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Alicia Tarot can type 100 WPM (oftheblackrose) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-06-18 06:17:00

I'm standin' here outside your door
Who: Kitty and Tarot
Where: Kitty's place
What: breaking up
When: recently
Warnings/Rating: Sexual situations
Status complete

Alicia sighed as she made her way up to Kitty’s door. She wondered why her life was so strange all of a sudden. She looked at the offer from the modeling company one last time before knocking.

Kitty answered the door. She had her hair up in a towel and was wearing her lazy clothing. Her expression shifted between several reactions at seeing Alicia, but the one it settled on was a happy, if nervous smile. "Hey!" She wasn't jumping at seeing her. That was good!

“Hi!” Alicia smiled, her own expression nervous. “Sorry for not calling ahead of time, but uh, I need to talk to you before tonight and I thought it might be best to have as much time as possible to talk about this.” She twirled the end of her ponytail between her fingers.

Kitty swallowed, and stepped aside to let Alicia in. This didn’t sound good. She tried to feel optimistic, but it was hard - there was too many reasons to be pessimistic these days. “okay. Come in. Want something to drink?” She was going to have something to drink herself.

Alicia shook her head. “No. I’m not really thirsty.” She followed Kitty in, toying with the strap of her purse when she stopped playing with her hair. “So remember how my sister’s a model?”

“Yeah? I’ve looked her up before. Hot runs in your family.” She poured herself some whiskey and then plopped down onto the couch, patting the cushion next to her. Her body wanted to go one way and her heart along with it, but the fear and memories weren’t making it easy.

Alicia sat next to her, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, hot runs in my family. I was asked to do a modeling shoot with her and some other girls. In Germany. For a line of cosmetics. Which I will be representing for a couple years.” She put her purse in her lap, pulling out a contract. “I was just sent this, and a flight confirmation for later this evening.”

“That’s awesome!” Kitty didn’t hear the Germany part. Or the couple of years part. Not at first. Then it sunk in and she nearly dropped her drink. “You’re..you’re leaving?” She tried to keep the smile on her face. Tried to. She failed miserably.

Alicia nodded, her smile evaporating as well. “Yeah. My mom and sister are both out there, and even if I keep dreaming I’ll be far away from Cerebus and evil ghosts.” And Kitty. That was one of the few regrets she had about this.

It wasn’t fair. Kitty wanted to whine and complain and kind of scream a little. It wasn’t fair. But she swallowed up her emotions and her feelings, and the only outward sign of her distress was that she hugged herself. “You’ll be safe.”

“Yeah.” Relatively. She tucked the paperwork back into her purse, and took out a small card with a brightly colored design on it. She handed it to Kitty. “This card is all about victory and power. When we first met you believed that you’d never win, but when I pull this card it reminds me of you. It also means my first deck, my favorite deck, of tarot cards is incomplete. Think of it as collateral. I don’t want you to hang around and wait for me, but I want you to know you won’t be forgotten, and if I come back and meet your new lover, I’ll be so happy to see you happy.”

Kitty took the card, looking down at it. She didn't think she had an answer to what Alicia was saying that didn't sound lame. She didn't want to be angry with her, or blame her, or hate her. She didn't want anyone else. Swearing off relationships was so happening.

"I don't think I deserve this, Alicia. But I'll try to live up to it."

Alicia shrugged. “I’m sorry. You could come with me. I have enough for a second ticket, and we can send for your kids.” She wanted that. Sharing Germany with Kitty and her children sounded like heaven. It was also unlikely, but she could hope for a second or two longer.

That was unexpected, and made her chest tighten painfully. She blinked away tears. "I...I can't. God, it sounds so good, but I can't. There's too much...and it would probably follow me to you anyway."

Alicia nodded. She took a moment to regain her composure, inhaling and exhaling slowly. “I understand. Now just isn’t our time.” She put her hand on Kitty’s knee. “When you find the person you’re meant to love, it will be the right time. They’ll be stronger than me, and you’ll look back on this as a bittersweet moment, instead of one to regret.”

