I'm Pete Wisdom. We haven't met, personally, but I've heard you married and apparently spawned with someone operating under the pretense that they were me.
Bloody identity thieves.
I wanted to ask if you have any information about the bastard pretending to be me, in a format that isn't face-to-face and won't cause any potential flailing, since this entire fucking area seems to have a flailing something going on, every time I blink. And contrary to popular belief, I'm not an entirely insensitive arse.
I'm particularly interested if you ever met any of his contacts, snooped through his mail, went through his pockets, nosed through his address book on his phone, and remember anything suspicious about how he was acting, prior to his disappearance.
If you don't know anything of interest, then tell me to sod off and you won't be bothered any further.