Dani Moonstar's a survivor (ms_moonstar) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-07-23 14:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !trigger warning, dani moonstar (mirage), logan howlett (wolverine) |
“No beer? That’s sacrilege.”
Who: Dani Moonstar, Logan
What: Serious talking, eating steaks.
When: After the Reapers, when Scott and Emma were still on vacay.
Where: Dani's (not)house.
Ratings/Warnings: PG-13, Triggers for in-depth talk about alcohol abuse. Same 'ol same 'ol.
Status: Complete!
The house was hauntingly empty and taunted Dani at every turn, and she was frankly sick and fucking tired of it. Nate was still off with his secondary family, and Emma and Scott were still off on vacation.
She wished all three of them the best, but it left her alone in the house, which was exactly what she didn't want. So she'd gone out to buy a buttload of barbecue fixings, and now she was heating up charcoal. She picked up her Starkphone and dialed up Logan's number. She'd never actually called him before, but Scott had given her all the relevant contacts when she'd moved back in.
“Yeah?” Logan answered. He sounded a little distracted, but pretty aware. “Dani?”
"I'm alone and being alone right now is about as bad as leaving you to sit in a room drinking beer until you're drowning in beer cans. So get over here, I'm making steaks." Dani replied. She pulled the steaks out of the butcher paper as she spoke.
“I like ‘em mooin’. See you in twenty.” Logan laughed and hung up. He left a note for Eli and Vel, then hopped on his Harley and headed to Dani’s. He made one stop for non-alcoholic beer for her, and alcoholic beer for him, then pulled up.
The sound of Dani's laughter could be heard as he hung up.
She liked hers a little more cooked than 'mooing', so she seasoned the steaks up and put hers on the grill a bit beforehand. She fixed up a salad and some homemade french fries, too, and since she was completely oblivious to any pisswater non-alcoholic beer he was bringing, she decided to make herself up a big pitcher of fake margaritas, too. Just for the hell of it.
Logan knocked, the beer slung in an opaque bag over his shoulder as he waited. He’d managed to get the information out of Scott, but wanted Dani to tell him herself. He thought she had the courage to do so, but he wanted to hear it from her.
In truth, Dani would have been pretty annoyed at Scott for telling other people her business before she was ready. But for the time being, she didn't know.
The cats were the first to meet him, poking their heads against the glass on one side of the door. Doom soon joined them, and Dani just shook her head and shooed them away from the door, "Come on guys, you've probably met Logan before, right? Give him some space."
“Yeah, they know me.” Logan came in, “accidentally” dropping some treats for the cats as he walked in. They loved him, they did.
The cats loved him so much that they actually took a second to rub up against his legs in the death-figure-eight-of-possible-tripping before chowing down on the treats. Dani laughed and shook her head, "True cupboard love."
Then she glanced at him and his bag as she shut the door. Beer. Argh, she knew he'd bring that. Now she really wanted one. Beer and steak were this perfect match.
Damn it. She had delicious fake margaritas. She bit on her lower lip for a second, then headed for the kitchen, "None of that in the fridge right now, so you'll want to toss it in now so it's cold."
Logan just grinned. He knew his way around pussy. What? He followed in, and put the beer in the fridge. “No beer? That’s sacrilege.”
"We're pretty much keeping a dry house, so you're lucky that the beer even made it through the door," Dani replied, with a bit of a laugh. She watched him loading it into the fridge, then shook her head and poured herself one of her margaritas. She'd even gotten all fancy and dipped the rim in sugar.
"I just tossed yours on, so it shouldn't be long. How've you been?"
She busied herself with pulling the fries out of the fryer and sprinkling them with salt and pepper.
“You know I’d cut the first person to keep me from my beer,” Logan replied. He didn’t have a problem. He could stop any time. Really. “Been pretty good. Thinkin’ on shit. You?”
"Life's seemed almost boring since the throw-down in Vegas," Dani said, with a bit of a laugh, "It's hard to... There's a lot of stuff to think about. It's hard to carry on after that. Harder for you, probably."
She pulled some bottles of dressing out of the fridge for the salad, and set down the gigantic bowl of fries, "I keep thinking she'll come back."
"Pretty sure most people are happy about that. Fuck, so am I." Logan grew a little sober at the mention of Jean. He could distract himself. Bury himself between Vel's legs, or in a bucket of Whiskey, or training the ever living fuck... but her death still lingered. He knew it wouldn't go away for a long time. It never did, and that was the thing that was most galling.
"I just like keeping busy," Dani replied.
She held up a finger and quickly went to retrieve their steaks off the grill before his was less than moo-ing, then headed back into the kitchen and put a piece of foil on them so they could rest while staying warm.
"Everyone else is taking it easy after all that, and they deserve it. But..." Dani sighed, "This isn't a good time of year for me. This isn't a good place for me to be. Too many memories. And it's not even my house anymore. I've contemplated moving out at least six times since I moved in. At least when I'm fighting I know exactly where I stand and can just live in the moment."
“But you ain’t fightin’ all the time,” Logan pointed out. “An’ you need to remember how to be normal. Don’ matter what you’ve done or where your life has been. You gotta look forward. If I can learn that, so can you.”
"Yeah, but no matter what you've been through in either place, you know damn well that 'remembering how to be normal' is a thing that never works," Dani pointed out, while pouring herself another margarita.
