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Dick Grayson (gothamboy) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2008-04-29 23:11:00

Entry tags:

carrie kelley, dick grayson

Who: Dick and Carrie
What: A Talk About Their Relationship
When: After Carrie's talk with Bruce.
Warnings: Probably not.

A planned (and unwelcome) proposal, an unknown marriage, a disturbed girlfriend, a near breakup... considering what was going on in his life, Dick probably should have been going out of his mind. The fact that he was sitting on the couch reading a book about the history of New York state while his various computers quietly defragmented themselves might have been surprising for anyone who hadn't grown up with Batman. Compartmentalizing emotions was easy.

Besides, Carrie had promised to come back. If Dick had faith in nothing else in the world, he had faith that Carrie would honor that promise.

A careful observer would notice, however, that no matter how good he was at dealing with his worries, he hadn't mastered them completely: on the DVD shelf of the entertainment center, every Disney movie had been turned backwards.

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girlwonder
2008-04-30 04:19 am UTC (link)

She tensed at his approach, fearing a bad reaction from him. It was a little silly to think he'd turn her away, especially after the letter he'd written her. But it wasn't until he was kissing her that she relaxed some. Carrie had only been away for a week or so. But they hadn't ever spent that much time apart before. It'd made the week stretch and feel much longer.

They slide apart. Her hand moved from his hair, down his neck, to his shoulder."Hi," Carrie's voice was low. "Thanks."

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gothamboy
2008-04-30 04:45 am UTC (link)

"Have you been wearing those same clothes since last week?" Dick asked, eying the outfit she had on. It didn't seem like the kind of thing Kimber would allow. After a week with her, Dick was surprised that Carrie hadn't come home loaded down with an entirely new wardrobe courtesy of Kimber's deep pockets and fashion sense.

"Did you get the papers?" Dick was fairly certain that she had. Still, it was easier than just saying "I think that we should totally talk about getting divorced, despite the fact that I'm seeing you for the first time in a week, and also I proposed to you, how's that going?" Yeah, that just wouldn't fly at all.

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girlwonder
2008-04-30 04:50 am UTC (link)

Carrie shrugged lightly, "I just borrowed some stuff from Kimber." She hadn't really gone out much. Her week had been spent inside, catching up on soap operas and TV movies while wearing clothing that hadn't fit her properly. If not for the marriage and proposal thing, it would have been a sweet vacation.

"Yeah." Carrie reached for the envelope in her pocket and held it up. "We should... sit." She glanced over at the couch. The same couch that had seen them through their first date, through the nakedness of their second date, and countless nights after that.

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gothamboy
2008-04-30 04:59 am UTC (link)

Dick glanced at the envelope. She'd never sent it back to him, although it was possible that she simply hadn't wanted to do so immediately. Maybe she wanted to do it personally. He could understand that. Dick's mind had worked out a dozen reasons already why she had the envelope with her, but he focused on the most likely explanation that was least likely to disappoint him if he was wrong.

Dick picked up a few papers from around the couch, mostly hard copy updates of various dossiers from his files; life as a bachelor (so to speak) had him defaulting to old habits, and left to his own devices without anyone else to impress he had a tendency to use the "any available horizontal surface" filing system.

He sat down and waited for Carrie to speak. He'd already said everything he needed to say in the letter.

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girlwonder
2008-04-30 05:14 am UTC (link)

She sat down beside him, curling her legs underneath her. Carrie had hoped that Dick would start talking. In these sort of situations, he tended to lead. And Carrie was more than okay with that. He was more experienced when it came to things like feelings and relationships. Now, he was quiet. He was waiting for her. It was Carrie's turn to lead. Oh boy.

Carrie inhaled and rested the envelope down on the table. It had a deep crease down the center of it. If Dick opened it, he'd find the letters had similar signs of wear. Carrie had read everything over to the point that she could recite his letter and the divorce papers. "I..." she faltered. "Um." Carrie looked at the mess of papers he'd set aside and then at Dick. She took a deep breath. "I didn't sign the papers yet." A pause. "I spent most of the week thinking and trying to come to some sort of conclusion. I thought I could figure it out. But I didn't, really. It was good. I needed to clear my head. And it helped me because I know... I don't want to leave you. I love you, Dick."

She glanced at the envelope. "I didn't sign the papers. I don't know if I should. I don't know if I want to."

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gothamboy
2008-04-30 05:49 am UTC (link)

"I... I don't know what to say." What a foreign feeling that was, to be so completely caught off guard. If he'd been expecting anything, it definitely wasn't that. He took her hand in his. "I didn't think you'd want to leave me. Not really. I thought you might panic and run away and be afraid of coming back, but... I've never been more glad to be wrong. I love you, Carrie."

He took a deep breath and looked at the envelope. "But you know that we're married, right? I know that you never thought you would be. That's why I thought we should get divorced, so that one day, when we were both ready, I could ask you again. Are you telling me that... that you are ready to be married?" She hadn't returned his ring. But he didn't want his hopes up.

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girlwonder
2008-04-30 05:59 am UTC (link)

It was so serious. The air in the living room was heavy with seriousness. In any other situation, Carrie would have been joking in order to relieve the tension. "I..." She fell silent. "I don't know if I'm ready. I don't know if I ever will be ready for that. You said you were okay with that, but are you really?" Dick was a family man. Carrie hadn't ever really had much of a family and she'd never particularly wanted one. Until she'd met Dick.

