Luthien had chosen a mortal life, in her dreams. Living with Beren, a second chance after he’d already died once, living on into old age, until death claimed them both and took them beyond the veil and into Eru’s warm embrace. For all the trials they’d undergone, for all the terror and the battles, for all the encompassing darkness, they’d been justly rewarded.
Now she stood, the moon filtering through the window, casting her skin into an ethereal glow. Her ears elegantly pointed, her body like a wisp. She felt power, as though she’d been gifted her immortality again. As though she had to make the choice, all over again.
Elphaba rapped her knuckles softly on Lúthien’s door even as she carefully pushed it open. She peeked around the corner and called out to Lúthien, stepping into her hallway and closing the door quietly behind her. “Lúthien? Sweetheart, are you here?”
The elf stepped into the hallway, her smile brightening when she saw Elphana. “My love, I’m here.”
“Hey,” Elphaba grinned back, happy to see her girlfriend after a long day at work with some annoying clients. She stepped forward and slipped her hands over Lúthien’s waist and kissed her, hands giving her a little squeeze as she did.
Luthien groaned, returning the kiss and cupping Elphie’s face. “I love you.” She pulled away, and pulled her hair away from her ears. “They’re more pointed.”
“Oh my god,” Elphaba held Lúthien’s face in her hands and turned it so she could see her ears better. “Are you ok? What happened?”
“I dreamed.” Luthien smiled softly, her voice taking a musical lilt to it. “I dreamed of an entire life time. Thousands of lifetimes, at least for most people.”
“And you woke up with those?” Elphaba asked as she gently ran her fingertips down from the tip to the lobe, almost entranced by the elegant lines of her face that her newly pointed ears only enhanced. She took in Lúthien’s face; the woman was almost glowing with a light from within it seemed.
“I did.” She looked down into Elphaba’s eyes. She’d been nervous. Worried about what all this would mean for them. About what it would mean if they made love again now. It would tie her soul to Elphaba’s.
Elphaba’s mind was racing, what did this mean? How did she feel about it? Lúthien was the same woman she loved, but she was...different too. “I...I...I’ll be honest, I don’t know what to say,” Elphaba explained, she couldn’t stop looking over Lúthien’s face, stroking her soft hair.
“What do you feel?” She slipped her arms around Elphie’s waist and leaned against her. “About me? I still love you. But remember how I told you about bonding? We would, with me like this. Bond.”
"Honestly?" Elphaba kissed Lúthien's cheek and pressed their cheeks together with her eyes closed as she relished the smooth warmth the other woman radiated. "I'm kind of scared, what would it mean for us? Would it change us? I...I..." Elphaba gave a little helpless shrug. "My minds racing Lúthy but I can't make sense of it," Elphaba pulled back to look into her eyes. "I know I love you, but what if you find Beren here? What if I find Fiyero here? How will that affect us? How..." Elphaba was overthinking but she couldn't stop it, sometimes her mind just got away from her and she needed someone to 'reboot' it for her.
They were some of the same concerns that Luthien had. She knew Beren was out there, but she couldn’t find him, couldn’t hear his thoughts. She tugged Elphie against her. “I’m not bound to Beren in this world. May he have all the happiness I have found, but I love you. I just...I’m afraid. I bond myself to you, and I will die when you pass. I do not want to live forever...but..” She smiled ruefully.
"What?!" Elphaba held Lúthien away by her waist to look into her eyes properly. "What do you mean you'll die?! I can...if I...I can't... Elphaba shook her head, tears springing to her eyes at the thought. She couldn't be the reason someone as amazing as Lúthien left the world, she wasn't worth it, no matter how she felt about Lúthien.
“What I mean is...when you pass, you would take part of my soul with you. I might linger for a time, but eventually, I would fade away and join you.” She tried to kiss Elphaba. “It’s all right.”
"No," Elphaba pulled away from her, not letting her kiss her. She didn't know if she could say no if that happened. "You can't do that," Elphaba was staring off into the distance, fearing her resolve would fail if she looked at Lúthien again. "Its not worth it...I'm not worth it..." she tried to hold Lúthien at bay even as tears fell down her cheeks. "I love you...too much..." Why couldn't she catch a break? She was finally happy! With someone she loved, dearly, and fate just wouldn't let her be damnit!
