InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You are beautiful"

Thomas, Son of Arthur (camelotson) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2011-11-04 18:52:00

Entry tags:

melora hawke, thomas pendragon

WHO: Melora & Thomas
WHY: Having it out
WHERE: Buckingham Palace
WHEN: Friday Night
WARNINGS: Most Likely Swears

Thomas wasn't angry.

He really wasn't lying about that; it was a hurt but a hurt he had to bear under, since it was out of his control. You couldn't make someone be your friend any more than you could make someone love you. Gaius had understood that Thomas didn't return his affection the same way, and while it hurt, they could remain friends and heal from this.

Thomas didn't honestly know if he and Melora could do the same. Going back to how it was just seemed impossible.

The guards had finally coaxed the moose out of his bedroom, laughing that the Queen would get another pet for the Tower Menagerie. Thomas didn't care as long as it stayed the hell out of his room. He sat in the antechamber to his apartment and waited. Frowning.

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smallbutdeadly
2011-11-05 02:03 am UTC (link)

Melora could sneak past the guards even when they weren't distracted by a moose. This was like taking candy from a baby. "Hey," she said, walking in. She looked unsure--a very uncharacteristic expression for her. She leaned against the doorjamb, shifting uncomfortably.

"Sorry about the moose. I really didn't mean for it to show up in your bedroom. Hopefully it didn't make too much of a mess."

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	camelotson 2011-11-05 02:04 am UTC (link)
	"I think it was as confused as I was." Thomas didn't like seeing her like that. Why couldn't they just play polite, and not talk about it? Seemed more cruel to drag it all out. "What did you want to talk about? I told you, I'm fine." Second place, and a distant one at that, but fine. (Reply to this)

smallbutdeadly
2011-11-05 02:16 am UTC (link)

"I wanted to talk about us," Melora said, twisting a lock of hair around her finger nervously. "Look," she pushed away from the wall. "I know you're a guy, and 'I'm fine' is guy-code for 'I don't want to talk about it,' but I really think we need to! It'll just fester and explode or turn into a moose." Yeah, she realized that had been a really weird gift choice.

"Okay, so I brought this, maybe it will help." She reached into her knapsack and pulled out a long piece of wood with feathers and carvings. "This is a Vhenan Adahl. Whoever is holding it can talk about their feelings honestly without being judged." She offered the stick to Thomas.

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	camelotson 2011-11-05 02:18 am UTC (link)
	Thomas was about to point out that this already had ended in a moose when she handed him a stick. "... it's a stick." He wasn't really a complex guy. At the moment, he was really feeling like Melora had just handed him a stick, and he had lost the better part of his sanity. "Why do you want me to have a stick?" (Reply to this)

	smallbutdeadly 2011-11-05 02:21 am UTC (link)
	"It's a feeling stick," she said, looking at him encouragingly. "You're supposed to share what you're feeling. I want you to feel like you can talk about this with me." She was using a bit of Merrill's delivery, trying to sound a little more solemn and.. Dalishy than she normally did. (Reply to this)

camelotson
2011-11-05 02:24 am UTC (link)

Thomas ran a hand through his hair, exhaling with a frustrated noise.

"Melora, talking about this won't change anything, okay? It all still happened, and I know what you really feel, so if you're worried about me starting a fight or getting mad, I'm not going to, okay? I know now. It's fine."

His voice cracked a little at the end, but he did his best to pretend it hadn't. "You've always been closer to Gaius. It makes sense, and I won't make a big deal about it. Can we just drop it now? Please?"

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smallbutdeadly
2011-11-05 02:30 am UTC (link)

She frowned a little. "I know it still happened, and I'm sorry.. I tried to say that with the moose and the candy." That wasn't going to make it onto a Hallmark card anytime soon.

She sat down on the table between them, reaching to gently take the stick back. "But that's not how I really felt! I was angry and crazy and being dragged away by guards. I was shooting from the hip, I didn't mean those things. It was just a bad night."

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camelotson
2011-11-05 02:33 am UTC (link)

"Melora," Thomas said calmly, sitting on the sofa, handing her the stupid stick, "It's what you felt at the time. Gaius and I both hurt a lot that night, and you said..."

He felt his throat catch. Dammit. "You said you wished you didn't know me. That's not a bad night, that's... I get it, okay? I get it. When it comes down to it, you're Gaius's friend. You'd do anything for him. You and I rub along okay, but when he and I couldn't..."

