Lorna Dane loves rocks and math (compassrose) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-08-26 01:06:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !complete, !trigger warning, lorna dane (polaris), scott summers (cyclops) |
Who: Lorna and Scott Summers
Where: Scott's place
What: making up
When: Friday night after these texts
Warnings/Rating: R for drug use and mentions of torture
Status complete
Lorna wished she’d gone ahead and brought some of the pot brownies she’d made earlier in the day to this meeting. For one thing, she was really stressed out. For another, it might get Scott to mellow out and she thought he could use that.
Instead she had the baby blanket under one arm, and a box of cookies under the other. She took a deep breath before she walked up to the house, hoping this would go better than expected. She had to keep herself together. The urge to panic was still present, but it would only get better by dealing with the source of her anxiety. In this case, that meant making nice with Scott.
She knocked on the door and waited anxiously for him to open it.
Scott could use mellowing out like crazy. He probably would have accepted the pot brownies. Nay. No probably.
He opened the door and smiled tiredly at her. “Come on in.”
She stepped inside, studying his expression a little. It was hard to tell what he was feeling with half his face obscured. He seemed angry to her, and she felt her stomach sink. “Hey. How are you?”
“Tired. Had a hell of a week. Are feeling okay?” His anger wasn’t directed at her, and right now concern and weariness were trumping it.
“I’m getting better.” Lorna admitted. “I brought you cookies, and the blanket.” She held up her offerings. “Did you already. . . do the mission or whatever?” She hoped he had, and wouldn’t try to talk her into going along.
“Already done. Things should be quiet for awhile, at least I hope so.” Scott wasn’t entirely sure about that, but he’d take any respites he could. “Was a pretty clean mission. Blew a lab. Didn’t have to hurt anyone, at least. They had less human guards than I thought they would, at least in the section we ported into.” Lorna’s powers would have been handy but they hadn’t been required. “You don’t have to feel guilty about not going.”
Lorna frowned at Scott, her voice showing her agitation. “I don’t feel guilty about not going. I feel guilty for not being more honest with you about my ability to go on the mission itself.” She set her gifts down on a nearby table. “I feel guilty that you and Alex fought. I’m a little angry at you for assuming two weeks of training would help me get over a lifelong anxiety problem, a deep personal belief in pacifism, and a very sincere desire to never become like my dream self.”
Scott sighed, closing his eyes behind his visor for a moment. “I didn’t think about the anxiety problem, I’m sorry, I should have paid more attention to that. I thought you wanted to help and I wanted to give you a chance to help. I would have accepted no, Lorna. I wouldn’t have even been upset.”
“I do want to help.” Lorna assured him. “And honestly I didn’t feel like I could say no. I mean, you didn’t come at me like a friend asking for help, you ordered me to be ready. When I asked why you immediately told me it was for the safety of the mutants at large, with a pretty particular emphasis on babies. I felt like I couldn’t say no or you’d think I didn’t care about you or the rest of the mutants, born or otherwise.” Her angry expression gave way to earnestness. She wasn’t yelling, she just wanted him to understand how she’d felt, why it had been so hard for her to say no.
“I admit that wasn’t fair.” It took a lot for him to admit that much. Especially when he mostly wished that none of this had to have happened. “It just...felt really urgent at the time, and we had to do some questionable things just to get that much info.”
Lorna frowned, her lips pursed thoughtfully. “What kind of questionable things did you do?” She was almost afraid to ask, but she had to know. If he wanted her to be a moral compass then she’d do her best to help.
“We telepathically ripped the knowledge we needed out of the woman who tortured Jubilee, Nate and Laura, and killed Emma.” Scott frowned, and resisted the urge to look away from Lorna. “And we weren’t gentle about it.”
Lorna’s stomach dropped to the floor, and she felt vaguely ill again. She kept her eyes on Scott’s face, but her expression was enough to show him how horrified she was at what he was confessing. “Why?” That seemed like a good place to start.
His face became grim. “She used Jubilee to lure Logan out, and took his blood. She was torturing people, taking homeless off the street or even volunteers and trying to engineer them to have powers… She’s a true believer. She’d fit right in with the Purifiers. Or the Nazis. She shoots people in the head just to prove a point.”
