Who: Belle Boudreaux and Nicholas Wolfwood Where: his place What: drinking like whoa When: Sunday Warnings/Rating: R for cursing and copious drinking Status complete
Belle wasn’t used to being male yet. She was glad she was in a somewhat familiar body, but the time she’d seen it last she’d been just off a mission, and that feeling of accomplishment and tequila made things fuzzier. Even if she’d switched with a more recent male conquest, she didn’t think she’d be comfortable. How did men even walk?
His hips swung awkwardly as he made his way up to Wolfwood’s door. It occurred to Belle too late that she definitely should have texted first. Oh well, she hoped he liked surprises.
Wolfwood heard the knock and called “Coming!” as he shrugged a shirt on. He didn’t bother to button it all the way. If he was lucky, maybe Belle would appreciate the view.
When he opened the door, though, he came face to face with a guy. Shorter than himself, light hair, scruffy. “Oh. Hi. Sorry, was expecting someone else. Can I help you?” Maybe this was that soldier he’d talked to on the valarnet?
“Yeah,” Belle said, rubbing the back of her neck. Kirk’s body was still taking some getting used to. “You were expectin’ me, but not the body I wound up in. You mind if we skip the burger and go right t’ the part where we sit around your place drinking? Think I could use that about now.”
Yeah, that wasn’t what he expected. Wolfwood stared. “Belle? Bella Donna Boudreaux?” It sure sounded like her. But ... this was a guy. “The hell happened?” He beckoned her (him?) in, heading right for the kitchen and his alcohol bottles.
“Oui.” She sighed, and stepped inside. “I’m not exactly sure, t’ be honest wicha. I was havin’ coffee, chattin’ with Jim Kirk,” she motioned to her body, to indicate that Jim was the original owner, “then mid-sentence my voice drops and I’m starin’ at my own chest.” She took a seat (very, very carefully), at his dining room table.
Fuck mixing; Wolfwood just poured her a shot of rum. “That is fucked up,” he said, looking at her for a long moment. “I mean, he’s a good looking guy, but no offense, I did prefer the other model.” Hopefully she smiled instead of getting pissed off. “I guess the question is, is it just you two?” Or was this Orange County weirdness?
Belle downed her shot appreciatively. Luckily she knew Jim could handle his alcohol. His comment about preferring her usual body got a laugh. “I checked the network, it ain’t just us by a long shot. Mr. Frost’s daughter is the cause of it, the stupid bitch.” She poured herself another shot. She was going to need all the alcohol she could get.
“Mr. Frost’s daughter?” Wolfwood echoed, pouring his own shot. “Really? What’d she do? And can she fix it?” He didn’t want to sound too nasty, but he really preferred to have Belle back in her right body. He imagined she did, too.
“She said somethin’ along the lines that she was working on the problem.” She made a face, which was much more intimidating than her normal annoyed faces. “Don’t know what she did.” Of course she didn’t get switched. Bitch.
Wolfwood could only make a sympathetic face. “Hope somebody lights a fire under her ass. I mean, you can’t live like this forever, obviously.” He poured her another shot. “In light of this, how about we order in?” She (he?) had to eat, after all.
Belle laughed a little. “Apparently Mr. Frost got switched, too. So I think she’ll be motivated. “I’d really prefer t’ stay in, I almost bailed on our date.” She’d decided it would be better in the long run. “I got a whole new respect for men, though.”
Like most men, Wolfwood had acquired a fair amount of take-out menus since being home. He got up, handing them to Belle. “Take your pick, if you’d like. And what do you mean, a new respect for us?”
“I’ve sat on this poor man’s testicles about a dozen times today.” She felt bad for herself, of course, but she was also worried about permanently damaging Kirk’s body. “Don’t know how you get anything done, neither. I don’t know if it’s just his body or what, but I’m pretty sure his penis actually does have a mind of its own.” She blushed a little, which was a feat, considering the things she did on a regular basis.
Wolfwood had to laugh. “Penises do tend to have minds of their own. We just have however many years of dealing with them, so we have a little more control.” Only a little, but there was no need to go into that. “This is going to sound bizarre, but try tucking it into a pants leg.” At least then she probably wouldn’t sit on anything.
Belle couldn’t resist giggling. It sounded very bizarre, even to her own ears. “I might hafta do that. Pretty disappointed this happened now, instead of after our date.” She’d been looking forward to being a more active participant than the last time they had sex.
“I can’t disagree.” Wolfwood could be honest without being a pig. She had to know he thought she was sexy. “I just hope you get set right soon. I mean. You’re not used to having a second brain,” he teased.
