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Soren Elias Chappu Skwigelf ([info]twiceloved) wrote in [info]utr_logs,
@ 2009-10-23 00:23:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:cassidy turner, soren skwigelf

Who: Soren Skwigelf and Cassidy Turner.
What: Stern Lectures.
When: Thursday afternoon.
Where: Casa del Wolfpackyness.
Warnings: As always, yes.



Soren was sprawled out in bed, laying at the ceiling. He wasn't particularly sleepy, nor was he particularly tired, but he did feel like his muscles were in some sort of torpor, some sort of stress-induced stasis. He sighed, rubbing his eyes, waiting for Cass to get out of the shower, tugging off his shirt to make laying in the bed more comfortable.



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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 05:36 am UTC (link)
Cass had been nursing a black eye since yesterday, as well as a deep, lingering guilt about what he'd done. It was a wonder he'd been able to gather himself up and plod to the bathroom across the hall from their bedroom, where he'd been since Teja dragged him out of the house and hit him for what he'd done.

He returned to the bedroom with a towel tossed haphazardly over his head, and curled back up on the bed. He hadn't spoken since Soren got home the night before, and even then, it was just enough to say he deserved the bruise on his eye and the split lip. For the most part, he'd been sleeping or staring listlessly into nothing, silently shaming himself for Sable's disappearance. He hoped that Teja would find her soon, just so he knew she was okay. If she did anything more drastic than simply run away, he'd never forgive himself. He wasn't sure if he could forgive himself for doing even that much.

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 05:43 am UTC (link)
Watching Cass come back to the bed, Soren sat up and readjusted his body so he could curl himself around his husband. He kissed his still-damp back, sighing a little. It was hard to stay too angry at Cass when he could tell without a doubt how guilty Cass felt. Soren just wanted them all to feel better enough to start dealing. Not being happy - he knew that was too hard and too pie-in-the-sky for even him to hope for - but getting well enough to start dealing with their issues, that would be good enough for him.

Just sitting there with Cass, just being around him, relaxed Soren to the point where he was able to sigh contentedly. He could feel his headache ebbing.

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 05:48 am UTC (link)
He really didn't know how to feel around Soren right then. Although it did naturally calm him to have Soren so close, Cass couldn't help but feel like he'd taken a large, heart-shaped puzzle piece away from a unique, intricate, and priceless puzzle because he had Soren. He sighed deeply and stared at the wall.

"She's got to be okay, right?" He finally croaked, his eyes overflowing with the tears that welled up at the very thought of Sable being hurt, or hurting herself. "She's got to be."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 05:58 am UTC (link)
"She's fine. This is how she sorts things out. I don't understand it, and god knows I've tried. But I'm sure she's fine wherever she is. She's strong, Cass." He propped himself up on one elbow, lightly petting Cass' damp hair. "I get guilty, you lash out, she leaves."

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 06:09 am UTC (link)
"I just... It was just a joke, you know? A bad joke, I know, but..."

There was a pain in his chest and Cass rubbed his ribs, taking a deep breath to try and release the knot there, but it didn't come free. "And then Ares had to get involved. I mean, it's really nice that he protects me, but to go to that length... I feel awful."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 06:13 am UTC (link)
"I know, baby." Soren lightly rubbed at Cass' shoulders, sighing. "Ares wouldn't have gotten involved if Judah hadn't gotten involved which wouldn't have happened if you two hadn't fought which wouldn't have happened if I hadn't divorced her and I could do that all night. We'll sort all this out. We just have to wait for her to come back. The three of us can talk. I know I'm not really involved, but you two don't... communicate well." It was the understatement of the century.

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 06:17 am UTC (link)
"I don't think that's going to happen, Soren," Cass murmured as he closed his eyes and pulled the blanket up so it was over his ear. "We can't even be in the same city without hurting each other. Or... or more that I hurt her. I'm such a fool. Maybe she's right, you know. Maybe it was me all along, just being jealous."

He tucked the end of the blanket under his chin, holding it tight in his fist.

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 06:20 am UTC (link)
"I'll talk to her, at any rate." Soren knew what Cass was doing, wrapping an arm around Cass' blanketed waist. "Cass, don't blame yourself. I divorced her. Me. I got a lawyer, and I signed the paperwork. I knew she and I wouldn't work out. You two weren't the only ones who fought."

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 06:22 am UTC (link)
Cass shook his head, "But it wasn't you who ran her off, Soren." Feeling as if he was the reason she left in the first place, the sole man responsible, he couldn't let Soren take the blame for it. "It was how I treated her. Perhaps I treated her that way the entire time, though."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 06:25 am UTC (link)
"I think you were the straw that broke the camel's back. Not that Sable is a camel." Soren scrubbed his face with his free hand, sighing. "She lost her home, and ... it sounds awful when I say it, but she's not over me yet. I'm not totally over her, but I'm in a much, much better situation. I think you were just the latest in a crappy string of events."

