|Sam Winchester (wnchestrgeekboy) wrote in utr_logs,|
@ 2008-12-26 23:21:00
|Entry tags:||antigone grace, sam winchester|
Who: Sam and Anne and NPC hospital staff
Where: The local hospital
Why: The baby's being born
When: Christmas night, into the wee hours of the next morning
Warnings: Yes. Character death. Be warned.
Sam carefully helped Anne into the bed, tried to help her get comfortable before climbing in himself. He always watched her carefully, but he was happier than he could ever remember being. He smiled at her, ran a hand over her belly, which was well...huge. Not that he'd ever say that out loud to her. Ever.
"You look tired, sweetie." He rubbed the bump. "Not too much longer, though. You can do it."
He leaned and kissed her sweetly on the mouth.
"Anything you need, honey?"
"Not at the moment," Anne said, shifting again, a bit uncomfortable, if she was going to be honest. Not that she was going to say so to Sam. He was always so gentle and kind and she didn't want to worry him. "Well, one thing. You."
She pulled him down for another kiss, just as sweet as before, and then eased over to her side again. She wasn't sure how well she hid the wince when a pain shot across her stomach, and then a low ache started across her back. "I have to admit that I hope it's longer than it is shorter. I'm a bit nervous."
Anne rested a hand on the one he rested on her stomach and closed her eyes.
"You've always got me." Sam cooed at her, brushing her hair away from her eyes. "You sure you're okay?" He didn't like that look that she thought she was hiding from him. Sam was about as nervous as a turkey come Thanksgiving time but he was very excited to finally meet his son and be a family, his own family, with Anne and Aidan.
He curled around her on his side and kissed her neck. His hand traced idly up and down her side. He wasn't sure he could ever really stop touching her; he loved the way she felt to him. Warm and comfort, soft and sweet.
"Is he hurting you?" He wanted to know.
"Maybe a little?" She shifted again, moving under his hand. "My back aches. A lot." She frowned a bit and then a bit more, struggling to sit up. "I can't get comfortable."
She looked over her shoulder at Sam, giving him what she hoped was a reassuring look. "I'll be fine, darling. I'm sure. Just those little pains women get." Another sharp pain and she gasped, repeating, "I'm sure."
"Okay. If you're sure." He reluctantly agreed with her because it was her body and she'd done this before. But gently rubbed her back and cuddled her. "You think you're going to be able to sleep tonight?"
Now that he was worried, there was little chance he was going to rest, either. He'd been freaked out when her pregnancy accelerated and their time to wait and prepare had been cut short.
"I think I am?" She wasn't sure, but she didn't want to say so outright. Instead, she cuddled as carefully as she could. Not a full minute went by before another sharp pain arced across her stomach again and she gasped as she felt wetness between her legs.
Pushing off of Sam as she struggled to a sitting position, she shoved the comforter down her waist and gasped again. "Sam, I-" Another pain, not quite as bad, but causing her back to ache. "Now."--
Sam would have liked to say that he stayed calm. Outwardly, he appeared to be just that. Inside, though, his guts were wrenching and his stomach filled with bile as he pulled on clothes and shoved his feet into his shoes.
"Okay, baby. We can do this. Let's get you up, and get your shoes...and your bag for the hospital." He gripped her arm firmly as he helped her to stand up. His face filled with concern as he watched another ripple of pain cross her face.
"C'mon Anne. Let's go." He bent down and tied her shoes for her, then helped her down the stairs and into her coat. Her overnight bag was slung over his shoulder as the two of them picked their way across the garage to Sam's Land Rover.
That was up on a jack, because Sam was in the process of putting the snow tires on it.
"Fuck." he swore, and fumbled in his pocket for the keys to the Impala. Dean would understand. He'd have to. And if he didn't Sam would apologize. Later. "Okay, sweetie. We're taking Dean's car. Mine's out of order right now...Easy does it, that's good." he helped her walk to the Chevy, got the door open for her and helped her to sit inside.
Sam Winchester did not panic until things were taken care of.
She would have told him that he was hurting her arm, but the truth was she barely felt it. And she would have had panic at the sight of the Land Rover up on its jack, but Sam was already pulling her toward the Impala and the look she gave him was all love and gratitude.
For about four seconds and then she was about to cry because the pain was getting worse. She fumbled with the seat belt, finally managing to get it locked in place. It left her hands free to grip the door and nothing.