She closed her eyes, and leaned in against Alicia, resting her head on her shoulder. Maybe later she'd listen. Right now she didn't want to hear it. "You were more than just sex, you know. I really need you to understand that."

Alicia hugged Kitty the arm she wasn’t leaning against. “I know. We had something special. I will always remember you well, even if I don’t remember Irvine as positively.” She kissed Kitty’s forehead. “You’re the only thing I’m sad to leave behind.”

She turned Alicia’s face down, kissing her suddenly, full of hunger and emotion, and even a little of that fear. It was pure selfishness - she wanted to taste Alicia one more time before she went.

Alicia didn’t mind Kitty being selfish. Kissing Kitty was always worth it. She held Kitty, returning that passion and hunger. She kissed Kitty for as long as she could, as hard as she could, knowing she would likely never get the chance to do it again. When she did break the kiss for air she was panting, her eyes meeting Kitty’s. “Be good to yourself.” She whispered, fighting back tears. “It was wonderful to be with you.”

She couldn't help it. The tears flowed freely. "This isn't fair, Alicia." She tangled her fingers in the woman's hair. "Everything is so messed up. I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do now. It's been...it's been amazing with you. You're so kind, and smart, and sexy, and insatiable..."

Kitty really, really didn't want to let go. She knew when she let go that it would probably be the last time she touched Alicia, and bitter experience had taught her to savor every last touch.

Alicia couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, either. She held onto Kitty and cried, kissing her neck softly. “You’ll find that again, Kitty. You’ll find the person you’re meant for, and be happy, truly happy.” Alicia put all of her will into that, a prayer to the God and Goddess that she was right, that Kitty would find the person who was the other half of herself.

"I'd thought she'd be you," Kitty whispered, holding onto Alicia tightly. Maybe it had been too soon after Xi'an. Maybe that had poisoned things some how or maybe Alicia had just been there to help her dig herself out of that before she lost herself completely.

It still didn't feel fair, and it still felt like her heart was being crushed.

Alicia would be disappointed if she just gave up though, so she nodded her head.

“I think I was here to help you, and you helped me, too.” She took a deep breath and sat back. “I wish I could handle the insanity here, but I know I can’t, and you deserve better than that.”

Kitty lifted Alicia’s fingers to her lips, and kissed at them, nibbling and nuzzling a little bit. Why could’t she go? She was too stubborn, and there was too much to do here. Kitty didn’t run away, she didn’t give up.

Not that she could blame Alicia.

“Would it be too much to give you a proper sendoff?”

“What do you mean?” Alicia didn’t want Kitty to go out of her way for this.

"I want to screw your brains out," Kitty clarified, smiling in wry amusement. There'd been a time when they'd have been on the same page about what she meant. She didn't know if it hurt more or less that they weren't right now. She kept having to stop herself from saying the love word - she didn’t want to make Alicia feel even shittier.

Alicia stroked Kitty’s face. “Yeah, I think I’d like that. I have about two hours before I have to begin checking in, and my stuff is essentially packed.” She kissed Kitty again, her hand trailing down her neck and chest to stroke her breasts. She had time for this, and she wanted it.

For a moment, Kitty had been afraid she’d get rejected. Then that moment was over, and her hands were on Alicia. She kissed her, hard, then soft, then hard again. Eager, and a little desperate. She only had two hours left, less if she wanted to let Alicia shower.

Alicia wasn’t all that worried about showering. Her main goal was to show Kitty that this wasn’t about her, that she was leaving Orange County, not Kitty. She slid Kitty’s shirt up and off, sitting back a little to admire the view one last time. “I’m going to give you the best two hours of your life so far, or die in the attempt.” She said, grinning mischievously.

“Challenge accepted,” Kitty announced, eyes bright with need.

It would live up to expectations.