Montgomery Scott is a miracle worker (warp_speed) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-03-19 02:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, montgomery scott, varric tethras |
You know how they handle runaway trains?
Who: Scotty, Varric
What: Short log. Late night WTF DID I DO phonecalls. It's what bromance is all about.
When: Very early morning, after the making uppedness. Sun's not up yet!
Where: It's...bouncing between cellphone towers. Cass' apt, Varric's place.
Rating: PG-13, language
Status: Complete
Bananaphone is ringing! Hello there! Please answer! If ringing could sound more important than a normal phone call, then this ringing would qualify.
"Lo?" Varric sounded as groggy as he felt. He vaguely recognized the number.
"...hullo," came a familiar Scottish voice over the phone, but it is in a hiss whisper of distress. Full on. Four in the morning distress. "I think I maybe made a wee bit of a mistake. Well, not a mistake. Really. It was lovely but...I just woke up with that sense that maybe...ye know...the ceiling might cave in on me, an' things could gae all sorts of serious....an'...an'...am I hyperventilating?"
The answer to that would be yes. Yes, he was.
"...a mistake...?" Varric tried to blink the sleep out of his eyes, and kept his voice low as a woman in bed snuggled up against him. He had no idea Scotty had a woman curling up against HIM. Yet. He took a breath, and disentangled himself, getting out of bed and pulling on a robe. He headed into his kitchen to pour himself a -- morning-cap, "You're hyperventilating. Take long, deep breaths and then tell me what happened, Tinker."
"Well, ye were at the party an'...deep breath, aye..." Scotty paused while doing that and momentarily deliberated if it was a profoundly girly thing to have a full on freak out, call one's friend, and start blethering on about it. He decided, yes, it was, but it was better than being frozen in place and staring at the walls and ceiling with wide, glassy eyes. That was staring in the sense of a proverbial animal caught in the oncoming headlights of a very large motorized vehicle, and it's face was about to meet the front grill, at high speeds. It is doing nothing to help the hiss whispering or the hyperventilating, but at least he was sensible enough to remain quiet for the most part, or try to. "...we might've...done some things...ye cannae take back. Irreversible variety. Ye know that moment when ye think that...breathing again...where ye gonnae be domesticated in less than a year, an' ye can kindae see where things'll be goin' toward, from then on oot? That."
It wasn't that girly of a thing. Most people could end up having freak outs if they weren't prepared for something. Especially if there was an oncoming semi-truck at seventy-five miles per hour. Varric scratched the stubble on his cheek, "...Sex doesn't always lead to domestication."
Being a profound stubborn arse, who was incredibly stuck in his habits and ways? Any chance of deviation from his current settings would result in an an attempt to adjust and overcompensate. This coming from Mister I-Read-Technical-Journals-At-Home-For-EnOr it's what he needs, maybe. But that's a whole other matter, that he's not yet aware of.
"Aye, maybe, but what if...ye know...I dunnae know if we were ready...an'...ye know, the party," Scotty was saying, staying firmly in the away sector, away from Cass right now. "It's like she's full o' magnets. MAG. NETS."
What's more? All that stuff, above, that he was thinking about freight trains in motion? He thought it, out loud. Naturally. Whisper hissing the whole while.Everything but the strike out, that is.
"You kissed and made up?" Among other things, it sounded like. Varric sounded relieved. Pissed off heartbroken waitresses, and pissed off heartbroken best friends. He didn't want to be caught between them, "She's really attractive, Tinker. I don't blame you for being drawn to her."
Varric rubbed his face, "You know how they handle runaway trains? They let them runaway until they slow down of their own accord."
"Aye," he started to agree and then attempted to explain, "well...ye know...train, hit me...nae, it's like magnets an' metal...an' ye just stuck there an' ye know...fine, I'd enjoyed it a bit, aye, but....what if the fucking train never slows down?"
Varric took a long swig and then threw it out there, "Are you in love, Tinker?"
"WHAT?" If it was at all possible to yell while whispering, Scotty just managed it. He even held the phone so it was right next to his lips, nearly pressed against it, because he could not possibly convey the sheer what-the-hell by any other means. "What sort of thing is that tae say? Let's not be hasty, Short n' Hairy. Nae fluffy shittery goin' on here. Get aff! We're not picking out curtains." He growled that last word for emphasis. Varric? You so ridiculous.
It was possible to yell while whispering, Varric just discovered! "But you're having a freak out over sleeping with her." That sounded girlish to Varric.
"Wellifonethoughtaboutthesethingsmore? There would be plenty tae worry about," Scotty pointed out, because he didn't want to sound girly and...aghh, forget it. He'd figure out what to do after not sleeping and thinking on it a whole lot more, and being positively crabbit for the rest of the day. "Being a stupid arse, forget I'd called. I'll get it sorted."
"Scotty." And here Varric used his name, and not his nickname. That meant this was srsbsns. The short man set his drink down, even. It was this important, "What does she mean to you?"
"I like her, a whole lot. Can we just leave it at that, because any further discussion is goin' tae be..." Embarrassing for starters. He wasn't one to gush. A freak out and some facepalming now and then, maybe, but gushing? No way. "Cheers, laddie, for the discussion. Goin' tae end the call now. Nighty night."
Really, Scotty just wanted to go >_> and facepalm. Lots.
"Tinker! Damn it." Varric called him back.
Fumble fumble went his hands with the phone, trying to get it to stop buzzing and trying to keep Cass from waking up.
"What is it? Are ye trying tae wake her up?" Scotty hissed into the phone, teeth gritted into a hard smile, mouth very close in so he can be heard loud and clear. "I just wanted tae think for a while, is all."
"Something tells me if you spend too much time thinking, Tinker, you'll start over-analysing things until you panic, hit the brakes, and hurt both yourself and her." Varric tried to sound gentle. Mostly. Not really, "Sometimes sex is just sex. Sometimes its lovemaking. Figure out which it was first, at least."
That was actually very helpful advice. Enough so that Scotty couldn't even mouth off or anything of the sort, and was left silent for a long moment, while he mulled it all over.
"Aye, fair enough point, Varric," he finally admitted. "But if we talk about this more, we're goin' tae sprout breasts an' want tae go shoe shopping. I really shouldnae have called at all, but ye know...walls...closing in...moment."
"I'll buy you a drink later, and that'll make up for it, deal?" Varric sounded distracted. Which was fair enough, as the woman that had been in his bed was standing in the doorway wearing absolutely nothing and looking fantastic in it.
"Deal. Gnight, have fun," Scotty said, because...yeah, distraction. He knew from experience that Varric was staring at something female and he was impressed or wanted to impress, so time was of the essence. He simply ended the call, tossed the phone aside, and went back to staring up at the ceiling.
Varric had already moved past the 'impress' stage, and was now in the 'being thrown onto the kitchen table' stage. Life was good.Only for the non-fuck ups, Varric. Only for the non-fuck ups.