InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Elephant in the room!"

Dean (donttouchthecar) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2008-07-05 00:46:00

Current mood:	guilty
Entry tags:	future!dean winchester, solvei samuels

I know you're out there, somewhere out there...
Who: Solvei Samuels and future!Dean Winchester
What: Reunited and it feels so good?
Where: Solvei's place
When: Right now
Warnings: Angst. Yep, pretty much. Language. NASTY language. HUGE fight.

It didn’t take long for Dean Winchester to find Sol’s place. He kept his eyes peeled for the bakery and about ten minutes after he left Faith’s pimp pad, he found the bakery. It was almost closing time and he peered inside the window, but there was no one inside, not from what he could see. He tried opening the door and eventually he banged on the glass, hoping to get anyone’s attention that was in there, if they were even in there. Taking a few steps back, he tilted his head back and looked up at the building knowing full and well she was up there, somewhere.

Knocking on the door went nowhere and he was starting to get even more restless than he already was. Was Faith lying this whole time? Faith was a lot of things, but surprisingly, she wasn’t a liar. Walking out back to the street, he noticed a fire escape and he latched on and climbed up the ladder until he found himself a balcony with a couch on it.

He knocked on the glass and yelled out her name a few times, but she didn’t come. Slumping down on the couch, he waited for her to return home.

(Open to a sassy blond)

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solvei
2008-07-05 04:59 am UTC (link)

After Solvei had talked to Em she just had to get out. She knew that she was running away from her problems and that it wouldn't do her any good. But she just needed a few minutes to catch her breath. Really, she had no idea what the fuck to do.

Faith had told her that they'd all looked everywhere for her and I'm sure that they had called Xander... and she just ran out the door. She ran until she couldn't anymore. Realizing how stupid she was being she turned back. Instead of running, she walked, and took her time to think about what she was going to say to Dean. Because, she knew, that he was waiting for her.

Getting all the way back to her building she stood in the back looking up at the fire escape. Still not knowing what she was going to say she bit the proverbial bullet and climbed up the fire escape. As soon as she saw him she stopped. She got up the last few steps and she couldn't say a word.

There were tears in her eyes and she never fucking cried. But it was just so much. When he looked up at her his eyes met hers. Her voice rumbled up from her chest in more of a sob than anything else, "Is it really you?"

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-05 05:07 am UTC (link)

Dean could hear someone coming up the fire escape, but he didn't believe it until he saw it and when she was finally in front of him, everything else just pretty much flew out the window. He couldn't believe it. It was actually her and she ... wasn't pregnant. He noticed the tears and the non existent belly and something crumbled inside. He already had a feeling, but he pushed it away. For now. Right now he was focused on her.

Getting up from where he was sitting, he was there in front of her in two steps. Reaching down, he held onto her hands, covering them with his own while hers trembled.

"Yeah, it's ..." He paused and just pulled her to him and held onto her. He promised to himself that he'd never let her go. She was the one. The one that made him forget his bad ass attitude on relationships, the fact that he didn't need anyone, or want anyone. He always thought of himself as a one night stand kinda guy until she came along.

He kept his composure though as he held onto her and eventually, he pulled back and looked down at her. He clearly had no idea what to say to her, or maybe he did, but he just didn't want to ruin anything by saying the wrong thing like he always did. She never left him, he realized, she was here all along.

He just had to find her.

Reaching up, his thumb swept a stray tear away.

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solvei
2008-07-05 05:15 am UTC (link)

Solvei let Dean take her into his arms. She didn't have the right to let him comfort her. This was just all too much for her. Pulling away from him just a little bit she looked up into his eyes. "Dean... I..."

If it was physically possible to hear someone's heart breaking she was sure that they'd be able to hear it. This was Dean, this wasn't some Dean that didn't know who she was. This was her Dean. She wasn't sure how it was even possible and she wasn't sure that she cared.

"I lost the baby." Her bottom lip was trembling and she couldn't say anything else at the moment. She just went into his arms again. "Guess that'll make you happy..."

