Harry Dresden (dresdensluck) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-08-23 23:24:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !trigger warning, emma frost (white queen), harry dresden |
Harry paused with his cup halfway to his mouth, then sighed and put it down.
Who: Harry Dresden and Emma Summers
Where: His office
What: Emma confides some things to her lawyer. Harry has few answers.
When: August 21st, after this call
Warnings/Rating: PG-13, trigger warnings for mentions of PC ‘death’ and torture
Status complete
Emma stepped into Harry’s office in almost the opposite state she’d entered it the first time. She was disheveled, and instead of radiating confidence she just looked tired and unhappy. She went straight back to Harry’s office. She did bother to knock, but that was all the consideration she had left. She hadn’t slept a bit the previous night.
Harry blinked when he saw her then rose. After a quick word with Jenn, he shut the door and ushered Emma to a comfy seat. “Sit, rest. The tea is ready.” He eyed her as he poured. Damn, this was not going to be good.
Emma took her tea and sipped it delicately. “I tortured a woman for information yesterday.”
Harry paused with his cup halfway to his mouth, then sighed and put it down. “Drink some tea then start at the beginning, please.” He took up a pen and paper and then sipped his tea. This was going to be… weird.
Emma took a deep breath. “Two months ago I was shot in the head after being captured by a terrorist organization known as Cerebus. I was obviously revived, and since then I’ve gone along as usual. Yesterday the woman who shot me was brought in for questioning. She started the conversation by saying she should have harvested our child first thing. It. . . went over as well as expected. She had information I wanted, and what I wanted most was to hurt her. I didn’t touch her, it was all done with telepathy. I took away everything that mattered to her. Intelligence, family, her entire belief structure. What was left wasn’t human. It was barely conscious. The information wasn’t even any good, she was misled and kept in the dark.” She sipped her tea, unable to even look at Harry.
Harry listened taking notes in a short hand and wincing as she went along. He felt both horror and awe, and even a sympathy for her. Stars and stones, that was bad. He hmmmed as he listened and thought. He gathered his thoughts and started speaking, asking more questions.
“KNowing you wanted to hurt her, knowing you were compromised, why did you do it? Was there any other choice you could have made? And what did you do afterward?” His voice was gentle. He couldn't imagine what she was putting herself through.
“I did it because I wanted to. Because we needed the information.” She sipped her tea again. “I could have asked Nate to do it. He would have been more professional, and just as effective. I’m just not sure that there was another option, in the long run, and knowing that I’d rather take on the burden myself than saddle my son with it.”
“All good reasons.” Harry sat back rubbing his chin, noting idly at the back of his mind that he needed to shave again. He had missed it that morning, due to gunfire.
“What will happen to her?” He paused, then nodded, asking softly. “And how do you feel about it?”
“I feel like I’m becoming someone else. Someone less admirable.” She set her tea mug down. “She’s being held. Over time she’ll likely regain some personality, depending on her treatment, but she will probably never be truly human again.”
Harry nodded. “Do you want to change what you are becoming? Do you feel you can, or will?” He waved a hand. “Feel free to ignore those if you want.”
He nodded at her words. “Do you need someone to release her into the wild, so to speak? I know… I know a good place where she would be treated by doctors who would help her, even more so when and if she recovers.” He had done an expose on an asylum, an outpatient facility, one that helped coma patients, that had been run by corrupt doctors. With the help one of brave doctor, he had brought it down and helped to have it restored, that doctor now in charge of treatments.
“I don’t know the details of her care, at the moment. I’ll see to it when we’ve finished what we need to do.” His other questions needed more thought. “I want to be what I have to be to protect my family and my people.”
Harry nodded. “Okay.” then he smiled softly and leaned forward. “How can I help?” He didn’t necessarily think she had done the best thing, or the ‘right’ thing, but Harry in this world and in the dreams had committed enough sins to stop judging others some time ago.
Well, mostly.
“Tell me honestly what you think of all that. I have no moral supports anymore. The ones I used in the dreams are all going to tell me I did the right thing, or something along those lines. They’re emotionally compromised.” Even if she couldn’t fix what she’d done, she needed to know what someone outside the affected parties thought.
