InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "don't stop believin'!"

Dumat: The Dragon of Silence (nearestvessel) wrote in valarlogs,
@ 2013-08-25 13:44:00

Entry tags:

!complete, hannibal lecter, samandriel

Who: Hannibal Lecter & Samandriel
What: Much needed therapy
When: Sunday - late morning
Where: Hannibal's
Rating: Medium-High - discussion of losing grip on rationality due to angelic things.
Status: Complete

Hannibal was the sort of man who was regularly a bit intimidating to Samandriel. He liked him just fine, and all, but he'd always been Important to Abigail and so often Samandriel worked very, very hard to be on his best behavior. He felt like he passed muster. After all, he was still allowed to come over and perhaps even seen as a good influence. Or maybe it was just that he'd been in her life so long that it made little sense to remove someone who wasn't technically doing any harm. Stability and all that. It was a thing he wouldn't put past his own to do. They had likely done it in the past after all. It would certainly explain a few things.

Regardless, Samandriel dropped by the Lecter home not to speak with his sister (though he had plans to do that in very short order indeed,) but her adoptive father. He needed help. Hannibal, he thought, was the most qualified to give it to him. The problem was that Samandriel didn't think his parents would be willing to pay for therapy or acknowledge the need for it to bill their insurance company. Well, at least his mother wouldn't. He was certain his father would just stammer and wander off somewhere else not wanting to pick a fight with anyone.

So, he'd stopped at the ATM and gotten what money he could out of his account (college savings that hopefully his parents wouldn't notice him spending. No doubt, she would, but in his defense, he'd earned the money that was put in there,) and found himself at his door. He rang the bell and waited, nervous. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea. Perhaps Hannibal would think him mad or be cross with him for showing up unannounced on a Sunday and not simply to discuss the finer thematic points of Dostoyevsky with someone.

When it came down to fight or flight, Samandriel was definitely on the side of get the hell out of there. It was quite an effort to face his anxieties and remain resolutely on the front step until the door opened and it was too late to go disappearing anywhere.

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poisonlittleboy
2013-08-25 11:07 pm UTC (link)

It's certainly not expected, to hear the doorbell ring at this hour on a Sunday. But as he isn't doing anything but preparing the menu for that night's dinner, Hannibal isn't too entirely put out by the idea of a guest.

He answers the door with a smile, "Samandriel, so good to see you. Please, do come in." He'd heard quite a bit about the boy over the past few months, though Abigail had always been very fond of him.

Hannibal steps aside to let the young man in. "May I get you something to drink?"

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nearestvessel
2013-08-25 11:13 pm UTC (link)

Hannibal has always intimidated Samandriel on some level, like he's never quite certain if he'll measure up but wants desperately to. He supposes in a sense it's rather like how he feels about Lucifer. Different, of course, but definitely the same breed of emotion.

"No, thank you, Mr. Lecter," he says politely. Julia had raised him to be polite. His mother had tried to raise him to shut up and speak only when spoken to, but Julia was a far more nurturing figure.

"I was wondering, perhaps," he swallows audibly, but forces himself to make eye contact anyway and press on. He can feel his face knitting into a worried little near desperate look even as he keeps on speaking, "if you might have some time for me in a professional capacity." Half a beat and then he adds on quietly, voice cracking ever so slightly, "Please?"

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poisonlittleboy
2013-08-25 11:40 pm UTC (link)

Hannibal leads them into the library and settles on an armchair, gesturing for Samandriel to sit, as well.

The question takes him slightly by surprise; he'd assumed the boy was here to see Abigail, who was out, and Hannibal had planned on entertaining him the best he could until she returned.

"I must inform you that there are official protocols to this sort of thing. Setting up an appointment, first and foremost. Meeting at my office, secondly. I like to keep my private and personal life as separate as possible. I will be willing to help you, of course, but if I ever feel that your relationship with Abigail interferes with our professional relationship, I will refer you to a colleague. Do you understand?"

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nearestvessel
2013-08-25 11:55 pm UTC (link)

Of course there are official protocols, but Samandriel is desperate and if he goes through official channels, his mother will know and it'll only make him need therapy he won't be allowed to get all the more necessary.

"Yes, Dr. Lecter, sir," he says, quickly, following him into the library. The neatly folded stack of twenties burns in his pocket like perhaps he should offer that first. He doesn't know how this works. He just knows that things are getting harder and harder to deal with.

He sits in the chair, fiddling absently with the cuff of his shirt as though that might make this easier. "And I would have done all that, but there are complications and I can't have my mother finding out. I'm sorry...to- to just barge in like this, but I couldn't think of anyone else who would even begin to take me seriously. Please, forgive me." If nothing else, Samandriel always strove to be Good and Kind and Fair. He hopes that Dr. Lecter will see that, will understand that this is nothing to do with Abigail. The way he sees it, both their relationships with Abigail need not enter this room.

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poisonlittleboy
2013-08-26 12:34 am UTC (link)

"I'm not angry with you." Hannibal keeps his voice calm and even, giving Samandriel a reassuring smile. "I don't mind that you came to me. All I'm asking is that in the future, you make an appointment first.