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-05 05:26 am UTC (link)

Dean just looked ahead in disbelief. Not only did she lose the baby, but she thought that it would make him happy. Pulling away from her, he gave her a long hard look before focusing on anything else that wasn't her. When he had found out that she was pregnant, yeah, he was terrified, but that feeling turned into something completely different. In his own way, he wanted the normal life and maybe being with her and having a baby would get him the life that he desperately craved and wanted to latch onto. All he needed was a reason and that was it. Her. He'd turn his back on everything that he ever knew, just for her and this ...

"You're out of your mind," he said absently and turned his back on her, not believing what she just said.

In the back his mind while he was sitting on the couch waiting for her, he had a feeling that something that fucked up would happen. She went through something to get here, it didn't take a rocket scientist, even he knew that, but for her to say that she'd guess it would make him happy hurt him more than anything and honestly, pissed him off just a little.

"All this time I've been looking for you," he finally said when he turned to look her, "I mean, come on, we searched everywhere, asked countless fuckin' people for help to find you and oh, right. The baby you were carryin'. My baby. And for you to just say that I'd be happy that you lost my baby ..." he trailed off and grabbed onto the railing as he clenched his teeth and looked onto the city somewhat below. Every part of him was trembling right now.

"Do you really think I'd be happy?"

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solvei
2008-07-05 05:35 am UTC (link)

The way that he was looking at her made her know right then that she had it all wrong in her head. This whole entire time she had been thinking that he hadn't wanted the baby. That he really hadn't wanted her. And, in reality... he did.

"That's not the first time you've told me that." She replied to him telling her that she was out of her mind.

The fact that they had looked for her and that he had looked for her was just too much. Those days just hoping that they would show up... and now things were all different. She had a whole knew life. Friends, fuck. Kyle. How the hell was she going to explain what it was like for her?

"I don't know. Thought that you loved me, love me even, but Dean. What was I supposed to think? You were always telling me time and time again that it would never work between us. That a slayer and a hunter couldn't have a normal life. And then the baby. How fucking scared we were that something would take it from us. And then I came here and I didn't have anything. Nothing! Dean... I didn't even have our baby." She was pacing now. Looking over at him as she walked, still she was crying.

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-05 05:44 am UTC (link)

Turning his head toward the side, he watched her as she paced and she mumbled her words. This whole time he was excited about seeing her and now things were so terribly different. He thought that being in a hell dimension was an actual hell, oh no, this was. This was hell.

"I was scared!" He finally yelled and pushed away from the railing, turning to face her. He admitted it. He was scared. He knew that the moment he had a child, or a normal life, something fucked up would probably happen, but he pushed all of that aside because he loved her. If someone tried to take him? He'd kill them. If something tried to hurt them? He'd take care of it, it wasn't something that he had to think on, it was a gut reaction. They'd be safe. But now that she was throwing all of this in his face, all of the insecurities were coming and rushing right back.

But there was really no point. She lost the baby and now she was accusing him of being relieved about it all. Which, obviously, he wasn't.

"Yeah, well, the moment you left, I had nothing," he said quickly and just stared at her as more tears flowed from her eyes and he knew that was low because her leaving wasn't her fault. She was forced her. This was how it was all supposed to play out and yeah, it fucking sucked, but the way she was going about it ...

"Well, I'm not happy that you lost the baby and I know it's not your fault, alright?" He said, trying to somewhat calm her down and eventually, he walked over to her slowly and placed his hands on her arms.

"Shhh, shh, come here." Pulling her back into his arms, he held onto her and let out a long breath that he seemed to be holding forever.

"As long as I have you ... it doesn't matter."

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solvei
2008-07-05 05:54 am UTC (link)

When he said that he had nothing without her she started to shake with the sobs. The worst part of all of this? Was knowing what she was going to do to him. All over again. She was so pissed at god, the universe, everything right now. This just wasn't fair. When she was finished telling him everything it was going to be like she had left him all over again. In fact, it might be worse.

She didn't say anything but she let him take her into his arms again. This was almost worse than losing her parents... all of it. She was going to lose him again. Just by merely telling him the truth.

