Remus Lupin (answertoten) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-09-03 00:30:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, remus lupin, sirius black |
Who: Remus Lupin & Sirius Black
When: Backdated: First Week of July. Late Evening.
Where: Sirius' House; Bedroom
What: Sirius and Remus have the same disturbing dream
Rating: PG-13. Talk of dream deaths
Status: Complete
The more time that Remus spent over at the house, the more Sirius got accustomed to having someone around him again. And he noticed that each time Remus left to go home, one of Moony’s things would end up being left at the house. Sirius didn’t even mind. It started with a couple of books, then it was a extra t-shirt, his spare bathing suit, and eventually some extra toiletry items like a toothbrush and deodorant. And things were good... this was all good.
But now California had another weird things happening and as usual, it seemed like all of Valarnet knew about it. Sirius had convinced Remus to come over and they’d spent the rest of the day relaxing, using the pool, or just watching the television. Nothing big, but just spending time together. It was even better though because Remus was spending the night.
While he slept, Sirius had begun having those odd dreams again about Hogwarts. But it was different this time. His friends were still there, but they’d all graduated. There was some kind of war ramping up... something about Voldie-something and his followers. But the later dreams caused Sirius to wake up in a cold sweat and thrashing around as he screamed. He thought he felt someone reach out and touch him, but panic set in and Sirius threw himself backwards, falling off the bed and smacking his head on the floor. He sucked in a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling, wincing in pain.
Ever since they had made it official, more or less, and Sirius had given him a key, Remus spent quite a lot of time at Sirius’ house. He wasn’t there all the time, he did want to give Sirius his own time after all, but over the last few weeks Remus had begun leaving things at Sirius, simply because it was easier than packing a bag each time he was going to spend the night.
Tonight was one of those nights he was staying over, which would turn out to be a good thing, because when he dreamt that night it was just about the worst dream he’d had so far. Worse than getting bit by Greyback. Worse than fighting Death Eaters. James and Lily were dead. Murdered by Voldemort. Betrayed by their friend. By Sirius. It only made sense after all, because Sirius was their Secret Keeper. Sirius was the only one who could have told anyone where they were hiding. James and Lily were dead and Harry had been brought to live with his aunt and uncle.
It was Sirius screaming and thrashing about that eventually woke Remus and if he were honest, he would have preferred to keep dreaming, because to see Sirius react that way was possibly even worse than the dream. Not knowing the Sirius had been having the same dream, Remus reached out in an attempt to calm him, “Sirius...” When Sirius threw himself back and fell off the bed, Remus threw the covers back and practically jumped out of bed, moving around to Sirius’ side and knelt down next to him, “Sirius, calm down. It’s okay. It’s me.”
Sirius swallowed hard as he started at Remus with wild, panicked eyes. “James and Lily,” he murmured. “They... “ He squeezed his eyes closed and just sat there taking deep breaths to try and calm his racing heart. “It’s my fault. All my fault. If I hadn’t convinced Peter to become the Secret Keeper instead of me, they wouldn’t have been murdered! I wouldn’t have been sentenced to prison!”
“Sirius,” Remus brought his hands up to touch the other man’s face and hair, trying his best to calm him, “They’re fine. It’s not your fault. It was only one of the dreams.” Remus was still fairly freaked out from his own dream, but it sounded like they had, had the same one and that helped because they would get through this together, “Sirius, I dreamt the same thing.” Maybe if Sirius knew this then it would help to calm him sooner.
“Wait... you what? But how’s that even possible?” he asked in confusion. Sirius rubbed a hand over his face and took another deep breath. “They’re... yeah. They’re fine. Just a dream.” But that was what worried him. Magic was from the dreams too and that had come to pass in his reality. What if other things from the dreams came true in reality?
“I don’t know,” Remus had given up trying to figure out how the dreams worked, a long time ago, “But I just dreamt everything you just said.” He stroked Sirius’ cheek gently then leaned in and pressed his lips to Sirius’ for only a moment before pulling back, hands on his neck and shoulders, unable to actually remove his hands from Sirius, hoping that his touch would be comforting to him.