Now, as far as your mother not knowing, I'm sorry to say it isn't legal for me to see you without parental consent until you are eighteen. Which I believe is not for another few months, if I'm correct."

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nearestvessel
2013-08-26 12:48 am UTC (link)

Samandriel licks his lips while he tries to think, desperately to think a work-around for this. There has to be a loophole somewhere, but he knows that's probably only for cases of abuse. "Single party or do I need both?" he asks. If he catches his father in the right stage of drunk, perhaps he can get him to sign without reading anything.

He wants to apologize again, but knows it won't get him anywhere and that how easily 'sorry' falls from his lips is an issue he's still working on. The toe of his converse is scuffed. Perhaps he should see to that later.

If worse comes to worst, he can just forge her signature and intercept the mail. But... "If she finds out, it won't be an option for me." He looks up at Hannibal. He has a concert tonight. He should be preparing for it, but he knows he'll be fine with an instrument in his hands. That's easier than breathing sometimes.

"I tried once a couple years ago to see someone and she spent an hour lecturing me on the fact that I should be able to manage my own issues just fine and that she expects better of me and all that bullshit." Samandriel stops, clears his throat and says again, "sorry." He shifts so that his posture is as straight as proper as it's supposed to be. "She just doesn't tolerate anyone asking for help. She sees it as a sign of weakness and only to be preyed upon." Hannibal has to know the type.

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poisonlittleboy
2013-08-30 12:27 am UTC (link)

Ah, this is a difficult situation. Hannibal presses steepled fingers to his lips, looking thoughtful.

"You realize I could lose my license for treating you without consent of your guardian," he begins, because he wants to make it clear how much he's putting at stake by helping Samandriel. Which he will do, of course, because this is Abigail's dear friend and clearly a boy in great distress.

"After your birthday, it won't be a problem. But until then we will have to be exceedingly careful. It wouldn't do to get us both in trouble."

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nearestvessel
2013-08-30 12:34 am UTC (link)

"Thank you, Dr. Lecter. I understand," Samandriel replies gratefully. He thinks, for a moment, that he should ask how much Hannibal already knows, but that would be bringing their outside relationship (however odd it is,) into the office (library, whatever,) and partially defeat the purpose of him sitting there.

He looks Hannibal in the eyes for a very long moment, clearly considering how he wants to go about starting whatever their session is for the time being. It's almost too long a moment and he's gotten half lost in remembered dreams of Heaven and Lucifer falling and how it felt to suddenly be where he wasn't for the first time.

"I'm losing my humanity," he finally settles on. He isn't afraid he's losing it. He can feel it slipping away. It's gone past a thing that might happen into his reality.

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	poisonlittleboy 2013-08-30 12:38 am UTC (link)
	Ah, he hadn't expected to be starting quite so soon. But he nods his understanding and leans back again, studying the boy with interest. "What do you mean by humanity?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nearestvessel
2013-08-30 12:56 am UTC (link)

Samandriel considers it deeply, watching Hannibal watch him. It's easier to focus when he looks at someone else. If he looks away, he'll lose his train of thought and may forget he ought to be speaking at all.

"I mean that I'm ceasing to be human entirely," he confesses. He wants to look away, but forces himself not to.

Sighing, he takes advantage of the light in the room. It's enough to cast shadows in case Hannibal can't actually see the oranges and pinks and golds (and occasional bits of lavender,) that make up his wings. There is a sound as he spreads them, and he can feel the muscles in his back shifting with it even though it's in a way that few others can see.

"The dreams," he says, knowing that Hannibal would know, "began a few weeks ago for me, and after a while things started changing physically for me. I don't know how to handle life or school when all of this trivial crap seems so damn pointless when I can close my eyes and tell you exactly how Creation played out or what it was to watch Lucifer fall or the earth flood." He looks earnestly at Hannibal, but realizes quickly what he's said. "Excuse my language." The apology is timid, definitely from a young man with parts of himself still tied into being Good and respecting people. Those parts are remarkably close to exactly what he is as an angel in his dreams.

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poisonlittleboy
2013-08-30 01:37 am UTC (link)

The wings might surprise him more if he hadn't seen Abigail's scar himself, hadn't heard of others who had brought things back from their own dreams. Instead, he finds them beautiful, delicate. But he doesn't let himself stare, instead keeping his eyes on Samandriel's face.

"I've heard of dreams where the dreamer takes something away from them. Are you telling me you're some kind of angel?"

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nearestvessel
2013-08-30 01:58 am UTC (link)

Samandriel puts his wings back out of non-supernatural view again if only to keep it a little less obvious when he fidgets with them. He doesn't need anyone picking up all his new tells of discomfort in one sitting.

"A seraph to be accurate, and more specific, the angel of imagination and," he clears his throat, "fertility." Which, he supposes go hand in hand if you think about it. Fertile mind, fertile body. Samandriel prefers not to. The imagination bit makes sense, particularly for the human he had been before all of this. Fertility feels odd, intellectually, to him. The whole of his experience with any kind of sexual interest for anyone has been with other men and as far as vocabulary goes, fertility isn't even accurate no matter how people use it and-

Oh. He lost himself on his mental tangents again.