"There's so much I have to tell you. So much to explain. Dean... you're going to hate me. I don't think that I can do this." Pulling away from him she sat down hard on the couch. Pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around them. Getting as tight into a ball as she could. Looking up at him she started to explain, "Dean, when I got here, the day after I got here. I ran into another you. I had just found out about our baby and I thought it was you and another Sam. They didn't know who the hell I was."

She took a deep breath and went on. "The Dean said that he was in love with someone else named Bela and that he was going to propose to her... I'm sure you can imagine what it might've been like for me if our places were reversed."

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-05 06:02 am UTC (link)

Sol pulled away and sat herself down on the couch. Hard. She told Dean that he was going to hate her, but how could he? He just found her again. She explained that when she got here, she ran into another Dean. He didn't know what to make of that, but he pushed it away for right now, because it didn't matter. Although now that she was telling the story, the 'other' Dean was ... proposing to Bela? Dean scratched the back of his head and decided that this was hell in all it's shitty glory.

What would it have been like if the roles were reversed? First, Dean would gather his bearings and try to get the hell out of this freaky alternate universe, but he had a feeling he wasn't going to like what was about to come out of her mouth, although, there was a twinge of feeling somewhat hopeful in his actions.

Walking over to Sol, he crouched down in front of her and his arms reached out, holding onto her hips while she sat there in a ball on the couch.

"I don't care," he said finally and looked up at her. "I have you now, whatever you did, it doesn't matter." He spoke truthfully because if she went out and had a one night stand or something equally Dean like, he didn't care. It was another moment and another time, that's all it was.

But this? What was there and now? That was real.

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solvei
2008-07-05 06:12 am UTC (link)

Sol could practically see the wheels turning in his head. The emotions that were flickering across his face. He just wasn't getting it. Any of it. When he took her hips into his hands she practically flinched. Because that touch was oh so familiar. His big hands grabbing her frame in so many different ways.

"I never thought that I'd see you again. And, I'm so sorry." She let go of her legs and reached out to touch his face. Not actually touching him just tracing the line of it with her fingers right over it.

"Dean, you were my first love. My first everything. The person that woke me up. I never felt anything real but anger before you... not since my parents..." She took him out of hell with Faith. She'd do it again, hell, she'd switch their places if she had to.

Tears were flowing down her face again but she wasn't sobbing anymore. "I'll always love you but there's somebody else..." She felt like a cold hard fist had just grabbed her heart and squeezed.

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-05 06:23 am UTC (link)

He looked at her with disbelief on his face before he stood up and took a step back. There was someone else. Of course, because there's always someone else right? She gets swept here and the first thing she does is find another guy. Yeah well, good for her, he thought, although he was pretty much dying inside. Everything he felt about relationships and how they were a waste of time - yeah, he was feeling that right now, because they were.

Dean was her first everything and what happens with the first? They make way for those to follow in his steps and take over what he wouldn't be doing anymore.

"No, I think you have that wrong, Sol," he said quietly. I will always love you. You on the other hand, get swept away and to pass the time, you find another dude." He wasn't going to bring up the many sleepless nights he's had since she'd been gone, or the fact that he hasn't been with anyone since her. Hell, being in bed with Emily was the most action he'd gotten in a long while.

"You know what? I was right. It doesn't matter. You found someone else, you know? It's cool," he nodded, but he could feel his chest tightening and he knew he couldn't stick around here.

Swallowing hard, he glanced behind him toward the ladder that led him down to the sidewalk below. Smiling awkwardly, he just stood there before the smile was wiped off of his face when he laid his eyes on her. She was crying, but he didn't know what for. If she was so happy, then what the hell did it matter? Maybe he wasn't the guy for her and maybe this new guy was the one that she'd be searching for the whole time.

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solvei
2008-07-05 06:32 am UTC (link)

"Dean, it wasn't like that. I didn't go looking for another guy! Fuck, Dean. What was I supposed to do? You know how close I got to just ending it? Ending it all. After everything that I've been through and after that we've been through. Without you... without Faith, Sammy, Em... I was nothing." Sol's voice was raising. He was pulling the poor me shit and she just couldn't take it.

"If you really cared... if you really loved me like you say you do you'd be happy."