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 06:27 am UTC (link)
"I shouldn't have been," shaking his head, Cass tucked his head under the covers a little more and blinked away the tears. "Shit, Soren. I've always been awful with women, but she's just... fuck it. With the exception of my family and Henn, I'm bloody done with 'em as a gender."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 06:30 am UTC (link)
"You two don't communicate well. You never have. It's not just on you, I've seen her bait you. ... this time was um. I love you, I'd fight you forever, I threatened Judah for you and I've slept with that guy and I'd kill him for looking at you funny, but this wasn't the nicest thing you've ever done." He moved to take his pants off, moving under the covers and curling up close to Cass. "Baby, you messed up, but you're still good. I love you."

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 06:32 am UTC (link)
He heaved another sigh and slid as close as possible to Soren, while still managing to keep his ear covered with the blanket. "Don't feel good, Soren. I feel like I've done a great deal of wrong. Something I'll never make up for, no less. I... I don't think she'd allow for it."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 06:35 am UTC (link)
"Good people can do bad things. It wasn't a good action, but you feel guilty about it. I've done so many bad things... if I thought they turned me bad, well, yeah, I'm probably a bad guy then. But I don't think so. They were just bad choices, and I'm trying to fix them. I don't know how, but trying - that's important." He closed his eyes, knowing if he cried, it would only make things worse.

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 06:39 am UTC (link)
He sighed and put his arm over Soren's, which was around his waist. "Would she even allow it, though. That's the important part. Would she even let me say anything to her after this? I've fucked up badly. So badly."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 06:42 am UTC (link)
"We both have. If we want to be friends with her again, to have a relationship, we're going to have to work. And part of that is knowing what we did. We've got that down. Now you - and I - just have to work out the why. That's a lot harder than it sounds." Sighing, he moved closer, leaning his forehead against Cass' back and breathing slowly, greedily inhaling the scent of clean husband, feeling calmed, aroused, and sick-to-his-stomach guilty all at the same time.

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 06:46 am UTC (link)
Soren's breath made a shiver go up his spine. He still hadn't quite gotten over the week's lack of sex, and the unwelcome arousal he felt made him awkwardly squirm. "Jealousy, I suppose. Lots of it." He couldn't put it in any more simple terms. He was blindly jealous of her since she even started making eyes at Soren. That was also established.

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 06:49 am UTC (link)
"Baby, you don't need to be jealous anymore. I've got all I want right here. I've had all I've ever wanted in the world right here." He kissed between Cass' shoulderblades, biting his lip, trying not to get an erection while they were talking about Serious Things. "Why still be jealous over something that's done?"

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 06:53 am UTC (link)
"Haven't even the slightest. Well, there's that, and... she just... Well, when I did try to talk to her, all she would ever fucking bring up is the divorce. As if that was our only point of connection. I'd told her I'm done talking about it, but she continually brought it back up, and that's what... well, that's what started this rash of it." He rubbed his face with his free hand, squeezing Soren's arm with the other. "Explaining it away as sexual frustration won't even cut it, I doubt."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 06:55 am UTC (link)
"I've been writing things out. It lets me edit stuff, think of better ways to say what I feel. I'm not very good when it comes to talking." He sighed a little at the squeeze to his arm, also still not over the week of going without sex. "It didn't help. I uh. Might've threatened Judah a bit too much."

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 06:58 am UTC (link)
"No, Ares threatened Judah too much. At least you've a damned good reason to get involved. I simply couldn't care less what Judah thinks of me. The man's got his head so far up his own ass, he's likely to see his own stomach." He tutted lightly and shook his head. "Honestly, of all the things I regret, the way I handled Judah isn't on that list."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 07:00 am UTC (link)
"He's in love with Sable, as much as he can love anyone that isn't science. He's... even when I was sleeping with him, he wasn't really invested in the situation in a way that most people are. But I don't want to talk about that. You okay?" He was glad to get Cass talking about something, anything else.

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 07:03 am UTC (link)
"They've got balls to call me egotistical, when he's the very embodiment of that sentiment. Lovely little thing, that." He sighed and smiled just a little, nodding. "Yeah, a little better. No worse than I've been. My eye still stings, probably will for a while. Fairly certain, though, that Teja pulled his punch. I'm damn lucky my eye's still in my skull."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 07:05 am UTC (link)
"Baby." Soren's voice was mostly concern, though part of it was sadness. "Roll over, I'll do what I can." He stroked Cass' hair a bit more, fussing over him as he always did when Cass was hurt or sick. The two of them had seldom been ill or injured, so it made Soren's worry that much greater.

