InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Don't have cow man"

Sol (solvei) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2008-07-24 22:28:00

Current mood:	numb
Entry tags:	future!dean winchester, solvei samuels

Who: future!Dean Winchester and Solvei Samuels
What: dealing with the aftermath of the alternaverse
Where: Dean's bar
When: Right now.
Warnings: Extreme emoness. Maybe some things they might end up regretting.

Solvei didn't waste any time. The one person that understood was the one person that she needed to see. She didn't even bother going down stairs to check on her bakery. She just grabbed her keys and ran. Literally, she ran. She didn't stop to think of what she was doing or who she might hurt by going over there. She just needed to see him.

All of the lights in the bar were shut off. Thinking that he probably decided against having her come she wasn't going to give up that easily. She tried the door and it opened. Once she was through the door she made sure that it was closed and she locked it.

The light was on in his office and she walked back there. He was already drinking. And it was Jack. Leaving him the glass she picked up the bottle and chugged it. She didn't finish it but she polished off a decent amount. He was sitting in his desk chair and he hadn't looked up at her yet.

"Stand up." He didn't move at first. "Stand up... please?" Once he did she set the bottle down and went into his arms and didn't let go. Her ear was nestled in that space where she could perfectly hear his heartbeat. She closed her eyes for a few seconds before looking up at him. Tears were streaming down her face but she didn't make any move to brush them away.

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-25 01:03 am UTC (link)

Once Dean got back from Vegas, he dropped Emily off at her place and went to the bar. He wasn't sure if there was any alcohol at his place and at least at the bar, after closing time, he could just be there. Alone. Gabby was on her way out when he walked in, so he knew he'd be alone. He didn't even know how Gabby was, but she ran the place when he wasn't there, which was ... well, alot. Grabbing a bottle of Jack, he walked to his office and just sat down, exhausted, physically and emotionally. If he didn't think this world sucked before, he did now.

He didn't even know how much time passed when he saw Solvei in front of him. He didn't look up though, he just knew it was her. She grabbed the bottle and took a long swig before demanding that he got up. He didn't, but when she asked again ... her voice was ... He just shut his eyes for a second and that's when he heard it. John's cry. He got up slowly and the next thing he knew, she was in his arms. He held out his arms for a moment before wrapping them around her.

Dean couldn't explain it. In this world, nothing could be explained. It just was. Things happened and then they went away. No one here had a lucky break. She pulled away and he just looked down at her. Yeah, it sucked, for both of them and there was no way he could fix this. Nothing. Instantly, he was back down on the chair, looking up at her until eventually his arms were around her waist and he just held onto her. He remembered all of it. Everything single thing, every minor detail that no one would ever give a shit about, but it was there. And it was in his head and it wasn't going away.

He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, but he pushed them back. He couldn't.

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solvei
2008-07-25 01:16 am UTC (link)

Sol knew what he was thinking because she was feeling everything. She knew it all. Everything had seemed so real. Everything except for how she didn't recognize her own friend. Weevil. She didn't recognize him and she almost started to laugh when she just thought of it. Because at the time she had thought that Weevil was some kind of demon. Oh, how, he would laugh his ass off when she told him that one. But she couldn't think about something like that. Because that meant that she was accepting that they couldn't go back.

"I want to go back." She whispered as her arms were around his shoulders and his head was at her chest. When he had shown up here there was a small part of her that wanted to go back. But she was torn. Now, knowing how perfect things were... there was no doubt in her mind.

He was their little boy. And everything ached inside of her. She hurt so much it felt physical. The way he had looked up at her when she was nursing him. The little grunts he made. How he already looked like a mini Winchester. She was never going to have that again and she was gripping Dean against her tighter and she realized that she might be hurting him. Letting go she mumbled, "Sorry."

Pulling herself up on his desk she grabbed the bottle again and finished it off this time.

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-25 01:24 am UTC (link)

All he could see was his face. The first time he held John, that look he gave him, he'd never forget it. Not only did Dean have his son in that life, he also had his brother. His brother that wasn't here with him. But, he learned in Vegas that the Sam 'here' was his brother. There was no denying it, it just was. Expect the unexpected, he guessed, although this? Yeah .. it was too much. He was pressed against her chest, she was holding on so tight and it pulled him out of his thoughts.

When she pulled away, he rubbed the back of his neck and turned the chair so he was facing her as she got up on his desk and finished off the bottle. He didn't care though.

