty onto Renji’s lap. “Here, do something really, really nice for him.” She was a giver.
"Hey, that's nice of you. Thanks." Renji being his usual clueless to hotness or romance or anything, merely jabbed a thumb in the behind him direction, and said, "How 'bout a shoulder rub? My friggin' neck is killing me. I think I gotta crick in it."
It could be a stripper or a professional masseuse, and it wouldn't make a lick of difference to him. Money is money! GET TA MASSAGING. Before he makes it rain with a handful of loose change, which isn't going to feel as light and fluttery as dollar bills do.
Money was money. She hopped out of his lap and moved around to rub his shoulders. She’d been paid for much much worse before. This day rocked! Even if poor Ally was off to give a lapdance to a girl. That was gross!
Well. Maybe less gross than getting something hard jabbed into you.
Though probably not nearly as gross as having to deal with a client that had fallen asleep on you.
It was really impossible to believe in a loud stripper joint like this that anyone would be nodding off, but Dani was totally doing it. At least she wasn't snoring? Though if she was, it wasn't likely that anyone was going to hear her!
How embarrassing was that? Dani was certainly going to find out.
Renji was not going to be jabbing anything hard at his stripper, who was now a massage artiste. Hells to the no. He was putty in her hands, enough that he waved another ten dollar bill for her to keep going. Now he's got beer, a backrub, AND a stripper on stage to look at (but no touchy!) so today was a good day indeed.
Shepard nudged Dani. “Really, how much sleep DID you get last night? Think you can stay awake long enough for Lara and Renji to finish their shows?” Her tone was gently teasing, and the strippers were exchanging amused looks.
Ms. Brunette was oblivious, because apparently fast food work was really, really stressful. She was getting a hand cramp!
"Oh shit," Dani mumbled, drowsily. She gave the redhead on her lap an apologetic look and handed her 40 dollars, then shooed her away. Lara and Renji definitely deserved to finish their shows but obviously she didn't.
She looked somewhat sheepish when she turned her attention back to Shepard, "Well if someone had left me alone longer than an hour last night..."
Shepard just grinned, and shooed away her own. “Who wants to grab some food on the way back. And a couple six packs to celebrate breaking your room mate?”
Renji raised one hand automatically, because food...and celebrating his rightness. He promptly gave the nice brunette a literal handful of change (including pennies).
"Ready when you are," he told them, "or whenever Lara's done wringing out her undies."