Who: Theo Flowers and the Weasley Twins. What: Meeting! When: Monday afternoon. Where: For the Lulz. Rating: R for flirting and mentions of twincest. Status: Complete!
Theo had a few younger guests at the B&B, so she figured she’d stop by a toy store and pick up a few things. The problem was that they were older - ten and twelve - and toy stores didn’t seem to be suited for them. So she continued shopping, pushing into a store called For the Lulz. Immediately she smiled. This was perfect.
Of course it was perfect. The twins, being quite perfect themselves, wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course.
Fred was working behind the counter, scribbling on a bit of paper with something that looked suspiciously like a crayon. George? Well, who really knew where George was?
He glanced up, smiled brightly and offered a “Hullo!” And then back down to his paper he went. Wait nope. Redhead. Another glace. Oh, good. They weren’t related. He was pretty sure. Maybe.
Grinning, Theo chuckled at the warm reception and nodded her head. It was her day off, so she was just in one of the dresses she wore when she wasn’t trying to gussy up, but she noticed the boy behind the counter was kind of cute. But he was still just a boy. So she resumed looking at the games and jokes, crouching slightly as she picked up a few things to purchase.
Upon further inspection, Fred was pleased to note that she was, in fact, not someone he was related to. And also curves. He noticed those. Where was George? He glanced down at his paper -- a very crude drawing of a little brick house (he’d been bored, okay?) - and then pushed it onto the floor behind the counter along with his crayons.
“Looking for -- something in particular?” Smile smile grin.
“Not really, no.” Theo’s voice was light and airy. It still bore the accent she’d had all her life. Virginia still had a claim on her accent even though it had let her leave its borders. “Do you know what a ten and twelve year old boy might like to play with? I don’t know, I never was one. I assume you might have been once, though.” She couldn’t help but flirt with him, even though he looked possibly eighteen. Maybe seventeen even.
Oh, she was going to hell.
Fred blinked for a hot second, and then looked around the store almost blankly. George? That asshole. Then he gave a grin that was what he imagined might be charming, but was really just as maniacal as it ever was. “I’m sorry. You sound just lovely. But I don’t know at all what you’re saying. Is that a real American accent?” He played up his own British upbringing more than he should have, but it had seemed like a good idea at the time.
“What he means to say,” George popped up from behind and aisle, identical head be no shoulders or body to be seen beyond that. Clearly he’d taken pity to the silent calling of his name and decided to appear. “Is that we were hatched from eggs. Never were we so young. Luckily, we still might be able to help you on your quest for properly fun items.”
Theo giggled. “It is a real American accent, straight from the place where y’all sent some of your convicts back in the day.” She beeped Fred’s nose. “You’ve got nobody to blame but your great-great-granddaddies.”
When she saw the twin floating head appear, she clapped and laughed brightly. “Oh, that’s fantastic! I wish all cute guys came in sets of two. When we wear one’a y’all out, there’s a second one ready to tap in!” Woah, Theo, that was out loud.
They didn’t seem to mind, and tittered over it a bit. Fred was amused enough to waggle his eyebrows at her. “What you’re saying,” he said it slowly, as if making a show of thinking things through, “Is that you’re a bit naughty?” As if he’d needed to ask that when she’d already talked about going tag team.
George, who had moved to the end cap, so not to just be a talking head - was that a metaphor?- crossed his arms and just kept up with his smiles. “We are cute, though.” They certainly were 0 for some other number in professionality today.
Theo shrugged and tossed her hair. “Nothing naughty about being a woman who knows what she wants, now is there.” She held out a dinosaur set she’d been eying. “This is too young for a twelve-year-old, isn’t it.” She was trying to be professional, really. Sort of.
Bending at the waist in a skirt is professional, right?
Very professional, yes. The twins would encourage more of that..er. Professionality. Yes. “Not at all. It’s admirable, in fact.” Fred said, of the naughty bits -- because business be damned, this is what he was interested in right now. She was all curvy. Had he mentioned that before? He shared a look with George, and the kinder of two boys only rose an eyebrow as if to say ‘Yes, Fred, I have noticed all of the curvies. They are very nice. Calm yourself.’
“That’s for not a twelve year old.” George gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder and took the toy away before replacing it with a sticky dart gun set. Much better. You’re welcome.