"I don't think we can," he finally said and nodded sadly before looking down at his hands that were in his lap. It was fucked up, but it was just something else he had to leave behind, right? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Yeah, fuck that.

Scooting closer to the desk, he moved between her legs and laid his head down on her thigh. He didn't know how to come back from this, or even how to try, but he knew he had to. Just not tonight. The wound was still fresh. Taking a deep breath, he felt her hand on his back and he closed his eyes. He thought about just taking off again, finding a job, any job and going on the road.

He didn't want to be here anymore.

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solvei
2008-07-25 01:35 am UTC (link)

He put his head on her thigh and she put a hand on his back. With her other hand her fingers were idly running through his hair. There wasn't any going back. That was just something that she had to accept. But she just couldn't. Not yet, maybe not ever.

"We have tonight and that's it, huh?" Her voice was wavering and she knew that he was going to leave the first chance he got. The thought that she lost her son and lost him all over again was just too much. She thought that it was a lot before... but now? After getting all of those months that she lost. Then John...

She shook her head trying to clear it but it wasn't any use. "C'mon, let's go for a walk... or just go get something more to drink. I don't know. The walls are closing in on me."

When he stood up she saw his eyes. The tears that were in them and she reached up and put a hand to his face and bit her lip before saying, "I'll never forget."

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-25 01:42 am UTC (link)

He frowned when she said that all they had was tonight. They didn't have anything ... nothing. Everything was just gone. Reaching over, he wrapped an arm around her and just laid there while she messed with his hair, but eventually, they were up. He stood there, letting out a breath, when she reached up and touched his face. Bringing his hand up, he covered hers with his before bringing it down and holding onto it as he walked out, only to let go of it.

He probably should go home and just sleep, but he had a feeling that sleeping would make it all just come back ten times harder than it was right now. Walking behind the counter, he grabbed another bottle of Jack for her and set it up on the bar while he just grabbed a beer.

"You know, I'm probably just gonna head out," he said and tilted his head, looking over at her.

"You need a lift?"

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solvei
2008-07-25 01:50 am UTC (link)

"No," She said flatly when he told her that he was just going to leave. This was their night. One last night to say goodbye or whatever. She was going to get this. They both needed it. Needed it more than anything. Sol knew that she couldn't be alone right now. Even though Dean wouldn't say anything she knew he shouldn't be either.

"Don't leave me alone." Even though it was a statement it was more of a question. Was he really going to leave her alone after all of this? He was just going to wait for her to leave. Maybe she should've expected that because that's what she had done to him. It wasn't necessarily her fault but that's just how it was. Maybe now? After all of this? He'd get that a little more.

Opening up the bottle that he had gotten out for her she took a few swallows. "Take me to your place." That wasn't a question in the slightest. She knew what she was getting herself into. This time, she didn't care.

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-25 02:03 am UTC (link)

As he finished his beer, she told him to take her to his place. Setting down the bottle, he leaned himself against the counter and just thought about how stupid this was, all of this, but yeah, he just didn't want to be alone. He gave her a long look before walking from the bar and back to his office. Grabbing his keys, he shut everything off before locking it up. He walked back out and just saw her standing there. He shook his head, but he nodded toward the door and the next thing he knew, they were heading back to his place.

It didn't take long to get there, it was only up the street. He parked the car that Bobby gave him and he got out. She was still in the car as he walked around, so he reached out, opening the door for her. Once she was out, he shut it and set the alarm before leading her upstairs and to his apartment.

They both walked inside and she still had the bottle of Jack, holding onto it for dear life and he walked to the fridge, looking through it and there were a few bottles of beer in there. Grabbing one, he closed up the fridge and turned around as he twisted off the cap.

He wanted to ask her about Kyle, but he didn't. He didn't care. He was just some other guy to him, but he didn't know how she felt about him, really. He was a reason, among others why they just couldn't go back, but it seemed in some other life, it was perfect. Hell, the life before this was pretty damn good, but now everything was just different.

"I'm surprised you're still standing," he motioned to the bottle, remembering the first night he got here, he was falling over himself and Emily had helped him home. And even in Vegas. He was drinking alot lately, but right now, he was pretty much straight. Her on the other hand ... that was a different story.

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solvei
2008-07-25 02:14 am UTC (link)

Sol had been holding onto the bottle and she was surprised that she hadn't broken it yet. At times on the ride over here she was gripping it hard and her knuckles were turning white. That part of her brain where she should stop and think and just go home was turned off. Because she just didn't care about the consequences right now.