Once the car was in motion, she scrabbled for Sam's hand and then whimpered as she gave him another smile. "I'd give anything to-" She was trying to be tough, really she was. But she would have given anything at all, right in that moment, to be a god and able to transport them both to the hospital with no trouble at all. Also? "- to stop that panic I see on your face, darling. We'll be fine."
She nodded for emphasis and focused on looking out the passenger window, gripping the door handle harder than Sam's hand. She didn't want to hurt him, after all.
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. You okay?" He looked at her briefly before switching his concentration to the road and getting to where he needed to go. Sam wasn't the lead-footed one in his family, but tonight he was. He didn't care if the police chased him all the way to the emergency room, or whatever it was the British called it. He just needed to get Anne there so she could stop being in so much pain.
FINALLY, finally they arrived; and his hand was going slightly numb from being squeezed by her. Sam? Didn’t' care.
"C'mon sweetheart, let's get you out of the car." he cooed at her, in his patented "calm down the freaked out person" voice that had gotten hundreds of strangers to tell him and Dean about the crazy things that had happened to them. He wrapped his arm around her back and helped her stand, then walked carefully with her to the door right up to the admittance desk.
"Hi, I'm Sam Winchester, this is my....this is Anne deTroy. We're pre-registered. She started having contractions about an hour ago, but they've increased in intensity and frequency. Could she be seen immediately, please?"
He'd learned long ago about greasing the wheels at hospitals.
The nurse was well-versed in pregnant women and their very nervous menfolk. She smiled sweetly and came around the corner of the desk to look at Anne.
Placing a hand on Anne's shoulder, the woman said, "You've been having pains for about an hour, honey?"
Anne, completely unimpressed by the loving nature of the woman, but trying desperately to stay positive for Sam's sake, shook her head. "My back has been hurting most of the day." She paused and thought. "Since last night. But these ones-" Another contraction hit and she sucked in air through pursed lips and shook her head.
"About an hour?" The nurse was prompting, still in a calm voice, giving Sam a nod and motioning for assistance and a wheelchair.
Nodding, Anne sank into the wheelchair with a grateful smile, reaching for Sam's hand again. "Yes."
Sam held Anne's hand all the way down the hallway and only let go when he was made to step out of the room while they hooked her up to all the monitors and to put on the scrubs he'd been given. When they let him back in, he hurried to his beloved's side and kissed her forehead.
"Everything okay? Did they get you something for the pain?" He wanted to know, while studying the monitor that was carefully recording Aidan's heart rate, and would show when Anne's next contraction was coming. "Do you want me to call anyone for you?" He'd call her father if she felt like she needed him here. He'd have to call his own family soon, but he wanted to make sure she was okay first. He'd never seen her look quite so...fragile...before.
"No." Breath. "No, no. Daddy's not-" She shook her head. She hadn't told Sam yet, but her father hadn't been seen or heard from in almost a month. It was standard operating procedure for him to disappear for ages at a time, but she just hadn't gotten around to telling Sam. "He's not here."
Breathe. She was concentrating. She didn't remember it hurting quite as much last time, perhaps because she'd had two gods besides herself taking the edge off. "They gave me a shot, but-"
She wasn't going to cry, not in front of Sam. Not while she was giving him his son. Instead, she gave him a wobbly smile while the nurse gave her a very invasive check.
"Seven centimeters, honey. You're well on your way," the woman announced to them both. "Shouldn't be long. You've already done the hard work."
He supposed he'd get the truth about her father at another point in time, and speaking of fathers...he had to remember to go call his.
"Okay, that's good. She's got to get to 10 right? 10 centimeters." Sam gently smoothed Anne's hair back. He knew that look she was putting on, it was the one his brother'd worn countless times when he was trying to reassure Sam that he was fine and no, it didn't hurt all that bad.
He squeezed her hand and looked her in the eye.
"You don't have to be a hero, honey. I know it hurts. I'm here to help you, okay? Let me help." He gave her a little dimpled smile. "I love you."
"I've had worse pain, really," she promised him. She was pretty sure that when she was mortal and pregnant with Erastos, she remembered pain when she'd almost died. "I love you, too."
Fifteen minutes went by as she breathed through the contractions, gripping Sam's hand tightly. The nurse bustled in and out, preparing the room for the delivery.
"You'll have your baby here, honey," she explained. "We just fix the bed here-" She pointed. "And here and then you'll just push that little one out and voila! Two of the best parents on Earth."
Anne liked the nurse; she did, with all of her bustling and 'honey'ing. And, after another invasive check, she pronounced Anne at nine centimeters.
"Anne." He protested. "Quit trying to put on the brave face, okay? Let me help."