“You’re worth it, Elphaba.” She bit her lip. She could have said nothing, simply let it happen. But that wouldn’t have been fair to either of them. Her hands dropped to her side. “I don’t know what afterlife awaits you, but I’d like to join you there.”
“I...I...” Elphaba gaped at Lúthien, shaking her head, still unable to think much beyond ‘oh my god’. She stared into Lúthien’s eyes, not truly believing that she was worthy of someone as amazing as Lúthien.
“Elphaba, I want to spend eternity with you.” Luthien’s voice was soft, and her voice pleading. She didn’t step closer, though. She wanted Elphaba to make her choice without being pressured. “If you need time to think about it, that’s all right.”
“I just...why?” Elphaba asked, voice breaking as her tears slowed but didn’t stop their tracks down her cheeks. She was baffled by Lúthien’s decision, there must be so many more worthy partners than weird, little Elphie with her inferiority complex. She knew she loved Lúthien, felt more deeply about her than anyone she had met before, but she almost expected to be the most invested in their relationship.
“I love you. You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you make me feel as though there’s light bursting from within.” Luthien pressed a hand to her heart. “When I love I love deeply.”
Elphaba wiped her face and pushed her hair back from her face. She shook her head again, in awe of Lúthien’s patience and wisdom. “Father would tell you that you’re crazy, probably try and set you up with my sister or something,” she joked, somewhat seriously. She wasn’t completely sure how Father would react to her dating a girl in the first place, but that was his problem.
“Does he even know?” She raised an eyebrow, a new problem suddenly presented to her. Damn.... “Your family should know, before we...decide anything.” It broke her heart to say that.
“I don’t...I’ve never told him about...being with anyone before,” Elphaba quirked a smile. “Much less a girl,” she admitted quietly, a wicked grin tipping the corner of her mouth. “And Nessa? Wouldn’t have a clue how she’d react to be honest, could go either way I guess,” she thought aloud. “Do you want me to tell them?”
“I...yes. I think you should. And I will tell my parents as well. I want to be open, about myself, and about us.” She rubbed her arm, and took a long, deep breath. “There’s one more thing.”
"Ok..." Elphaba asked warily. Tonights revelations had been big...what was the other shoe Lúthien was about to drop?
She licked her lips, and sat down. She had to sit down for this, because she wasn’t sure Elphaba understood the implications for herself. “If we continue this. If we bond. ...we’re stuck together, you and I. Myself more than you, but the bond goes both ways. If I were killed, in an accident, or by a bad person, there’s a chance it could feedback to you. It would be difficult to move on, or if we broke up we might not be able to move on because of that bond.”
Elphaba walked slowly to the couch and sat down next to Lúthien, a hand on her forehead. It was almost too much to take in. Why can’t my life be simple? she asked herself internally. “I can’t think...” Which for Elphaba was huge, she was always mulling something over in her mind, it was one of the reasons that she found it difficult to sleep.
It was huge. Luthien closed her eyes, and took a shaky breath. "Should I give you time to think? I think I perhaps need to give you time to think."
“Probably,” Elphaba admitted, then rolled her head to gaze at Lúthien. “But I don’t want you to go either,” she reached out and brushed her fingers with the back of her own.
She chewed on her lip, turning her hand around to grasp at Elphaba’s. “I love you, Elphie. Whatever you decide.”
“And I love you too,” Elphaba quirked a small smile at Lúthien, squeezing her hand gently. “It’s a lot to take in,” she admitted. “This is the first relationship I’ve ever been in and we’ve only been together a few months,” she explained. She heaved a heavy sigh, trying to explain better, “My heart tells me none of it matters, but my head...my head makes me doubt that.”
“Then we need to slow down again.” Luthien could force her hormones to obey for awhile again. She turned and cupped Elphaba’s face. “We have to be absolutely sure, not sure in our hearts but in ours heads.”