She took a deep breath and let it out, "There's no returning to normal for me. Normal is a state of my life that I was in where I drank. Whiskey in my coffee to help me start my day off. An extra few nips off the bottle to steady my nerves after a bad dream. A glass here for one reason, a glass there for another one. Fuck, it's amazing my life didn't fall apart while I was living here, and the biggest thing I have to thank for that probably won't ever speak to me again."
“Live an’ learn, darlin’.” Logan nodded at her, getting up to head to the fridge. It was beer time. “How’ve you been holdin’ up? Know it can’t be easy, quittin’.”
"Oh you know. They teach you all the tricks in rehab. Why it is you started drinking to begin with so you know what your crutches are, why addiction happens, how you don't have to drink to enjoy your life, all of that crap," Dani replied, scrunching her nose up a bit.
She got out some plates and cutlery for them, shaking her head a bit, "Some of it's necessary to learn, I guess, but I felt like a lot of it was cheesy lifetime made-for-tv movie. I'm really not holding up that well. I'm not going to try lying to you, you'll just know I'm giving you shit anyway."
“The one thing they’re right about is findin’ somethin’ to do. Don’ have to big. Could be small.” Logan shrugged his shoulder. “Brought you some non-alchy stuff.” He gave her a smirk. “Piss-water, but I figured it was only fair.”
"Ugh, I think I'll just continue to try and enjoy my fake margaritas. Beer without alcohol in it just doesn't have a point. Thanks for trying, though." Dani replied, with a bit of a snerk. Then she squinted, "...Scott told you, didn't he? I'm going to kill him."
“It still tastes like beer.” Pause. “If you pissed in your beer, then warmed it in the sun for three weeks.” So really, really bad. He gave Dani a grin. “I dragged it out o’him. Kind of suspected.”
"I guess I wasn't really trying very hard to hide it, either," Dani replied, with a sigh. She tugged on one of her braids with her hand, "But I was. I don't know. You get seen a certain way when people know. Or they step on eggshells and think they can't bring up drinking or drink in front of you. I'm really kind of glad you brought beer."
She snatched up a french fry, suddenly deciding that she should keep her mouth busy with things besides making words. And they were more delicious hot than cold, so there was that, as well.
Logan nodded, and popped open the beer can. “Yeah, I think I get that. You don’ want to be some freak, jus’ because you been through somethin’ that made you rethink your life. How many people are really strong enough to do that?”
"Lots more than you think. The rehab place was actually pretty packed. I had a roommate while I was there. This slight, blonde thing. Becky. Of course it was her third time through, so..." Dani took a breath and let it out, "Fuck. The first time through was bad enough for me. When I fuck my life up I don't mess around. I gave myself alcohol poisoning over Christmas so bad that I thought I was going to die. You'd think that would have stopped me."
“Nope.” Logan took another sip of his beer, and leveled grey eyes on Dani.. “Always somethin’ that’ll push you further and further. I’m glad you stuck to your guns.” There was only so much backpatting he could really put up with giving, and so he spared her any more than that. “It’s a wonder more of us weren’t dependent in the dreams.”
It was a level of backpatting she wasn't really ready to accept anyway. She cut into her steak and went about the business of eating a few pieces of it before responding to him, "It's only going to be worth it if I keep sticking to them. Anyone can jump onto the bandwagon, but only so many people can keep riding it. Why don't we talk about something else, like your new gun toting girlfriend?"
“She ain’t gun totin’ yet.” Pause. “Okay she’s pretty handy with a shotgun but I want her to get real trainin’. Physical an’ with guns.” He popped a piece of steak into his mouth and gave out a mangrowl.
The growling noise reminded Dani of certain times she'd spent with Logan before. She was suddenly very aware of the fact that there had been a time before everything when she'd enjoyed the company of men.
It was a nice thing to remember, but the entirely wrong time for it. Logan was taken, for one thing. And the wrong guy to go to with her various levels of baggage.
"Yeah, well, Kitty's not going to teach her how to shoot that gun better than she does. You're going to need me and Neena for that."
“Thanks for volunteering,” Logan replied, his grin feral, his expression devious.
"You're welcome. I like giving myself headaches, it makes me feel like my time has been well spent," Dani snarked, but she was smiling. If this woman was important to Logan, then that meant she was family. Maybe she didn't really understand what being part of the X-men's family meant, but Dani could at least make sure she shot straight.
Plus, staying busy helped keep her mind off things.
“Thanks, darlin’...” Logan wondered if there was more she wanted to talk about today, but left that open. It was better to let Dani volunteer information.
She ate through the rest of her meal in silence, something that she was sure Logan didn't mind, either. The kitchen's only sound for several minutes was the sound of a meal well enjoyed and beers being opened.
When it was over, she got up from her chair and started clearing the plates, "I have to talk to Obi, but I don't know how to do it. The last time I spoke to him..."
She frowned, then shooed Lonestar away from the trash can as she scraped the plates into it, "I was really drunk. He found me in Colorado, you know. I was in this cheesy motel room, into my second bottle. All I remember about it is flopping onto the floor next to the door with the bottle in my hand, and a lot of yelling."
“Reach out to him. Think it needs to be you an’ not the other way around. He’s already reached out to you. You just weren’t ready to listen.” Logan had actually licked the plate. Shut up. He wiped his mouth with a napkin.
It was the right way to handle it, though Dani half wished Logan had suggested anything else. She silently nodded, though, because she didn't have any arguments against it. Then she loaded the dishes into the sink and slapped her hands together.
"Thanks."