Sam was almost shocked though, when the nice nurse said that Anne was now at NINE centimeters. Nine. Good lord.
"I'm gonna run out and call the family, real fast just to let them know where we are and so Dean doesn't call the FBI and Scotland Yard to get them to find his car. Be right back." He kissed her quick and went outside the door so he could use his cell phone. He woke up his brother and told him the whole story as fast as he could, and asked him to relay the message to everyone. When he hung up, Sam dashed back to Anne's bedside, where she was in the midst of what looked like a really painful contraction.
He grabbed for her hand and let her squeeze.
The look she gave him when he returned was full of absolute fury. Or it would have been fury if it hadn't been laced with pain and, most of all, panic.
It was all she managed before the cheerful nurse bustled past and gave Sam a smile. "She's a ten," she said, dialing the phone. "The doctor will be here in less than two minutes and then we can get the pushing underway. Are you ready to be a dad?"
The nurse turned back to the phone, speaking in undertones and Anne turned back to Sam, more panicked than pained. "Sam, I'm not ready. I can't do this. What if our son hates me, too? I can't-" She moaned, nearly breaking his hand. Or, at least, that's what she was going for. "I can't do this. I don't wanna do this. Please don't make me do this. I can't…"
He looked incredibly guilty as she mangled his hand. Sam turned his attention to the nurse and nodded that he was ready.
"Anne, you *can* do this. I know you can. Aidan won't hate you, I promise. He's gonna love you, just like I do." He gave her a half smile. "You're gonna do great, baby, it's gonna be okay. You can do this."
His hand hurt like a motherfucker, but he figured it probably hurt less that what she was going through and all he had to do was take his hand away from her to make it stop hurting. Anne had to push a whole human being through her to get her pain to stop. He figured he won on that one.
"C'mon, just like we practiced, remember?" he got nervous when things started to happen at the lower end of her bed, like stirrups and a tray full of interesting looking instruments and a little plastic high sided tray on wheels.
The doctor came sailing into the room with a great big smile that immediately set Anne's nerves on edge. In fact, suddenly EVERYTHING was setting Anne on edge and when he introduced himself as Dr. Cleary, she gave Sam a wide eyed look.
"I don't like him. I don't... no." She was shaking her head. "Sam, no."
Dr. Cleary pulled on gloves and the nurses got ready, too, pulling Anne into a lower position on the bed. And when she started to push, she realized that she COULDN'T do it and started to cry.
"Gods, please, Sam. YOU did this to me and now I'm-" She pushed when the next contraction hit, barely aware of the nurse coaxing her through it.
"Honey, he's the doctor. He's here to help." Sam soothed. He kissed her temple and slid his arm behind her back. When she started to finally cry, he gulped and choked back his own emotions.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I know I did this to you, but you have to do this now, I'm right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere." Sam felt absolutely wretched right now, like the worst person to ever walk the face of the Earth. He looked at the nurse.
"What can I do?"
"She'll be fine, honey," the nurse said, giving Sam a reassuring look. "In a few hours, she won't even remember she said it."
"Oh, yes I will!" Anne snapped. "What do you know?"
The nurse gave Sam the same look and shook her head lightly. "Come on, Anne. You're almost there. Just a couple more pushes and your baby will be here."
She said it cheerfully and Anne did as she was coaxed, breathing and squeezing Sam's hand as directed. After one particularly hard push, she looked up at him and shook her head. "I didn't mean it. I love you. You know that."
The nurse looked almost smug, but Anne couldn't see it.
Another push, a very hard and very long push, complete with Anne giving a low moan, and then... she felt relief. No more contractions and she was vaguely aware of the nurse congratulating her.
Sam did his best to coach her through this, to help as much as he could. He responded that he loved her too, when she told him so. It seemed to just rush past him, and take forever at the same time.
And then he heard the cry.
His son's first breath.
"It's a boy!" Dr. Cleary announced, holding a bloody, slimy, squirmy thing with flailing fists up for Sam and Anne to see.
"Oh...." Was all he could say. His breath was taken away. He looked at Anne. "Look..." he told her.”Look at him." His smile became bigger than his mouth and a tear or two streaked down his face.
Aidan wailed like a banshee when they put him on Anne's chest.
She was so tired and she smiled down at the infant on her chest, holding him for a minute before the nurse lifted him again.
"We're going to clean him up and Daddy? Want to cut the cord?" She motioned for Sam to step away and Anne gave him a weak smile. The doctor was saying something about bleeding, but she wasn't paying attention.
