Oyama Yuriko (小山 ゆり子) (yuriko_o) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-07-22 23:16:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, faiza hussain (excalibur), logan howlett (wolverine), oyama yuriko (lady deathstrike) |
WHO: Logan Howlett & Yuriko Oyama, with a bit of Dr. Faiza Hussain
WHAT: Yuriko is awoken from dreams.
WHEN: Early morning on 7/20
WHERE: Yuriko's house
RATING/WARNINGS: PG, talk of suicide
STATUS: Complete
Yuriko had taken to sleeping in one of the downstairs bedrooms after her family had gone back to Japan. She was looking to sell the house, so it made more sense to sleep somewhere that would not be on display.
Tonight, however, there was no sleep. Whatever this was, it had awoken her and now it felt as though she was being flayed. Yuriko shrieked again, if only to let some of it out, curling up but immediately laying out flat again. She was fairly sure she was shrieking telepathically, but she couldn’t find it in her to care. She wanted to get to the phone, but she could barely get it off the hook.
She hit a number on her speed dial after ten minutes of floundering. Whomever answered, she could simply beg. “Help ... help!”
Logan was doing that thing that half-asleep men sometimes do to their women, that consisted of nuzzling up against them and pushing them into the wall, by hogging the bed. His phone rang, and he rolled over and reached around for it, answering with a groggy, snorting, "'lo?"
“Help, please ...” Yuriko couldn’t tell who it was, other than the fact it was a man. She begged in Japanese. “Help, my insides are burning!”
“Yuriko?” Logan sat up, then rolled out of bed to pull his pants on. He responded in Japanese. “Be calm. Close your eyes and focus on the sound of my voice.”
Logan, then. “Feels like I’m dying.” Yuriko managed, still in Japanese, trying not to sob. “I’m sorry, rude to wake you, but this hurts!”
“Like burning, yes? Do you feel heavy?” Logan suspected he knew what the burning felt like. And what it meant. He didn’t like that thought at all. In English, he said, “Vel, I’m goin’ out. There’s an emergency. I’ll fill you in later.”
Velma was half awake. “Be careful,” was all she murmured before going back to sleep.
“Yes, heavy.” Yuriko repeated the Japanese word, whining when a sharp stab exploded down her leg. “Aaaaaah!”
Logan ran out the door as he pulled a shirt on, and hopped onto his bike. “Yuriko! Focus! Focus on something good!”
She did her best to obey, closing her eyes, thinking of Turin’s face. Imagining how he’d be looking if he were here - he would be so worried. Yuriko bit her lip, doing her best not to sob again. “Trying.”
Logan continued to talk as he drove. Mostly nonsense things, or talking about places he’d been to in Japan, places that Yuriko might appreciate. He pulled up in front of her house and made an opening in the lock with his claws. “Yuriko?”
“Downstairs,” she murmured in English. Some of it seemed to have passed; she was limp and weak, but not in as much pain. “Back bedroom.” It hurt to move her limbs; they felt like they weighed three times as much as normal.
Logan shoved something in front of the door, then made his way downstairs. He could smell her distress, and he could smell blood and metal. Coming into the bedroom, he sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms. He was keenly aware of the irony here.
Yuriko whimpered when he moved her, trying to push past the pain and be marginally coherent. “Logan? What’s wrong?” What’s wrong with me?
“I think I know. I don’ think you want to know,” Logan answered, truthfully. “But I’m pretty sure you jus’ woke up with adamantium fused to your bones.”
“What?” Yuriko stared up at him, frightened. “How is that possible?” She closed her eyes. “I dreamed ... I thought it was pain from being harmed ... Vindicator. Or the Reavers doing ... something.”
Maybe it was, but Logan shook his head. “I can smell the metal. An’ you said you felt heavy.” He lifted his hand to her hair and stroked lightly.
“I do.” Yuriko couldn’t suppress them all; one deep sob escaped before she tried to focus. “Does it stop hurting? Moving is ... horrible.” So was dreaming. “God and Buddha. Is this what you deal with?”
Logan didn’t respond right away. He knew he couldn’t entirely reassure her. He sighed heavily. “It gets easier. Either I’ve stopped noticing it or I’ve gotten numb to it.”
She tried to focus on something that wouldn’t send her screaming and panicking. “Is there any benefit? Or is this just cruelty?”
