defies_gravity (defies_gravity) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-05-19 00:31:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !partner thread, elphaba thropp, luthien tinuviel |
Who: LĂșthien and Elphaba
What: Ch...ch...ch...changes!
Where: LĂșthien's apartment
When: Recently
Rating: Umm...G?
Warnings: Talk of death, afterlife, nothing huge :-)
Luthien had chosen a mortal life, in her dreams. Living with Beren, a second chance after heâd already died once, living on into old age, until death claimed them both and took them beyond the veil and into Eruâs warm embrace. For all the trials theyâd undergone, for all the terror and the battles, for all the encompassing darkness, theyâd been justly rewarded.
Now she stood, the moon filtering through the window, casting her skin into an ethereal glow. Her ears elegantly pointed, her body like a wisp. She felt power, as though sheâd been gifted her immortality again. As though she had to make the choice, all over again.
Elphaba rapped her knuckles softly on LĂșthienâs door even as she carefully pushed it open. She peeked around the corner and called out to LĂșthien, stepping into her hallway and closing the door quietly behind her. âLĂșthien? Sweetheart, are you here?â
The elf stepped into the hallway, her smile brightening when she saw Elphana. âMy love, Iâm here.â
âHey,â Elphaba grinned back, happy to see her girlfriend after a long day at work with some annoying clients. She stepped forward and slipped her hands over LĂșthienâs waist and kissed her, hands giving her a little squeeze as she did.
Luthien groaned, returning the kiss and cupping Elphieâs face. âI love you.â She pulled away, and pulled her hair away from her ears. âTheyâre more pointed.â
âOh my god,â Elphaba held LĂșthienâs face in her hands and turned it so she could see her ears better. âAre you ok? What happened?â
âI dreamed.â Luthien smiled softly, her voice taking a musical lilt to it. âI dreamed of an entire life time. Thousands of lifetimes, at least for most people.â
âAnd you woke up with those?â Elphaba asked as she gently ran her fingertips down from the tip to the lobe, almost entranced by the elegant lines of her face that her newly pointed ears only enhanced. She took in LĂșthienâs face; the woman was almost glowing with a light from within it seemed.
âI did.â She looked down into Elphabaâs eyes. Sheâd been nervous. Worried about what all this would mean for them. About what it would mean if they made love again now. It would tie her soul to Elphabaâs.
Elphabaâs mind was racing, what did this mean? How did she feel about it? LĂșthien was the same woman she loved, but she was...different too. âI...I...Iâll be honest, I donât know what to say,â Elphaba explained, she couldnât stop looking over LĂșthienâs face, stroking her soft hair.
âWhat do you feel?â She slipped her arms around Elphieâs waist and leaned against her. âAbout me? I still love you. But remember how I told you about bonding? We would, with me like this. Bond.â
"Honestly?" Elphaba kissed LĂșthien's cheek and pressed their cheeks together with her eyes closed as she relished the smooth warmth the other woman radiated. "I'm kind of scared, what would it mean for us? Would it change us? I...I..." Elphaba gave a little helpless shrug. "My minds racing LĂșthy but I can't make sense of it," Elphaba pulled back to look into her eyes. "I know I love you, but what if you find Beren here? What if I find Fiyero here? How will that affect us? How..." Elphaba was overthinking but she couldn't stop it, sometimes her mind just got away from her and she needed someone to 'reboot' it for her.
They were some of the same concerns that Luthien had. She knew Beren was out there, but she couldnât find him, couldnât hear his thoughts. She tugged Elphie against her. âIâm not bound to Beren in this world. May he have all the happiness I have found, but I love you. I just...Iâm afraid. I bond myself to you, and I will die when you pass. I do not want to live forever...but..â She smiled ruefully.
"What?!" Elphaba held LĂșthien away by her waist to look into her eyes properly. "What do you mean you'll die?! I can...if I...I can't... Elphaba shook her head, tears springing to her eyes at the thought. She couldn't be the reason someone as amazing as LĂșthien left the world, she wasn't worth it, no matter how she felt about LĂșthien.
