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Anders ([info]ser_pouncealot) wrote in [info]utr_logs,
@ 2011-06-17 19:26:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:anders, marian hawke, merrill

Who: Anders, Hawke and possibly Merrill and/or Varric
Where: Varric's lovely home
What: Hawke and Anders finally meeting up
Warnings: None, maybe choice words


Anders couldn't put it off any longer. Running away wasn't really working for him. As much as he was praying that maybe Hawke wouldn't be home he knew sooner or later he would have to talk to her. He wasn't looking forward to this at all.

He went to Varric's mansion. He had a nice place in Miami but it was nothing like this. He wasn't even sure how you were suppose to approach a place like this. He went up to the door and rang the bell.


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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 01:10 am UTC (link)
From behind the door, there was a muffled 'thud' as the dog ran into it, followed by a little whine, and Hawke couldn't help but laugh. Poor little Loki - still hadn't got the hang of stopping on the floors in here...

When he moved to go sulk and regroup his pride, she opened the door. She knew Anders was coming back, Merrill had told her, but actually seeing him... she couldn't stop herself from immediately hugging him, probably a bit tighter than really necessary. "About time you came home... we missed you."

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 01:21 am UTC (link)
Anders hadn't been expecting Hawke to be the one to answer the door and he hadn't expected the reaction. He froze, tensing up as she hugged him. It actually hurt a little bit. His throat felt thick and he couldn't say a word.

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 01:29 am UTC (link)
Knowing Anders as she did - well, as she'd known her Anders - Hawke knew that was a good cue to pull away from him. "I only answered the door because of Loki, normally Esmerelda gets it... are you okay, Anders?"

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 01:35 am UTC (link)
Anders looked at her, "You look like Bethany. It's bizarre." He could see the resemblance to his Hawke, but just like she was another sister, not like she could be him.

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 01:44 am UTC (link)
Hawke hadn't heard Bethany's name in the longest time. Just the mere mention of her brought back flashes of their flight from Lothering, that ogre and thoughts of 'what if'. She shook her head slightly, pushing those thoughts aside. No use dwelling on the past.

"Mother always said she looked more like me than she did Carver... I guess the Maker thought it was cruel enough to saddle one person with that face." Considering he'd almost gotten her killed enough times, she was allowed to make fun of him, brother or not. "I guess that means I must look a bit like your Hawke, then. Not sure if that's a compliment or not."

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 01:59 am UTC (link)
"There's a resemblance. Just like, you could be related sort of resemblance." He didn't want to admit that she had the same eyes. "I never met Carver." It was another difference. Hawke had never spoken too much about his deceased sibling, but apparently he wasn't dead according to this Hawke. Reminding himself that they weren't the same helped him some.

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 02:08 am UTC (link)
"You're lucky. Carver's an obnoxious, idiotic bastard who almost handed me over to the Templars more times than I can count," she sighed, shaking her head. He was honestly more trouble than he was worth... "If Bethany had survived instead of him, though, we'd have gotten caught - two apostates in one family would be just asking for trouble."

That was Hawke for you, kinda looking on the bright side, albeit in a way that most people would just find mildly depressing. "We should probably stop just talking in the doorway before Loki tries to chew on tourists again. There's a sitting room just off here, so... I mean, that's if you were planning to stick around for a while, of course."

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 02:12 am UTC (link)
"She did get caught. When we went to the Deep Roads." It was more in seriousness than in the joking manner she had.

"Oh. All right." He followed her into the sitting room. He felt in a way like he was talking to a stranger who was treating him like her best friend. It was putting him off his balance.

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 02:19 am UTC (link)
Somehow, she'd known something like that would happen. They'd had so many near-misses even in Lothering, and it'd always been their father who'd diffused the situation... Hawke sighed. "When I went into the Deep Roads, I came home to find that Carver had joined the Templars... said it was to protect the family, but a fat lot of good that did."

If the male Hawke's life had mostly gone along the same lines as hers, she assumed Anders would know about the... rather unpleasant incident they'd encountered involving her mother. The images of that night were amongst the many that still tormented her from Kirkwall.

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 02:26 am UTC (link)
Anders looked down. He immediately thought of Hawke's mother. He had been there. Hawke had been broken by it. From the expression on this Hawke's face she was thinking along the same lines. He didn't know what to say. He hadn't known what to say to his Hawke and he defiantly didn't know what to say to this Hawke.

"Ah. The Templars. Lovely fellow. I suppose I am glad I didn't meet him then."