“Ain’t ever gonna break a bone again, an’ if you’ve got that you’ll probably get the healin’ factor.” He wasn’t sure if that would help her scars or not. Mutations were funny that way.
“So maybe ... maybe if something awful happens again, I can help.” Yuriko bit her lip, closing her eyes. “If I can move.” It hurt badly, it was just dull instead of sharp and stabbing. “I’m frightened,” she murmured in Japanese.
Logan nodded. He wasn’t sure it would be safe for anyone if Yuriko tried to help around Neena or some others. Not everyone was as forgiving, even if dreams and reality weren’t the same. For Logan’s part, he knew he had to be willing to accept the differences, if he ever wanted to sleep at night.
“You’ll get used to it. Eventually it don’t hurt so bad.”
Yuriko wiped her eyes, wincing with the effort. “I feel as though I’ve had a stroke,” she murmured. “Just ... I dreamt of going to Canada to try and find you. I fought a woman named Vindicator. And then I was ... somewhere else. I don’t know. With a man called Donald Pierce. And when I awoke, it was to stabbing pain.” She looked up at him again, hoping the fear didn’t reach her eyes. “What if something happens to my mind, Logan?”
Logan’s nose wrinkled up. He knew where those dreams were headed. “Nothin’s gonna happen to your mind. Not if you don’t let it. We always have a choice. You can be the Lady Deathstrike, or not.” He looked at her, all but pleading with his eyes that she never chose that path.
“I don’t want to. I will fight it.” Yuriko closed her eyes, lying back down. “If I asked you to kill me, you wouldn’t, would you.” That was what scared her, more than anything ever - she was mostly serious. She saw nothing ahead but either a long fight, or eventual insanity, violence and death. She didn’t feel strong enough for either.
Logan didn't answer, another silence that was just long enough to be telling. "No, darlin'. I would. Because I know you wouldn't want to become that. While you still gotta human heart, I'd put you to rest."
That set her to crying, even though she rather appreciated his answer. It was somehow comforting to know that if it ever did get that bad, if she ever did anything unforgivable, Logan would end it.
Yuriko just leaned into him, crying like she hadn’t at Father’s funeral. It was selfish, probably, but she was afraid. And she couldn’t pretend she wasn’t afraid anymore.
She seemed frail in his arms, despite the extra weight. Never in a thousand years would he have ever pictured himself comforting Lady Deathstrike like this. He rubbed at her back, and let her get the emotion out. He understood how closed in she was, emotionally. Reserved. This was something that bad probably slowly built up.
Eventually, Yuriko was able to breathe, but she kept leaning on him. “What am I going to tell Turin?” If anything. She didn’t want to scare him, or hurt him. She might possibly love him.
"I guess that depends. If he's a good man an' worthy of you, the truth. If he's not a good man, than you're better off cuttin' him loose an' finding someone who can accept you. All of you."
“I don’t want to harm him.” Yuriko wiped her eyes again. “I am sorry to ask.” But she had to. “Did you feel this way? How do you not worry about your loved ones being harmed?”
“I worry constantly. I worry every moment I’m awake. I just learned to put that to the back of my mind..” Logan brushed his hand along her cheek. “But I realized I’d be worse off if I let myself be alone. That if they knew the danger and still stayed, they had to be worth it.”
Yuriko nodded slowly. “Is that the talk you had with your woman? And the girl?” If it were her, she would worry more about the girl than anything. “Honestly, if I can use this for good, I would adapt. If I am doomed, I would rather you break my neck.” Brutal, maybe, but honest.
“Eli? Eli can handle herself.” He figured she could rip a car in half if she wanted to. “I think you can handle yourself, if you use it for good.” He had an idea. It was probably a bad one but it might make Yuriko feel better. It would also reveal he was well aware of Kitty’s little open secret.
“Turin is like your woman, though. He can fight, but with a sword.” She couldn’t help but smile fondly. “He does not have gifts. Or curses, as the case may be.”
“A man who knows when and how to use a sword can be just as dangerous as anyone with powers,” Logan said, nodding his head in agreement. “Maybe more so in some ways. Because you ain’t expectin’ it.”
“Does your woman know how to use anything?” Maybe the fact that Turin could fight at all was a cause for comfort. “I just cannot stand the thought of getting him killed because of me.” Something twanged in her head. “I know one person hates me already - some spot-eyed woman. Turin met her and she almost threw up at the mention of my name.”
