InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I can't even!"

Ellen Fanshaw (dame_ellen) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2009-08-16 11:52:00

Entry tags:

constable benton fraser, ellen fanshaw, inspector meg thatcher

And waxen in their mirth and neeze and swear
Who: Ellen Fanshaw and Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP
Where: Consulate General of Canada in Chicago/Consulat général du Canada à Chicago
What: Ellen's less than grand entrance to this world
Warnings: Language from Ellen, and other ego-driven explosions.

As a rule, the Canadian Consulate in Chicago is a quiet place, the nation's business in the tri-state area being conducted in a low murmur accompanied by the gentle tap-tapping of keys, punctuated by the occasional telephone ring. But rules are meant to be broken, and now it is a young constable's responsibility to try and mend them again.

"Ma'am," Constable Hourani says in her most patient voice, "I do understand that this is very distressing for you--"

"Distressing?" repeats Ellen Fanshaw. "Yes, I suppose you could call it distressing if you had a limited vocabulary. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. I've been kidnapped. I'm supposed to be in New Burbage. I'm not the only one who's gone missing lately either. You should call them. Or check whatever it is you people check for reports of serial kidnappings. Go on. There's bound to be something about it. It's not as if much happens in New Burbage besides the festival."

Constable Hourani frowns. This is the first time the woman has mentioned a city. "And where is that, ma'am?"

Ellen answers the question with an incredulous look. "Oh, please. Admittedly I don't expect a Mountie to enjoy Shakespeare, but were you sleeping through all your geography lessons? It's near Toronto. Where were you raised--the prairies? God, I'm talking to Annette from Winkler, aren't I?"

Hourani ignores the purely rhetorical questions. "Ma'am, I'm beginning to get a picture of what happened to you--"

"Oh, finally!" Ellen looks heavenward, spreading her arms in a gesture of thanksgiving. "I've only told you half a dozen times now. Jesus! I. Was. Kidnapped." She searches her jacket pockets and thrusts a pink leather wallet at Constable Hourani. "But when I woke up, I found this. It must belong to one of the kidnappers, because ... honestly." She gestures with the wallet at herself. "Do I look like a cosmetologist?"

Constable Hourani manages to take the wallet and flips through the contents, studying them intently. "No, ma'am, no more than you sound like an American, much less a Chicagoan. But what seems to have happened is that you've been transplanted here from your world of origin, and if you'd like we can begin repatriation proceedings here at the Consulate--"

"What? Repatriated--God, what, now you can't even get kidnapped into the United States without losing your citizenship?" Again Ellen casts her gaze heavenward, then lowers her head, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Her eyes open, a more vulnerable cast coming over her mien. "Look, just call the festival. A woman named Anna Covey will be answering the phone, unless it's an intern, in which case you want to ask for Anna, because you won't get anything useful out of the kids, and then have Anna put you through to Richard Smith-Jones. Spelled just like it sounds." She leans forward, hands outstretched. "Just ... just call, please."

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chicagomountie
2009-08-17 12:06 am UTC (link)

The sheer volume of the exchange is what initially piques Constable Fraser's attention, absorbed as he is in what is, for once, routine interviews for visa applications. (Fortunately this time none of his interviewees have suddenly keeled over or otherwise complicated his morning). After a few more moments of this, his curiosity can no longer tolerate it, and he asks the young lady before him to please bear with him as he gets up from his desk to find out what's going on.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 12:13 am UTC (link)
	Hourani tries to explain. "Ma'am, whoever you want me to call likely isn't there. I can certainly try, but since I've never heard of New--" But Ellen isn't paying attention. "Geoffrey?" she demands of the approaching Mountie. "What are you--is this where you've been the last few days?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 12:18 am UTC (link)
	Fraser stops dead in his tracks. He recognises her, but not for the reasons she thinks she recognises him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 12:21 am UTC (link)
	"You ... you...." Without another word, she rises from her chair, moving slowly down the carpet, past the cubicles, staring up at his face. Pause. "Did you run off to get cosmetic surgery?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 12:26 am UTC (link)
	It's extremely hard to look at someone who looks, save for perhaps the passage of some years, like the living image of one's dead mother. It's a shock he's already dealt with once, and was hoping he'd never have to cope with again. God, was he wrong. His shock turns very slowly to baffled confusion. "I ... uh ... I don't think--" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 12:29 am UTC (link)
	Her eyes narrow as she studies his face. "Jesus, you have got to give me his name. Or her name. Does he do tits?" Hourani's dusky complexion turns scarlet. "Ma'am, I'm not sure who you think the constable is, but his name is not Geoffrey." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 12:34 am UTC (link)
	Great Scott. Fraser's mortified look is in tandem with the desperate mental reach for the remaining threads of his dignity. He stares back at her, trying to shake the dissonance that nags at him. "I know," is all he can come up with. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 12:51 am UTC (link)
	Hourani looks between Fraser and Ellen, then back at Fraser again. "Ah.... Why don't I go get Sergeant Platt?" she suggests. Ellen seems not to hear her, still staring at Fraser. "Even if he doesn't, it would be worth it for that face lift. Was there lipo involved?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 12:53 am UTC (link)
	It's a distinctly disconcerting examination, even under what might be considered 'normal' circumstances. It's the disconcerting inspection that finally allows him to break their mutual stare and look towards his fellow Constable. "Ah, yes, if you could," he replies. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 12:56 am UTC (link)
	The younger Mountie hurries away, glancing over her shoulder as she goes. "Is this why you didn't call me?" Ellen asks more quietly. More sadly. "Were you ashamed?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chicagomountie
2009-08-17 01:02 am UTC (link)