Theo smiled, shaking her head. “Right, I forgot. Boys love destruction. You two are past that phase, right? I mean, you’re seventeen at least.” She smiled lopsidedly, ruffling the hair of one of them. “I’m Theo, it’s nice to meet y’all.”
They sure were getting a lot of hair ruffles lately. Not that they minded. Well, in this case, not that George minded. They both gave a laugh at that, though.
“We try to curb our lust for blood and the destruction of Tokyo these days,” Fred said, although it came off as a little sad, as if he missed the good old days of destroying cities and general terrorizing.
George gave a sage nod at that. “And at least is right. We’re twenty-three, Theo. Can’t be much older than you, really.” They could lay it on thick if they wanted. “Fred and George, by the way.” No, they didn’t really specify which one was which. Sometimes it hardly mattered.
Theo smiled, reaching out to take their hands in turn. “I’m technically Theophilia, but nobody calls me that. You can call me Mrs. Flowers if you want.” She blushed, looking at her left hand. “Don’t worry, we’re divorced. He took the girl he was cheating on me with, and I kept the business and his last name. It’s easier to spell.”
Picking up another of the sticky guns, she lightly hip bumped the nearest twin. “I bet if you tromped Tokyo, they’d make those cute little chibi dolls out of you. You’d be the cutest. I’d have about eight stuffed versions of each’a you. And I’m thirty-five, thank you very much for not askin’ directly. So more’n ten years older than each of you. Not that that matters. Nobody’s really been interested in that part of me since Mr. Flowers left.”
That was a lot of information at once. Luckily, the Twins were quick on their feet with that sort of thing, and so one took a minute to scoff about age and cheating husbands, and the other took the next minute to giggle about big eyed doll versions of themselves. Because it would be cute. They especially liked how she’d probably end up with sixteen of the same exact toy. Flattery, Mrs. Flowers!
“Awww,” said George.
“That’s ridiculous. You’re a curvy--er, gorgeous young lady,” Fred went on, and did not really actually slip on his words so much as play obnoxious entirely too well.
“We’d take you to a fancy dinner.” Fred’s twin was giving more of those sage and falsely solemn nods.
“Mm. Like the Sizzler.” So fancy. So. Fancy.
Mrs. Flowers wrinkled her nose. “No Sizzler. I’d just end up cookin’ for you if you took me there.” She rifled around in her purse. “Oh, talk of the devil, you boys like caramel?” She made caramels whenever she was stressed, and she’d recently been irritated at having another birthday.
“Pshhhh- do we --”
“Like caramel? Gosh, who doesn’t?” The twins did love them some sweets. They used to leave a little bowl of candies out on their counter top, but after Fred had managed a cavity they’d been forced to stop.
They both held out their hands like little Oliver Twists.
“Oh my lord, you two are the cutest. Tell me you each have cute little girlfriends.” She reached into her purse and handed them two each. They were hand tied with dark green clingfilm and dark green ribbons. “I just made those yesterday, so they should be soft still.”
“We are cute,” George said, as if she was just right, and that wasn’t a matter of opinion at all, but instead complete fact.
Fred was meant to finish that sentence, but he’d already torn into the candy and was chewing with obnoxious happiness and making little “mmm” noises.
So George rolled his eyes, and did the rest of the work himself. “And just so terribly - er - single. We’re taking applications though. Would you like one?” He wasn’t supposed to be the pushy one. Fred was ruining it. Okay, not really, but still.
Theo blinked. “Both of you? Do you two do everything together?” Oh, that was leading to mental images. And blushing. So much blushing. Why was she so pale?
Grinning at Fred, she ruffled his hair again. “Is it really because of the caramels? They’re easy to make, I can teach you.”
Her blush was funny, a little cute. And a plus when it came to topics like this. It meant less chance of people being weirded out. Right? Right!
“We tend to,” Fred said, because he had no goddamn shame, even though he should have about a subject like that. It wasn’t all that serious, because even as he said it, he was licking caramel from his teeth, and that kind of took a lot of effect out of everything.
“Food is always better when someone else makes it,” George pointed out, but that didn’t mean they weren’t interested, necessarily.
She was interested, and she unwrapped a caramel idly. “So, if I were to go out with you two, will you get jealous of each other? Or do you share each other, too? I’m not judgin’, I just wanted ... “ Fap fodder, really. “Oh, I bet y’all took the same girl to prom!”
