Who: Mia Jesbar (narrative) What: Recovering in the hospital (also summarizes a bit with the Purifiers). Where: Mostly the hospital. When: Takes place over the last few days, but before her post earlier tonight. Warnings: Takes place after this narrative, so yes. Mentions of torture, npc death, description of injuries, etc. Mia's state of mind in this isn't pretty or fun, and kinda messed up. Move along. And this one's kinda long too.
After Chandra had been murdered, Mia knew the likelihood of her or Emily surviving was slim to none. She pushed all non-essential emotions down and away so she wouldn't break. But she'd never been held prisoner with someone like Emily before, who hadn't been trained for this, who hadn't been through this before, and it made Mia worry. The guilt was a factor, too, but she pushed that down as well as she could. They spoke only to each other, usually in quiet moments between "sessions". Mia helped Emily to not go crazy, Emily reassured Mia she was doing the right thing by not talking, and they used each other as a lifeline.
It had been sheer dumb luck that the group's gene neutralizers hadn't been up to the highest specifications and had started to wear off. With Emily's energy absorbing power knocking out their systems, Mia had sent out the loudest call for help through the Force she could manage in her disoriented and drugged state. They'd been rescued soon after by an X-Factor team, just like that.
Just like that. After 2 1/2 days of endless hell, just like that.
Mia (along with Emily) had spent the next two or three days in the hospital. The staff spent awhile looking the two of them over. Their injuries were the same types, with varying degrees of severity.
Mia had a couple of dislocated joints that had been roughly "relocated," and then re-dislocated. A broken toe here, a broken finger there, a dislocated finger. Some of her fingernails were bloody and bruised. Circular marks all over her skin from where the electrodes had been ripped off. Bruising and cuts on her face, black eye, split lip. Internal sensitivity and bruising, including bruised ribs, from being hit.
Blood had dried on her skin in diverse trickle patterns from a variety of wounds with sharp instruments -- the deep cuts had been "patched up" so she wouldn't bleed to death (yet), but were now at risk for infection. Her hair was wild, straggly, and snarly after a few sessions of having her head dunked in a small water tank. To add insult to injury, she and Emily had been mocked and insulted in every way possible, and the men had left Chandra's body in the room with them until it started to smell.
To sum up, Mia looked and felt like she'd been hit and run over by an X-wing several times, but she would've preferred the X-wing. And she had never wished more for a bacta tank than at that moment.
Mia knew she was extremely lucky the group hadn't done worse. Part of that could be because whatever drug they'd given her to enhance her pain had worked well all on its own. The rescue had come just in time, too, since the leader had grown tired of not getting any answers (as much fun as hurting abominations was, of course).
And she now knew the people that had held them captive were ones the X-Men had run into before -- or at least, they'd run into the Purifiers' "ideals" -- and her group been part of a larger Purifier force that had been attacking and kidnapping metahumans for several days. It was probably why they had gone out in such large teams. Mia was good, but cornered against nine or ten large, professionally trained men with advanced weaponry? Not so good, especially after she'd been hit early on with a dart. She'd first assumed it had contained a tranquilizer, which she now suspected had also held something to neutralize her enhanced DNA and effectively cut off her connection to the Force.
And now that it was back, after she'd needed it most, it was like she didn't know what to do with it. She was too numb and too exhausted in every way to do much of anything.
She was already somewhat expressionless on the way to the hospital, though that could be attributed to the drugs she'd been given. The only things she did at the hospital was insist on having a room next to Emily's. She only spoke to Emily, Emily's parents, and Chandra's parents, the latter of which she only did with Emily to tell them how their daughter had died.
Once that was done, and once she was sure Emily was safe, Mia shut down.
The first sign was that Mia, typically a horrible patient who fought hospitals and hospital stays, submitted without complaint or comment to the three day observational and bedrest period, and to whatever tests or IV's the nurses and doctors wanted to give her. There was some flinching and erratic breaths whenever an IV needle or shot was given to her; they were involuntary reactions from the memories of needles given to her not even hours before.
Besides that, Mia basically seemed to be in a trance. She was awake, but usually unresponsive or at least ignoring everybody, and moved only when needed to by hospital staff. Her time in the hospital was mostly spent laying in her bed and not speaking to anyone. She seemed exhausted, worn out, stretched too thin. She usually lay on her side, curled up and staring at something but not really seeing anything.