“She’s learnin’ guns, an’ how to fight hand to hand. I’m hopin’ Kitty teaches her how to use blades.” Logan actually grimaced. “That’s Domino. There’s...a lot o’people Deathstrike hurt over the years. An’ some of us are better at lookin’ past it than others.”
“You know her?” Yuriko almost cried again, but kept it together. “I need help,” she murmured. “If you could even tell me where to start. I don’t want to know what I - what she - did. But I’m afraid, and the more help I can get to avoid this fate, the better.”
“Yeah, I know her,” Logan said, but didn’t feel inclined to say how well. “If Kitty is willing, she could take you out sometime. She doesn’t talk about it much, but I know she does the vigilante thing.”
“Vigilante?” Yuriko echoed, not sure she understood the word. “自警団員? What does that mean?”
“She beats up bad guys. Muggers an’ shit.” Logan couldn’t entirely approve, at least not out loud. He worried about her, but there were worse outlets.
“I understand the impulse.” Yuriko fell silent for a moment, looking down. “But I do not trust myself, Logan-kun. Who am I to judge who deserves pain, except in the most obvious situations? And what happens if I develop a taste for it?” She wanted to scream out to the world that Lady Deathstrike was dead, and yet she couldn’t trust that to be true.
“And when will you be able to trust yourself?” Logan asked her. “You can’t just hone yourself in sparrin’ or against dummies.”
“I don’t know. Perhaps I ought to worry more about being able to move without feeling exhausted first.” Yuriko closed her eyes. “But it is better that I suffer than I accidentally kill an innocent.”
Logan smiled softly. “I know. It’ll be awhile before you can run, let alone fight.”
“I am not certain I can stand!” Yuriko sighed. “I would go to a hospital, but no one would understand.” She didn’t want to ask Turin to look after her. He had his own worries. And Logan had his woman and his adopted daughter.
“Want me to call one of our doctors? The ones that don’t really ask questions an’ don’ blink twice at the weird shit.” Logan rubbed her back again. “Jus’ rest. Okay.”
“Is there someone who can help?” Yuriko looked up at him, knowing she looked like a drowning woman and not caring much. “Please, yes, I would appreciate that. Even just to stand normally would help.”
“Faiza might be able to help. I’m not sure how much. But she could maybe help your body adjust quicker.” Logan looked at her worriedly.
“Please, anything would help right now. I genuinely cannot believe that I could stand right now.” Yuriko sighed.
Logan nodded. He separated himself from Yuriko, and pulled out his phone. The conversation was short. “Yeah. I’m sorry to distu--You’re too damn nice, Faiza.”
Yuriko closed her eyes, just listening, trying to meditate or achieve some kind of zen state where the dull pain would go away. She was exhausted at this point.
Logan came back to the bed and sat down. “She’ll be here in about twenty minutes. We’re lucky, she wasn’t out at the ranch.”
“Who is she? What does she do?” She was a doctor, obviously, but in what capacity? “Does she know of Deathstrike?”
“She dreams ‘bout our world too. She’s from England,” Logan explained, rubbing at his chin. “Dunno if she’s heard of you. Worked mostly with Captain Britain an’ people like that.”
“I do not believe I am familiar.” That was a good thing. Yuriko closed her eyes again. “If you think I should sumimasen, I will.” She didn’t want anyone else to hate her.
“I don’t think you need to. She’s not gonna judge anyway.” Logan put a hand on Yuriko’s shoulder and squeezed. “I don’ think you need to worry.” But he clearly understood.
She leaned on him again, just needing comfort, nothing more. “Thank you for understanding,” Yuriko murmured, eyes tearing over. “And I am sorry to your woman, I didn’t mean to wake you so peremptorily.”
“Can think of worse things to wake up to.” He shook his head. “...an’ ain’t many people who understand what you’re goin’ through.”
Yuriko shook her head, wincing at the dull pain. “It hurts.” She tried to be quiet, and not whine, but at the same time, it hurt so badly.
“Close your eyes. Think o’somethin’ pleasant. Where do you go when you meditate? Go there, Yuriko. Go there.” Logan rubbed lightly at her back.
