InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "why do birds suddenly appear"

James Howlett (onlybone) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2008-02-25 15:26:00

Entry tags:

james howlett, rachel grey-summers

Who: Rachel Summers and James Howlett
What: Confrontation-y stuff.
When: Late-late at night
Warnings: Probably profanity.

It had been a very strange week for James Howlett. After the night Esme came to his room, things seemed to have spiraled out of control. Emma had taken him aside and done something to his brain. He'd known she was doing it, and he sort of wanted her to.. He knew that this wasn't right. He was confused and upset and things seemed to clear up some, after Emma had changed him. He felt a little more stable. He was more confident that he could handle things.

But there were still several people in the house who were angry with him, and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. He knew he wouldn't have made the same choices now that he did back then, but that didn't make it right. He remembered what he'd done, and he still felt bad about it. He'd tried apologizing to Rose and Rachel, but both girls were still very angry with him. It would take time, had been the advice Emma had given him, and he took it to heart. He'd been trying to stay out of the girls' way.

He was thinking of Rachel, now. He really cared for her. He could tell their relationship had been declining for a while, with her unwillingness to put up with his stupid emotional immaturity. He wished he could make her see that he wasn't what he once was. He wasn't sure if he'd been using Rachel, or if he'd been letting her use him, but either way, their relationship hadn't been healthy. They could've been so much more. She was beautiful. The touch of her skin, the scent of her body..

He was nearly at the door of the kitchen before he realized that Rachel's scent wasn't just in his mind, but that she was standing in the room ahead of him. He mumbled a quiet apology for having disturbed her and turned around, starting back down the hallway. He could find some food somewhere else.

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jeansdaughter
2008-02-25 09:55 pm UTC (link)

Rachel was sitting on the counter, legs crossed. Waiting for him. "James. Come back." It was more of a command than a suggestion. She didn't have the inhibitions she used to. She didn't have the same concerns messing with his mind. His feet turned around and he came back, standing in front of her. She let go of the rest of him, but not his feet. He wasn't going anywhere. Not until she was done.

"You've been avoiding me. Although, I suppose I told you to. Your obedience is annoying, although I probably would have tried to kill you if you hadn't," she said bluntly.

It was dark out, but she could still kind of see him. And she didn't want lights. There was a coldness around the girl that James had probably never seen from her before. It had certainly never been directed at him until now.

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onlybone
2008-02-25 10:08 pm UTC (link)

When he first felt the tug at his mind, his teeth clenched. James was not a fan of being controlled. He'd had to learn to let go a little for what Emma had done, but it was one of the few things that truly bothered him. But when his mind processed that it was Rachel doing it, he forced himself to relax. He would let her do whatever she felt she needed to do to him. He didn't know if she would ever forgive him, but if she felt she needed some kind of revenge, so be it.

James kept his mouth firmly shut. Apologizing at this point would probably only infuriate her further. He'd tried it a few times and she had told him basically that she didn't care. He simply listened.

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jeansdaughter
2008-02-25 10:24 pm UTC (link)

"Awhile ago I made a mental connection with you," she continued. "In case you ever needed me or I needed to contact you. It meant I could hear you from a farther distance, more like a safety net than anything else...." she said drifting off.

She picked up an apple beside her and tossed it up, catching it. "I'm breaking it. It won't hurt but you'll feel it. Because I don't see a point in it and I'd really like to sleep. Even when I'm not in your mind, your thinking is so loud because of it. Even when I block you out, I can still hear dull whispers because this is all you've been thinking about lately. I'm constantly hearing my name, and really, I'd like to sleep. And soon, it'll be better, because I'll be moving out. I told Emma already. I can almost stand being in the same house as you, but not the Cuckoos. It just wouldn't work," she said very matter of factly. She had been feeling so many things over the past couples days, it was nice to finally be apathetic.

"I've mostly stayed out of your mind up until now. Out of respect before, and after the incident because I didn't want the gory details. But still I hear my name and hear you thinking about it and hear a lot of 'I'm sorry's...and I know you regret it...But James, I'm not even sure what you're sorry for. Are you sorry that you did it? Or that I found out and it hurt me?"

It was a lot of information for her to tell him at once. A lot to process. But it was almost seemed like, while she expected him to response, the words didn't matter. Nothing he could say could change her mind.

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onlybone
2008-02-25 10:34 pm UTC (link)

James frowned, listening. He didn't like this; didn't want this. He and Rachel had been falling apart for a long time. He didn't realize there was a connection, or at least that there was still one. It felt like it had been a long time since they'd even talked.

"I'm sorry it happened at all. I'm disgusted.. With myself, with the entire situation." He was sincere.

"I'm leaving, too."

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jeansdaughter
2008-02-25 10:50 pm UTC (link)

"I know you've changed. Emma told me. But that doesn't change the fact that we never had as much as I wanted us to have. Like I said before, it's not like we were dating," she said shrugging. "You can kiss whoever you like."

"And I know you're leaving, but if you continue with Esme, I don't care. I'll even try to get Rose to back off. It's not her battle to fight."

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	onlybone 2008-02-25 11:02 pm UTC (link)
	James frowned. It felt as though she was blaming him for their relationship not having gone further than it did, which was probably partially true. But he wanted more, too. He just didn't know how to really have a healthy relationship. "'Continue with Es--' Are you serious?" His revulsion at that thought was clear. "That's not going to happen." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jeansdaughter 2008-02-26 12:36 am UTC (link)
	"It's not like it hasn't happened before," Rachel said quietly, turning her face away in the darkness. But there was so much more to that thought. She knew it wasn't fair to compare herself and Esme to Emma and her mom. And it certainly wasn't fair to compare Scott to James. They were nothing alike...Her mind let go of his legs. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	onlybone 2008-02-26 01:27 am UTC (link)
	James frowned, feeling the sting of that. He felt a little nauseous. He didn't want to have anything to do with the Cuckoos, now. That was part of the reason he was moving out. If Esme tried anything again, James didn't really have any mental defenses. "Is there anything else?" he asked, his voice soft and low-pitched. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

jeansdaughter
2008-02-26 01:42 am UTC (link)

Rachel was quiet for a moment then shook her head. "No," she said softly. "Nothing else."

She jumped off the counter and the apple floated back to it's spot. She wanted to throw it as hard as she could. This talk was supposed to make her feel better but it hadn't. After she told him off...made him feel as shitty as she did...she was supposed to feel relieved, uplifted. But she only felt worse. It was an odd feeling.

Rachel walked past him and as their shoulders brushed, the normal tugging she felt between their minds snapped like a twig. Rachel closed her eyes for a moment, letting the mental shards of their connection drift away. Even when they had had rough patches, she had been watching over him. Now it was time to let go, to start her life again somewhere else. Away from the only semi-decent guy she had ever truly cared for.

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	onlybone 2008-02-26 01:54 am UTC (link)
	James bit down on the inside of his cheek when he felt the connection sever. It was strange, he hadn't even really been aware of the connection until he felt it break. It didn't hurt, but it was sad. He lowered his gaze to look at the floor. He wasn't even hungry, now. He started back to his room. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

jeansdaughter
2008-02-26 02:10 am UTC (link)

Rachel wanted to turn around and kiss him. Or make up with him. Or tell him she was sorry for being such a bitch. And sorry for being sensitive and possessive and stupid. Anything to make him look less...fragile.

But her pride wouldn't allow it and she just raised her head and continued, only allowing a thought snake from her mind to his and she glided up the stairs. Goodnight...and good luck...

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