"What?" When he said something she didn't catch what he said until after she had said what. "Oh, yeah. I think I've gotten a better tolerance since I've moved here. Drink a lot more lately than I used to." Yeah he wasn't going to believe that. In a way it was true. But in another way she just said it because it sounded good. She was feeling the affects of the alcohol that was for sure. But just not enough yet. She didn't want to be feeling anything.

"Dean..." She took a deep breath and set her bottle down. Really, she didn't need to explain to him of all people. He always knew. Always he knew what she needed to say and most of the time he'd let her get by without actually saying it.

Walking over to him in the kitchen she looked up at him. "Make me feel something... anything other than this. You're the only one that can right now."

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-25 02:25 am UTC (link)

Yeah, seemed Dean was drinking alot more since he came here too. Not that he didn't drink, but everynight, it was something else and he was drinking to the excess of him not even being able to walk straight. He leaned against the counter and downed about half of the beer when she walked over. Turning a little, he set the beer down and turned back around, looking at her. "Sol ..." he started, and turned his head, clenching his jaw for a second. The moment he turned his head, he felt her lips through the fabric that covered his chest and his arms instinctively wrapped around her until eventually he lifted her up and turned around, setting her on the counter.

Looking up at her, his hands moved up her legs and over her thighs until they were wrapped around her again and he kissed her. Slow at first, then with more urgency. He needed her ... needed something. Anything right now and he understood that's what she needed to. Grabbing the bottom of her shirt with his fists, he lifted it over her head and tossed it behind him. He hadn't seen her like this in ... he couldn't even remember, only, really, he could. He remembered their last night together before she was whisked away to some other world.

Swallowing, he looked her over and let out a breath before biting his lower lip.

"You sure?" Yeah, he wasn't the type to ask a chick if she was sure about sleeping with him, but this was different. This was Solvei, the once love of his life who was now with someone else.

Things were different.

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solvei
2008-07-25 02:37 am UTC (link)

There was no need for her to answer him. Not with words anyhow. She couldn't stop this. This was the last night that they were going to have together... forever. Gripping his top shirt she ripped it open sending buttons flying everywhere. She reached down and gripped the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Once both of his shirts were off she pulled him to her frantically. Bruising his lips with hers, her tongue searching for his and rubbing against his.

Reaching down she pulled at his belt like she had done so often in the past. He'd arch his back in a certain way to make it easier for her to slip it out of his pants. Expertly and deftly her fingers unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. Hers were still on but they'd get to it once they were in the bedroom. Her legs went around his waist and her hands were on his shoulders.

Walking them to his bedroom she was placing kisses along his neck and chest along the way. She heard him slam his bedroom door with his foot, just like he always did. Habit from when they used to have to share the hotel room with the rest of the gang. Only usually he'd take her like this into a bathroom. Just like then right now it really didn't matter the where, just as long as it was soon.

This is the last time. Her eyes were seeming to tell him when he placed her on the bed and laid down next to her. That was the last thought about that she was having since she was leaning forward to kiss him again.

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-25 02:56 am UTC (link)

She kissed him again and his arms went around her again, pulling her closer to him. His fingers slid across her back and toward the front, over her stomach before creeping down and unbuttoning her jeans. Sliding the zipper down, he pulled away from her mouth and sat up a little, moving over her, grabbing the top of her jeans and pulling them down like he remembered doing so many time before. He moved them to the side and leaned down, placing small kisses over her body and over her panties before lifting his head and moving up to kiss her on the mouth again.

Grabbing a fistful of hair, he gripped, feeling like he was about to lose control, just this whole situation, her and him and the baby and another world, all of it, just wrapped up into one and he was angry. Not that anyone else hadn't been through hard times in their lives, but he figured watching his mom, dad and his brother die, not to mention himself, he'd think someone would give him a break. Apparently not.

Reaching his hand down, his fingers moved between her thighs as his mouth found her neck. He remembered everything that she liked, she always told him and this was familiar to him. It wasn't just someone like it was in Vegas, or you know, the tons of girls before her, but this was Solvei, a girl he knew inside and out, pretty much literally.

Sitting back up, he just looked down at her, breathing hard and the look on her face matched his own. They were both so broken, they couldn't stand it. Once he got her panties off, he was on his back, while Solvei hovered above him and his arms reached out, wrapping themselves around her as he kissed her.