âWhat I mean is...when you pass, you would take part of my soul with you. I might linger for a time, but eventually, I would fade away and join you.â She tried to kiss Elphaba. âItâs all right.â
"No," Elphaba pulled away from her, not letting her kiss her. She didn't know if she could say no if that happened. "You can't do that," Elphaba was staring off into the distance, fearing her resolve would fail if she looked at LĂșthien again. "Its not worth it...I'm not worth it..." she tried to hold LĂșthien at bay even as tears fell down her cheeks. "I love you...too much..." Why couldn't she catch a break? She was finally happy! With someone she loved, dearly, and fate just wouldn't let her be damnit!
âYouâre worth it, Elphaba.â She bit her lip. She could have said nothing, simply let it happen. But that wouldnât have been fair to either of them. Her hands dropped to her side. âI donât know what afterlife awaits you, but Iâd like to join you there.â
âI...I...â Elphaba gaped at LĂșthien, shaking her head, still unable to think much beyond âoh my godâ. She stared into LĂșthienâs eyes, not truly believing that she was worthy of someone as amazing as LĂșthien.
âElphaba, I want to spend eternity with you.â Luthienâs voice was soft, and her voice pleading. She didnât step closer, though. She wanted Elphaba to make her choice without being pressured. âIf you need time to think about it, thatâs all right.â
âI just...why?â Elphaba asked, voice breaking as her tears slowed but didnât stop their tracks down her cheeks. She was baffled by LĂșthienâs decision, there must be so many more worthy partners than weird, little Elphie with her inferiority complex. She knew she loved LĂșthien, felt more deeply about her than anyone she had met before, but she almost expected to be the most invested in their relationship.
âI love you. Youâre beautiful, youâre smart, you make me feel as though thereâs light bursting from within.â Luthien pressed a hand to her heart. âWhen I love I love deeply.â
Elphaba wiped her face and pushed her hair back from her face. She shook her head again, in awe of LĂșthienâs patience and wisdom. âFather would tell you that youâre crazy, probably try and set you up with my sister or something,â she joked, somewhat seriously. She wasnât completely sure how Father would react to her dating a girl in the first place, but that was his problem.
âDoes he even know?â She raised an eyebrow, a new problem suddenly presented to her. Damn.... âYour family should know, before we...decide anything.â It broke her heart to say that.
âI donât...Iâve never told him about...being with anyone before,â Elphaba quirked a smile. âMuch less a girl,â she admitted quietly, a wicked grin tipping the corner of her mouth. âAnd Nessa? Wouldnât have a clue how sheâd react to be honest, could go either way I guess,â she thought aloud. âDo you want me to tell them?â
âI...yes. I think you should. And I will tell my parents as well. I want to be open, about myself, and about us.â She rubbed her arm, and took a long, deep breath. âThereâs one more thing.â
"Ok..." Elphaba asked warily. Tonights revelations had been big...what was the other shoe LĂșthien was about to drop?
She licked her lips, and sat down. She had to sit down for this, because she wasnât sure Elphaba understood the implications for herself. âIf we continue this. If we bond. ...weâre stuck together, you and I. Myself more than you, but the bond goes both ways. If I were killed, in an accident, or by a bad person, thereâs a chance it could feedback to you. It would be difficult to move on, or if we broke up we might not be able to move on because of that bond.â
Elphaba walked slowly to the couch and sat down next to LĂșthien, a hand on her forehead. It was almost too much to take in. Why canât my life be simple? she asked herself internally. âI canât think...â Which for Elphaba was huge, she was always mulling something over in her mind, it was one of the reasons that she found it difficult to sleep.
It was huge. Luthien closed her eyes, and took a shaky breath. "Should I give you time to think? I think I perhaps need to give you time to think."
âProbably,â Elphaba admitted, then rolled her head to gaze at LĂșthien. âBut I donât want you to go either,â she reached out and brushed her fingers with the back of her own.
She chewed on her lip, turning her hand around to grasp at Elphabaâs. âI love you, Elphie. Whatever you decide.â
âAnd I love you too,â Elphaba quirked a small smile at LĂșthien, squeezing her hand gently. âItâs a lot to take in,â she admitted. âThis is the first relationship Iâve ever been in and weâve only been together a few months,â she explained. She heaved a heavy sigh, trying to explain better, âMy heart tells me none of it matters, but my head...my head makes me doubt that.â
âThen we need to slow down again.â Luthien could force her hormones to obey for awhile again. She turned and cupped Elphabaâs face. âWe have to be absolutely sure, not sure in our hearts but in ours heads.â
âSlow?â Elphaba groaned in frustration as she leaned into LĂșthienâs body. âI just got used to fast,â she grinned, pressing her lips to LĂșthienâs. The kiss deepened and Elphaba suddenly had a thought and pulled away, unable to stop her gaze wandering down to LĂșthienâs rosy lips. âDo we even know if thisâll...yâknow...work? Between us?â she asked quietly, not wanting to offend her in any way. âDo your kind have...our kind of...relationship?â It was awkward and a pain, but âLesbianâ didnât seem to fit them for some reason, Elphaba thought to herself idly.