Then he basically told her exactly what he was thinking and it so pissed her off. Because she was right all along. "I knew it. All I was was another game to you. Another freakin' game." She was seething at this point. "How long was it before you had someone else in our bed Dean? Did the sheets even get cold from my body before someone else was warming them up?"

Already she saw him looking for the exit. Looking to leave... well, that's what she really expected him to do.

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-05 06:44 am UTC (link)

"Oh, shut up," he said, trying to cut her off, but it didn't matter because she always had to have the last word. It didn't matter. Narrowing his eyes, he just stared at her and tried to keep from laughing his fucking ass off because this whole thing was just ridiculous. He wasn't going to take anything away from her being 'nothing' because she was the one that came here, or actually, was forced here and she lost the baby. That, in some fucked up way, he could understand. It was just how it worked out sometimes and it sucked, but it was true.

"Yeah, that's all you were. Just another game, Sol, oh fuck you, give me a fucking break!" He yelled at her this time. He stayed where he was though.

"Heh, yeah. You know what? You're a bitch," He said finally, just sealing the deal on this whole conversation. "After you left, we were looking for you. Everywhere. Trying to get an inch of an idea of where you were. I was going to marry you, have a fucking family and live some Leave It To Beaver fucking life! I would have given up everything just for you, but yeah, you know what? You're right. To just think of all the fucking chicks I bagged in our bed, man, what can I say? It was a game," he said and smirked at her. Yeah, it was cruel, but right now? All bets were off.

To top it off, he patted his pocket and felt exactly what he was looking for. Pulling out the little ring, he held it up for her.

"Yeah, remember this?" He asked. "Don't need this anymore," he said and tossed it over the side of the balcony. The silence was thick between them and all that was heard was the ring hitting the cement below.

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solvei
2008-07-05 06:57 am UTC (link)

This was what they always did. They said everything that they could possibly could to hurt the other one when they fought. Once they found the nerve they didn't just press on it, no they stomped on it with everything they had. This was one part of them that she never missed.

"You!" He told her that she was a bitch and she expected that. That didn't even bother her. The fact that now, of all times, he was telling her that he was going to give up everything for her? It was just rich beyond words. "Of course you pick now to tell me all of this Dean. Only after the fact."

Then he told her exactly what she expected. He stuck the blade in her and twisted. Then he pulled out the ring. Her ring. The one that he had proposed to her with. The only other time besides tonight that he had ever seen her cry and threw it away. She was past the point of physical violence. "Wait here."

Running inside of her apartment she ripped his necklace off the wall. The one thing of his that she managed to take with her. The one thing that she held dear more than anything else. His necklace. The necklace. The one that Sammy had meant for his Dad that he had given to Dean. Dean had given it to her the first time that he told her that he loved her.

She ran back outside and threw it at him as hard as she could. Sobbing again she shouted at him, "Get out of my life!"

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donttouchthecar
2008-07-05 07:05 am UTC (link)

Shaking his head when she went inside, he waited for her and he didn't know why. He could have easily left, but no, he waited and when she came back out, she threw something at him and he caught it against his chest and looked down. His necklace. Balling it up in his palm, he closed it and made a fist while he looked at her as she yelled at him to get out of her life.

He never meant for this to happen. If she was seeing someone else? What could he do. This was another life. He could be pissed off about it for a while, but in the end? What could he do? It was the fact that she assumed he just moved on the moment she left and it wasn't the case. He hasn't moved on yet to be honest. Although now, he was deeply reconsidering.

"Whatever, Sol," he dismissed it as if it was nothing, but it was everything. When Faith told him that Solvei was in this world, it was as if everything just came together and now everything was falling apart. It changed so quick and he wasn't sure if he was sinking or swimming.

He could have justified himself, but he was honestly too exhausted to do that. Besides, if he let her think what she wanted, then she'd sleep better at night, so whatever. It didn't matter.

Dean kept his eyes on her for a long moment, feeling like shit that he was the reason she was crying like this, but there was nothing he could do. There was someone else to dry her tears.

"Yeah," was all he said as he headed down the ladder and onto the street below. He could hear her from the sidewalk and it took not even a second and he was already heading back to Faith's new place.

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