She nodded. “It would be nice if it did somethin’ beside make me want t’ sleep with women. I had enough of that before, I want a more useful second brain.” She laughed a little. In a way she was relieved. Kirk was married and she didn’t want to sully his body with someone else, so her main source of temptation turning her down was a relief. She was also very glad Vanille wasn’t into men.
“Really, you’re starting to think that way? Or did you think that way in your normal body?” She’d never said she was bisexual, but Wolfwood wouldn’t have cared either way. “Just kind of interesting if the body change is screwing with people’s sexuality.”
“No, I’ve always been equal opportunity.” She shrugged a little. “World’s full of beautiful people. But I think the body’s influencin’ me a little, don’t get as much reaction from attractive men. Some, but not the same.”
“Interesting.” Wolfwood shrugged. “At least you don’t have any hangups in that line, though. You wouldn’t die of pent-up frustration if this lasts a little while.” He smiled a little. “This is pretty much in the line of the other weird shit that happens in this county, right? And I mean, that stuff apparently ended after a while? From what people tell me.”
Belle laughed. “I dunno, he’s got a wife and if some bitch went fuckin’ around in my husband’s body I’d shoot her right in the face soon as she was back in her own body.” Belle took commitment very seriously. “Yeah, I was only around for the technozombie thing that was right before you showed up, but I hear this is kinda how it goes. Pretty tame, actually. Nobody’s probably died from this.” She wasn’t going to lie to Wolfwood about the stuff that happened. It wasn’t her government agency’s job to cover it up, and he deserved to know.
“I don’t know, it’s not her husband fucking around.” Wolfwood laughed, too. “But yeah, I think you’re right. Nobody’s died from this unless some angry spouse did shoot their swapped husband or wife.” He really hoped this didn’t last long. For Belle’s sake, mostly, but whoever the hell else might be in their wrong body. Not because he’d idly fantasized about having sex with her again. Nope. Not at all.
“It would be the perfect crime, really. Just figger out which body your spouse is in, kill ‘em, and let the police look around for people who had a reason to kill that poor bastard’s body. You’d have no motive, and the cops would never know there was another brain in that body.” She shook her head. “Besides, I’m afraid that havin’ sex as a man would make havin’ sex as a woman again weird or lackluster.” She’d kind of assumed that men enjoyed sex more often and possibly more period than women.
“Damn, that would be the perfect crime.” He looked at her with something approaching admiration, hoping she’d laugh. “But yeah, I’m sure it’s different. Every woman I’ve ever had sex with tells me that men are easy, and with such a big sample size, I figure I should probably believe them.”
She did laugh, but she was embarrassed she’d even thought of it. Maybe the dreams were sinking in a little too much. “Some women are pretty easy, too. There’s a learnin’ curve for both sexes, I think. Probably it’s easier for women t’ get laid as much as they want than men, if they can get over bein’ picky about emotions.”
“You think women are more emotional?” Wolfwood was genuinely curious. He’d known his share of men who got hung up. “Or do you just mean that women have an easier time finding fuck buddies?”
“Little bit of both.” Belle shrugged. “It’s not that men ain’t emotional, it’s just that women get hung up easier, or at least I think so.”
“Well, now, you do have a unique perspective.” Wolfwood smiled a little. “I don’t know. Everybody gets lonely, regardless of gender. Maybe I shouldn’t generalize.”
“I guess that’s true. I took a roommate, after all, even though I don’t need to.” She looked down at Kirk’s hands, realizing that might be too much information for their casual fuck buddy relationship. “Should probably eat, huh?” She finally decided to look at the takeout menus. “Chinese sounds good.”
“I’ve lived with too many damn people; my own space was important to me.” Wolfwood grinned. “Ever lived in a barracks?” Even if she hadn’t been a soldier, she could have gone to camp or other things like that.
She shook her head. “Closest I ever got was a dorm, which ain’t exactly the same. I guess you’re probably pretty happy t’ have all your own space.” She smiled at him. It was good that he was happy with his life. If she could fix this damn terrorist thing she’d be happy, too. Of course, she’d probably be on the first plane out of Orange County to push paper somewhere else the second she reported her success, but that was just the nature of the beast.
“I do like my own space. The fact that I get to control who comes in here is so nice.” Wolfwood chuckled a little. He got up, going to get the phone so they could order in.
She nodded, pulling out her phone to check the network for updates on what had happened. Nothing so far. She grumbled a little. “Don’t have to make your bed if you don’t wanna, either.”
“No I don’t, dammit.” Wolfwood laughed. “What do you like to eat for Chinese?”