The next morning, he rolled over, seeing her still there, sleeping. Rubbing his eyes, he frowned and muttered something under his breath before getting up. She started to stir and he looked around the room for his jeans. Opening the door, he saw them laying in the hallway and he scooped them up before putting them on.

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solvei
2008-07-25 03:09 am UTC (link)

Solvei was dreaming and when she was dreaming sometimes she talked in her sleep. "I can feed him in here baby. Just bring him to bed." Her own voice woke her up and when she saw the expression on Dean's face after he very obviously heard her say that she clamped her eyes shut. Everything came flooding back to her and it was almost like someone had poured ice cold water in her face. She was wide awake and she had to get the hell out of here. This was a big mistake.

Getting out of bed she found her panties and scrambled to get them and her jeans on. Dean had wandered off into the living room. Walking in there she found her bra and her shirt still in the kitchen on the floor. This was awkward... but why did it really have to be?

Sliding her feet one by one into her boots she put each leg up on a kitchen chair to zip them up. After she was all dressed she wandered in to see him sitting on the couch still trying to wake up, or maybe he was hoping that she'd leave soon. She wasn't sure. "Look, I'll get out of here. Don't want to cramp your style or anything."

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-25 11:53 am UTC (link)

He sat there on the couch and watched her as she walked out, looking for clothes that were scattered over his kitchen. Rubbing his eyes, he was still trying to wake up. He didn't know what to think about last night, but maybe it was a starting point of something? He wasn't sure. He didn't want to try again, he didn't want to try with anyone, but this was Solvei. He was used to her, he knew how she was and he pretty much knew what she was going to say before she said it.

Mid-scratch on his head, he figured, alright, maybe not everything as he looked at her. Cramping his style? Yeah okay.

"You never fail to be the biggest bitch on earth," he mumbled and went back to scratching his hair before he got up. Did she always have to ruin everything just by ... talking? He walked over to the kitchen and pulled out a mug and a patch of instant before filling up the mug with water and sticking it in the microwave.

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solvei
2008-07-25 12:02 pm UTC (link)

"That's what I get for trying to be nice." She mumbled back to him and he didn't stop. Of course he didn't stop. She could never stop when it came to fighting with him. Everything that he did, even if he didn't do anything pissed her off.

She stormed into the kitchen and started right in on him. His back was turned to her and she was ready to go.

"How am I that Dean? Is it time now to blame me again? Blame me for what this place did to us? Blame me for taking our son away from us? Or is this all just your regret talking now. Regret for being drunk and actually touching me again?"

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-25 12:16 pm UTC (link)

"Whatever," he started and waited for his cup of water to get all hot so he could have his morning, or well, afternoon coffee. He just shook his head whens he started in on him because last night? He wasn't drunk. Wow, look at that, he actually wanted to be with her and besides, it was all her. He wasn't going to until she asked, but yeah, his decision just pretty much fucked up everything already again. They were already strained and he just made it all worse. This was on him.

"Do you ever just SHUT UP!?" He was getting pissed off now and he turned to look at her.

He wasn't going to talk about this, he didn't want to. Mainly, he just wanted her to leave, but he knew he wasn't gonna get that lucky. Yeah, luck hasn't really been on his side since he'd been here, but whatever. He would deal with it the best he could.

"Yep, that's exactly it. I got so drunk last night that hell, I could have slept with any chick that just walked in," he told her. He wasn't going to blame her for the baby, it wasn't her fault. This place wasn't her fault, but she seemed to have a great fucking time putting the blame all on her.

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solvei
2008-07-25 12:29 pm UTC (link)

When he asked her if she ever just shut up she actually did for a change. Her hands were curled into fists at her side with her nails digging into her palms. She waited for him to say something else. Almost daring him with her eyes to take it further. She really knew that he was going to. He couldn't just let things go.

Once he said that and he confirmed her suspicions totally. Without thinking she threw her fist back and hit him square in the jaw sending him crashing into the counter. Her lip was wobbling but she had sworn to herself that he wouldn't let her cry. Not again. Not ever.

Looking down at him she said very quietly. "Then I guess it's a relief to you that we were brought back here." She turned around and headed out listening to the hollow sounds of her heels clicking on the tile floors of the kitchen. And then the wood floors of his apartment.

Once she got to the door she opened it and closed it quietly behind her. There was no saving this. Honestly, she didn't think either one of them wanted to be saved anymore.

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