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 02:41 am UTC (link)
Best to jump on the subject change before she got too into thinking about what'd happened with her mother. Sulking never got anyone anywhere... well, unless you were Loki, but he was a puppy, and his sulking was adorable.

"The only mage he never complained about was Merrill, and that was because he not-so-secretly fancied her," she'd actually found it kinda hilarious, if only for how unsubtle he could be, as well as how it kept going right over Merrill's head. "He hated us. Me setting his underclothes on fire probably didn't help..." It'd been funny, though, and that was what counted.

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 02:49 am UTC (link)
"Like brother like sister, then." It came out before he thought about it and he instantly regretted that. He turned away. "I don't even know why I came here." He stood up. He really couldn't do this.

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 03:05 am UTC (link)
There was truth in what he said, even if he hadn't thought about it. Hawke bit her lip when he stood up. "Maybe you came here because... well, haven't you done enough running and hiding from people who're meant to be your friends?"

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 03:09 am UTC (link)
Anders turned back to her. He was angry and angry at himself for being angry. "Friend? I don't even know you. Just because you have the same name? You're not the Hawke I knew, the Hawke I lo-" He turned a little red, biting down at what he was going to say.

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 03:16 am UTC (link)
Hawke let the silence hang for a moment before speaking, her voice soft. "That's what it's like with you, for me. You're not the Anders I knew and loved, but... I still feel like we can be friends, at least. Maybe your Hawke and me aren't too different in the end."

Obvious issues of gender aside, they were both obviously the Champion of Kirkwall, saviour of the mages and all that. They probably dreamt the same things, acted the same way at times, if Hawke's suspicions were right.

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 03:33 am UTC (link)
Anders shook his head. He was still angry and her being calm and soft was making it worse. He didn't want to be coddled. He'd rather get in an outright brawl. "If you loved him you would at least have wanted to talk to me first. Find out who I was. Instead the day I arrive you go off and." He made an exasperated noise. "What, I show up and you remember how annoying I am and realize you're better off with her? It's not like it isn't true. She's not an abomination. She is better. But you couldn't wait one day? One day to talk to me?"

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 03:43 am UTC (link)
Ah. Well. This was obviously going to come up. Awkward. "You aren't annoying, Anders... you're a bit of a stupidhead, but that's about it." A pause. "Maker, that sounds wrong coming from me."

"What happened with Merrill just... with you and Aveline showing up, and you not remembering me, one thing just led to another. Not that we've really done anything too serious yet," that was probably a case of giving too much information, but Hawke didn't really care. "I know I should've at least talked to you, but part of me just didn't want to. I don't even really know why... and it wasn't anything to do with Justice, just so you know. You were never an abomination to me."

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 04:03 am UTC (link)
Anders was trying to still be mad. He didn't want to be cheered up, but he couldn't help it. When Hawke, Hawke called him stupidhead he couldn't help but crack up laughing. "Did you just call me!" He laughed again, shaking his head. Things like that were what reminded him she really was Hawke.

He couldn't go back to being mad. "I'm sorry. I really am a stupid-head. I. He was one of the only people who didn't see me as an abomination. The others couldn't help it. It's what I was." He was afraid he was getting teary again. He couldn't go crying in front of so many girls. It wouldn't be good for his reputation.

"I'm going to get it fixed. There are people here who can do it. Justice will be gone."

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 04:24 am UTC (link)
Hawke couldn't help but smile. At the first sign of tears, she reached out and lightly squeezed his hand, just a friendly gesture. "Maybe in this world, there'll be even more people who see you as... well, you. It might be easier with Justice gone."

It was a weird thought, Anders without Justice, but ultimately it was what he needed. He'd confessed that he was losing himself more and more to the spirit, after all.

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[info]little_elf_lost
2011-06-18 04:27 am UTC (link)
"Anders!" Merrill bounded down the steps and toward Anders, slamming into his side with a fierce hug. "You're back!" She was so excited to see him. It was probably a little strange for the others to see, since she and Anders had never been the best of friends, and now with their romantic rivalry it seemed like even less reason for them to like eachother. Still, the elf couldn't stop grinning.

"I got your postcard! It was lovely. I've been showing everyone! Did you and Ser Pounce-a-lot have fun? By the Dread Wolf, I'm glad you're back!"

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 04:40 am UTC (link)
He squeezed Hawke's hand back before letting go. It was reassuring. It was hard when she reminded him of his Hawke, but it would be okay.