For several minutes, Sirius remained in place and didn’t even try to move. Finally, he looked up at met Remus’ eyes, leaned in to tenderly kiss him, and motioned for his boyfriend to get up. “Back onto the bed,” he suggested. “I’m worried, Remus. These dreams... they’re not normal. They feel too real for it and I don’t understand.”
As the kiss ended, Remus got up, extending a hand to help Sirius up. The elder Black had hit the floor pretty hard and Remus was worried that he might have hurt himself, “I know. Trust me I know.” There were morning, after Remus had dreamt about transformations where his bones ached as if his body had actually gone through the werewolf transformation, “I don’t think anyone fully understands them.”
“It’s strange… I didn’t have dreams like this before coming back here. But it’s like everyone’s having them and shit from the dreams is bleeding over to reality. So which is it? Are they dreams, or are they our real lives that we’re remembering?” He sighed and got up with Remus’ help. Sirius stretched a bit to make sure he hadn’t hurt himself and sat down on the edge of the bed. “What else have you dreamt about? And don’t you dare hold anything back, Moony. I want to know everything.”
“I didn’t have them before moving back either. I was back here for a few months earlier last year and nothing out of the ordinary happened. It wasn’t until I came back in December. And I don’t know what they are exactly. I don’t think they’re past lives, because ours take place not too long before our real lives.” In the dreams, he had been born in the fifties, but in real life he had been born in the seventies. So, he didn’t see how the dreams could be past lives; at least not in their case.
Running a hand through his hair, Remus sat down beside Sirius then placed his hands in his lap as he watched Sirius, “I’ve dreamt the same things you have. Aside from our lives before Hogwarts.” Remus was all too familiar with things bleeding over and he had the scar on his shoulder to prove it. As he sat there, he recalled what Sirius had said about the Secret Keeper and what he knew about it from his own dream, “Wait, you weren’t their Secret Keeper?”
“I was supposed to be. But… it’s complicated, Remus. But I convinced them that Peter would be a better choice because I thought Voldemort and the Death Eaters knew it would be me. Remember, we were all trying to find out who the traitor was. Too bad we all guessed wrong and it turned out to be Peter fucking Pettigrew!” Sirius spat out angrily. “I never should’ve talked them into it. It was all my fault. All me.”
Remus recalled how tense everything had been in that part of the dream. He frowned slightly as listened, looking straight at Sirius, “I thought...at one point I thought it was you. I thought you were the traitor.” It was a relief to hear that Sirius hadn’t been the traitor; however, part of him wished that Sirius had actually killed Peter. Reaching over, Remus carded his fingers through the hair at the back of Sirius’ head, “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know. We trusted the real Peter, didn’t we? It’s the same thing. He tricked us.”
“Yeah, well… at one point I thought it was you too,” Sirius admitted. He floppped onto his back on the bed and sighed as he stared up at the ceiling. “Here I went to prison. In the dreams I went to prison also. But there? Azkaban? Those dreams or memories or whatever they are are worse than anything I could possibly imagine on my own. The Dementors who guarded the place… I just… in my dreams, I’m a dog a lot of the time. It was the only way to stay sane.”
Remus didn’t fault Sirius got suspecting him, because it didn’t appear like he gave Sirius much reason to trust him near the end of the war. As Sirius laid down, Remus did as well, scooting closer so he could stroke his fingers along Sirius’ stomach, hoping that his touch was comforting. He hated thinking of Sirius in regular prison, but from what Remus knew of Azkaban Prison in the dreams, he really didn’t want to think of Sirius there, “I can’t even imagine what that would be like,” No wonder Sirius had reacted so badly when he’d woken up. “But you’re safe here now and James and Lily are just fine. We’re all fine, Sirius.”
Sirius nodded and slipped an arm beneath Remus’ shoulders and rolled onto his side so he could hold his boyfriend. “I know you guys are. But I still worry about it. All of this stuff bleeding through from the dreams. If magic can come here, then why not Dementors? Or Death Eaters?” He tenderly kissed Remus’ forehead and sighed, closing his eyes.