She let her head fall to the side and the smile never left her face as she watched Sam with their son. She was just SO tired. The monitors next to her started to beep furiously and all she could think was that she wished they'd stop so she could get some sleep.
"Uh...um, no that's okay." Sam just couldn't stop staring, and he didn't trust himself enough right now to do it right. Plus? It just really grossed him out. Really. The nurse cut Aidan's umbilical cord and he was free of his mother. They started to clean him up and weigh him and all that stuff, so Sam turned to Anne, who was looking pretty tired.
"Anne, you did it." He grinned at her before every monitor attached to her started to go berserk. His face crumpled and he started shouting.
"What's going on?? What the hell's going on?" He panicked and he finally saw the dark red pool of blood at the foot of the bed, dripping steadily onto the floor. He almost puked, right there, but the nurse who had been so kind to them just minutes before started to push Sam bodily out the door.
"Come on Sam, you don't want to see this. She's going to be fine; we've got to give them room to work." They wheeled Aidan out and whisked him to the NICU for quick check up.
"What's going on??" He begged of the nurse. "Please just tell me."
"I'll go find out, okay? You just sit tight, Sam. Stay here, okay?" She'd sat him well out of earshot of Anne's hospital room.
Twenty minutes went by before the nurse had a chance to get back to Sam. In that time period, any number of people had gone past him in various quick-paced methods from speed walking to actual running.
When she came back out, though, she had Dr. Cleary with her. He was sans scrubs and stopped in front of Sam, taking a deep breath.
It was at that very moment that they brought his son back to him.
"Hi Daddy!" A cheerful young nurse said to him, carefully handing him the tiniest baby Sam had ever seen. His son. "I thought you'd like to hold him, finally." She said, apologetically. Dr. Cleary gave her a hard, strange look and she backed into the shadows.
Sam cradled the tiny person, this little stranger in his arms and stared at him for a moment. His eyes opened, dark brown, like his mothers.
"Yes?" He asked the doctor...and the nurse, who couldn't look him in the eye.
Dr. Cleary gave the nurse a look and shifted on his feet, clearing his throat again.
"Mr. Winchester." The doctor looked at the baby and took another breath. "Your- Ms. de Troy lost a lot of blood." With another glance at the baby, he started speaking very rapidly. "We tried to transfuse her and restart her heart, but... There was nothing we could do and she-" He cleared his throat. "She died. I'm sorry."
"Oh, God." Sam choked, and the nurse was quick to take the baby from his arms as he crumpled to his knees. "No."
"We did everything we could. She lost a significant amount of blood very quickly. I'm very sorry for your loss, Mr. Winchester." The man who'd let Anne die told Sam, who had a hard time remembering to even breathe.
"Do you want to go see her, honey? They've cleaned the room up, you could go...say goodbye. I'll stay right here with your son, Sam. He's a beautiful boy, yes he is. Does he have a name?"
"I...uh...Eli. Uh...Aidan. I don't remember what she picked." He choked. "Dean. I think. Oh God. Dead." He whispered the last word. Anne was dead. He rose up slowly, aware everyone was watching him carefully. He opened the door to her room and went to her. She looked like she was only sleeping.
"Anne." He whispered, tears flowing freely. "I'm so sorry. Forgive me, please. You can't leave me alone, baby...don't leave us now. We were..." he sobbed. "We were gonna be a family."
But she didn't answer him, and never would again. The baby was all he had left of her now, but he was too numb inside to even start think of what to do now.
The doctor and nurse had followed him to the room, the doctor mostly to make sure that he didn't hurt himself. The nurse was rocking the baby who started to fuss, and then cry.
"Is there someone you need to call? Her family? Yours?" The nurse made a soft 'shh' sound to the infant and then placed a hand on Sam's shoulder, nodding at the doctor that everything was going to be okay with the man in the room. "You can stay with her as long as you want to."
"I...I called my...brother." Sam replied, stroking Anne's cool skin on her hand.
Somehow that made him feel calm. Dean was on the way. Dean would help him make sense of everything. Dean would make this okay, somehow.
"He's crying." Sam pointed out, like saying the sky was blue. The baby was upset, and it confused him. The baby couldn't know what had happened her, the horrible thing that was killing Sam slowly. "I don't know what to do." he admitted, and then turned back to Anne's body. "I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry." He kissed her forehead and motioned that he'd like to leave the room. He couldn't stay with her...when she wasn't there to talk to anymore. He would just wait for his family to show up...and help him because right now, Sam felt about as helpless as his tiny son...and he wanted to cry right along with him.