"Har, har. Actual police. Friends of a friend. And for the love of all that is holy, please don't make me consider that man in hot pants." He cringed for effect, before seeming thoughtful.
"Fine. I'll shave. But just this once. And as for names... Hm. I had a few. Unita Lei? Crystal Titz? For one brief engagement as a transvestite, I went by Connie Lingus. Take your pick." If he was putting on a serious facade, he was doing a pretty good job.