She frowned, and rubbing her hands up and down Elphabaâs body. She was still intensely attracted to her. That hadnât changed. âIâve heard stories. Nothing ever talked about openly, of course. But male warriors who did more than fight together, and female hunters who preferred each othersâ company to others. It was..rare, and usually more common among those who made it past the, ah, urge to procreate without bonding. Not that you couldnât have children at a later date, but most did earlier in their lives and earlier in their marriages.â
âDo you...â Elphaba licked her lips, thumb stroking back and forth against her side as she the other played with LĂșthienâs hair. âDo you...want children?â Elphaba asked quietly, her voice rising in pitch as she spoke. It wasnât a topic Elphaba had ever considered, she always assumed it would just be her. Covering all the easy subjects tonight arenât we Elphie, she mused to herself.
"Perhaps someday, but we could adopt. Or there might be advances in science, or magics." Of all an elf baby was was two souls joining as one, did it still require a male seed?
âMagic?â Elphaba asked dubiously. She had heard stories growing up as a child but she never really believed them to be true, of course. She was an intelligent woman after all who hadnât seen any proof to the contrary.
LĂșthien smiled. âYes...magic. Thereâs a great deal of magic in my world. The subtle kind. We can choose when to conceive, and we donât celebrate our birthdays, but the day weâre created. Quite different, and biologically impossible for humans.â
Elphaba gazed up at LĂșthien, stunned. âYâknow...this is not a conversation I thought Iâd ever have...â she told her quietly, still gently stroking back LĂșthienâs hair.
"Nor I." Luthien threaded her fingers into Elphaba's hair, terrified that she might lose her. She could sing, she thought, but that might be cheating now, with the power of her voice from her dreams now in the waking world.
Elphaba closed her eyes happily and hummed at the feeling of LĂșthienâs fingers in her hair. Since getting together with LĂșthien she found it to be a most intoxicating sensation. âIf you keep doing that,â she said, her voice low. âWeâre going to end up flat on this couch before we know whatâs going on,â she teased with a smile.
âIâm pretty sure that wouldnât be wise.â Luthien laughed, a sound like bells, and kissed Elphieâs nose. âThe next time I have you pinned to the bed, I want it to be...very special.â
Elphaba grinned at her, desperate to steal another kiss and press up against her but knowing it wasnât a good idea given all theyâd discussed. She found herself biting her bottom lip as she thought about pushing LĂșthien back on the couch and kissing her senseless. She shook her head to try and rid herself of those lusty thoughts, she sighed and rested her head back on the couch, âI should talk to Nessa.â
Luthien nodded, a little shakily. She didn't feel entirely bad, though. Relieved. Elphie hadn't run away screaming. She just needed...time. She tipped her chin up and kissed her, long and hard. "I can wait a life time."
She hummed happily into the kiss, âIâm never going to leave, am I?â She grinned and kissed her again, unable to help the squeeze her right hand gave LĂșthienâs waist.
âI might have to beg you to stay,â Luthien admitted. They might not be bonded, but she was pretty sure her heart would break if she lost her. âAnd gods if you keep touching me like that..â
Elphaba groaned in frustration as she pressed their lips together one last time. She pulled away and rested their foreheads together to try and calm herself, but it didnât work. She groaned again and forced herself to stand up from the couch casting her eyes at the ceiling in frustration. She ran her hands over her face as she got herself under control. âRight...talk to Nessa,â she told herself firmly, giving herself a to-do list might help ease her away from LĂșthien for now. âHow hard she that be?â Elphaba hoped she sounded more optimistic out loud than she did in her head.
She could still feel her lips, and taste her flavor. She stepped back from her lover, taking a deep breath, and leaning against the wall. She looked elegantly flustered.
"Hard enough."