InsaneJournal

I wasn't expecting both of you.
Who: Helen, Nikola, & Varric
What: Nikola and Varric go after Helen
When: May 23/24
Where: Seattle
Rating: PG
Status: Complete



Over the past few weeks, Helen and Sally had fallen into a routine, often spending their mornings in comfortable silence, only occasionally broken by one of them at the piano. This wasn’t one of those mornings.

Helen could feel her time slipping away. Even if Varric let her go, Nikola would not. And heaven forbid they should get James involved. Someone would come looking for her. She was almost surprised she’d managed to hold them off this long. But perhaps it didn’t matter. It would never be long enough.

She’d thought the time away would help her gain some clarity, figure out where she needed to be, who she needed to be. She wasn’t even certain she knew who she was anymore.

She was saved from those thoughts by a loud knock sound. It was Nikola knocking on the front door. After a long drive, and some investigations, Nikola and Varric arrived at the unavoidable conclusion that Helen was staying here.

Varric said nothing, and stood next to Nikola, arms folded. It wasn't very common for him to remain silent for so long, but he (for once) didn't have anything to say. He was not a happy camper about Helen leaving, and had, at several points, considered just letting her go. It would be easier. It would hurt, but it would be easier. Clearly he wasn't enough to make her stay.

Yet here he was.

Even if a part of her had been expecting them, she was still surprised to find them on the other side of the door. And for a moment, she simply stared at them in silence. Finally, though, she stepped back, opening the door.

"I imagine you'll want to come in."

Nikola sighed. He really didn't want to come in. He just wanted to collect her and head home. But he did, stepping past Helen and into the house. He still had no idea what to say to her besides 'how could you?' Ah, well, it'd come in time if it was meant to.

Varric waited a moment longer, stubbornly standing on the doorstep and not particularly interested in acting like an adult. He glared straight ahead, before he finally gave in and walked inside.

Ah. They were angry, then. She couldn't really blame them. After a short silence, she nodded, leading them back toward the living room as she heard the other woman move into the kitchen.

"I wasn't expecting both of you."

“I wouldn’t have come without him.” Nikola said, motioning to Varric. He was sure the two of them were going to have things to discuss--things that he, Nikola, frankly, didn’t want to intrude upon. Things he didn’t want to hear. He took a few steps into the home and surveyed it, then turned around to watch Helen closely.

Varric didn’t want to discuss anything, at least in front of people. He remained uncharacteristically silent, and looked around, observing the room.

His silence was unsettling, but what did she expect from him? Undeniably, she was the one at fault here. Even if a small part of her still believed it had been the right decision.

"How is Alice?"

“She’s with that blonde girl right now.” Nikola knew that much. He didn’t know the girl’s name. Dianne? Something like that. “I’m sure she misses you,” he added, his voice sounding a bit cooler than normal.

“She’s very upset,” Varric said, his tone almost accusing. He looked at Helen, his eyes steely.

She held his gaze for a moment, the barest hint of guilt reflected back at him. But then she pulled back again, moving to stand near the window, her focus on the city below.

Finally, she looked up at them again. “What do you want me to say?”

Nikola raised both eyebrows. “What do you think we want you to say, Helen?”

“What do you want to say?” Varric asked.

“Does it matter? You’ve already decided what to think of this, of me.” And then she changed tactics completely. “Why are you here?”

Nikola sighed. “You can’t just run away from your life, Helen.”

“Because we love you. You don’t just abandon someone when you love them, even if they’ve upset you.” Pissed off might be more like it, but Varric wouldn’t have come all this way if he didn’t think that they were salvageable.

She studied Varric for a long moment, then, her next question very clearly directed at him alone. “Do you understand why I left?” Had this all been for nothing?

Nikola took the hint. He turned to wander off down the hallway, giving the two of them some space to talk.

“Because you couldn’t …” Varric searched for the words - a rare thing with him. He looked up at Helen, a sad, conflicted expression on his face. “I don’t know. I felt like I couldn’t get through to you any more. That there was nothing I could do but watch. I wanted you to take control of yourself. Instead you ran away.”

She had her answer then. "Because I would rather walk away on my own terms than lose you to a world I couldn't compete with."

After a brief hesitation, she moved away from the window, stepping closer, just shy of touching him. "I want to be enough to keep you here."

"You're wrong, Helen. You can't lose me to a world that doesn't exist. I'm still the same man, just...more than I was." He patted a hand on his chest, the top few buttons on his shirt undone to reveal the glorious red pelt underneath. "I just have to accept that it's a part of me."

"Can't I?" In some ways, it felt like she already had. "You said you belonged there."

Varric shook his head. “I said part of me does. Not all of me. Not enough to ever want to actually go there. Kirkwall is a shit-salad place, Rabbit. Murder around every corner and dead bodies in the street.”

She did touch him then, slowly, sliding her hands over his shoulders, down his arms, tracing the same path with her eyes before she finally looked at him again, truly looked at him.

"I'm ready to come home." It was barely above a whisper, and she was dangerously close to crying, but her gaze was steady, a part of her asking permission.

“If I didn’t want you home,” Varric said softly. “I wouldn’t be here.”

"I thought Nikola might have dragged you along, regardless." It was a weak attempt at lightening the conversation, and she quickly moved on, "I'll get my things."

She offered him a hand, a silent plea for him to join her.

Varric sighed in relief, and took her hand. He wasn’t sure things were fixed by a long shot, but at least they were going in the right direction.

She tightened her hold on him, ever so slightly, leading him back into the small room she'd been using, releasing his hand only to gather what little she'd brought with her. Giving the room a final once over when she'd finished, she reclaimed his hand, squeezing gently. "Let's go home."

“We could always move out here,” Varric suggested, raising his eyebrow.

“A fresh start?”

He smiled at her. It didn’t matter where he was as long as he could write, and be with her. He’ll have to give Tinker a good present though. “Oh yes. A fresh start.”