Brodin was worried, but assured the others that she'd be okay, that she'd done this before. When something like this happened, she tended to shut down for a few days. His guess was that she was processing whatever happened. It was more or less correct. She was grateful for his explanation so she wouldn't have to try and expend energy she didn't have.
It was bone-tired, heart-hurting, mind-draining, spirit-weary exhaustion.
She couldn't look anyone in the face. She didn't want them to see what was in her eyes and her face, and even moreso, didn't want to see their reaction to whatever they saw. She didn't want to see anyone's worry or concern for her. There was nothing left. Nothing left inside her with which to deal with anyone's concern, nothing left with which to reassure anyone she would be okay, nothing left to keep up a lie like that when it was obvious she wasn't. Not before she'd had any time to heal. There was nothing left to try to smile or pretend like nothing was wrong when it obviously was. She needed time. So she didn't look at anyone.
She also couldn't eat, and couldn't or refused to sleep except for a few snatches of rest here and there when she felt safe, usually when someone was at her bedside. While she was grateful for her friends' company, at the same time she wanted to seclude herself while she dealt with what had happened. It was just her way of coping with something like this. It had worked before. It was a natural instinct to forget the world for a couple of days to give herself the room to process what had happened. It was taken to an extreme, and she guessed others probably didn't like it, but she didn't know what else to do or how to do anything else. She was too tired. All she knew was that staying still and quiet was what she needed to do right now to be all right later.
The only person she really showed any reaction to was Emily. There was limited telepathic exchange with her Master, because anything else, including speaking, took energy she didn't have. It was all going towards just... existing. Thinking. Blame. Guilt. Any energy she had left after the past few days went towards the memories and trying to go over them in her mind and deal with them, and then alternately shutting them back out and going numb again.
She was afraid to meditate on the memories for reasons she didn't understand, and was afraid to let Master Qui-Gon help her because it would mean sharing the images -- worse than looking at anyone -- and she couldn't do that yet. So she kept it all separate. She was sure she'd get stern lectures on that later.
Mia also flinched and shied away from touch. Besides the necessary touch from the doctors and nurses, and maybe the occasional hand holding from a friend, which she did her best to sort of respond to, she didn't want anyone too close. It was nothing personal. It just wasn't something she could comfortably do for awhile. Not after their treatment of her.
When they said she could have a sponge bath after she'd been stitched up, she didn't like the idea at first. Someone had to give it to her because of her dislocated shoulder and finger injuries and she didn't relish the idea of anyone touching her. But then the thought of getting rid of the dried blood and reminders of the torture was too good to pass up. They must have sensed her discomfort, though. Someone asked her if she wanted Jamie to do it. She vaguely remembered thinking about it and finally nodding. She didn't like the idea of Jamie seeing her new scars and bruises in case he got overly concerned, but it was better than someone else.
She was able to stand in the shower area in the small bathroom and held onto the rail while he washed her carefully. She stayed silent and mostly unresponsive, still in a seemingly exhausted, numb state. At times, there were some shuddering breaths at how gentle he was, which got to her for reasons she didn't understand. Perhaps it was the lack of gentleness she'd been shown the last few days.
When Jamie asked her if she wanted her hair washed too, she nodded slowly. She knew there had to be dried blood and sweat and dirt and who knew what else in her matted hair that hadn't come off in that filthy water they'd dunked her head in, and she wanted it all out. He was gentle with that, too, so much it nearly made her cry. Though she was silent throughout all of it, and couldn't bring herself to look at him for the same reason she couldn't look at anyone else, there was a heartfelt whispered "thank you" when he finished and was drying her off. She felt human again for the first time in days.
Even without bacta, most of her injuries were healing fast, probably due to the Force. And the fact that she actually rested this time like she was supposed to. They released her early Thursday, after she submitted quietly and patiently to all the last-minute checkovers and warnings about her stitches, bruised ribs, hurt fingers, etc. Emily was also released, and they exchanged a quiet good-bye. They'd see each other at Chandra's funeral later.
Mia had had days to think. Days in which to mull over what had happened, what she'd done wrong, where she'd messed up. She'd had days to think over what to do, and knew that while others would try to talk her out of it, she didn't see how she could do anything else given what had happened. She knew she couldn't stay.