"I could... we could just stay like this. We were married for a while and we were okay. I could not sign and we could go on like that. And maybe one day I'll grow up and be more comfortable with it and we can get married again." A pause. "People do that, right?" She frowned. "Or we could get divorced and go back and pretend it didn't happen. I don't know. I don't know what's best." She ran a hand through her hair and leaned forward a little. "I don't want to disappoint you, Dickwing."

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gothamboy
2008-04-30 06:30 am UTC (link)

"Look, Carrie... I won't lie and say that I don't want to be married. I do. I love the idea of being someone's husband. But I love the idea of being with you more. And it doesn't matter if that means that I'm not married. A wedding isn't anything more than promising to be with someone forever. I'm doing that right now." He kissed her again, briefly.

He smiled a bit about her worries. "It doesn't matter what people do. What we do is what matters. You don't have to worry about disappointing me." He swallowed and looked into her eyes. "This is your decision. This is about what you'll be most comfortable with, and I don't want the fear of how I'll feel affect it. If you're terrified by marriage now, then say so now so that later I won't wake up to an empty bed. And if you feel like you want to be married to me, then you can tear the papers up and one day, years ahead, maybe we'll have a ceremony we can remember."

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girlwonder
2008-04-30 06:43 pm UTC (link)

"But this isn't just my decision," she said, a little stubborn. "This is a couple thing. An us thing. How you feel is important." Sliding closer to him, she continued. "No matter what I decide, you're affected. You're a part of this." She planted a soft kiss on his chin.

"I think marriage to you doesn't terrify me as much as it used to. Which isn't to say that I really want... but a part of me must have because I don't really think I'd have gone through with it otherwise." A pause. "Not only did I go through with it, I asked you." After the first day or so at Kimber's, Carrie had thought that over. She'd initiated the whole thing. Which probably said something about how she felt. It couldn't have been the alcohol. Not completely.

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gothamboy
2008-05-01 12:07 am UTC (link)

"Honestly? I want to be married to you. You know that. Maybe we didn't get married in a way I wanted to do it, but that doesn't change the fact that I do want to be with you for the rest of my life." Dick looked down at her hands, brushing a thumb over her ring finger. "That's why I bought the ring. But it's not something I have much doubt about. You do. That's why you keep talking yourself into it and out of it."

His gaze kept going back to the envelope on the table. "I think we can do it. We were married for months without any problems. The fact that we didn't know about it does mitigate that accomplishment, but still, I think that we can make it. I'm certain we can. Even if we do get the divorce, I'm certain that we will. But you just have to ask yourself, 'when I wake up tomorrow, do I want to wake up next to my husband?' If the answer is no, then you know what to do."

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girlwonder
2008-05-01 01:01 am UTC (link)

It said something about how much she loved him that she hadn't just signed the papers. She was on the fence now. That was clear in the way she spoke and what she said. Dick was glancing at the envelope. Carrie kept glancing at Dick's face. "At Kimber's I kept going back and forth. Every other day..." She shook her head lightly, "I almost signed but I didn't. I kept going back to the papers. And then I kept stopping myself from signing it." One of her hands was in Dick's, the other ran through her hair.

"When I wake up tomorrow..." she slowed to a stop, "I want to wake up next to you. And the same goes for every day after that."

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gothamboy
2008-05-01 01:26 am UTC (link)

"That's something," said Dick, a faint smile on his face. "The bed's been cold and lonely without you." It was fairly common that they not go to bed at the same time, what with Dick being otherwise occupied by innumerable self-imposed duties or Carrie wanting to impress both of her partners or simply different schedules. But it was still their bed. This had been the first time in ages that it was his bed, and Dick didn't like it.

"What you described... that's exactly what marriage is, at least to me. That's exactly what I want."

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girlwonder
2008-05-01 01:48 am UTC (link)

There was a soft smile on her face. "I missed you, too." Carrie had gotten used to being a couple, to seeing him every day, to his sleeping in a bed that held his scent, to his touch. She fought the urge to kiss him. Mostly because she didn't want to distract herself.

"Maybe," she hesitated. "Maybe we should try this." She looked at him. "Maybe we could do this. And do it right... get married again... when I'm older." This was a little scary. Carrie's heart was pounding.

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gothamboy
2008-05-01 02:09 am UTC (link)

He let out a quiet little laugh at the idea of it. No matter what she said, Dick was intensely aware how much the idea frightened her. And yet here she was. Carrie never had let something like fear interfere in what she wanted. It, like most things she did, made him smile. "I love you. But you're supposed to get down on one knee." He grinned a bit, then sank to the floor himself.

"Allow me. Carrie, will you... stay married to me?" It didn't have quite the same punch, but Dick tried to sell it as much as he would have done if he were asking her to marry him for the first time.

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girlwonder
2008-05-01 02:37 am UTC (link)

She took a shaky breath and watched him move to the floor with slightly wide eyes. This was real. There would be no turning back, no liquor to blame this on. Her stomach was in a knot. Carrie opened her mouth, shut it, and then said, "Yes," quickly.

The tension in her body faded just a little as she looked into his eyes. Carrie trusted Dick. She loved him. They could do this. "Yes," she said again. Nodding, she moved forward and rested her hands on his shoulders before kissing him deeply.

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gothamboy
2008-05-01 02:48 am UTC (link)

For a brief, terrifying moment, Dick thought that she was going to say no. Which was silly. After all, she was the one to say it. But she had that kind of hold on him, to rob him of the casual confidence he'd cultivated since his youth playing with elephants and swinging on the trapeze.

And then she said yes, and it was instantly restored. She was kissing him and he was kissing her and suddenly it wasn't a week since they were together, it was minutes. Seconds.

Life was beautiful.

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