He was going to blubber if he kept going, but he pressed on. "I'm the one tossed out. Which is fine and fair. Can't force these sorts of things. I won't ask for more."

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smallbutdeadly
2011-11-05 02:39 am UTC (link)

"No, I don't.." This was so much worse than how she thought it would go. She'd expected him to get angry and yell at her. She could take that. They could recover from that. This just felt terrible. Like she was watching her relationship with him crumble as he spoke. It felt like the room was getting smaller and the air was going away, somehow. Come back, air!

"Thomas, I didn't mean that! I'm your friend, too! I'm so glad I know you, really. I love you, Thomas, and you make my life better, Gaius' too." Her voice was rising and she sounded panicked. Her fingers were gripping the stick, and she was going to start crying any minute now.

"I don't want to toss you out, Thomas, please."

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camelotson
2011-11-05 08:57 am UTC (link)

He couldn't look at her. It all hurt so much, knowing that the words had to be said, but not being able to make them less awful.

"Melora, you say it now, but that's because this is an ugly, bad thing to face. When it came down to it, Gaius mattered and I didn't. I would never hold it against you; so please don't think I'm mad. It just... is what it is." Thomas forced a smile.

"It'll be fine. I'll be fine."

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smallbutdeadly
2011-11-05 01:52 pm UTC (link)

"You matter," she protested, feeling more and more frantic. He wouldn't believe her, though, would he? He thought she was just trying to pacify him, to smooth things over. Originally, maybe, she wanted to make this all water under the bridge, but now she felt like she'd fallen off and was just trying to hold on for dear life. "You matter to me! I just.. I saw how hurt Gaius was and how far he would go and it scared me." Thomas still didn't know what Gaius had done. "I didn't know you were hurting too. I'm sorry, Thomas, I'm sorry."

She had started crying, pulling her knees up onto the chair and in to her chest. "Why?" she asked after sobbing quietly for a few minutes. "Why aren't you mad?" She tried wiping away her tears, but it didn't matter; more were falling. She couldn't get it under control. "If I thought someone I'd known for years didn't want to be my friend, didn't care about me, I'd be angry." She'd probably hit them. Of course, Thomas was taught to be all chivalrous, and his father would probably ground him until he was thirty if he hit a girl.

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camelotson
2011-11-05 06:31 pm UTC (link)

He had tears streaming down his face too, and if he hadn't been so utterly miserable, Thomas would have been mortified.

"I... dammit, Mel," he muttered, kneeling in front of the chair and resting his head against her legs, doing his best to awkwardly hug her. "I can't be mad, it hurts too much. I'm sorry I hurt him, I swear I am, I'm just not... please don't leave."

He kept muttering the last part, hoping that somehow it'd change things.

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smallbutdeadly
2011-11-05 07:06 pm UTC (link)

Melora slid off the table onto the floor next to Thomas, hugging him a little more properly. "I'm not leaving," she promised. She was more stubborn than the moose. "I'm sorry, I know it's not your fault. I was just scared and stupid and I'm so sorry."

"I love you, Thomas, you're one of my best friends and I want us to be okay. I really want us to be okay." She clung to him, her breath shaky as she pressed her face into his shoulder. "I didn't mean to make you feel like you weren't important. I didn't mean to take sides, that's not what I want, ever."

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camelotson
2011-11-05 07:10 pm UTC (link)

Thomas forced himself to swallow back the doubt that had been eating him for a week and nodded. "Okay. I'm so sorry that I made you cry, I really am," he said earnestly, hugging her back.

"You're my best friend too. It'd just be wrong if it wasn't the three of us, I just thought that's what you wanted, I'm sorry." He made a mental note to ask Gaius yesterday what he had done that had upset her. It couldn't be stupider than running away from home during a zombie attack, could it?

"It'll be okay now, Mel. Promise."

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	smallbutdeadly 2011-11-05 07:34 pm UTC (link)
	Melora hugged him tightly. She didn't mind that he made her cry. There were worse things than crying. "It's been a crazy week," she said, not letting go. It wasn't only Thomas' fault she was crying. It was everything piled on top of everything else. "What are you going to do with Larry?" she asked, pulling back far enough to look up at him. (Reply to this)

	camelotson 2011-11-05 07:48 pm UTC (link)
	Thomas had to grin, not stopping the hug. "I thought the Queen might like him in the Tower. They'll probably take the lights off, though." It was going be okay, now. (Reply to this)