“Beef and broccoli, with beef fried rice.” Just the thought of food was pleasant. “I might’ve forgotten t’ eat lunch.” She decided that standing up was probably a bad idea. She’d probably fall flat on Kirk’s face and mess it up.
“Easily fixed.” Wolfwood grabbed the phone himself and placed the order. “Were you too busy freaking out to eat?” She looked a little unsteady on her (his?) feet. “Or is it just a different center of gravity?”
“Freaking out.” Belle admitted. “Though the center of gravity thing’s a bitch, too. I joke about what I’d do with guy parts all the time, but having them is unsettling.”
“Well yeah, I bet.” Wolfwood made a face. “If I had boobs, I legitimately think I’d fall over.”
“Jim almost did.” She noted with a laugh. “Man, his poor wife.” She hoped he’d married someone kinky enough to deal with this.
Wolfwood laughed. “You and he might have to buy her something nice after this is all over.”
“Probably, yeah. It’s kind of funny, she’ll probably know my body pretty by the end of this, but I won’t know her hardly at all.” She didn’t mind too much, and it showed in her tone. Her body was made to be enjoyed, and she hoped the Kirks would do so.
“You should probably make nice.” Wolfwood smiled; he was just teasing. Though he might have idly imagined Belle with another woman. What, he was male, and she couldn’t read his mind.
Belle chuckled. “Yeah, maybe she’ll let me see what I’ve been missing.” She figured out where his mind was, and she didn’t mind at all. “I’ll try to get pictures if it happens, if that’s the kind of thing you’re interested in.”
Wolfwood actually felt himself blush, which was novel in itself. “Well, thank you for not calling me a pervert. You probably know by now, we can’t actually turn our brains off sometimes.” He just usually didn’t have people around who could guess what he was thinking.
Belle laughed. “It’s never bothered me before, and my brain’s pretty similar, in that regard.” The alcohol was making her forget why exactly they weren’t already having sex. She scooted her chair closer to him. She really wanted to be touched at the moment, and she remembered how good Wolfwood was at providing touches.
Wolfwood wasn’t all that interested in guys, and yet he was very interested in Belle Boudreaux. Fuck. “Never quite been in this sensation before, I have to tell you.” He shook his head. “Never had a very attractive woman show up on a date in a ... less attractive body. Not less attractive,” he amended. “But I’m not much for guys.” Damnit.
Belle stopped, then laughed a little, nervously. “I’m sorry, cheri. I’m puttin’ you in an awkward position.” She stood up, and staggered. “I can go, I don’t wanna make this hard for you.” Well, some things were already hard, but she could ignore that for the next five minutes.
Oh, hell. Wolfwood looked down. “I’m sorry, Belle. I ... you’re an attractive guy, really, I just ...” He didn’t quite know what to say, but he got up with her, and despite what he’d just said, he did kiss her (him?) gently. The lips weren’t the same - they were less soft, less pliant - but he didn’t want her to think he didn’t like her. Or was that even what she wanted? Damn.
The kiss was nice, but everything was super awkward now. She smiled up at him. “Thanks.” Something occurred to her just then. “Anyone ever tell you you’re really fuckin’ tall?”
“Six feet three inches tall, yes, ma’am. Sir?” Wolfwood frowned. Shit. He was making a twat of himself.
Belle snorted. “Ma’am still works for me. I really don’t feel all that male, cock notwithstanding.” Well, it was withstanding, and that was rapidly becoming uncomfortable. “I should stay until my food gets here, I don’t want you t’ pay for somethin’ I ain’t even gonna eat.” She wobbled back to her seat, propping her head up on her hand. She always did have a thing for tall, dark haired men. Not that Kirk fit that description, but she saw a difference between men who were acceptably handsome to sleep with and men who she sought out because they were attractive. “I wish this wasn’t so damn weird.”
Wolfwood could manage. “It must suck.” He still felt embarrassed, but tried to ignore it. “I mean, for practical reasons. I wish there was something I could do to get you back to normal.”
“I do too. I could swallow my pride and ask for some help.” She eyed the bottle of rum, but she knew that if she stayed here all night it would only get more awkward. Beside, Vanille would worry. “Mr. Frost is apparently in a girl’s body, not sure if I’m gonna be able t’ get much work done with that bein’ the case.”
Wolfwood couldn’t help but stare and laugh when she said that. “He is? I haven’t seen him in a few days, so I never heard.” That was funny, despite what Belle might think. “Sorry. Just, oh, man. I bet he is pissed.”
Belle couldn’t stop herself from laughing when he did. It was pretty funny. “I dunno. He’s a genuine pervert. I bet he’s enjoyin’ it if she’s a pretty little thing.” She laughed loudly at the idea. “And why not, he’s been married t’ the same lady for so goddamn long he’s probably forgot what other ladies look like.”