He was about to reply to Hawke when he was nearly bowled over by Merrill. He smiled at her, a big, real smile. "Merrill! I told you I would be. Don't you trust me? We had a great time. I met and angel! I am going to have to tell you about that."

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 04:49 am UTC (link)
Hawke could've almost pouted at that news... well, she would've if she'd known what an angel was. Sounded interesting, though, and kinda mystical. "Sounds like you had an adventure. I could almost be jealous."

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[info]little_elf_lost
2011-06-18 04:59 am UTC (link)
Merrill was still hanging onto Anders, and probably would until someone told her to stop. "Of course I believed you, I just didn't know when! That sounds nice! What's an angel?"

"Did you bring Ser Pounce-a-lot? Loki didn't try to eat him, did he?" She turned back to look at the pup. She had so much energy, she was talking very fast and bouncing some.

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 05:06 am UTC (link)
He probably wouldn't tell Merrill to let go until he had to leave or go to the bathroom or something like that. "I'm still not completely sure what an angel is myself, but she was beautiful. Thought I was looking at Andraste herself. It really wasn't a very adventurous adventure," he assured Hawke, "She just got me drunk and then I cried into her shoulder like a baby. Embarrassing really. I don't know why I just told you."

"I didn't bring Ser Pounce-a-lot. She was worn out. Wanted to sleep in."

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 05:22 am UTC (link)
Loki chose that moment to make his best attempt at an offended look, and for a puppy managed semi-decently. Honestly, him, eat a cat? Hawke spoiled him too much for him to even consider that. Maybe chase, or just sniff at a lot, but never eat.

"You're allowed to cry sometimes, Anders, and you probably needed it... good cry sometimes helps things feel better," Maker knew the number of times Hawke'd experienced that herself. "Is she the one who's going to help with Justice?"

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[info]little_elf_lost
2011-06-18 12:38 pm UTC (link)
"I'm sure it was a very manly cry," Merrill said encouragingly. Seeing Andraste herself. Merrill tried to imagine what something like that might be like. Loki was distracting, though.

"Oh, hush, you. Come here." She let go of Anders to bend forward and call the dog over, ruffling his floppy ears. "Not until you're bigger, hm?"

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 03:57 pm UTC (link)
"Very manly cry." Anders assured he with a big smile.

"She knows someone who's going to help me. She thinks they'll be able to help. She was able to keep Justice quiet for long enough that I could get drunk, so I believe her."

Anders bent over and pet the dog. He preferred cats, but dogs were still cute.

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 08:52 pm UTC (link)
Loki let out a happy little woof, headbutting Anders' hand as he pet him. He liked him, he'd already decided, despite him being angry earlier - well, Hawke liked him and that was good enough for him.

It was quite surprising to even think of Anders getting drunk, considering she could clearly remembering him lamenting Justice's objections to him getting drunk when they'd passed the Hanged Man once. "Sounds like she was pretty powerful in her own right... it'll be amazing if it works."

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[info]little_elf_lost
2011-06-18 09:21 pm UTC (link)
"It would," Merrill agreed. Anders wanted Justice gone, obviously, and he'd been so sad for so long. Even when Hawke had been with him, he had still been so sad. There weren't any templars or chantries here... He should be happy. "I hope it works. I like to see you smile."

She wondered what sort of things they'd done when he was drunk. The idea of a drunken Anders was very funny. "Was that when you watched women exposing themselves?"

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-18 09:33 pm UTC (link)
"She's pretty amazing, I think she can do it," he said with a sort of far off grin.

"Exposing themselves? What? Oh! No, the woman was about to expose herself to the guards with the funny hats. She didn't. Her friend stopped her." He laughed at the misunderstanding.

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-18 09:43 pm UTC (link)
Hawke couldn't help but laugh. Just something about that mental image... "I bet the guards were disappointed. It can't be that interesting a job."

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[info]little_elf_lost
2011-06-19 02:07 am UTC (link)
"Ooh!" Merrill said, recognizing that far away look. It looked like the way she talked about Hawke. She smiled brightly, eager for Anders to find someone that made him happy.

"I didn't think of trying that. Do you think they would have smiled?"

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-19 03:07 am UTC (link)
"If they were disappointed or going to smile they didn't show it. They didn't even look at her. I think they might be use to people doing stupid things around them."

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-19 03:18 am UTC (link)
The fact that she mentally flailed at the thought of Merrill doing that probably meant something, but Hawke wasn't going to give it too much thought. Not whilst Anders was here, anyway.