"I don't think I really want to be," he confesses. He can tell that to Hannibal. He can't tell it to Lucifer or Castiel. "I've been told that it's the least surprising thing ever, but that doesn't mean I want it or that having this duality of both being a teenager and being from The Beginning doesn't give me a headache trying to...to do things like care about high school or college. Why would any of that matter when I might very well have a literal eternity stretching out in front of me? Or, if things continue like this and I become fully what I am in the dreams, why do the laws of physics or thermo-dynamics even matter when I'll have the power to shape reality as I see fit in some areas?"

Not all, just some. Many. He is no archangel to create full pocket universes, but that means not a lot when you're speaking with an angel who can imagine such things into existence that you might as well believe you've moved worlds.

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poisonlittleboy
2013-09-01 12:49 am UTC (link)

Hannibal mulls this problem over, because in all honesty, Samandriel has a very good point. Why should such things matter when one has the possibility of a universe of knowledge at hand, if the dreams and transformations continue.

After a long pause, Hannibal answers, "This needs more than one session to work through, you realize. This is something I may need to do some research on, in order to best help you. In the meantime, I suggest not pulling away from school, or your friends, no matter how pointless it may seem. That, I feel, is the best way to keep your humanity."

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nearestvessel
2013-09-01 01:01 am UTC (link)

"I know," Samandriel says softly. "And I'm doing my best, truly. The concert is tonight and I'm still doing that and I still speak to Abigail regularly, and Castiel." He pauses and explains briefly. "He's my brother. Not my brother here, of course, but in the dreams. Angel of Thursday." And other such things, but mostly Thursday.

He looks down at his shoes again, neat and orderly on the floor where they belong. "Thank you, Dr. Lecter. I...I'm not certain that I could go to anyone else with this." He's ashamed and clearly so. He has always been the one who managed, the one who looks at adversity and stands up tall in the face of it.

This, he can't manage. "I get the distinct feeling that the story I live when I sleep isn't going to have a happy ending." None of the ones he could imagine for the little seraph who flitted between so many personal heavens were glad, and most of them weren't even righteous. He stands up and pulls the cash out of his pocket to pay Hannibal.

"It's what I could safely withdraw now," he says simply. "I'm going to be starting a new job soon, and with it a rather large pay increase so...so please let me compensate you properly for your time." Abigail would be home soon and he should be gone before she is.

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	poisonlittleboy 2013-09-01 01:15 am UTC (link)
	"I certainly hope that you're wrong, and that together we can find a happy ending." Hannibal stands as well, with a small half bow. "Keep your money for the time being," he says, pressing his hand against the boy's. "We'll work out a payment plan later." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nearestvessel
2013-09-01 01:29 am UTC (link)

Samandriel can't leave without paying Hannibal, but he tucks the neatly folded twenties back in his palm anyway. Later, he'll come back and leave them on the desk. He tries not to think about Hannibal's hand on his own or where that hand has been. Instead, he thinks about that voice and the calm certainty it tries to offer.

He has a concert tonight after all, and it won't do to have his mother think he's not preparing for it.

"If you happen to have a particular time and place that works for you, please let me know. Doors and security systems aren't really an issue for me anymore." He can be in and out of places with a thought. What need did he have for worrying about record keeping and the like? "To protect your license, of course." He looks up and meets Hannibal's eyes. He will do what he has to in order to keep everyone safe.

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	poisonlittleboy 2013-09-01 01:40 am UTC (link)
	"In the evenings, after my other appointments end might be best. Is there a safe number to reach you? We could set up appointments on a week by week basis, that way." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nearestvessel 2013-09-01 01:43 am UTC (link)
	Samandriel can't help but laugh a little to himself. "I'm an angel, Dr. Lecter," he points out. "All you have to do is pray." It isn't a true summoning, no, but Samandriel can't imagine he'd ignore anyone who lives in this house. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	poisonlittleboy 2013-09-01 01:45 am UTC (link)
	"I'm afraid I'm not in the habit, but I will keep that in mind." He smiles wryly and offers his hand. "I will let you know when I'm next able to see you. In the meantime, I'll do a bit of research." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nearestvessel
2013-09-01 01:50 am UTC (link)

Samandriel takes the hand, smiling as he holds it firmly, money still in his palm. "I appreciate it, thank you Dr. Lecter. Now, if you don't mind, I have a concert to get ready for."

And he hopes that Hannibal doesn't, because he's taken his opportunity to both pay him and show off a little bit. Without another word and only a wry smile, something of quiet, devious victory, the angel is gone. There is a brief sound of beating wings that follows him, but nothing more.

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	poisonlittleboy 2013-09-01 01:52 am UTC (link)
	Hannibal can't help but laugh softly as he slips the money into his pocket, shaking his head a little. Abigail does have interesting friends, at least. (Reply to this) (Parent)