Somewhere in the back of Fraser's mind, he knows he should really set the record straight, but he can't help but be confused about her question. Or perhaps it's because when someone who looks like his mother asks him something, he feels compelled to answer. Even if her sense of verbal propriety is ... well, apparently nonexistent. He blinks.

"Ashamed of what, precisely?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 01:04 am UTC (link)
	"Having work done." She smiles reassuringly at him. "But many men do, you know. I'd bet Henry's shopping around for one even as we speak. He could use a new personal trainer. Otherwise he'll be the one shopping for push-up bras." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 01:09 am UTC (link)
	She does look so very, very much like her. Fraser rubs briefly at his left eyebrow before he continues. "Ma'am, I'm afraid I'm ... " He trails off. This isn't going to be easy no matter how he does it. "My name is Constable Benton Fraser," he says carefully. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 01:10 am UTC (link)
	Beat. "That's not funny," she says flatly. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 01:13 am UTC (link)
	Oh dear. "I wasn't trying to be funny, ma'am," he replies. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

dame_ellen
2009-08-17 01:16 am UTC (link)

"I'm glad to hear it," she says tightly, "because if you'd been trying to be funny, that would have been the most pathetic attempt at comedy I've seen since grade 4." She comes closer, her finger poking at his chest, precisely between two of his brass buttons. "What the fuck is going on here, Geoffrey? And how dare you do this to me when I've got Revenue Canada sucking me dry?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 01:21 am UTC (link)
	He looks down at the accusatory finger jabbing at him, then back up at her. "Oh dear." A pained look crosses his features. "I think perhaps you should sit down," he continues, and moves to fetch her a chair. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 01:24 am UTC (link)
	She seats herself gracefully, crossing her legs to create a smooth line. "The haircut suits you," she says thoughtfully, "though it'll take some getting used to." She drums her fingers against her thigh. "God, I could use a fag...." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 01:27 am UTC (link)
	"I'm afraid this is a no-smoking building," he replies, taking a seat opposite her. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 01:29 am UTC (link)
	Ellen rubs at her eyebrow, scowling. "Not even if it's for medical purposes? They prescribe pot these days, right? When did that become legal here?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 01:33 am UTC (link)
	He frowns. "The smoking of tobacco isn't considered to be medicinal. In fact, it's been understood for quite some time that it's detrimental to one's health--" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 01:34 am UTC (link)
	"How can it be detrimental if it calms my nerves?" Her eyes glint with dark amusement. "Of course, there are other ways to calm me down...." Her foot rubs along the back of his calf. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 01:39 am UTC (link)
	Fraser visibly startles, jerking his leg back from her in surprise. "Ma'am," he says, when he's reasonably sure it won't come out as an inarticulate squeak, though it still is somewhat strained, "I'm not Geoffrey Tennant." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 01:41 am UTC (link)
	"You're not," she says skeptically, "and yet you just happen to be here when I show up, and you just happen to know his last name even though I haven't said it." Then concern replaces her skepticism. "Oh, my god ... you've gone crazy again, haven't you? Except this time instead of trying to throttle a swan, you're trying to be a Mountie?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 02:06 am UTC (link)
	"Well, you see, my fiancée--" Beat. What? Fraser's frown of confusion returns. "Why did he throttle a swan?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 02:07 am UTC (link)
	Ellen laughs at first, then the colour begins to drain from her face. "Oh, Jesus," she whispers. "There's someone else. Someone younger. Oh, god." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 02:09 am UTC (link)
	That mortified look returns in full force, and he lifts a hand, palm outward. "No, no, Ms. Fanshaw, please--" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 02:14 am UTC (link)
	She presses a hand to her mouth. "Oh, god, no. You really aren't--you're just some--oh, my god." She tries in vain to blink the tears away. "Oh, god, I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry." (Reply to this) (Parent)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 02:21 am UTC (link)
	"No, it's ... it's entirely understandable," he says, then pauses to grab the attention of one of the clerks passing by. "Could you get Ms. Fanshaw some water, please? Thank you kindly." Then he gets up briefly and reaches across the desk to retrieve a tissue for her. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 02:23 am UTC (link)
	She blots her eyes carefully with the tissue. "I'm sorry," she repeats. "But you--and I don't know why I'm in Chicago. So I thought--you see, Geoffrey vanished a couple days ago, thank god it was after he'd persuaded Henry to play Mackers per his direction--" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 02:26 am UTC (link)
	"He's here. Well, I don't mean here,, that is, I mean that he's here, in this world. My fiancée came across him in Luton, England, just a couple of days ago." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 02:28 am UTC (link)
	"Your--he's where? Where the hell is Luton? And what is he--" She leans forward. "I want to go there. This is a Consulate, right? Canadian Consulate? You're supposed to help Canadians in trouble?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 02:31 am UTC (link)
	He finds himself leaning slightly backward to counter it. "Well, yes," he says. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 02:33 am UTC (link)
	"Then I want to go there. Or you bring him here. Whichever's faster. I want to see him. Put me on a plane, put him on a plane, whatever you have to do--" She swallows. "Uh, and since I'm a Canadian in trouble, it's not going to cost me anything, is it?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 02:37 am UTC (link)
	"No," he says, and he can manage a genuine smile now. "In fact, we can get you there in less than an hour." One advantage this world has over the place he once called home. "If you'll excuse me for a moment, I should speak with my commanding officer and place a phone call." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dame_ellen 2009-08-17 02:39 am UTC (link)
	Her smile lights up more than her face. "Thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chicagomountie
2009-08-17 02:47 am UTC (link)