“Yes, I am trying.” Yuriko tended to picture her Japanese garden. It was soft, somehow; fuzzy and dreamlike. “It is difficult at times ... I’m not as strong as you are, Logan-kun.”
“You’re stronger than you let yourself be,” he said. “Find that steel and hold onto it. Faiza’ll be here soon.”
Hopefully, that would not be tested. Yuriko did her best to slip into a trance of sorts; she was definitely working on forgetting the pain when she thought she heard a knock at the door. She would deal with what to tell Turin later on.
Logan got up to let Faiza in. The doctor looked a little groggy, and her headscarf was askew. She absently fixed it after passing a mirror, and gave Yuriko a pleasant smile. “Good morning. Well, probably not as good as you’d like, I suppose, but you know what I mean, I hope.”
“I do. I am grateful for any help, any at all, especially with my dreams.” Yuriko didn’t want to throw herself on this woman and weep, even though she looked kindly and motherly enough to do that. “Logan thinks this is the same problem he has, but all I know is I cannot stand for long.”
"There's definitely some inorganic inside you," Faiza mused, rubbing at her chin as she looked closely at Yuriko. She glanced at Logan. "Is it what I think it is?"
"Adamantium, probably."
"Bugger, that explains the weakness and the heaviness. I can help with that, I think." Faiza thought about it - she could boost Yuriko's immune system to fight the poisoning effect of the metal, and sort of massage her muscles to help her bear the weight. She really hoped the woman had a healing factor, because that would only help for so long.
"This might tickle." Then she took Yuriko apart.
Yuriko blinked, feeling her body react weirdly. “Is there a way to tell if I can heal?” It would help, honestly. It would make her feel better.
“I’m pretty sure you can. See here?” She brought something out into view. “It’s repairing itself. Do you have allergies, miss?”
“Yes.” Yuriko breathed a little easier. “Yes, I do. So this would go away eventually? The pain, I mean? Will I feel normal?”
Faiza pursed her lips. “That metal it’s...well you know how iron or mercury can poison you? This is worse. But as your body adjusts the pain should lesson. I just don’t know enough to know if it will go away. I suspect that depends on how strong your healing factor actually is.”
Yuriko nodded. “I suppose all we can do is wait for that.” She’d have to speak to Turin, whether she wanted to or not. He deserved to know about that. “Do you ... know who I was?” She had to ask.
"Mm? I'm afraid I don't take much track of the people outside England, really. Though I had a Facebook page dedicated to Brit superheroes." Faiza laughed. "I don't recognize your name, at any rate!"
“Good.” Yuriko sighed. She wanted to be honest. “In my dreams, I apparently am on the opposite side of you. I ... hunt Logan. For imagined wrongs. But I will not here.” It was unexpectedly painful saying those words, but she kept it together. “Be my witnesses; if I do anything to harm your interests, I will let you strike me down.”
Faiza nodded her head as she put Yuriko back together. She put her hand on Yuriko’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. “It’s quite all right, duck. I doubt, you’re the person you dream you are. Not everyone is, and if the old canuck trusts you, who am I to judge? Far too many evils abound in this world from people judging prematurely.”
“He does trust me, for reasons I have not yet discovered.” Yuriko felt her body’s exhaustion lessen, and said as much. “I feel a bit more normal. And I think Logan does at least marginally trust me because we were of use to each other when he lived in Tokyo.” She smiled shyly at her friend. “I was the only hostess who would go with him at the time, and he helped me one night by scaring off a very unsavory dohan of mine.”
She nodded her head, wondering a bit about hostess but not knowing enough about the Japanese to really understand. And that whole judging thing too.
“He’s a good man, just don’t tell him that to his face.”
“I’m standin’ right here.”
Yuriko chuckled. “You know you are a good man, so that’s all right.” She looked up at the doctor. “I do feel better. Will you look after me if this metal tries to murder me?”
"Of course! I think you'll be fine, I just tried to help your own natural healing along." Faiza subscribed to the belief that the best use of her powers was to push a person far enough along that their body could handle the rest of it.
“I certainly hope you are right. Logan spoke highly of you.” Yuriko sighed. “My name is Yuriko, if he did not tell you, by the way.”
“Dr. Faiza Hussain.” She held out her hand. “It’s a real pleasure to meet you.”