“Slow?” Elphaba groaned in frustration as she leaned into Lúthien’s body. “I just got used to fast,” she grinned, pressing her lips to Lúthien’s. The kiss deepened and Elphaba suddenly had a thought and pulled away, unable to stop her gaze wandering down to Lúthien’s rosy lips. “Do we even know if this’ll...y’know...work? Between us?” she asked quietly, not wanting to offend her in any way. “Do your kind have...our kind of...relationship?” It was awkward and a pain, but ‘Lesbian’ didn’t seem to fit them for some reason, Elphaba thought to herself idly.
She frowned, and rubbing her hands up and down Elphaba’s body. She was still intensely attracted to her. That hadn’t changed. “I’ve heard stories. Nothing ever talked about openly, of course. But male warriors who did more than fight together, and female hunters who preferred each others’ company to others. It was..rare, and usually more common among those who made it past the, ah, urge to procreate without bonding. Not that you couldn’t have children at a later date, but most did earlier in their lives and earlier in their marriages.”
“Do you...” Elphaba licked her lips, thumb stroking back and forth against her side as she the other played with Lúthien’s hair. “Do you...want children?” Elphaba asked quietly, her voice rising in pitch as she spoke. It wasn’t a topic Elphaba had ever considered, she always assumed it would just be her. Covering all the easy subjects tonight aren’t we Elphie, she mused to herself.
"Perhaps someday, but we could adopt. Or there might be advances in science, or magics." Of all an elf baby was was two souls joining as one, did it still require a male seed?
“Magic?” Elphaba asked dubiously. She had heard stories growing up as a child but she never really believed them to be true, of course. She was an intelligent woman after all who hadn’t seen any proof to the contrary.
Lúthien smiled. “Yes...magic. There’s a great deal of magic in my world. The subtle kind. We can choose when to conceive, and we don’t celebrate our birthdays, but the day we’re created. Quite different, and biologically impossible for humans.”
Elphaba gazed up at Lúthien, stunned. “Y’know...this is not a conversation I thought I’d ever have...” she told her quietly, still gently stroking back Lúthien’s hair.
"Nor I." Luthien threaded her fingers into Elphaba's hair, terrified that she might lose her. She could sing, she thought, but that might be cheating now, with the power of her voice from her dreams now in the waking world.
Elphaba closed her eyes happily and hummed at the feeling of Lúthien’s fingers in her hair. Since getting together with Lúthien she found it to be a most intoxicating sensation. “If you keep doing that,” she said, her voice low. “We’re going to end up flat on this couch before we know what’s going on,” she teased with a smile.
“I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t be wise.” Luthien laughed, a sound like bells, and kissed Elphie’s nose. “The next time I have you pinned to the bed, I want it to be...very special.”
Elphaba grinned at her, desperate to steal another kiss and press up against her but knowing it wasn’t a good idea given all they’d discussed. She found herself biting her bottom lip as she thought about pushing Lúthien back on the couch and kissing her senseless. She shook her head to try and rid herself of those lusty thoughts, she sighed and rested her head back on the couch, “I should talk to Nessa.”
Luthien nodded, a little shakily. She didn't feel entirely bad, though. Relieved. Elphie hadn't run away screaming. She just needed...time. She tipped her chin up and kissed her, long and hard. "I can wait a life time."
She hummed happily into the kiss, “I’m never going to leave, am I?” She grinned and kissed her again, unable to help the squeeze her right hand gave Lúthien’s waist.
“I might have to beg you to stay,” Luthien admitted. They might not be bonded, but she was pretty sure her heart would break if she lost her. “And gods if you keep touching me like that..”
Elphaba groaned in frustration as she pressed their lips together one last time. She pulled away and rested their foreheads together to try and calm herself, but it didn’t work. She groaned again and forced herself to stand up from the couch casting her eyes at the ceiling in frustration. She ran her hands over her face as she got herself under control. “Right...talk to Nessa,” she told herself firmly, giving herself a to-do list might help ease her away from Lúthien for now. “How hard she that be?” Elphaba hoped she sounded more optimistic out loud than she did in her head.
She could still feel her lips, and taste her flavor. She stepped back from her lover, taking a deep breath, and leaning against the wall. She looked elegantly flustered.