The twins exchanged a look, and then shrugged in unison. “We didn’t go to prom.” They had, in fact, dropped out of high school.
Fred unwrapped his last caramel, peeling the wrapper off thoughtfully. “We don’t get jealous.” Which wasn’t exactly specific, but was probably telling enough. And hey, to be fair, you didn’t just tell random almost stranger hot curvy ladies that you banged your brother just because they asked. That was weird. And rude!
She blushed, putting a caramel into her mouth. “I’m sorry, that was rude. Well. How about I make it up to you. Can I get one’a those applications? I can cook you dinner sometime this week. What do you boys like?”
At that, she was rewarded with twin smiles, nearly the cheshire ones, but not quite. Apparently they were playing it cute today. Fred produced a business card and presented it to her with a flourish. “Awfully nice of you, Mrs Flowers. Don’t worry --”
“We don’t think you’re rude, at all.” There it was. The actual one starts other finished combo! “And we like whatever you like making best.” Because they were little sweethearts when they put their minds to it.
Theo chuckled, amused that the boys who were trying to court her even called her Mrs. Flowers. She rifled around in her bag for one of her own business cards, jotting her cell phone number on the back.
“Hmm. Maybe a cottage pie, on account of where you boys were born. It’s a shame y’all didn’t go to prom, though. Mine was ... well.” She chuckled and tossed her hair. “We do love football in Virginia, what can I say.”
She walked to the counter, still beet red, and put her purchases down. “Which of you’re gonna check me out?”
“We’ve already checked you out.” Because sometimes Fred had to make the obvious joke. This was a joke shop, after all, and sometimes you had to do things even when you didn’t want to.
Even George seemed embarrassed by that though, and so, pocketing the card, moved behind the counter to actually ring the items up. While imagining not football, but football stands. Which was probably the point there. “It’s hardly football here, though,” he felt the need to point out. Cheeky and British and charming and -- gosh, she really was all curves wasn’t she?
“Oh, here it’s mostly homoerotic falling on each other, but that’s a stupid thing to call a game, isn’t it.” She winked at Fred, appreciating his obvious joke. She motioned him over, smirking to herself. When she’d started the B&B, she’d loved working with the kids best, and as such, had taught herself magic tricks. Simple little things. “You’ve got somethin’ behind your ear, handsome.”
She motioned for him to move closer, and she pulled another one of her business cards almost out of mid-air. But this one had a lipstick mark on it. She handed it back over to Fred before beaming at George.
Fred oohed and aahed appropriately, looking down at the card -- B&B. Huh. He hadn’t known those actually existed anymore. Interesting. And now they wouldn’t need to later wonder on why she needed childrens toys, or something.
George giggled, handing her a receipt to sign. “I’d say I was jealous, but we’ve gone over that already, huh?”
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say y’all do this a lot. Pick up poor little old ladies in your shop.” She signed, pretended to pout, and rifled through her purse again. “Best thing I can do to make sure you don’t stand me up is give you more sweets, huh. Here, I made some hard candy the other night, you take those.” She was the sort of woman who always had something in her handbag for people with a sweet tooth, and had been since she was young.
“I’m just glad you’re over twenty-one. When I get you liquored up and have my way with y’all, I won’t feel so guilty the next day.” Theo picked up her bags and giggled. She talked a big game, but she doubted these two would live up to their bluster.
“Poor old ladies, indeed,” Fred scoffed, shaking his head, as if aghast she might think that they did this often or that she was old. Neither of those things were true -- thirty-five was the new twenty-five, or so they’d heard. And as for them picking girls up, in general -- well. There hadn’t been much of that, either. Sure, the odd date for each here and there, but nothing lasting. Because they were a joint deal. And not many people were into that sort of thing. It made dating difficult. Not that they needed to date, technically.
“You won’t feel guilty,” George said, looking pleased over the candies, and amused over her almost tsk-y pouts.
“We’re awesome,” Fred agreed. “You’ll probably just want to call us again.”
“Well, I’ll be sure not to pine for y’all too much until you call me to let me know when you’re comin’ over.” She giggled, picking up her bags. “It’s been nice meetin’ you and undressin’ you with my eyes. I appreciate it.”
“Likewise,” the boys chirped, because they were honestly pretty clever sometimes. The curves had thrown them off a bit, but still. They waved madly until she was out the door.