As a matter of fact, that is how I respond to the situation, so yes, I feel I am. Your mileage may vary of course, but this is a place for sharing my own thoughts and feelings,so yes, I have to do as my conscience dictates and my conscience dictates I do this now. Should I die in this, I'd like for there to be a record, at least partially, of my responses to these things that others might look at it and consider.
Even among the crazy, there are still points to be found for those who'd look for them. Even among the crazy, there are the ideas which work, the ideas that might take us somewhere beyond this place. I never said that they were my ideas, but they are here and along with mine, they will be aired.
My body is doing its best to have that happen. I'm sorry that it can't be faster for you. They're funny about leaving the sharp things around for the patients to get at and even funnier about leaving the drugs.