She shook it. “Oyama Yuriko.” She’d sworn to be honest, so she forged ahead. “If you ever dream of Lady Deathstrike, for that I am sorry.” She looked back at Logan. “I am already sorry that you have.”
“Now listen here,” Faiza said, stubbornly. “A person named Deathstrike would hardly be apologizing like this, so why are you apologizing for her?”
“Because Deathstrike did some terrible things,” Logan said, grimly.
“People here seem to ... ” She searched for the right English word. “Absorb part of their dreams. Not only experience them, but gain things from them. As I’ve gained this metal. I am afraid of gaining her mind, or her view.” Yuriko couldn’t help but smile a little cynically. “You do not offer any special sort of psychiatry, Dr. Hussain?”
“I’m afraid I heal the body and not the mind, duck,” Faiza replied. “But do you feel any particular urges to strike death into the hearts of your enemies?”
“I’ve wished I could,” Yuriko said truthfully. “But my enemies are those who hurt me. Neither you nor Logan nor anyone associated with you has hurt me.”
“That’s fair enough.” She grinned. “While I’ve sworn an oath to not hurt people, I do have a nice sword for the bad sort.” Like vampires.
“I would like to hurt bad people. But perhaps standing on my own should come first.” Yuriko smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I am grateful for your help, Doctor. And yours, Logan.” More than she could say.
“Any time you need it, just ask.” Faiza straightened up and wiped her hands. “And you.” She pointed at Logan. “...Keep this up. Good boy.”
It was impossible for Yuriko not to laugh at least a little. “He is a good friend. His woman is lucky.” Maybe talking about Logan while he wasn’t there was still a bit fun.
Logan snorted, and folded his arms stubbornly.
Faiza tilted her head and laughed. “Well I suppose if you like the gruffy, grumpy sort with a heart of gold.”
“Apparently she does. And I do too.” Yuriko smiled. She felt relieved even speaking to a medical professional, never mind whatever the woman had actually done to help her body. “I should not keep you; either of you. Perhaps I can hire someone to come sit with me in case I fall over.”
Faiza glanced at Logan, too polite to ask if she had family or a boyfriend or something like that.
Logan had no such compunction. “Call Turin.”
“I will call him and then hire someone,” Yuriko said gently but firmly. “I would not make someone who cares for me sit and watch me possibly decline. But thank you.” It was time to stop panicking. There wasn’t a point in panicking, after all.
“Ain’t sure I agree,” Logan muttered. Paying someone to see you in that state seemed more degrading than it being someone you loved. He’d personally rather no one saw it, if it was himself.
She heard that loud and clear, even if he’d been mumbling. “I will discuss it with him, if it will make you feel better.” Yuriko did smile, though; he was trying to help her, not interfere.
Faiza covered her mouth and pretended she was very interested in the decor of the bed room. “Let me leave you my number, okay duck? If you need anything, just call.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” Yuriko smiled even more beatifically at her.
With a little wave and a ‘toodles’, Faiza headed for the exit. She’d seen a lot of suffering, and it was nice to see someone doing better after she worked. It made it all worth it.
Logan sank back down on the bed. “You’ll be okay?”
“I have to be.” Yuriko shrugged. “But for now, I do feel somewhat improved. Improved enough to make it to the kitchen or the lavatory, which I suppose is all I need for now.”
Logan nodded. He got to his feet and gave her a considering look. “Call him. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”
“I will.” Mostly to make Logan feel better. She could manage. She always did. Yuriko reached over, trying to pull him down for a tight hug. “Thank you for bringing the doctor. Thank you for ... understanding.”
“Anytime, darlin’,” Logan said gruffly. He wanted to pass it forward. There’d been people for him. He’d help her. And even if there hadn’t, he’d still help her.
“I will call Turin in the morning.” Which wouldn’t be all that long, at this point. “And if there is an emergency, I will let you know.”
“Good.” Logan nodded at her. “Get some rest, too. Hopefully you’re allowed it.”
“Why would I not be?” Yuriko furrowed her brow.
Logan shook his head. “Just hopin’ you can sleep peacefully the rest of the night.”
“Oh. Me too.” Yuriko smiled. “I will try to meditate now that the pain has decreased.” It was back to being her normal self, at least outwardly. “Try not to worry. I will be all right.” She had, essentially, no choice.
He shot her a look. “Don’t bury it either.” And then he headed out the door.