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 07:10 am UTC (link)
"No, I truly deserved it, I figure I owe it to everyone to keep it for as long as it stays," Teja had pulled his punch, Cassidy figured, so that he wouldn't have the desire to get it healed. For a big meathead, Teja was fairly intelligent and knew how Cass worked.

He turned around, at any rate, and looked at Soren with a small, apologetic smile. "And you've been hurt too. You shouldn't let all this make you feel guilty. This was all me, luv. Nobody will blame you for threatening Judah for threatening me. Nobody will blame you for being protective. However..." He kissed Soren's jaw lightly, "if there's going to be a villain in this relationship, it'll be the one with the goatee."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 07:14 am UTC (link)
"Someone has to feel guilty, and I'm so darn good at it." He lowered his eyes so Cass wouldn't see him tearing over. "You're not bad, you're amazing and everything in the world to me and yeah, you can be a jerk, but a villain? Why can't everyone stop being so ... I don't know. Sable needs to heal, not dwell on me, and you need to know that there is nobody in the world for me but you, and I need to fix my brain still and - " He sniffled, cutting himself off. "I need a holiday from being."

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 07:19 am UTC (link)
"Dead for tax purposes?" Teased Cass, with a kiss to Soren's neck. "Soren, I know that much. That we're together, and although you're a huge, adorable sap, there's a balance to us. You're the light. The beauty of all things male, and I'm the dark. It's nothing we can change, princess. I've tried. I've tried being good and sweet like you, but for all my trying, all I've got to show for it is months and months' worth of lies piled atop each other. I'd rather just be me, neither particularly good or bad."

He held Soren's hands and brought one up to kiss Soren's wrist. "I love you for all that you are, and aspire to be none of it, because what good would having two of you be?"

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 07:22 am UTC (link)
"Just a brain holiday." He smiled a little sheepishly. "Cassidy, I'm in love with you. I have been since we were babies. I've been at my happiest kissing you since we were in diapers. I can't see you that way. Be yourself, but all that bad stuff you see, I don't." He had been about to say more, but when Cass kissed his wrist, he bit his lower lip and whimpered, rocking his hips reflexively and shuddering.

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 07:27 am UTC (link)
"You're blind to it, perhaps," kissing down Soren's wrist and then moving to kiss his lips lightly, Cass continued, "but I see it, as do others." He couldn't help but smile a little at Soren's reaction. He loved to see Soren enjoy himself, loved to watch his eyes flutter closed and loved to hear his his breath catch. "Soren, if there's one thing I know, it's that you've always been the reason for my living. You're my inspiration for all that I do. Even if my execution of those things tend to be a bit... awful."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 07:30 am UTC (link)
"Or you don't see how good you are," Soren managed to get out. It was mostly whispered, shuddering gasps for breath that nobody sitting right next to him would hear. "It goes both ways. I've done stupid things too. You just - just kissed one of them, and - " He turned his head to kiss Cass, gently, pulling him closer and hoping that he'd listen to what Soren was thinking more. We see the good in each other nobody else does. We really do balance each other, finish each other, and Cass, I love you. No matter what you've done or what you do, I'm yours until always. Period.

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 07:37 am UTC (link)
Soren's thoughts made Cass lightly huff a chuckle against Soren's lips, kissing him as he replied. I've never been complete without you, I love you more than anything, more than I could ever love myself. I feel like you more than complete me. You make me better than I could have possibly been. I will never spend a day without you on my mind, your name on my lips, your love in my heart, your skin touching me. Never again, Soren. His lips moved from Soren's and traced their way down the younger man's jaw and throat, not kissing but lightly touching, until he got to the curve of his shoulder, where he left a light, open-mouthed kiss.

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 07:42 am UTC (link)
Soren would have been touched, teary-eyed and smiling, but Cass' lips were still moving, still hovering over skin still oversensitive from not having had contact for a week. He looked at Cass when he opened his eyes, smiling a little bit. "Really looking forward to renewing our vows. I don't know, they mean more without being rushed. And our anniversary's coming up." That made Soren smile dreamily.

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[info]1stbornextreme
2009-10-23 07:46 am UTC (link)
"We renew them every day we're together, whether by thought or by action," Cass murmured against Soren's skin, working his way across his collarbone. "But to do it in a more official way... I'm cherishing that fantasy until it becomes a reality." He pulled away a little, just enough to look into Soren's eyes. "I'm blessed by you, Soren. Someone as sappy as I am romantic."

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[info]twiceloved
2009-10-23 07:53 am UTC (link)
"We're both pretty damn sappy, you know." He grinned a little, half aroused, half amused. "Okay, less of this being sweet, though, Puff's been up and down and up and down like a yo-yo. You're right, you are mean." He chuckled and lightly tugged on Cass' hair.

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