“Honestly? That I don’t know if what you did was right. That killing someone, whether mentally or physically, can be bad, and will hurt you, inside, if it hasn’t already. What she has done feels pretty damn horrific, and so does what was done to her, now. But…”
he took a moment to think and nodded. “I think in the end that what you did was not only justified, but that it was a mercy far beyond what you may have thought. She now has a chance to start over, innocent in a way that not even babies get. She can be and become anything and anyone, and that is a gift that her hate-filled actions had not earned. I don’t know what I would have done in your place, but I doubt I would have given such a gift.” He wished he could say he would have, but he doubted it.
“All of that said, you need to make sure you never are in a place to do that again. If you can. this is and will hurt you, even if it becomes a gift to her. You acted as much in anger and revenge as you did in justice or need, and that preys on the souls of those who have them.”
His words and his look was gentle.
Emma nodded. “You’re right. I didn’t wipe her brain out to give her a fresh start. I wiped her brain to destroy her in the most meaningful way I could.” Her voice was soft, her eyes fixed on the floor. Sorrow and fear were building inside her. The tightness in her chest was becoming unbearable. “But there’s one more battle to fight.”
Harry eyed her then nodded. “So you will face it and do what needs to be done. And you will know the price. And that, my dear Emma, is what makes you a hero, much more than those shining examples of moral fiber that only exist in textbooks. You pay the price that has to be paid.”
He spoke with self-knowledge, with heartfelt tiredness, and with warmth.
“And if I can help you, I will.”
Emma nodded, but still looked down. “I know. Thank you.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “How is your new assistant working out?”
“Just remember you’re not alone in this fight. And some of us knowingly will walk beside you, carrying the same weight.”Harry nodded, then smiled a little. “She’s doing well, and she is…” He caught himself, then nodded. “She’s a good person, and if you ever need help, and I’m not here, you can trust her.”
“Of course.” Emma said with a nod. She knew who Jennifer Walters was, of course. It amused her, but she knew that Jennifer would be a good ally to have.
“Right now, things are quiet for me, except for the bleed over from, well, your side. Nate has been a lot quieter lately. And now I think I know why.” He nodded to her. “The guy drives himself hard, and he gets it honestly from the teacher he idolized as a kid.”
Emma snorted. “We’re all terminally responsible.”
Harry chuckled. “It’s a thing.I think. A thinky-thing.” He squinted, then nodded. “So, here is what I think. I think you did wrong out there, but that you had little choice in the situation. I think what you did was better than killing her both for you and for her, and that knowing that, you can move forward.”
“Hopefully.” Emma noted. “I’m going to force Scott to take a vacation after this if I have to knock him out and drag him.”
Harry chuckled. “Sounds like a plan. Getting out of town for a short while might be a good idea, indeed.:”
Stones knew he would jump at the chance some time soon.
“You should do so as well. The world can handle itself for a week.” Emma noted. She knew she wasn’t the only one with responsibility issues.
“I know. Soon. Might steal your son to take along, depending on where we go.” Nate seemed to travel back and forth between the two houses anyway, a lot.
Emma nodded. “That’s fine. He’s not really my son anymore, anyway. He’s too old for it, and I’m too wrapped up in everything else anymore.”
Harry chuckled. “Couldn’t tell it by me. The boy idolizes you. talks about this or that you’ve done when I see him, a lot.” He nodded. Nate loved his mom, and even someone slow to emotions like Harry could see it.
Emma looked up at Harry, letting out one humorless laugh. “Nothing you’ve said today has depressed me as much as that.”
Harry winced. “I’m sorry.” He smiled softly. “Sometimes the young see more good in us than we can ever see.”
“And sometimes they’re misled.” She replied with a shrug. “It doesn’t matter, I suppose. He’ll do what he thinks is best, and so will we.”
Harry nodded. “Of course. we all follow our own paths.” He smiled wryly, lopsidedly. “I’m sorry if I’ve brought you no peace today.”
She shook her head and stood. “There’s none to be found, yet. Thank you for listening to me.” She handed her tea mug back.
“You’re welcome.” he put it aside and nodded. “Is there anything else i can do for you?” he was worried about her, but he hoped this business would be over soon, for her sake.
“Take care of Nate if anything happens.” Emma said quietly. “That’s all I can think of.”
“Of course. It would be my honor. “ And he smiled. “Come back safe, so you can go on vacation somewhere nice.”
She nodded. “I’ll see you later, Harry.”
~fin~