Robert Frobisher (sincerely_rf) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-09-07 22:45:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, draco malfoy, robert frobisher |
Who: Draco and Robert.
Where: Robert's home.
What: Friends talking.
When: September 5.
Warnings/Rating: PG-13/Mentions of dream suicide.
Status: Complete.
Draco headed over to Roberts after receiving the text, it sounded like his friend needed him and Draco was nothing if not a good friend. Robert was struggling with his dreams, that much was obvious and Draco felt bad for him. He himself had always managed to keep himself separate from his dreams, but they seemed to affect Robert more deeply.
Grabbing the beer he’d picked up on the way he got out of his car and walked up the path to knock on the door.
Robert was already something of an emotional being. He put on a very good front, of course, acting as if not a lot got to him, but it was hard to watch his dream self go through everything. They were too similar, he thought, and it was like watching himself spiral down. And now he knew exactly where his dreams were going. It was terrifying to think of.
He was half way through a box of cigarettes when the knock came on the door, and he answered it with a very slight smile.
“Good, you’re here, I need the distraction.” Robert ushered Draco inside.
“Of course” Draco replied, “Well I brought beer and can ramble about pretty much anything you like” he offered, “You holding up okay? You look tired”
“My knight in shining armor.” Robert finished up his cigarette and took a breath before promptly lighting another one, motioning for Draco to sit.
“I’m exhausted. This sextet has me … It’s almost done.” He exhaled, though it was hard to say if he’s excited or not by that. “The Cloud Atlas Sextet holds my life, is my life, now I’m a spent firework; but at least I’ve been a firework,” he quoted. “That’s what I wrote. In my dreams.”
“Wow, god your dreams are heavy” he said after sitting and hearing Robert explain, “Have you spoken to Rufus? You share dreams right? Maybe it’ll help when you finish the sextet here, you’ll be able to let it go in a sense”
"I don't want to worry him," Robert said. He sat next to Draco and rubbed at his eyes with the palm of his hand. "The only way I'm going to finish it is if I dream about finishing it. But I'm afraid to sleep because I know that I'm -"
He took a breath and a drag of his cigarette to sort his thoughts.
"I'm going to shoot myself in the head. I dreamt about writing the letter to Rufus. Dearest Sixsmith, shot myself through the roof of my mouth this morning. And the worst part of it all is that Rufus was there, you know? I was enjoying one last cigarette at sunrise and there he was, come to Edinburgh to save me, and still I did it. Will do it. How can I possibly sleep knowing I'll dream that?"
“Bloody hell” Draco breathed, placing his hand on Robert’s shoulder in what he hoped would be a reassuring comfort, “Robert, I can’t say I know what you’re going through because I don’t but despite the similarities between you here and you in the dreams you aren’t that person” he said, “It will be a terrible dream when it comes but you will wake up and continue on with your life”
"I know," Robert replied, sounding a bit despondent. "I know it's just a dream. But I feel all his ... Anxiety and his problems. And the emotion behind this damn sextet - writing something so perfect and believing you'll never write anything better? I guess I'll just feel empty. When it's all said and done."
Robert put out his cigarette and leaned back against the couch.
"Maybe I'm just scared of that, too."
Draco sat back too, turning so he was facing Robert, “You’re a gifted musician Robert, even before the dreams started that was true” he said, “You understand music in a way most people can’t even imagine. That isn’t going to disappear. Maybe the sextet was dream Robert’s perfect composition, but that doesn’t mean it has to be yours. You could write something better, maybe that’s your future here”
Robert smiled a bit, then let out a slight laugh.
"You're going to think this is insane, but. In the dreams, he said he wrote it imagining the same people meeting again and again. He's very ... I don't know. In the letter, he tells dream-Rufus that there's a better world for them and he'll be waiting there. So maybe that's this world." He paused. "That sounds mental, doesn't it?"
“It does” Draco said slowly, “But that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. We live in the county of strange occurrences after all. So what’s to say that your idea isn’t right? Maybe it’s why we’re all here, to do things again but this time do things better and get it right”
“Who knows.” Robert seemed to have calmed down at least a bit. He put out the cigarette and sighed. “I just don’t know what to do about Rufus. He’ll fret, you know. Even if I tell him, he’ll be broken up about it all. You’re right. I’ll be fine.”
“He’s gonna dream about it himself though at some point right?” Draco said, “If it was me I’d want to know. I’d want to take some of the burden from the person I loved, even if it gave me some added stress. You should talk to him. You will be fine but if you need anything to help you feel like you’ll be fine then just ask”
“I know. I can already see his face when he dreams it. It’s terrible.” Robert puts on a bit of a pout. “Thank you, by the way. For coming over and giving me a pep talk. You’re a terribly good friend.”
“Then definitely talk to him to prepare him at least” Draco advised, “It’s not a problem. I try my best” he smiled.
“How does someone bring that up?” Robert snorted a bit. “Oh, hello, darling, by the way, you know those dreams we’ve been having? Yes, well, remember that time I dreamt I stole his gun and shot him? You see, I kill myself with that gun despite the fact that I know you’ve come to take me home. Cheers.”
“Well maybe not quite like that” Draco said, “I mean you don’t necessarily have to be specific if you can’t bring yourself to talk about it. Just warn him that something upsetting might be coming and that you’re here for him when it occurs”
“This is why I’m no good with relationships. There’s so much pressure. I’m no good with this sort of thing.” Robert lit up another cigarette. He couldn’t think what else to do. “Tell me about your life. I want to live happiness vicariously through you.”
“You’re doing fine. Just relax a bit more, don’t pressure yourself” Draco advised, “Well, Zuko is going to school to study business and is going to take on being my manager did I tell you that?” he asked.
“Oh, my, everything is coming up Draco, isn’t it.” He smiled, genuinely pleased for Draco. “I think I’m going to just become a trophy wife. Live off of Rufus’ vast success. I think I’d be quite good at that.”
“I guess so, things really are going well right now” Draco smiled, “You won’t get a chance to be a trophy wife, once people hear your compositions you’ll be head hunted in no time”
“Your faith in me is truly inspiring.” But it certainly perked Robert up. “Do you want to hear it? What’s done of it, anyway. It’s incredible.”
“I’d love to” Draco said, sitting up, “It is rather haunting you know. That one bit you had ages ago that you played me is still dancing around in my head” he smiled.
“All my music is haunting. It’s dreadful, isn’t it? I’m going to have to start composing happy pieces.” Robert stood up and walked over to the piano that now took up a good chunk of Rufus’ living room. He put out his cigarette and flexed his fingers a bit. “It’s more or less complete, it just needs that last finesse. And I know I’m only going to get it if I dream it. How terrible.” But he flashed Draco a grin and began to play what he had.
“Haunting can be good” Draco told him before he settled down to listen as Robert played. It was an incredibly beautiful and moving piece, and Draco loved it. He told Robert as much when he finished, “Honestly Robert, it’s amazing”
“I know.” Though he sounded a bit defeated. “I’ll be a mess the first time I hear it played by an orchestra.”
“A proud mess” Draco told him, “Along with the rest of us who will be proud of you as well”
“You’re so nice. Sometimes I think it’s terrible that we’re both very committed to other men. But come on, let’s drink and watch old movies.” Robert slid off the piano bench and plopped next to Draco again.
Draco chuckled, "It's probably for the best. I'd miss you as a friend far too much" He lent forward and grabbed two beers handing one off to Robert as they settled in for some movie watching.