“And you tortured her because she was a bad person?” Lorna asked, her tone neutral. She fought to make her face match it, but it was hard for her to hide her discomfort about the subject. “You don’t have to become Cyclops here. That woman sounds horrible. I agree that something had to be done, and the information she had was probably really needed. You didn’t have to hurt her. So why did you do it the way you did?” She made a mental note to text Jubilee and see if she was okay as well.
"We weren't going to. But she resisted. So Emma took away her zealotry." Scott wasn't defending his actions, but he was explaining them. "..then it became too late to stop and we had to keep looking for the location. We could have been gentler. We showed her all the shit that's in my head, all the desperation and fear and the running and what happens to the good people who get caught in the middle. She didn't even care."
“So an alternative to torture was to show her horrible things and hope it would make her change her mind?” Lorna sighed. “How do you feel about all that now? Do you regret it?”
The man sigh, his glasses glinting in the light from the hallway. "No. Yes. I don't know. I wish there was another way. I wish there'd been time to think of one. I'd rather have been more delicate. We captured a scientist, we have time to get what we need without hurting him. I don't want this, I don't want to do any of this and I keep finding myself in this position. What else could I do? Let Kitty loose on these people, with her need to avenge Xi'an? Maybe I'll just hand him over to Shepard."
Lorna reached over and took his hand. “You can’t let Kitty’s need for revenge drag you down too. You’re going to be a father soon, you’ve built a life here. If Kitty wants to do this, let her. If you don’t, then for God’s sake, don’t. You’re only responsible for yourself and your family here, the rest of us can ask you for help, but you’re not obligated to us anymore. The only thing you have to be is a good role model at the Ranch, a good husband to your wife, and a good father to your baby. Those are all pretty challenging on their own, and completely incompatible with being a vigilante.”
“They attacked people I care about. I’m not going to sit by and do nothing. But I’ve just been...reacting. I don’t really see any out in this.” He looked momentarily helpless. “I have power, I have training and knowledge. To not use it is...irresponsible. I should have been able to do something for Xi’an. Stop what happened to Jubilee and Emma.”
“You’re not God. You shoot lasers out of your eyes and have tactical knowledge, but you can’t save everyone in every situation. What could you have done for Xi’an? Her plane crashed, could you have sprouted wings and flew her to safety?” Lorna realized she was getting short with him, and she took a deep breath.
“I understand the need to protect and help people. I understand wanting to use your powers for good. Believe me, I was on your side of the argument when Alex and I talked about what happened with the texts. It feels like a waste not to put these powers to use. You had to act, but you could have acted differently, and I think you know that, too. You’ve even said as much. If you’re tired of reacting the only thing to do is stop reacting. Take the time to think. Consult with people who aren’t involved before you act.”
"I have a misplaced sense of wanting to protect everyone," Scott replied, a little dryly. "I know you all can handle yourselves, but I'd rather you never had to worry about anything."
“I worry about you.” Lorna noted, smiling softly. “I don’t want to see your life end up like it did in the dreams. Alex I can help, but I feel like I can’t do much for you. Heck, I worry about most of us, it’s so easy to think of the dreams as destiny. They’re not, though. We had a crisis, and now it’s over, right? So now you go back to being a person, instead of a hero, and hope that you don’t have to be a hero again.”
“Things were simpler when the biggest crisis was a bunch of furry animals overrunning everything,” Scott replied.
Lorna snorted. “That’s not our life anymore, but that doesn’t mean we need to give up being those people. Right now the biggest crisis you have to face is making up with Alex after you were both jerks. Do you mind if we go outside for the rest of the conversation?”
“Yeah, I don’t mind at all.” Not that Scott was in any mood to make up with Alex just yet. Eventually, yes, but he needed to cool down first, where that was concerned.
Lorna led the way outside again, and found a place to sit. She pulled out her pipe and started to pack it, before leaning back. “I have to admit I thought about tampering with the cookies to get you to relax.”
“You should have,” Scott replied, his laugh sounding strained. “Sometimes a little bit of tampering can go a long way.”