A smile he's seen decades ago on another woman's face, in another time, and in another world.

"You're welcome," he says, and he takes his leave in short order-- with a sense of specific urgency about his strides; and though he will not confess it, it is not simply because he wishes to see her reunited with her partner: it is so that he might not have to look upon her for too much longer.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	megthatcher 2009-08-17 02:49 am UTC (link)
	"She's shown up where?" asks an incredulous Meg. "Ben, that's incredible, even for here. Is she all right? Are you all right?" It is patently obvious which question is most important to her. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 02:53 am UTC (link)
	"She's fine, if a little ... disoriented," he replies as he stands in his cubicle, holding the receiver to his ear, patently not answering the other question. "But she'd quite like to see Mr. Tennant as soon as she possibly can." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	megthatcher 2009-08-17 02:55 am UTC (link)
	"Of course, of course. I can get Kobie and we'll meet you at our usual portkey location--unless there's another one closer to Luton? I assume you'll be escorting her?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 02:57 am UTC (link)
	"Provided Sergeant Platt feels it's within my Consular purview," he replies. Which it is. Technically. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	megthatcher 2009-08-17 02:59 am UTC (link)
	"Escorting a Canadian in distress to a reunion with her true love, who has also been in distress. Ideal situation. Besides," she says more dryly, "should Mr. Tisdale feel that your profile is insufficiently high, this is grist for his mill." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 03:04 am UTC (link)
	"I'm not terribly sure I'm very popular with Mr. Tisdale at present," he notes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	megthatcher 2009-08-17 03:08 am UTC (link)
	"If that's the case, then your sergeant should have no trouble granting you leave to escort Ms. Fanshaw." She'd taken similar steps in the past. "I'll get Kobie now and head for the portkey. We can call Mr. Tennant once you and Ellen arrive." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 03:18 am UTC (link)
	A wry smile. "I think he'd rather like to get me out from under his feet already," he replies. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	megthatcher 2009-08-17 03:20 am UTC (link)
	"Does he? Enough that he'd want you out from under his feet the rest of today? It is Friday--you could get an early start on your weekend home." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 03:22 am UTC (link)
	Fraser? Leave work early? She might as well as a duck to stop swimming. "Well, I don't think that would be-- that is, I'm sure it won't take us very long, and there's still work to be done here--" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	megthatcher 2009-08-17 03:24 am UTC (link)
	"It was a thought. A very hopeful thought." She exhales, then chuckles. "Call me when you're ready to take the portkey. Kobie and I will be there shortly. I love you, Ben." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chicagomountie 2009-08-17 03:32 am UTC (link)
	"I'll see you soon," he replies, before he hangs up. Well, assuming his C.O. doesn't object, that is. (Reply to this) (Parent)