"Of course, now I'm thinking about what'd happen if somebody tried to expose themselves to the Qunari..." well, the guards were a lot like them, in her defence. "Maybe Isabela would know."

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[info]little_elf_lost
2011-06-19 02:47 pm UTC (link)
"Maybe they aren't real. Maybe someone just put up very life-like carvings."

Merrill giggled at Hawke's suggestion about the Qunari. "Probably something like 'I don't see how that proves you are a worthy opponent'."

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-19 05:47 pm UTC (link)
"If anyone knew it would be Isabela," He agreed with a smile. "I think they're real people, thought they really don't move much..." Could be carvings... maybe.

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-19 06:29 pm UTC (link)
They had such weird ideas about guards here. Hawke was pretty sure Aveline could teach them a thing or two about how to properly do it... "Maybe they're enchanted statues. Or... what's the word? Those metal men they seem to love putting in things?"

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[info]little_elf_lost
2011-06-19 06:34 pm UTC (link)
"Golems?" Merrill supplied. She'd heard stories about golems. She turned back to Anders, giving him another hug. "So you had a nice time? Meeting angels and getting drunk?"

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-19 06:45 pm UTC (link)
"I could see them being golems."

"I had a wonderful time, but I missed my friends," he smiled at them. It was nice to be able to talk to them. It felt like a large weight was lifted.

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-19 11:46 pm UTC (link)
"Maybe if they get angry they throw rocks at people..." It'd explain things, maybe a little. The guns could be only for show.

It was a little odd to talk to Anders without the whole romance thing, but Hawke could handle that. She'd made her choice and she wasn't about to back out on it. "We missed you too, you know. Remember that thing I said about an Anders-shaped hole? It makes life a lot less fun."

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[info]little_elf_lost
2011-06-20 12:05 am UTC (link)
"We did, we missed you!" Merrill agreed. "I loved the postcard," she said again. "I wanted to frame it, but I don't know how you'd show both si--" there was a beeping noise in the distance.

"Oh! My cookies!" Merrill stopped hugging Anders and turned to run off to the kitchen. She probably should have just asked Esmerelda to make them, but Merrill had wanted to try it on her own.

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-20 03:53 am UTC (link)
Anders watched as Merrill ran off. "Cookies. Sounds good."

He looked down a little awkwardly. "I'm sure your life wouldn't be too dull without me. Between Merrill and Isabela, and Varric I'm pretty sure you've got enough trouble for a lifetime."

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-20 04:12 am UTC (link)
Hawke shook her head. "Isabela's been so occupied with her man that I've barely seen her, and Varric's got a lady friend of his own, so... not much trouble going on anymore," well, Varric'd fought demons, but that'd been on his own. Hawke'd been not-so-secretly jealous when she'd found that out.

"Besides, the more mages I have around, the more like home this place feels."

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-20 04:39 am UTC (link)
"Well, that does sound boring. Everyone has someone, it appears." He did his best to not sound forlorn.

"Sorry. Sorry. I guess more mages would be good."

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-20 05:10 am UTC (link)
"You can always find someone here. Someone new... I'd say ask Merrill for help, but you know what she's like," there was genuine fondness in her voice as she said that, though. Merrill's enthusiasm for everything was one of the many reasons Hawke adored her, truth be told. "Then again, at least she'd keep things positive."

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-20 05:13 am UTC (link)
Anders laughed. "I think she would go a little overboard. I think I'll be fine finding someone on my own, anyway." He did feel a little tug at his heart at the way her voice got taking about Merrill. It was something he was going to have to get over. "I don't think I'm in a rush. Maybe some time single would be good for me. I spent three years with Hawke, I don't think finding a rebound is going to help things."

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[info]kirkwallchamp
2011-06-20 05:37 am UTC (link)
"We don't want you alone forever, though," because really, that'd just be intensely depressing for all parties involved, and it'd give Hawke the mother of all guilt trips... sure, she didn't regret her choice, but that didn't remove the lingering guilt. "And you know Merrill's going to try and help no matter what you say."

Maybe if he took his time, found someone good, he could be truly happy, and that'd balance out the occasional guilt and weirdness that Hawke kept getting stricken by.

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[info]ser_pouncealot
2011-06-20 02:38 pm UTC (link)
"I don't want to find someone for the sake of finding someone. Anyway, that's going to have to wait until after Justice is gone. That is my first priority right now."

Being single wasn't bad, especially if Justice was gone. Single meant he wasn't tied down.

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