“Oh, ew.” Wolfwood was laughing more genuinely now. “Things I did not need to be aware of.” Winston Frost was a little old man, and while he hoped to be having sex at Winston’s age, he didn’t want to think of other old men doing it.
Belle snorted. “I was on a different floor than their bedroom and I was all too aware of what they were up to.” She shuddered a little bit. “I like Mr. Frost, but that was just. . . way too much information.”
“That’s it. Whenever you think it’s a good idea, I’m taking you out and buying you a drink or two just to get that image out of your head.” Wolfwood shook his head, chuckling. “That’s rough.”
She laughed and poured herself another shot. “Consider it done, cheri. But if you wanna get me drunk again I’m not gonna say no.” She winked at him, and straightened up when someone knocked on the door. “Thank God, I’m starvin’.”
Wolfwood got up and got the food, tipping the guy well so he’d go faster. “Getting you drunk in that body might be expensive.” He risked the joke.
Belle snorted. “I dunno, he’s bulkier but I’m about as tall. He’s a good drunk, though. Don’t tell anyone, or at least not his wife, but I was pretty familiar with dis body before we switched.” She thought for a minute, and shook his head. “Well, kinda familiar.”
“Oh, were you?” It didn’t bother Wolfwood. “What, did you guys just meet up someplace and then swap? Or were you nowhere near him?”
“We ran into each other randomly when I went out for coffee after church. We decided t’ catch up, and were havin’ a nice conversation when we switched.” She frowned as she thought. “Wonder if people switched with whoever they were closest to?”
“Could very well be.” Wolfwood thought for a second, but then laughed, making a face. “Please, don’t let Mr. Frost have been seeing a hooker or something.” Ew.
Belle laughed at the idea. “Oh Dieu, I doubt it. And I really hope not. But now I do wonder what woman he was close to and why.”
“Only one way to find out. And I’m not gonna ask.” Wolfwood chuckled, opening up the food. “Dig in; you gotta eat regardless of which body you’re in.”
Belle nodded and grabbed a fork out of the bag. “Thanks. You’re still a good date.” She smiled at him appreciatively.
“I try to be.” Wolfwood smiled at her. He really hoped she got her body back. She was still herself, but at the same time, she was meant to be soft and at least outwardly, a honey trap. He could tell it was what she excelled at.
The alcohol made Belle much more eager to consume her food. She normally took her time and savored it, but at the moment she was trying to hoover the entire plate into Kirk’s mouth at once.
Wolfwood usually tended to eat like that, so he ignored it in himself. “This actually doesn’t suck.” In terms of take-out Chinese, he’d had worse. “You okay there?” He couldn’t help but be amused.
Belle nodded, after a mouthful of rice. She at least had the good grace to swallow before answering. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, rum makes my manners fall off.” She laughed a little, and made an effort to eat more slowly.
“No, no, it’s fine. I just wondered if you were okay.” If she hadn’t eaten in forever or something. “Don’t worry about it.” Okay, so he still put his foot in his mouth sometimes around an attractive woman, even if she wasn’t technically an attractive woman. Good to know.
The food did disappear fast, between the two of them. “You feeling good?”
“Better. Good’s an overstatement.” She smiled, still, and got to her feet. “I’ll get outta your hair, I’m sorry if I was any trouble. Next time I unexpectedly get stuck in a man’s body I’ll buy the Chinese food.” She was still wobbly, but she sounded a little more lucid.
Wolfwood nodded, but he got up with her. “You going to be all right, though? Did you drive?” He didn’t want to come off as patronizing, but she did look a little unsteady. He figured it was probably a good idea just to tell her. “Sorry if I’m being an asshole, I just want to be sure you get back to wherever safe.”
She smiled. “You’re a good guy, Nicholas. I’m calling a cab. I did drive, but I can pick my car up tomorrow.” She squeezed his arm. It seemed acceptably manly, but still affectionate. “I’ll text you when I’m back in my normal body. I’m glad you didn’t get switched.”
If she was calling a cab, he wouldn’t push it. Wolfwood risked hugging her. “It’s still good to see you, Belle.” He genuinely liked her, and not just because of the sex. Though he’d be up for it when she got her body back, if she was.
She hugged him back. “Merci. It was good seein’ you too. Have a nice night. I’ll swing by tomorrow when I stop hatin’ life to grab my car.” She dug her keys out and handed them over, to show she was as good as her word. “I’ll bring ya some donuts.”
“Careful, I’ll remember.” Wolfwood took the keys, smiling as she headed out.