While on the outside Remus had appeared calm during all of this, for Sirius’ sake, he had been just as freaked out as Sirius, but once Sirius wrapped his arms around him, he began to feel as calm as he’d been acting moments ago. As Sirius spoke about his fears about Dementors and Death Eaters, Remus chose to not tell him about the Dark Marks that had appeared in the sky a few months earlier. “I’m sure the worst that will happen is that I become a werewolf.” Of course that just happened to be the one thing Remus was dreading even more than Death Eaters and Dementors.
“If that happens, we’re going to have a real problem on our hands,” Sirius murmured. “Maybe I should get cracking on the Animagus thing… see if I can make that actually happen here. You know… just in case.” He pressed a light kiss to Remus’ lips and opened his eyes to look at him.
“Do you think you could pull it off?” In their dream world James, Sirius and Peter had become the youngest animagus, doing it completely on their own. And while Sirius was older now than he’d been in dreams when he’d done it, he would be doing it by himself.
“Honestly? I have no idea. But when has something like that ever stopped me before?” he tried to joke. “Remus, you know me. If I set my mind to something, then I’ll find a way to do it or get it.” Sirius ran his hand lightly up and down Remus’ arm, having finally calmed down from his nightmare. “I’ll figure it out somehow.”
“Very true. I don’t believe I’ve ever witnessed you giving up on something.” Remus smiled, grateful that initial shock of the contents of the dreams had passed and that Sirius seemed much calmer, “Perhaps Severus could help. He’s much further along in the dreams, which leads me to believe his skill with magic surpasses us as well.”
“Severus? As in Severus Snape from the dreams? Snivellus?” Sirius arched an eyebrow and made a slight face. “Don’t tell me that he’s here… in California. If he’s anything like he was in the dreams, I kind of doubt that we’ll get along with each other.”
Remus laughed softly and nodded, “Yes, the very same. He didn’t go to school with us, but he and Lily were friends even in this world. He’s honestly nothing like his dream self. I’ve spent time with him a few times over the last few months. His dreams are a little farther along than ours, so he might be somewhat more skilled in magic as well.” Remus wasn’t sure, but it was worth a try.
“If he’s not like the dreams and you can vouch for him, then go ahead and set up a meeting for us all. But if he is like the guy from my dreams? Yeah… I can’t promise that I’ll bite my tongue. Oh… that reminds me. Speaking of magic…” Sirius reached out a hand and his wand instantly flew to it. He smirked and winked at Remus, then used his wand to lift a nearby vase without causing it to explode. “Been practicing. Not bad, huh?”
“I’ll ask him the next time I talk to him,” Remus lifted his head from where it had been resting on Sirius’ shoulder as the wand flew into his boyfriend’s hand and he smirked as the vase levitated, “That’s fantastic, Sirius.” He’d also been practising his magic, which he’d actually picked up on pretty quickly unlike Sirius who had been causing things to explode more than anything, “Before you know it, you’ll be able to apparate.” Of course, he hoped that if Sirius chose to try that, he’d give it all his concentration, because he’d hate for Sirius to splinch himself.
“Can you apparate yet?” Sirius asked curiously. He hadn’t bothered to try it yet because he preferred riding his motorcycle around. Not to mention that a lot of people would freak out if he suddenly appeared out of nowhere.
Remus shook his head, “I haven’t tried anything that intricate yet. Perhaps we could try together once we’ve mastered more than First Year magic.” He smirked and laid back down, unsure if he would actually be able to get back to sleep after the dreams, but lying there with Sirius certainly helped to keep him from over thinking them.
“Sure… we’ll give it a go later.” Sirius set his wand on the nightstand and pulled the blankets up to where he wanted them before closing his eyes. He nuzzled Remus’ cheek and hooked an ankle over his boyfriend’s leg to keep him from moving too far away. “Back to sleep. Maybe I’ll make you some breakfast in the morning.”