Lorna snickered. “Now that doesn’t sound like something Cyclops would say.” She worked on lighting her pipe, then offered it to Scott. “I think you could use a little help relaxing.”
“No, but Scott Summers learned how to pull the stick out of his ass.” He took the pipe and puffed on it. It immediately made him relax.
“Good, because you’re going to need it.” Lorna said with a laugh. “Have you seen the new kid’s response to Wrex’s post? He seems pretty intense.”
“Tate?” Scott asked.
“That sounds right.” Lorna said with a nod. “Has he been by the Ranch yet? I go back to work tomorrow.” She grabbed her pipe and lighter back and took a hit.
“I know he went to see Wrex but I haven’t had a chance to meet him myself. It’s on the to do list.” He closed his eyes, head swimming as he let the pot do it’s thing.
Lorna giggled. “I bet your to-do list is longer than I am tall.” And ordered by priority, probably with a color coding system and a cloud backup. She handed the pipe back over. “Gotta say, I didn’t expect this conversation to get to this point.”
“What did you expect?” He asked, wondering if his migraines could net him one of those medical cards. Seriously wondering it, because it felt really, really nice not to worry.
“I dunno. I was pretty nervous about it. I know how Alex gets when he’s all righteously angry, so I guess I expected that.” She leaned back, thinking a little. “Don’t hold what he said against him. He was just trying to protect me, like you’d protect Emma in the same place.”
“I’d protect her, but I’d also know when she needed to defend herself.” He still felt that Lorna was a strong enough woman to be able to do that on her own, and that Alex did a disservice by white knighting her. But he also didn’t know the situation well enough.
Lorna shrugged. “I was literally incapable of speech when he came in to talk to me. You haven’t seen how bad my anxiety can get, or what I’m like during an attack. If you knew you probably wouldn’t have asked me along in the first place. Powers only count for so much.” She wasn’t upset about it anymore. He’d admitted he was wrong, she’d apologized for her part of it, and things were fine with her.
“All right,” Scott said, not in the mood to press matters. Things were okay, and he was okay with that. And he was really, really okay.
Lorna snickered. “You know, we should have brought the cookies.” She should have brought more cookies.
“Yeah. We should have.” He grinned at her. “Because I’m now starving.”
That was insanely funny to Lorna. She couldn’t restrain her rampant laughter for a few seconds. It felt good to laugh, especially in this situation. “I guess I could get them.” She managed to gasp out between giggles when she finally settled down enough to talk.
“That’s too much work.” Scott Summers. Allergic to work? Maybe today.
“Nu uh.” Lorna noted, and concentrated on the cookies. Like almost everything in her house, the cookie box had a ring of metal under the lip. After a minute the door opened and the box floated over. “You think Emma would run out and get burritos for us?” She normally sent Alex out for munchies in these situations.
“Yeah. I’ll ask Emma to get us some burritos. After she kills me.” Scott started laughing at the last four words, and then couldn’t stop.
That set Lorna off as well, and she wound up leaning on his shoulder until the giggles abated again. “Y-you could blame me.” Which was also, for some reason, really funny.
“I always..always take…” He snerked, almost giggling. “Take responsibility.”
Lorna poked his side. “That’s your problem.” It was extra hilarious seeing Scott on the verge of giggles.
“I need to do something about it!”
“Be less responsible.” Duh. “This is a good start.”
“And why...why should I listen to you.”
“Because I’m a genius.” Lorna said, her face very serious for a moment. Then she snorted again and laughed. “And ‘cause I’m right, and you know it.”
“I hereby appoint you queen deputy of relaxation.”
“Nu uh. Em-” she had to stop to laugh again. “Empress or nothing. I’m going to expand the chilled out empire until everyone’s relaxed from this coast to the other.”
“By the powers invested in my by Charles Xavier,” Scott said somberly. “I crown you Empress.”
And that was the end of Lorna’s ability to do anything but laugh for a full minute. The more she thought about it, the funnier it became.
Scott decided that this was a good end to a shitty week, and he couldn’t stop laughing, either.
Eventually Lorna ran out of energy. She draped herself over the back of the chair, eyes closed, face relaxed. “You know, life’s pretty good.”
He looked at her, then up at the sky. “Yeah. Pretty good.”