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Rachel Grey-Summers (jeansdaughter) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2008-03-18 19:51:00

Entry tags:

james howlett, rachel grey-summers

Who Rachel Grey-Summers and James Howlett
What Making up, talking it out.
Where Rachel's new place.
When Yesterday night?
Warning Teenage angst? I don't know.

The channels flipped with incredible speed across her TV, but Rachel wasn't watching it nor was she expecting to find something to decide on. She had eaten earlier but she suddenly felt the urge to eat again. Anything to just occupy herself. She knew James was coming, but she didn't know what would happen once he got there. And that really bothered her.

Part of her really wanted to forgive him. But the other part didn't want to let this go, let him just apologize then be forgiven. He'd just keep walking all over her, keeping hurting her...But they could be friends? But Rachel didn't want to be friends. It wouldn't feel like enough, like they were always tip-toeing and holding back. Rachel couldn't live like that.

Rachel sat on her counter to keep her feet from pacing and an ice cream carton spun in the microwave for five seconds, softening. One of Rachel's weird little quirks. Rachel put a bite in her mouth and then she felt him, his mind coming within the range that she couldn't ignore. Rachel felt him but didn't pry, partially because she didn't want to know and partially because her own mind was ready to explode and she didn't want her thoughts to accidentally slip into hers. The freezer closed by itself, concealing the ice cream again and the bell rang.

Rachel took a deep breath and although she didn't have to, she walked up and opened the door.

"Hi, James."

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	jeansdaughter 2008-03-19 01:53 am UTC (link)
	"Um, yeah," Rachel said, standing there a moment too long then moving out of the way. The air was thick around them, but not in a good way. Like fog settling in. She didn't like it. "Um, so...this is my new place," she said. "You're actually the first to see it..." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

onlybone
2008-03-19 02:07 am UTC (link)

James stepped inside. "It's nice." he meant it. He'd lived in a rather large home in his duchy. It was one of the benefits of being a duke that he didn't usually take advantage of. But he liked Rachel's place more. He didn't need that much space. It just made things feel emptier. More alone.

"I already apologized," he said softly. "But in case you thought it was just because I was in the moment, or saying it out of some sort of reflex. I am sorry. You can search my mind, if you want." He didn't sit down. Not yet.

"It sucked. You leaving." He wasn't referring to her moving out.

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	jeansdaughter 2008-03-19 02:11 am UTC (link)
	"I'm not going to go into your mind." It wasn't because she was against it, but she knew he didn't like it. That mattered to her somehow. "I believe you." Rachel watched him for a moment and sighed. "You left, too," she said, and was only partially referring to his moving out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

onlybone
2008-03-19 02:38 am UTC (link)

"I guess so." He didn't fully understand the bond, or how it felt on her end. But he hated that it was gone. Hated what that meant for them. But maybe it was good that they had to start over. He was different now. Maybe it was better.

"You know that I've changed.. That Emma helped me change." She had to know that. Even a none-psychic would've figured that out by now, right? "I'm not trying to excuse anything," he added.

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jeansdaughter
2008-03-19 02:41 am UTC (link)

Rachel frowned a little. "Yeah...she told me..." Rachel said slowly. Which meant that it wasn't James' fault. Which meant he had changed, that it could work this time around. Which made Rachel feel like the bad guy for holding grudges and making him apologize when the problem was already over.

Now she remembered why she could never stay mad at him. She always ended up feeling like the bad guy.

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	onlybone 2008-03-19 03:01 am UTC (link)
	There was no hint of accusation in his tone. "You have every right to be angry with me. It wouldn't be fair for me to expect you to just get over it. I understand needing somebody to be angry at. I just..hope that you'll forgive me one of these days and.. Maybe we can start over?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

jeansdaughter
2008-03-19 11:14 am UTC (link)

Rachel rubbed her temples. She wasn't used to be this confused. Normally she knew what she wanted to do, just not how to do it. Now, she didn't know anything at all.

Rachel looked down, then up at him again. She wanted to be angry, really, but it was hard. Because if she was angry, it covered up everything else. Right now, she felt exposed, naked. Guilty, because she was making an innocent man apologize so shamelessly in front of her. Hurt, because the situation that got them there was still fresh and the wounds still sharp. Insecure, because if she didn't forgive him, James would eventually give up, wouldn't want her, like her. And that was the last thing she wanted.

At the last moment, she averted her eyes. She didn't know what to say.

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onlybone
2008-03-19 11:54 am UTC (link)

This wasn't the right thing to do. This was completely and utterly the wrong thing, and it could very well get him some sort of brain aneurysm or worse. He stepped forward, reaching for her chin and gently lifting it to face him. His moves were slow; she still had plenty of time to slap him, push him away or put him in a mental coma. But if she didn't, he would lean in and put a very soft, chaste kiss on the side of her lips.

He couldn't completely justify why he did it, because he wasn't entirely sure himself. He thought maybe it was to let her know that he still cared about her.. Still loved her, whatever she decided.

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jeansdaughter
2008-03-20 11:14 am UTC (link)

Rachel could have stopped it, but she didn't. Even as she saw it coming, she was surprised. Normally, she had to kiss him. He'd never...

Rachel took a small step forward and her fingers found James' and curled around them.

This isn't starting over, she reminded him, but she didn't care. It wasn't like they could erase everything anyway.

I think I love you, she thought to him, her eyes set firmly on him. I probably shouldn't, and I probably shouldn't tell you, but I think I do.

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onlybone
2008-03-20 01:06 pm UTC (link)

"I love you," he said. He was unsure of how much she would be willing to listen in his mind, and he didn't want her to miss that. He raised a hand to stroke her hair. "We don't have to.. I don't want us to pretend everything is the same. And we don't have to move fast, or even be together if you don't want. I want to be with you, but obviously you have a part in that decision, too. But I want you to know that no matter what you decide, I love you."

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jeansdaughter
2008-03-21 02:19 pm UTC (link)

It felt so strange and new to hear him say it out loud and she smiled even though she didn't want to. "I love you," she whispered again, just to hear how it sounded coming out of her own mouth.

She leaned forward, kissing him again, softly. She missed how it felt being on good terms with him, being around him.

"I want to be together," she said. "But let's do it the right way this time."

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onlybone
2008-03-21 03:24 pm UTC (link)

He smiled when she said it, kissing her again. He was so happy, so relieved, to hear it from her lips. He wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into a hug. It was good, being with her. He was glad it wasn't over.

He nodded. "The right way," he repeated. It already felt different from before. It was as if a strong wind had blown away a fog that had been surrounding his feelings for her. He felt more clearly a strong pull toward her, but not the same clinging neediness that had been before. It wasn't just that he needed someone to hold on.. It was that he wanted Rachel. He loved her. He wasn't sure how to describe what he'd felt before, but he knew what this was. He smiled to her.

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